Tag Archives: hear her

61. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part II


Men don’t listen to men about dealing with women. It’s a principle that stems from their competitive natures and opposing personas. Each man knows best how he will treat each kind of woman he encounters. If necessary, he’ll fake it until he makes it. Each man expects that ultimately one woman with feminine skills will finally settle him down to his rewards as husband and father.  

Men don’t listen to women about dealing with women. Again, it’s the masculine nature, but the unstated messages he hears and the unintended consequences mislead women.

She says, “You are not as courteous as I desire,” and he also hears “…and I expect you to change.” Or, she says, “You can do better,” and he hears, “…and you’d better.” Or, she says, “We need to dress up for this affair tonight,” and he hears, “…your wardrobe needs updating.” He hears that she expects him to change. Resistance sets in, and her words don’t register as she intends.

This is especially true, if they’ve had their first sex together. If she’s unconquered by him, however, the effect differs. He hears, he heeds, and he modifies his behavior in whatever way he thinks will advance his agenda for bed time together. He may or may not change to please her or as she hoped. However he changes, spread out over time, will likely become habitual. Long sex-free courtships accumulate more habitual changes that please her.

Men seldom hear what their woman says, unless certain conditions attach to show respect and gratefulness for him and what he does. Examples are described as ‘nessies’ in post #59 and options in #60 below.

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A Guy Note: In this blog it makes no sense to itemize what men should do or be like, or what women expect from their man. No one has correct answers except each woman dealing with each man. It’s always up to her to finely balance and fine tune their respective agendas into their mutual agenda.  

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60. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part I


Women, not men, have to tell men how to deal with women. And they should do it with feminine expertise that appeals to men instead of feminist disrespect that disuades men from respecting women.

No two women are pleased in the same ways. Ditto for men. The Battle of the Sexes is fought as protagonists smoothing out their respective interests during courtship in order to promote living together—after which the smoothness gets rumpled. All else is incidental.

A woman’s battleground success flows mostly from indirect messaging and highly feminine techniques that make a man feel good about himself. Men respond favorably and become pliable when rewarded appropriately. They respond unfavorably if not. Those are the rules for life’s game in which women need men more than vice versa.

Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

This begs the question: How do smart women hold male dominance within acceptable bounds? The answer: They outfox the fox. They empower him to rule the roost, while they learn to rule the rooster. She lets him dominate the present, while she shapes their future to match her hopes and dreams.

She makes him head of the family and proud to be that, while she as the neck points and promotes family togetherness, solidarity, and morale. She sacrifices herself for him and family in their early years, and reaps her rewards later as well-loved matriarch of a warm, close knit, admirable family.*

Reward men appropriately for husbanding and fathering, and women can have what they want out of life with a man. ‘Appropriate’ means as defined by that man and no one else. So, a woman’s lifelong major task is to uncover what her man expects from her, and make sure she will not be victimized in whatever follows. (Of course she can claim that she’s due the same thing. But, he lacks the skills and interest to provide it.)

It’s humongously tough to do. Reward mostly means respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. But each man individualizes it. Among the natural female ‘nessies’ described in post #59, there are innumerable ways for a woman to reward her man. When she continually shines in his eyes, that’s usually reward enough.

* Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the neck analogy from her movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

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A Guy Note: Women know what they want, but they don’t know how to get it. They’re doing it all wrong. That’s What Women Never Hear, but now they can read it here.  

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