1629. Friendly Reminders — #36

• Men offer advice cautiously. They can’t stand to have their advice ignored. Women offer advice freely. They’re not offended when it goes unheeded.
• Some women loudly accuse or get in their man’s face to win some or every disagreement. Such a woman disregards the permanent damage—regardless of who wins—to his sense of significance and her value as his mate.
• Helicopter moms prevent sons learning from mistakes and failures. It leads to lack of son’s self-respect and self-confidence and curtails development of a highly capable self-image. Plus, it reflects poorly on mom when father has those traits to spare.
• Mother elevates son over father; she treats him more as an adult than a child. Son shows no respect for father, because he learns he can be equal or better without growing up to be like father.
• A son continually aims for independence, declares it, and expects it without argument soon after puberty. If parents discourage and suppress his aspirations along the way, bitterness arises and extends into adult life.
• Mom teaches and guides daughters to mature first, love next, and leave sex to marriage. It’s how fathers want daughters to grow up.
• A wise woman intuitively senses that gratitude for her man must precede his full appreciation of her.

1454. Marry Sooner Rather Than Later

Please don’t take the following as faultfinding. Take it as natural urges aggravated and intensified by modern custom. I show how the adult woman’s female nature ages beyond the teens and affects her life.

Nowadays, unmarried women enter their thirties and wonder will they ever make it? They think they shouldn’t have been so quick to reject earlier guys in favor of taking more time to experience life, build careers, check out more guys, and find more options. What shall they do? First, don’t blame men because it lifts the responsibility off the shoulders of the relationship experts. Women started the custom of dodging marriage and family until later in life, so twenty-, thirty-, and forty-something women need to chop their own paths through the jungle. Why wait as more of their advantage for marriage fades?

We don’t think of twenty-somethings as aging, but maturing without commitment to a husband takes away female advantages similar to aging. Everything is relative; the following fallouts from her female nature begin to emerge after the teens and more greatly and speedily magnify in importance. Also, passing unmarried through age 30 causes her accelerator to stick at full speed.

• She becomes more and more both picky and desperate. Picky about her knight’s shining armor and desperate about capturing him anyway. She pressures herself to try to live with what she doesn’t really want all that much. She captures what she doesn’t really expect to live with; she hardens herself to change her man no matter what.    
• She becomes known to more men sexually. It’s not necessarily a disqualifier, but it adversely affects her self-worth, hardens her heart against men, and reduces her wifely worth to MrGoodEnough.
• She becomes more set in her ways, which means less flexible facing male dominance.
• She becomes less of a sponge, compatibility maker, home harmonizer, and less responsive to learning new lessons inside a relationship. (Readers probably want to argue that experience learning to manage one’s single life endows her with special skills to manage a home and family. I respond that the thought is root to managing husband and micromanaging her children (aka helicopter mom.)  
• She becomes less eager and perhaps willing to recognize, accept, accommodate, and compensate for her man’s faults, quirks, and weaknesses. The older she is the more she expects her man to have seasoned and matured as fast and conscientiously as she. (By her forties, however, this natural urge begins to fade in favor of harmonizing home life for more long range security.)   

Women eventually learn the deeper complexities of relationship management, but the younger her mind, the easier and more resiliently she learns. Doing it later in life means doing it less effectively—set in her ways, remember?

————————

P.S. Alpha males seek wives much younger than themselves. Beta males are satisfied with wives closer their age but prefer younger. Gamma men accept and may seek older wives. The older the woman is relative to the man’s age, the less attractive as prospective wife. This doesn’t remove her from the pool of eligibles, just less attractive and men perceive more than just what they see.

927. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part V

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR

ALPHA

BETA

GAMMA

Most likely major inputs that shaped his persona & personality:	Father upheld as hero by mom; son upheld for accomplishments and duplicating father as role model.	Single mom, dad not admired, or older brother shown extra or undeserved favor.	Helicopter mom & her friends. (It takes a village of women to screw up a boy, but only one real alpha male active in his life to make him great.)
Need for Achievement         (n-Ach):	Strong.	Strong.	Somewhat strong.
Need for Affiliation (n-Aff):	Weak.	Somewhat strong.	Very strong.
Need for Power     (n-Pow):	Probably very strong.	Not so strong for most; but could be very strong combined with frustrated self-centeredness.	Weak.
Overcompensates for having to fit within his natural role:	True alpha doesn’t.	Overcomp’n  shows up as phony, as alpha-poser that mimics alpha.	Grows sadder and more suspicious; may get jealous, malicious, abusive, and perhaps sadistic.
Pay dating costs?	Expects to do it.	Is conflicted according to fashion.	Whatever she says.
Persona:	Leader, CEO, independent business man, entrepreneur	Middle manager; government worker.	Artist; not for profit joiner.
Pursues women?	Actively pursues but feigns disinterest; uses indirectness to pressure her to pursue him.	Actively shows interest; cautiously pursues; fears rejection.	Doesn’t pursue; hopes for females to show interest.

More follows tomorrow and next day.

923. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part I

This new series describes three types of men. We’ve all heard of alpha and beta males, but it’s not enough to understand the male psyche in action. Cultural pressures in recent decades, such as the deliberate emasculation of little boys, has created a flood of a third type: the gamma male.

Many will spot some exceptions in males they know. Lines of distinction are not totally clear between individuals, because a little bit of the other two roles exist in each predominant alpha, beta, and gamma.

The series should prompt women to ponder these questions and advice:

1. Which type of man you would desire? (Learn to better ID and screen men.)

2. Which type of mate you currently have? (Learn how and even if you want to make adjustments in your life.)

3. Which type of man your boy will grow up to be? (Learn how to avoid over-mothering, especially what we now call helicopter moms and the politically correct. Also, learn how to avoid over-parenting the boy’s father; emasculate the father and you emasculate the son.)

Remember: Men shape society and what people do; women shape the culture with values that determine why people do what they do in society. Men have been shaped by values. Boys are absorbing values, and that’s when they are emasculated and ‘dethroned’ into gammas.

Ladies, you deal with the men in your life, and some of you have or will raise sons. They are already or will come out in one of three predominant mental shapes. They get that way from how they’re raised by their mothers and how mothers chose and treat their fathers.

NOTE: Nothing here implies, infers, or otherwise reflects on the subject of gayness. It’s irrelevant throughout what follows.

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR	ALPHA	BETA	GAMMA
Adopts or duplicates female behaviors, values, or expectations	Not on your life if it’s even close to being obvious.	Not averse to it, if it serves him, and he doesn’t look femmy doing it.	Yes, he hopes to win female admiration.
Appears confident?	Always; very comfortable with whom he is.	Yes, when in familiar territory.	Not usually.
As a friend:	Many more claim him for friend than the reverse.	Quick to call acquaintances friends.	Acts like girlfriend.
As a giver/taker:	He expects to take more than he gives.	He’s willing to give.	He gives easily to win approval.
Attitude is:	One of stoutness, unbendable, & seemingly inflexible.	Cooperative	Submissiveness cloaked in pleasantness; overly cooperative, weak sister-like, pitiful to alphas.

NOTE: More follows tomorrow and beyond.

639. “Helicopter Moms” Blowing Bubbles – by Guy Jr.

Props to the inimitable Miss Dawn for inspiring this post with her comments on the ABOUT page.

In an earlier post, I wrote about my views on the Generation Emasculation of young boys.  One of the PC issues with which I took exception was the growing popularity of “No Touch” policies in schools.

One might ask, How could anyone be against ‘No Touch’ policies?  Shouldn’t we do whatever we can to protect our children?”

The answer is often, NO!

“Protecting” our children, most often championed by today’s Moms, has created a society of what Guy Sr.’s beautiful Principessa Gracie calls “Helicopter Moms.”

A Helicopter Mom is one who constantly “hovers” over her children.  It began while following her toddler with her hand under his/her bottom to catch him/her if she falls while trying to walk.  It continues through the child’s life in a myriad of ways trying to protect her child from life’s little pitfalls, minor dangers, and everyday failures.

She creates a largely unneeded bubble of “safety” around her child.  She insulates them from the realities of life.  But, unknown to a Helicopter Mom, those often unfortunate realities are necessary for her child’s growth and self-confidence.

As an extension, “Helicopter Schools” now put children in the same bubbles of “safety” and unknowingly stunt their emotional growth and well-being. Boys and girls in bubbles.  No touches, no hug after a classmate returns from the hospital, no high fives after a great performance.  Stay in your bubbles boys and girls… or you will be expelled!

Is it any wonder kids find such solace these days in things as cold as gaming consoles, computers, and cell phones?  Kids can touch them with impunity, yet they are “safe” in knowing that much like their classmates, those things will never touch back.

Oh, and by the way: “No Touch” policies originated with feminists in the work place.  Now, they’ve trickled down to our children in the school setting. Congrats. One more reason for feminists to be proud. LOL.

— Guy Jr.

632. Mothering Sons — #04

Parents—The way to earn respect is to give it. If kids have to show respect out of fear, it never grows in their heart.

Helicopter Moms—Whether from ego satisfaction, fear of harm, or good intentions, continually hovering over son kills initiative, stifles growth of self-image, and likely makes him co-dependent on someone or something. (You may win his extreme allegiance for your old-age care, but he won’t be valuable to another woman.) 

Toddlers—The drive for male independence and freedom starts earlier but becomes obvious in toddlerhood. It’s son’s opening statement about the picture he has of himself, his self-image. 

Mothers—A reminder: Our self-image sits like a governor on our life. If we think we can, we do. If we think we can’t, we don’t. It keeps us tracking down the road of life that we visualize for our capabilities and interests. If we venture off that road, accidentally or deliberately, we correct ourselves and alibi or explain it even to ourselves, if correction is beyond us.

Infants—Dad’s primary responsibility lies with taking care of, encouraging, rewarding, and entertaining mom. The baby can become drudgery, when father shows apathy about mom’s needs, wants, and expectations for support and caring for her.

Teens—Son’s independence hormonally shuts out the authoritarian leader roles of mom and dad. Coaches are authoritarian only in a narrow window that involves their game. Coaching for parents means authoritarian about specific things and allowing freedom off of that ‘playing field’.   

More follows.