Tag Archives: her hopes and dreams

2040. Single Women Don’t Pay — I


Her Highness That Horse is Dead inquired at post 1661. “Would it say something about a man’s strength of character or motives if he did allow a woman to pay [when the bill arrives]?”

Yes, it would. Perhaps only questionable but it’s a pole on which a red flag may later fly. My reasoning works like this.

  • Not his words but his actions program his heart. When he doesn’t do things that he figures he should, his mind uncovers avenues of how to escape other obligations or responsibilities. The more he talks her into paying, the worse for her as the action programs his heart with the possibility that he can take advantage of her.
  • Her greatest need is for a brighter future, which means his role should have these features: 1) She can depend on him, which requires that he show himself to be reliably responsible. 2) His sense of duty is only as strong as his integrity and devotion to her. 3) Her best insurance for the future rests upon his integrity, his insistence on doing the right things and doing them correctly—with emphasis on doing rather than saying. 4) The right things are those that prove that he’s worthy of her and capable of helping and willing to promote her hopes and dreams—not just his.
  • Whether she pays part or all of a bill, it’s the same. It violates her interest and enhances his. She may be pleased and financially more able to be of help or show her appreciation. However, by doing so she teaches how easy she is to dominate or play against her best interest. She indirectly hints that she may be weak or a pushover and he can get his way on other things. Thus, she plants the seed of future discord by not establishing her standard, by not displaying her expectation that she’s worthy of special care if he hopes to win her heart, and by not holding him to account for his words of interest or affection. His actions cure her doubt. Her expectation that he pay cures some curiosity about her strength of character, which earns his respect.
  • Each crack in his integrity before marriage inevitably widens afterwards. If he’s willing to let her relieve him of a duty, a responsibility, she can’t depend on him to do the right thing in her future. What is the right thing? He has to prove himself worthy of her. When she volunteers to pay without emergency reason, she follows her mind instead of her heart, lowers her standard, and lessens the possibility that he will prove himself worthy of her expectation for their future.
  • She can easily infer that if her guy is generally weak on duties and responsibilities—eagerness to pay on dates is but one example, it easily translates to less than ideal integrity, which doesn’t bode well for her future.

When he continues to pay in dating and courtship, that and his other actions compound in his heart and he becomes more favorable to, for, and about her. He starts doing things to please himself that he’s pleasing her. Out of that, his devotion grows. Smart women insist on seeing devotion instead of giving all in exchange for a guy’s words of commitment.

Consequently, except in an emergency, let his ability and willingness to do the paying determine where, when, how, and why they do whatever they do together. If she can’t live with the results, she invites difficulty living with him as husband.

It should make no difference that she has greater income than he. As the relationship expert, she can find ways to use her extra money to brighten their marital future, if and when it arrives. But that’s another story.

 

20 Comments

Filed under courtship

2013. Female Blessings at Birth — 16-18


It’s the sixth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy explains,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions of how women are motivated by virtues they inherit at birth.

16. I am capable of finding new ways almost every day by which to show and encourage my boyfriend that he must respect me for who I am, what I do, and especially what I refuse to do. [Guy explains: Her capability to enhance her future by protecting herself in the present arises out of her adaptable female nature and her near-constant thinking about her man. Her dedication to self-protection arises out of 1) her sense of relative importance with others. 2) The inherited-at-birth belief that she deserves respect as person, female, and girlfriend. 3) The natural expectation that boyfriend’s respect will be confirmed by his actions and reactions aimed at pleasing her. She intuits but social pressures encourage her to ignore this. If he can’t respect her wishes for chasteness before marriage, he won’t give too much respect for what she wishes after that event. IOW, refusing to yield before marriage earns the essential ingredient of masculine love, respect, that extends beyond the altar.]
17. I am grateful that men and I battle continually to see if a man conquers me for sex first or I conquer him for marriage. [Guy explains: Her heart is intuitively convinced: 1) Protecting her sexual assets is essential for the fulfillment of her girlhood hopes and dreams—although the connection is easily broken by social pressure. 2) Competing and directness best protect her interest before marriage but cooperating and indirectness serve her best after the altar. 3) Failing to yield to each man earns self-respect which also earns the respect of other men.]
18. I am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read and interpret the signs of it. [Guy explains: Her vitality arises out of her sense of importance in the lives of others. Her gratefulness arises out of her inherited-at-birth relationship expertise and ability to sense and interpret feedback.]

Example for responses: “17-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

5 Comments

Filed under feminine

1234. Cross-stressing — Part I


Think of cross-stressing as having two responsibilities that conflict and you can’t make up your mind. After you decide one way, you have doubts. Cross-stressing makes it difficult to live with yourself. We all need ‘decision-helpers’ to ease such internal strains. A family rank structure provides such a ‘helper’ for women.

A couple creates a family and adds a child. Beneath their personal beliefs, emotions, promises, and vows, each member ‘inherits’ a primary mission dictated by their male or female nature.

  • Husband produces, provides, protects, and problem solves in the interest of home and family.
  • Wife dominates the home, maintains the marital relationship, keeps husband on track to help fulfill her hopes and dreams, and hopes to keep husband devoted to her for life. (This summarizes her primal urges described at 702, 703, 704.)
  • Mother integrates and maintains family relationships. She nurtures and dominates the children with hopes of keeping them devoted to her for life.
  • Father supports and enforces mother’s teaching of obedience to the child. (If he helps directly with child care, he’s motivated by something other than his nature.)
  • Children must pay attention to right, wrong, and obedience. (Without direct parental input, they also learn to duplicate parental behaviors.)

Those naturally induced primary missions separate married adults into four roles that compete even within individuals. Ergo, cross-stressing continues tomorrow with conflicts that arise.

1 Comment

Filed under How she loses

1065. Big Breasts Revisited


My writing sometimes lacks clarity, and Her Highness Kristine questioned me at #1004:

“Just out of curiosity, why do you say women with big breasts are ‘blessed’, but then say that women shouldn’t get implants?”

I said this: Such women should exploit what they have until they consider themselves blessed by their own measure. A woman’s blessings flow from men investing themselves in her and her hopes and dreams, right? So, her blessings start with the unique attitude and pride of ownership that defies access other than after extensive manly investment in her.

Breasts are useful for fun, eroticism, and babies. The less she pursues fun and eroticism and the tougher to access her breasts, the more predictable and probably tougher to help along her way of life will be the man that finally succeeds. Lengthy competition before marriage gains his respect. Strong-minded conquerors don’t fully appreciate the women behind easy conquests, and breast access sure makes conquest easier.

The very same applies for small-breasted women to feel blessed. It’s not the size, but the unique attitude and attractiveness she displays to make men invest themselves in her.

As to implants, cosmetic surgery may improve self-image somewhat, but it fails to improve one’s self-esteem. Also, Her Highness Kathy beat me to it with her last paragraph commenting on #1004:

“It has been said that ‘happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.’ This is still true, even when it comes to breast size. If you’re not happy within yourself as you are, then having your breasts augmented won’t make you happy either. You may be happy for a short time, but happiness comes from within, not what you look like on the outside. Before too long, the thrill of having what you thought you wanted will fade, and you will be just as unhappy as before.”

Kristine also asked, “How is reading [that big breasts are blessings] supposed to make women with small breasts feel better about themselves?” It’s not. All women have to make themselves feel better, but keep this in mind: Big breasts fascinate adolescents, but the fascination dissipates if not disappears if and as men mature. Consequently, big-breasted women more easily attract adolescent-minded men, whereas small-breasted women more easily attract mature men aka the most permanent husbands.

6 Comments

Filed under boobs

1019. Sex Differences Do Matter #09


  1. Infatuation and romantic love make women want to romance their man and inspire him to do likewise. Romance to men means sex at best or preliminaries to foreplay at least.
  2. In a relationship, she focuses on the emotional; he focuses on the practical.
  3. Women release emotional trauma through talk. Men don’t; being fixers, talking doesn’t fix much for men.
  4. Women think about his qualities and how they can be integrated with her hopes and dreams. Men think that ‘she’s mine’.
  5. Men are attracted to movement; he’s a hunter. Women are attracted to appearance; she’s a nurturer.
  6. Men are attracted to sex; he’s a conqueror. Women are attracted to character; she’s dependent on support as nurturer and help as homebuilder.
  7. In older people, patriarchy fades and matriarchy flourishes. Hormones cause it, as the ratio of estrogen to testosterone falls in women and rises in men.
  8. Women offer a lot to one man so he will help fulfill her hopes and dreams. Men expect to give up freedom for one woman, but can and will she make it worthwhile?  

 

 

3 Comments

Filed under sex differences

979. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 22


  • The hunter-conqueror male nature applies hormonal pressure to spread seed. Marriage relieves pressure but doesn’t kill the urge. The only urge-killer is devotion to someone so respected or some thing so feared that faithfulness conquers his conquering urge day after day after day.  
  • Morality restrains men, and Tocqueville said: “Morals are the work of woman.” So, if women want better men, they should improve the moral character of the home, culture, and society.
  • With so much unmarried sex cheaply available, why should men commit to helping a woman fulfill her lifetime hopes and dreams? Wives have to compensate for what their sisters are doing, but many don’t know how to make marriage more meaningful and rewarding for their man. (It’s a major premise behind WhatWomenNeverHear.
  • Girls and unmarried women should guide themselves by these two principles: Negotiation is reasonable people finding common ground—e.g., dating, courtship, engagement. Bartering is trading something of great value to another for something of equal value the other possesses—e.g., marriage for conquest.  
  • With frustration and distress urging her, wife often does the wrong thing. It’s her nest, so she accuses. It’s his castle, so he resents. She calls it necessary, he sees her infringing on his turf, and competition erupts with him dedicated to winning. More harmonious ways exist, but they require non-offending indirect imagination, patience, and toleration available only to females. 

1 Comment

Filed under Dear daughter, Uncategorized

978. Harmony Beats Relationship Management


Her Highness Samantha at #977 asked for more about this: “Only women manage relationships. Men can’t, won’t, or don’t.”

Allow me some license to clear the air. I purposely make what follows kind of outrageous to express sex differences in ways that women never hear. Please don’t take it as raw as it reads. Remember too, this blog focuses on human nature BEFORE love, religion, and other emotions impact and change a person to rely on more than their hormones. What follows might be called the hormone fundamentals.

Samantha also said: “I tend to want the man I love to be engaged equally….” Many women claim the same. However, they expect what they’ll not see, which leads to more relationship errors out of frustration. Equality is the females’ game and both a misleading and unachievable target. Men don’t engage equally as females expect it in their endless search to suppress male dominance.

Women can avoid disappointment and frustration. A much better target is this: Expect that she’ll be able to harmonize the relationship with the man that loves her. (In addition to her superior ability and the differences in their natures, it has much to do with how the subconscious mind operates on each person’s behalf. But that’s for another time.)

Samantha also asks, “Do men just not want to be bothered with it?” Yes, exactly, absolutely, that’s it. A relationship to a man is just that. Whether dating, courting, engaged, or married, if he’s not rising to meet her satisfaction, then separate. The more she pings on him that things aren’t right, the more he withdraws. He has her along for support and companionship, while he fulfills his primal drive to compete with men and shape human events and satisfy his primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prep for tomorrow’s battles. He wants freedom too. If his relationship is ‘painful’ or not working, why keep it?

She also has primal urges: She’s driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. She needs a brighter future. She wants a man to help her fulfill her hopes and dreams. Let her focus more on those things instead of his faults. When she does, harmonizing becomes much more effective than relationship management. (Who taught women to ‘manage’ the process of living with a man? What man will put up with being managed? Even the term turns men off. Use ‘harmonize’ instead, for example, and wives take on a far different, agreeable, and successful mindset.)

I’ve made the foregoing perhaps obnoxious to show that managing his relationship holds little or no interest. He depends on her to make everything come out well; it’s what she does best, so let her do it. He has other things to do.

Of course, it’s not fair. But it’s God’s design, Nature’s endowment, and hormonal energy implanted before the blessings of love, religion, and other helpful values arrive to smother the hard-heartedness out of the male nature.

3 Comments

Filed under How she wins