1747. Sex Differences Redux — Part 01: Their Drives and Needs

This blog turns five years old today, and time has come to republish the founding principles. All that you read here is founded on the very different characteristics of women and men.

Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes, but I disagree. Feminists just politicize differences into obscurity. See for yourself as this series expands.

Her Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, usually lonesome and perhaps desperate.

His Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman does it for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work and outside competitive interests.

Her Drive: Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units.

His Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.

Her Sex Drive. Four natural energies bring sex into play in the woman’s world:

• Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
• Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to copulate.
• Her primal need for self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating with men with the understanding that it might include providing sex.
• Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.

Those primal urges motivate women to recognize the male sex drive as more urgently driven and to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women.

His Sex Drive. Three primal urges bring sex into the man’s world:

• His drive to compete brings females onto the playing field.
• His physiological urge to copulate.
• His intrinsic urge to outdo and outshine other men.

Those primal urges combine to make males compete with males for females and compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward.

Next: The next few posts include their competing wants, compatible fears, and opposed interests in the present and the future.

702. Gender Differences Revisited — Group A

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1747.

524. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — II

The following concludes the sequence about compatible drives, needs, wants, fears, and time focus. (Drives and needs in article 521.)

Wants:

·        He wants to keep his freedom and independence, so he can be more effective and satisfied in society and workplace. Harmonious conditions at home, whether generated by himself alone or with a mate, provide encouragement.

·        She wants NOT to be alone all the time and seeks to avoid risk about it. So she wants a man devoted to her alone. He brings extra blessings of support, comfort, companionship, reassurance, encouragement, and help with whatever surprises, confuses, or ails her.     

Fears:

·        He fears insignificance. A mate adds to and he expects her to sustain and help expand his significance. When she ceases to do so, she becomes expendable.

·        She fears abandonment, which makes a fearful woman get hung up on commitment instead of awaiting devotion to develop. In the process of confirming mutual commitment, she undermines his sense of significance. (As he senses it, not as she does it.)

Time-focus:

·        The male and female natures are perfectly compatible for fashioning and prioritizing a couple’s life together. He specializes on short-range planning and dealing with immediate pressures. He’s quick to act, react, and prepare for tomorrow.

·        She specializes in sensing, identifying, classifying, and imagining pressures facing their future. When they compatibly share mutual strengths, he determines action called for today. She stays tuned to the future now modified by whatever action they took.

I know my answer. Considering their drive, need, wants, fears, and time focus, which sex has the greatest flexibility to build and sustain relationship compatibility? Who’s best able to apply the grease of tact and smoothly mesh the gears of life?

521. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — I

The following pressures result from the primal urges described in articles 511, 514, and 517:

Drive:

·        He’s basically a competitor, which energizes his spirit to conquer new females. It’s a different motivational force than his regular sex drive. Pride more than orgasm crowns the conqueror’s emotions. He undergoes a release. Mission accomplished! But, and it’s a big BUT for her: He inherits conqueror’s rights at least to sex if nothing else.

·        She’s basically a relationship builder and nester. Coitus tends to bond her, and it can seal her half of the deal to keep a man. However, the more meaningful she makes his conquest by delaying it, the more intense her bonding through holding, caressing, and petting, and the more time made available for his devotion to develop.

Need:

·        He needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prep for his challenges tomorrow. As with sex, he only needs a place to flop. He can feed himself but wishes for more efficiency, so he can better deal with what tomorrow holds. Sex conveniently consummated with mate refuels his energy fires. Harmonious sexual relations crown his hut as castle, crown his head as king, and provide reasons to guard his domain against outsiders.

·        She needs a brighter future and reason to have sex. She’s willing to cooperate, if prospects are favorable. Providing home and sex to a man promises brightness for her, but it takes more to keep him with her.

More follows about a couple’s wants, fears, and time focus in article 525.

511. The ABCs when A stands for Women

Women come first, because they determine the rules of life and its social and domestic games. Unfortunately, through immaturity, ignorance, or stupidity, many disregard or misuse their female nature.

God designed and Nature genetically and hormonally endows females with expertise to build and sustain relationship compatibility:

©     Women are instinctively driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. This instinctive drive holds society together in family units.

©     A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Her nature seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such need, she has two options. Give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, lonesome, and perhaps eventually lonely, isolated, or desperate.

©     A woman does not absolutely need a man, but she wants company or assistance at specific times in life. Her primal want is for a solid relationship with someone stronger and more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children. She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by powerful people, unexpected events, and catastrophes. She wants comfort in needy times and companionship for prevention of loneliness. (Doesn’t this qualify Mr. Good Enough as potential Mr. Right?) Intuitively she favors one man, because two will not knowingly share her except when one cuckolds the other.  

©     Women fear abandonment more than anything else. First by mother as little girl, then by father as bigger girl, and finally by her man.

©     Time focus—Women focus their doing on the present and their thinking on the future. Most of their present-day concerns and activities are handled as the result of earlier anticipation and planning.

Handling of sex issues other than coitus determine a woman’s success with her primal drive, need, want, fear, and time focus. This means men, next post.

318. His Mindset About Sex

The female mindset: Women worry about three phases of sex: foreplay, intercourse, and intimacy afterward. Men don’t.

Background

·        Adolescent male nature:  Intercourse is just intercourse. Foreplay should be unnecessary but can be fun. Intimacy interferes with recovery. Who’s next?

·        Mature male nature: Certain emotional involvements—such as respect and affection for her—add meaning and necessity to a man’s foreplay and intimacy. Her likeability adds too, but her attractiveness does not. (Attractiveness inspires the chase, but its emotional involvement fades after foreplay.)

A man’s sense of responsibility, significance, and permanence with his partner add considerations and connectedness that she appreciates. But his devotion makes him far more receptive to fulfilling her needs, especially after romantic love fades in a year or two.

The male mindset: Men are hormonally loaded to conquer attractive women. They plan around and worry about three things different than females: pre-conquest, post-conquest, and avoiding loss of their independence to hunt and conquer.

Of course, some men plan for and seek marriage. Being devoted to marriage is not the same as devoted to her, so she still has worries about his foreplay, intimacy, and even permanence.  

For more on the male mindset, see the Content page at the top for this series. Also try Do women know jack about Jack?

 

281. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’m! — Post 4 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♂ Tell any man what he’s doing wrong in the sex department and expect unintended consequences.

♂ A man readily assumes that each woman appreciates his sexual performance, or something is wrong with her.

♂ He’s never eager to admit fault about his sexual prowess. Nor should he be excused, but she ventures onto rocky terrain when she brings it up.

♂ Commitment to a relationship does not mean she’s cherished. Neither does commitment energize a man the same way or extent that devotion does. 

♂ He takes her criticism as personal affront. Either he did it wrong, or he should have figured her out better.

♂ If he disappoints, she’s confused. If she explains, he takes it personally. If she goes too far or too fast, he thinks she’s too experienced.

♂ Men can be changed. They dig in their heels, however, when not done with the respect they expect and the indirectness that they can more easily honor.

♂ Men may be insensitive clods to women. But they consider their manly sexual expertise and boudoir manner to be exceptional if not extraordinary.

♂ The female mystery that men perceive varies greatly from one woman to another. So, where does he start but to feel his way along? (No pun intended.)   

♂ Virtual virginity works better than bed-testing before marriage. It conditions his thinking that she’s highly sensitive about what she expects of him. (See post 273 et al about virtual virginity.)

♂ Women make unmarried sex so easy that men don’t have to pay attention to her needs, drives, and desires. But doubts arise about her history and worth for marriage, if she’s too easily conquered.

It’s easy to talk about men being more considerate of a woman’s sexual wants, needs, and desires. As we have seen, however, men often interfere.

[More on this subject appears in posts 276, 271, and 266 and ends at future post 286.]

266. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am! — Post 1 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♫ Their natures and interests differ markedly on this subject. He’s made one way, she’s made another. She wants them to be more alike, he wants them to just get on with it.

♫ Women nurture, men lead. Women want to be nurtured in their sex life, but men don’t nurture well. It makes them feel feminized, wussified.

♫ Her needs for attention and affection are minor compared to his need for acceptance as sex partner—that is, if she’s to be a keeper. 

♫ His primal motivations are conqueror’s role before and conqueror’s rights after their first sex together. Conquest itself must have pleased her, or she would not have yielded. So, why should anything else be needed?

♫ Male sensitivity about his sexual prowess exceeds female willingness to complain. Women intuitively know this. So, they complain to sister females rather than to their man.

♫ Men are on a mission to deliver love with a prepackaged agenda. Virtual virginity forces him to repackage himself with consideration for other things such as her personal preferences. (See post 248 about virtual virginity.)

♫ Women can talk about it—to other women, that is. But, talking to their man requires more caution and indirectness than that used in international diplomacy and negotiation, where phrases can sometimes have double, different, or even opposite meanings.

♫ It takes a lot of time and desire for a man to figure her out physically. He’s too preoccupied with figuring her out mentally and emotionally.

As we have seen, men should be more considerate of female wants, needs, and desires. However, human nature often interferes

NOTE: Thanks to her highness at beyondjems.wordpress.com. Her comments prompted me to start this series.