Tag Archives: husband

2015. Female Blessings at Birth — 19-21


It’s the seventh group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

19. I’m grateful that I have the ultimate ‘out’. I can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt. It’s up to me to believe—first in God, second in His intention—that I’m forgiven and free to forget an incident or fault. [Guy adds: Born soft-hearted and taught to be tender-hearted, excess guilt hardens the female heart. Forgiveness relieves such guilt except when she lacks belief in God or faith in His forgiveness. Or, she refuses such forgiveness as undeserved, which just explains shortage of belief, faith, or both.]
20. I’m grateful to realize that morality and religion are essential and I can use them to brighten my future. Both serve us women in the process of civilizing boys, taming men, and domesticating husbands. [Guy adds: Men lack the natural interest that women have for morality and female-friendly religion. However, in order to live up to the expectations of mothers and mates, men adopt and use both. As women go so goes society; as morality and Western religions are promoted and popularized, so goes female-friendliness.]
21. I’m grateful to be in charge of my home. I accept responsibility for both a civil and well-disciplined household. Husband participates and backs me up when I need greater authority, which is almost never necessary as long as I do my best. (And anyway, when he’s invited to help, he goes too far or takes over.) [Guy adds: Husband provides the head and wife the heart of the home. The attitudes of family members flow out of the family heart and reflect her effectiveness. Blaming husband for dissatisfaction invites him to direct her efforts.]

Example for responses: “21-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2014. Fathering: New Thoughts on It


  • The essence of mother-love is unconditional respect for the child. The essence of father-love is conditional respect based on a mix of four ingredients. 1) The actions he takes to fulfill his sense of duty for raising his offspring. Feelings follow actions and so actions program his heart. 2) The respect the child earns in the father’s eyes. Men don’t respect without reason. Boys don’t either, but before puberty they learn to copy their mother’s respect for others. 3) Fathers respect for the mother is sufficient that he doesn’t want to disappoint her or let her think him incapable or insignificant.
  • Fathers enforce mom’s teaching of obedience but they lack unconditional respect for the child; their respect revolves naturally around kids doing what mom or dad expects. When involved to impose discipline on children, men are more energized to appreciate and preserve their own self-respect than respect the culprit they face. Consequently, a natural gap exists between a woman’s urge to unconditionally respect a child and a man’s expectation that respect be earned. Mom more easily than dad earns a child’s respect. As with men, a boy’s love is founded on respect for the love object. So, son loves father proportional to his respect for dad, which emanates from dad’s trust for son.
  • From toddlerhood to adulthood, children learn to respect others according to the trust they are shown as self-developers. (Boys try it independently and learn by mistakes but girls seek guidance to avoid mistakes.) To the extent they are trusted as self-developers, kids view themselves respected as a person, a boy or girl, and as a member of the family in that order. Later in life, boys self-develop as fathers, which requires they shift roles and give trust to earn the respect of children. (Demanding respect before trusting kids torpedoes the long-range interest of fathers; kids learn not to trust dad.)
  • Consequently, the road of true father-love loops from endless trust for child’s self-development to ever-growing respect for father. Around and around it loops and gathers emotional momentum. But the loop needs an on-ramp. Since a man’s love builds on a foundation of respect, fathers enter the fray awkwardly. They must trust the child first if they are to be respected. (It reminds of this: Wife must first trust husband, if she expects to be respected with emotional faithfulness. Mutual love grows out of trust and respect continually uplifted with both parties adding energy with new initiatives.)
  • Greater trust of child generates greater respect for father, which encourages father to serve better as near-nurturer to the toddler, leader of the prepubescent, and coach to the teen.

 

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2012. Female Blessings at Birth — 13-15


Fifth group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or is something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

13. I find solace knowing that I must show respect and gratitude for my husband above all others (and realize when I slow or stop that he will tend to wander). [Editor says: That expression of her nature has roots in her superior skill of adaptability, spirit of cooperation, and sense of importance serving someone else.]
14. I am capable more of giving that taking and am especially grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself. [Editor says: Her giving is rooted in her tender-heartedness and the gratefulness in her sense of importance.]
15. I am capable of finding new ways every day to show and encourage my husband that he is respected for who he is and what he does. [Editor says: That conviction arises out of a woman’s determination to brighten her future by constantly striving to improve it or at least keep it from dimming. Thus, she invests in her future by keep her man satisfied that he’s doing right by her.]

Example for responses: “14-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2011. Female Blessings at Birth — 10-12


Fourth group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

10. I can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa. [Editor says: She’s born to be adaptable, and mutual worth that is mutually appreciated breeds cooperation and confirms compatibility. Women, as the relationship experts, drive the compatibility bus.]
11. I depend on my husband by doing for him rather than expecting him to do for me. [Editor says: It enlarges her sense of self-importance to do for him, and he interprets it as respect and gratitude that he deserves. Reversed, ‘him doing for her’ all the time translates as his appreciation for her. Being appreciated is temporary to her and has little influence over events that add to her importance and shape her thinking about everything else. Consequently, she becomes much more influential when ‘she does for him’ rather than the reverse. She’s born to do it that way, the intuitive way.]
12. I don’t depend on my boyfriend. He does for me rather than me doing for him. [Editor says: It calls for the opposite reasoning of #11 above. His actions ‘doing for her’ program his heart toward devotion for her. Without actions to please himself for pleasing her, his heart doesn’t reprogram, his devotion doesn’t develop. Furthermore, conquest slows or stops his actions to please her to the same extent, because her yielding sex their first time together tells him that’s all he has to do. He now ‘owns’ their sex agenda so all is well in his world.]

Example for responses: “10-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2007. Female Blessings at Birth — 01-03


I hope to take the default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with more analysis by more people. I request that readers either confirm or deny each item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

  1. I am a great kisser and can be a good lay with proper respect, attention, and intimacy. [Editor: It assumes that females are created to participate successfully in the process of living compatibly with a man.]
  2. I am fearful of a very few things, most of which have to do with safety and health. I acknowledge that fear can paralyze, and so I work continuously to avoid unnecessary fear. [Editor: It assumes that most female fears are learned during life. Women are born almost fearless except for their bodies and survivability.]
  3. My spirit soars when I encourage rather than demand that husband fulfill his family responsibility. [Editor: It assumes that the universal soaring of the encouragement spirit in girlhood hopes and dreams indicates that it’s inborn.]

Example for responses: “1-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to item 1.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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1984. Compatibility Axioms #442 — Relationship Malpractice – II


442. The big emotional connections don’t hold a man. The repetition and accumulation of her incompatible habits ruin his interest in living with her. Such as:

  • She spends contrary to his frugality. [164]
  • She calls his ego troublesome, while she blithely claims women have no ego. [164]
  • She denigrates his ego, when it’s the outward expression and protector of his sense of significance. [164]
  • She makes herself feel good at his expense. For example, she accommodates the kids while ignoring his priorities or even presence. [164]
  • She rides herd on him to prevent little mistakes. Or, she imposes her will or preference for how things are to be done. [164]
  • She tells him how to handle and solve his problems at his place of employment. (Husbands keep silent about their work to prevent wife’s interference and to prevent her judgments about what he tells her—which can never be the whole story.) [164]
  • When associating with his male friends, she tries to act like one of the guys to win their appreciation for either her or him. [164]
  • She tells him HOW and WHEN to do things instead of citing WHAT needs to be done and let him work out the details. [164]

 

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1981. Compatibility Axioms #421-430


421. Husband may forgive, but he can’t forget. Feminists claim that women need no forgiveness for previous love and sex interests. But, to men, it’s neither love nor forgiveness that counts. It’s her screwing other men, bending to the will of his competitors, and who knows when she may do it again? [145]
422. Her sexual history is best kept secret. In any event, she should never disclose any detail. The first detail will ignite his curiosity for more, followed by his imagining the worst about everything she does not disclose. He will likely pump her for more info, or resentment will accumulate within his ever-active imagination. (Resentment can kill the likeability that is so critical to compatibility.) [145]
423. Females learn the most and best lessons by insisting on retaining virginity, both real and virtual. Keepers don’t dump a woman over that. If he won’t honor her wishes before conquest, he’ll do worse afterward. [147]
424. He strives to get her to yield sex. She seeks his acceptance of something more important. The battle of the sexes revolves around the subsequent battle of wits and wills. It takes a lengthy, likeable, and complimentary courtship to convert him to her way of thinking. [147]
425. She’s of high interest to him. Her insistence on remaining virgin-like injects and stirs uneasiness and uncertainty into his manly desire. It pressures him into the passenger seat of their relationship. He tries harder to earn the driver’s seat by proving himself worthy and acceptable for sex. If he still can’t earn acceptance into the driver’s seat by conquering her, he either hops out of the car or accepts whatever greater ‘price’ she expects. [147]
426. If she doesn’t yield and he dumps her anywhere along the courtship trail, she escapes with a higher sense of self-worth. He was not a keeper, and she found it out without losing the battle of wills. [147]
427. Her refusals to yield earn a man’s maximum respect. Men respect will power and hers tops his best will and effort. [147]
428. If he dumps her for not yielding, she earns the maximum self-respect regardless of what he says to the contrary. It’s also good practice for her. [147]
429. Mr. Good Enough’s love will be based on respect for her. The greater her self-respect, the greater her ability to sustain his respect. [147]
430. Her gentle but firm refusals to yield indirectly tame his masculine ego and condition his dominant nature to accept her as a power to be reckoned with. It brightens her future, polishes her self-image, enhances her self-interest, and promises more worthiness as his potential mate. Thus, women move closer to their dreams and goals by protecting their real and virtual virginity. [147]

 

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1978. Compatibility Axioms #401-410


401. First-time sex with each woman is a conquering event, after which he rates her as keeper, standby, or dumpee. [142]
402. For the hunter-conqueror, the greater his target’s perceived sexual virtue, the greater her immediate value and his inspiration to keep trying. [142]
403. Hard-to-get means other guys failed before him. So, it enhances the self-stroking of a man’s ego, energizes his need to earn self-admiration. [142]
404. He offers his strengths for her to appreciate. If she shows no weaknesses or need, his strengths fade in importance, and so does she. [142]
405. His respect for his woman softens a man’s heart, and her gratitude for him softens his hard-headedness. [142]
406. Proclaiming her love doesn’t work. He sees his value as mate wrapped within her respect and gratitude for him as husband and father, provider and protector, and those other things he deems critical to his current and significant missions in life. [142]
407. His woman’s grooming and appearance in public add to or detract from him. Other men look at her, but they also take the measure of him—or so he either thinks or desires. Women observers tend to judge her more harshly than him, as she is their competitor. [142]
408. Husband wants wife to look queenly yet unavailable, beautiful but unattainable. Something special enough to gain masculine admiration of him yet make men realize they can never have her. It’s a major input to his self-admiration and sense of significance. [142]
409. If a man has flaws before they marry, each will magnify afterward. The same applies to women but the turning point is his conquest. [142]
410. Husband wants wife to remain the woman she was before they married. But she insists on changing herself, because her life is now different. Or, she was a phony before marry up, and her true side emerges. Either way, it’s not good for longevity together. [142]

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