Tag Archives: husband

2106. Hard-hearted Hannah — II


Women aren’t born hard-hearted. The modern females’ hard-heartedness weakens their judgment and stifles their influence with men and their man in particular.

Hard-hearted Hannah competes with her man, but he expects her to cooperate. She criticizes him, expecting him to be a perfect mate. She disrespects him, when respect is his psychic income for devoting his efforts to her. She finds fault, when he tries hard but fails to meet her expectations. She nags to remind him of her expectations that he should change. She drifts away from her feminine nature and acts more like men.

HHH makes herself feel good at his expense in front of others. She harbors and displays feminist feelings that do not interest him, mostly because Feminism seeks to exclude him from the role he naturally assumes dealing with females. She expects more from him than she is willing to provide as trade off. She expects him to change under her well-intentioned but poorly programmed nurturing, but she refuses to change herself for him.

She knows little about the nature of males and females, and less about how to make them complementary and compatible – even if she wished to. She gets in his face for which he will ensure she pays a price. She kisses her frog and then neuters her prince. She is ungrateful for her man and blames him for her unhappiness. She is dissatisfied with what satisfies him, when a man’s satisfaction is both what he strives for and his internal reward for doing something well.

She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her, and then she becomes another woman after their altar trip.

She wants to build her castle, not his. She rejects the idea of maintaining a home for him to enjoy daily relaxation, rest, and restoration. She refuses to honor his most primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrows’ dragons. If she won’t provide what he needs, he will provide his own or test drive other women, until he finds what pleases him. He has no greater physical need for a particular woman than maintaining his abode, except as a woman cultivates it into something more appealing.

HHH downplays his strengths that enable him to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for family life in his own satisfying way. She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. She expects him to husband her without some tradeoff for his having given up his independence. She treats him as a domestic regarding household chores – all orders and little reward. She exhibits poor leadership by telling him how to do things instead of what to do. She makes his castle so ‘perfect’ in her eyes that it transforms into her castle.

She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. After marriage, she changes and pushes him to better fit her ideals of their life together. When she insists, he resists, resents, and perhaps retaliates. Caught up in a marriage he did not expect, he slips one leg over the edge of the escape hatch and prepares to jump.

HHH considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against Nature,’ which signals that she wants a pansy or wuss instead of a real man to husband her. If she finds and partners with one, she finds that she doesn’t respect him as a man, which makes her worthless as mate to him.

She rejects an age-old custom. Changing her last name to his after marriage evolved to show her to be his faithful partner. Unwillingness to take his name sends players a message that she is not very tightly dedicated to her husband and may be more easily available. (Admittedly, it’s man-think). By adopting his name, she signifies willingness to be his with faithful expectations. Not taking his name does not imply she will cheat, but it tells others that she does not respect him enough to quell his doubts and fears and depend totally on him.

She expects his faithfulness without providing the equivalent for him. Her husband expects not only her faithfulness but guarantees of it. He perceives that failure to give herself whole-heartedly to him makes her more easily susceptible to cheating on him. Clouds of suspicion weigh heavily on his mind, and he keeps one hand on the ejection lever for either him or her.

HHH is entitled to be hard-hearted. But she should expect her man to resent it, weaken his own dedication to her, and prepare for a softer landing with the next female.

 

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2105. A Man Depressed


Her Highness Magnolia asked about the male equivalent of Female Blessings at Birth. I haven’t done one but it’s now on my work list. It’s all prompted by her questions that include, “What works to lift a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness?”

Know thyself, said someone important. Men don’t acknowledge such things nor take advice on personal matters from men. That’s why a friend of many years seeks Magnolia’s advice. The following is the best I can offer her at this time.

I shall describe the male heart, natural energies and initiatives they are born with. She might find ways to convey beneficial thoughts to him. (I purposely describe the process backwards.)

  • A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. It’s his opinion of how effectively he produces/provides/protects/problem-solves in life. Little or no effectiveness on the ‘4 Ps’ and his spirits drop. No job, loss of job, demeaning woman he lives with, and lack of encouraging mate are the likeliest causes of loss of significance.
  • Satisfaction is to men the equivalent of happiness to women. It’s the grand target in life. Both have to earn it. Women earn it by finding gratefulness in their lives and it’s a never-ending process. Men, however, earn satisfaction through daily productive functions. When they end their workday satisfied, they are happy.
  • A man’s daily functions to produce/provide/protect/problem-solve arise out of his need for self-admiration. He learns quickly and eagerly repeats whatever makes him admire himself; feel good about himself and what he’s just done. It’s his prime energizer. Having no job—or mate to inspire him—leads quickly to loss of opportunity to earn it, which means little or no satisfaction, which leads to insignificance.
  • Repetitive self-admiration leads to satisfaction which compounds into significance. Thus, the lack of or failure to take advantage of opportunities to earn self-admiration sinks a man into depression or worse.

What lifts a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? Work, job, obligation for him to act, and his devotion to those things first in his life. Not mate but work. Not home but job. Not togetherness but responsibility. Not her affection but appreciation. Not her assistance but dependence. Not her ‘thank you’ but her smiles. Not her pushiness but memory of her pleasantness. I’ll stop there, but you see, so much depends on his mate.

The following primal urges stir beneath the factors above.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events.
  • Men need only a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare to fight whatever dragons they expect tomorrow.
  • Men want independence and the freedom to make their own decisions.
  • Men live in the present and leave preparation of the future to their women.

Those are the major ingredients of the male nature that women have to work with in order to generate and maintain compatibility with a permanent mate. I’m sure men have other blessings that I’ve not yet identified. But I’ll work on it. Women need to know men better and their under-appreciated qualities need some promotion.

 

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2102. Compatibility Axioms #561-570


561. If husband expects wife to dress seductively in public, he wants other men to admire him for having her. This reveals his self-centeredness, and when aging makes her less youthful or attractive, she becomes expendable emotionally if not physically.  [202]

562. If he were as good as she expects, he would have bypassed her and chosen another woman  [202]

563. If his commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield sex their first time, his devotion will likely never grow to her later satisfaction. [202]

564. If she chases a man or men, then to the man and men she’s desperate and therefore disposable because she lacks self-respect and is therefore not respectable enough for much more than sex. [202]

565. If she is unhappy with her man, he sees it like this: Her ingratitude appears unjustified, because he is a good man doing his best. If he thinks otherwise, he does not care about her unhappiness and probably looks elsewhere already. [202]

566. When men have to make arrangements for their own meals, whatever woman they are with becomes more expendable. [202]

567. A man enjoys looking at an attractive, pleasant looking female. When his woman looks sloppy and uncaring, he’s bored, knows that he has earned more, and soon looks for something more attractive. [202]

568. She acts ungratefully with and for her man. Then she blames him for her unhappiness. Her ungrateful actions dominate her feelings. [203]

569. Jean Jacque Rousseau was wrong about many things, but not this one: “The more women want to resemble [men], the less women will govern them, and then men will truly be the masters.” [203]

570. As with all of us, he produces better when he lives for something or someone higher than himself. Another reason why married men are more successful and live longer lives than their uncommitted, unattached male brothers. [203]

 

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2100. 7th Anniversary, Tempus Fugit


Seven years ago tomorrow I posted my first article as declaration of war against Feminism. I titled it “Feminism Indicted.” I copy it here as still appropriate and the birthmark.

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  • Feminism Indicted: Feminism is the philosophy of envy of men, the creed of anger at men, and the gospel of politics in relationships. Its inherent virtue merely equalizes unhappiness for women seeking or living with a man.
  • Femininity Acquitted: Femininity is the philosophy of attractiveness for men, the creed of faithfulness with men, and the gospel of devotion to one man. Its inherent virtue civilizes men, balances male dominance, suppresses male aggressiveness, inspires men to prove their worthiness, and rewards men for acting responsibly as both husband and father.
  • Feminism discourages male adoration of women. Femininity inspires it. Feminism demeans masculinity to get what women want. Femininity praises manliness to get what women want.
  • Feminism unleashes the savage male beast. Femininity tames it.
  • Anger energizes the politics of Feminism. Indirectness and modesty empower the cultural and domestic leadership of Femininity.

——

I started the blog with commitment to explain what women never hear and expected to post a few dozen articles. Now at 2100 I have become relatively devoted and intend to continue the mindset.

Those of you who comment make my duty more pleasant and enjoyable. Thank you.

 

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2094. Domestic Indigestion—Don’t Blame Men


The politically inspired Feminism movement persuaded women to change their behavior relative to men. Unintended consequences inevitably arose for the public but were expected by political activists seeking to change America.

It’s their nature; men do whatever females require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Before Feminism emerged, men expected to marry for life and responsibly provide for family. Females admired and respected the male gender even more than their own. Males reciprocated. Women rewarded men for responsible husbanding and fathering, and men got what they wanted for giving up their freedom. Girls developed hopes and dreams and learned to screen teen boys for aptitude, talent, and skill to fulfill their dreams.

That female-friendly culture went under attack and the tear-down really took hold in the 1960s. Women’s Liberation advocates and the feminazis* called men relationship misfits, inadequate as mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of females. They mocked men as insensitive and overbearing. They sought to change the males’ natural dominance with legal, political, and economic initiatives. They dedicated to kill patriarchy.

Full-fledged feminists, acolytes, advocates, and admirers took up finger-pointing, male bashing, and condemnation of most things masculine. Political correctioneers arose to push forward on their ideology. Over time men fulfilled the prophecy. They became what they were called, accused of, and treated. With the Pygmalion Effect jumpstarted, the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled.

Men are now accused to be relationship misfits, blamed as inadequate mates, and determined to be uninterested and inadequate to fulfill female interests, hopes, and dreams. Compatibility as couples too easily bursts into flames. Pleasantness has dissolved as a cardinal point on society’s compass. Political correctness replaces the good common sense embedded in the female nature. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Mutual respect dies. Neither gender respects the other more than their own, as they once did. Men don’t respect the female gender, largely because women show insufficient respect for the male gender and do little or nothing to protect their sexual assets. Feminists try to alter the nature of men, but they fail. Hormones continue to trump intentions, whether good or bad. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Women provide unmarried sex more freely than ever before. Their need for a boyfriend, lover, or husband drives them. She rewards a man before he earns her by proving his worth for her, which means that her worth declines because so few set out to earn her. Little demand means less worthy and prices sink, which means men do less on behalf of women. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Each woman’s value continues to decline in social, romantic, and domestic arenas. Feminists call it Sexual Freedom. Men call it GREAT! Non-feminist women arrive in greater numbers to populate the multiplex of misery where self-respect is dealt mortal blows by unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Husbands abandon wives. They escape women who demean manly accomplishments and importance as they have been inspired by decades of trying to change men. Even older husbands capitalize by pursuing trophies. They long for the excitement they missed as teens. They seek to restore their significance with a young thing they can train to suit them. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Wives abandon husbands to keep from being dumped, to jumpstart legal proceedings, to maximize financial benefits. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Thus, modern women compensate men for doing what women don’t want. Gentlemanly behavior is dead. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Female-friendly morals deteriorate. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts alongside single women without hopes and dreams. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Men continue as their nature enables and empowers them to ignore female-friendly values, standards, and expectations. They do whatever women require for frequent and convenient access to sex but not much else. It’s so much cheaper for males, because females now absorb the high cost of cheap sex and men get so much more of it.

Unfortunately, the feminist-darkened social culture forces the majority of women to pay the full price after split up. Less respect for men and social values about sexual freedom push women where they don’t want their relationships to go. They turned men into insensitive clods and fuzzy-headed mates. Having bought into an ideology spawned by political activists declaring war on men,  what more should women expect?

As society proceeds more toward collectivism, individualism dies. Political leaders and activists govern what happens to individuals by causing the collective to deteriorate and become more dependent on politicians. So, obviously unknown to women because they don’t fight back, the character of politicians determines the character of the public. As the quality of character fades collectively, the quality of individual character follows and so does life for everyone. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex to compensate them to not object.

 

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* Rush Limbaugh coined the feminazi term to describe the dozen or so radicals that birthed Feminism out of the Women’s Liberation political movement. Nothing more is intended here.

Editor’s note: This is a rewrite of article 157. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 11 published 4/4/2008. Over six years ago and conditions worsen.

 

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2082. Marriage Isn’t the Wonder, Breakup Is


Her Highness Shanna at post 2026 pondered. “All these matters about the nature of men and women…it’s a wonder anyone gets married at all!!!”

Well, the wonder is that people don’t do better at marriage. Consider the grander features they inherit at birth that are self-serving both individually and collectively. Everyone is born with the necessary personal features, traits, talents, and skills to live compatibly with a mate. We’re made for permanent mating; it’s virtually in our blood. Marriage provides insurance. Why else would the advanced civilizations through several millennia have found permanent pairing as the best domestic arrangement? Just a few confirming points.

  1. Women have to earn happiness by finding gratitude in themselves, others, and things. A woman’s mission in life is to live a good life made important by providing children for whom she can be grateful. How do mothers provide the necessary provisioning and protecting without the help of a useful and handy man? How do they gain the necessary insurance against abandonment without convincing men to vow themselves into permanent mating? And not just marriage for one but for almost all women. That’s what serves the female gender to the fullest. Too many single women means too much unobligated sex to lure men from faithful permanence.
  2. Men do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If most women require marriage in exchange for their providing such easy access, then men marry to satisfy their natural urge.
  3. Men are motivated to pursue self-admiration. Consequently, they combine it with their sex drive and pursue women under whatever conditions women require. A man’s natural drive for efficiency urges him to arrange for frequent and convenient access. So men are vulnerable to indirect female leadership by example, which means that men learn to monogamously follow monogamous women. It returns us back to the point above that women want a useful and handy man and physical faithfulness to him is essential to keep him loyal and dependable.
  4. Men are born to be satisfied. It’s the equivalent of females born to be happy. However, men find satisfaction in daily pursuits. Far more easily than women, they find and can enjoy a pleasant life, which opens their heart and attitude to being pleased by a woman who shows promise for supporting, encouraging, and partnering with a man’s endeavors.
  5. In the natural course of events, the dominant male sex continually faces off against the superior female sex. The immovable object of males resists the direct but yields to the indirect irresistible force of females. Women maintain peace in the process by convincing men that husbanding and fathering are both admirable and rewarded.

So, I disagree with Shanna. It’s more a wonder that marriages do not survive very long. It’s in the interest of both sexes, and yet they can’t get along well enough. It’s a pity but common today. Basically, both sexes abandon the strengths embedded in their own natures and copy that of the other, which makes them weaker rather than stronger as individuals.

 

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2080. The Battle over House Work — Part III: How She Wins


This is a dynamite cocktail that should cause a big noise. Women find more and better ingredients for earning happiness when they do daily housework without involving their mate. I may never prove it to you but the following proves it to me (and I never thought it possible until first draft of this series.)

Recall from part I: She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs confirmation from others to spread her gratefulness and thus earn—not receive or find—happiness. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration and basically needs little confirmation to find satisfaction.

Recall from part II: When she thinks like a man and rewards herself for satisfaction, it pits her against him. They compete. She becomes jealous of his beating her because satisfaction is not the governor of the female heart and he so easily trumps her in that realm. When she pursues happiness instead of satisfaction as her daily goal, they become more compatible.

——

He’s simple and not much concerned with happiness. If he’s satisfied with himself, he’s relatively happy. His pursuits stop with satisfaction. Since a satisfied need no longer motivates, he reaches for something else at the end of an accomplishment or workday. His duty day ends long before bedtime.

Being more processor than producer by nature, her satisfaction comes from the little things she achieves. Example: Love never ends but kisses do. Shopping never ends but the last trip did. Nesting never ends but housekeeping ends at bedtime. Relationship management never ends except when sleep comes. Each little thing satisfies her—kisses, packages, dishes washed, she pleases someone.

She’s quite opposite and far more complex. Satisfaction is but a stepping stone rather than an achievement. However, it feeds gratefulness to herself for herself. Grateful that she’s capable and motivated to nest to her satisfaction and appreciation of hubby. Moreover, self-gratitude happens to be the entry toll for the highway to happiness.

Satisfaction from the dozens of little things each day make her grateful for herself. She can and did do those things, which adds to her sense of self-importance, which adds to her sense of self-gratitude, which enables her to be grateful for others and things, which places her on the endless highway to happiness.

What’s the nature of the relationship management beast that’s born when wife determines that husband should help with housekeeping?

  • She thinks in terms of equality, which is never achievable and she won’t like it when he makes nesting decisions that override hers.
  • She feels less important because he won’t agree or stir from his dominant convictions.
  • She takes on the role of competitor with assertiveness and eventually aggressiveness.
  • She blames him for her tiredness but he has no connection with that and doesn’t feel guilty.
  • She imposes guilt, which men reject or dispose of quickly from a competitor.
  • She becomes jealous of his inactivity, comfort, or diversions. Other things about him become wrong or intolerable. Tiny red flags creep into her psyche.
  • She envies his complacency about household things. Mistaking complacency for disinterest, anxiety mounts and she starts losing interest in keeping house and dedication to him.
  • She squelches her spirit of joy. It dissipates behind new expectations of not losing whatever arguments she has started.
  • She sets lose the beast of declining mutual respect, wherein she’s the biggest loser because his love is based on respect but hers is not.

So, what are the benefits when she takes full responsibility for housework and leaves him to his satisfying R&R? The benefits don’t accrue until she teaches herself to maximize her natural qualities designed to generate compatibility out of sex differences.

By not becoming jealous, envious, or anxious about hubby’s recovery habits, she enables herself to stay in tune with the positive side of her nature. Her worry can shift to future goals and not be entangled with his lounging, careless or carefree attitude. Her attitude can become more affirming of those around her. She can become more grateful for herself because of the peace and harmony she’s able to cultivate. Her spirit of joy can soar, which releases her to manage relationships from the highest possible position in life.

In short, she’s better able to put the full force of her nature into the nesting process—both relationship management and housekeeping. The former with feelings and the latter with labor. But the labor is not labor as commonly thought of. Repetition frees up her multitasking mind to address and solve issues, plan her immediate future, and simultaneously breathe a calming spirit into her home as things happen while she cleans.

She rules best who does the rest. It’s the pleasantness of mom’s nesting habits that kids carry into adulthood as her most endearing quality. The greatest love of mom—especially by men—arises out her strength of character and willingness to insist that everyone obey her rules within a never-in-doubt delivery of respect, trust, and affection. Contrary to what girls love to think, love does not cure all, and especially not cure men of habits misplaced in time and place.

By not taking offense at husband’s R&R habits, she enables herself to exemplify the goodness of woman. It frees her to more easily cultivate hubby to help when she needs it. For example:

  • She feels no guilt to ask him to help on tasks for which she has too little aptitude or strength. She can more easily detect tension and know how to convince him with gentleness and charm, which adds to her unique value within him.
  • She can pleasantly expect and patiently await his learning that certain things are his responsibility. When he accepts something as his duty, she has won from him also the sense that she’s worth it. Examples: 1) Men, not ladies, haul the trash. 2) Her duty is to clear and clean the floor. His duty is to deal with—other than back on the floor—whatever she picks up and places on his side of the bed or in his favorite chair but never spitefully. 3) If her commandment is a place for everything and everything in its place, and she lives by that code, then the family is easily taught that mom’s word is law and everyone falls in line. Husband included. It’s a technique right out of an imagined dominance handbook.
  • Free to dominate nesting routines, she can pleasantly expect that he live up to her standards. Examples: Make it habitual to lower both lid and seat when finished in the bathroom; light a candle before leaving a stinky bathroom; help clean up after she supports entertaining his associates.

I surprised myself with this article. I fell for the pop culture spirit that expands male dominance. It previously seemed fair to harangue hubby for dodging housework.

Now I object based on the strength, patience, and other qualities embedded in each female at birth. Girlhood hopes and dreams boil down to this as the predominant objective. A happy life with a loveable and loving husband, loveable and loving children, and sailing together into the sunset of their lives in total harmony.

Of course such dreams require a lot of work. Not strange to me, but women have every quality to make it work in a two-step process. First, they find and develop ways to be grateful for themselves each and every day. Second, they find and develop the habit to respect, trust, show affection, and show gratefulness to those around them. If others don’t deserve that out of her, she isn’t following her heart but her propagandized conscious mind.

 

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