Tag Archives: husband

1970. Compatibility Axioms #371-380


NOTE: I can’t say it often enough. I have no objections to the legal, political, and economic progress made by women. Advancements were deserved long before they were won. I address Feminism only as the public fallout impacts social and domestic life among men and women.

371. The feminist challenge to millennia-old patriarchy is the fundamental cause of incompatibility. It separates the sexes, because it uses outside help in the form of public pressure to help prove women right and men wrong. Thus, Feminism leads women away from their natural strengths and relationship expertise. Misdirected, women give up their instinctive art of screening men until they become worthy of capture. Instead of dreaming of upgrading their Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right during decades of living together, they try to ‘convert’ him immediately before or after marriage. [134]
372. Feminist-think calls for human nature to work backwards. Nowadays, women cooperate with each other for advice about men and unify support against them. They compete with their man for dominance. The first tends to prevent and the latter tends to melt compatibility. [134]
373. When women think and act like men, it transmutes into loss of the female genius that every couple needs to build longevity together. Romantic love fades faster. Sexual love becomes her manipulative tool. Enduring love doesn’t become mutual. Marital vows shrink in importance. One or both spouses become itchy to make a better go of it with someone else. [134]
374. The human competitive spirit and modern social pressures push women to act more like men—♫ I can do anything he can do better. ♫ Women imagine success and frustration arises at the lack of it. Frustration pushes them to escalate until they become the irresistible force trying to move the immovable object. Thus, womanly frustration generates greater manly stubbornness. [134]
375. A man’s love is founded on respect. And men respect women that persistently uphold values and standards that uplift women relative to men but not at the expense of men. It includes values and standards that men don’t initiate but value people who do. Femininity builds such respect, and Feminism discourages it. [135]
376. One woman says this. “Men need femininity. They call it ‘color in a black and white world.’ It heals their wounds, soothes their spirits and recharges their batteries. It is one of the things men look for in their wives; someone who makes them more powerful by feeding them with their femininity.” [‘Claudia’ as quoted in Keys to the Kingdom by Alison A. Armstrong, PAX Programs, Inc., p. 151] [135]
377. Femininity reflects intense femaleness with politics removed. It includes female traits that women rely on naturally to fulfill their hopes and dreams. Qualities such as feminine mystique, female modesty, religious morality, faithful monogamy, female-defined manners, female-friendly social standards, compassionate values, holy matrimony, and an eager-to-reveal emphasis against offense to a woman’s sensibilities. Femininity generates personal power dealing with men, because it enables women to reduce the hormone storms of male dominance—sometimes into submission or at least toleration. [135]
378. When the female gender institutionalizes the feminine qualities just cited, men learn to respect females more than males. Their unconditional respect for women provides the foundation for the conditional respect for one woman who eventually transmutes into the enduring love that sustains compatibility for life. A man’s enduring love of one woman isn’t all that strong, if he lacks respect for her gender. Old-school mothers made it work. Our forefathers built American greatness out of wifely inspirations, expectations, encouragements, and gratefulness shrouded in femininity. [135]
379. Our foremothers knew male dominance has to be outsmarted and outmaneuvered and not squelched obviously. They generated and sustained compatibility very differently than modern women. First, they competed with other women for a man with sex out of the picture. Sex was the bonus after he qualified as worthy to be her husband and father of her children. Second, they cooperated with their husband and revealed their respect and gratefulness by pleasing him. [135]
380.Further, our foremothers exploited their femaleness to clarify two very different and cooperative roles as a couple—separate responsibilities for each. His domain was outside the home, hers inside. He was chairman, she was CEO. With clearly separated roles, they balanced relationship power without outside influence. [135]

 

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1956. Nagging


Her Highness Emma at post 1955 said this. “We need love and constant reminder that I “wife” is the most important person in His life. Somewhere this was lost and the wife becomes the nagging wife trying to get her hubby to show appreciation.” She is right on both counts. My response is to try anything and everything to avoid nagging.

Nagging flows out of the natural motivational differences between the sexes. A woman’s prime motivation in life is to earn a sense of self-importance and she expects input from others to confirm it. Married, she expects primary confirmation from husband. When she figures that he takes her for granted, she cannot live with the uncertainty and so she obligates herself to do something.

Husband seeks self-admiration just as wife seeks self-importance. But husband depends on his accomplishments and internal confirmation whereas wife looks for external confirmation. His accomplishment with marriage is that he earned her. He figures that case is closed. He is obligated to achieve elsewhere in order to produce, provide, protect, and problems solve for his family. That is, fulfill those and other missions in life, among which are his R&R habits of relaxation.

She chooses nagging as the way to fulfill obligations to herself. She feels good doing it, for vengefully expressing her hurt. He hears messages of disapproval that are disconnected from his missions in life. If he is not appreciated, then he is not respected and she is not grateful for him. His sense of duty makes him want to please her; her nagging eats away as that sense of duty. Eventually, he braces up inside, turns to his inner strength, and does not care what she thinks. In parallel, her worth to him diminishes.

He may not leave her but nagging easily leads to living separate lives under the same roof. Wife may adjust to it, but in the long run it is worse than being taken for granted and harder to recover from.

When her irresistible force of wanting him to change meets his immovable object of men do not change to please a conquered woman, something has to give and relationship harmony usually falls first.

His taking her for granted has roots in his acceptance of her excellence. Her nagging has roots in retaliation and revenge sponsored by hurt. Which works best to promote harmony?

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1952. Porn vs. Romance


Feminists found ways and taught women to blame men for all social and domestic ills. Men shop for adventure. Wives know how that works out when their husbands venture into porn. But should men get all the blame for a couple’s poor or busted home life? Might there be an equivalent wifely malpractice? Is there another head on that elephantine monster constantly disturbing their compatibility and domestic bliss? Porn gets all the blame, but does fantasized romance ruin their game?

Women are comparison shoppers. So how does it work out when they shop for romance? When they entertain themselves with wishes, dreams, and validations of romance that are available in novels, celebrity mags, chick flicks, and men-demeaning TV shows? Does she compare her man to fiction? Do her fantasies spotlight husband’s inadequacies? Does she fantasize how he could be? Does she wish and dream for what she imagines versus the reality of what she lives with? Does she begrudge whatever romance he does provide? Does she become frustrated with her reality and determined to do something? Does she try to change husband but it spurs his resistance, resentment, and perhaps retaliation? Does that increase her frustration and dissatisfaction? Does that breed hostility? Does that grow into withdrawal from husband, separation, or living separate lives under the same roof?

It doesn’t take husband’s porn habit to stimulate wife to reach out for more romance. The female nature is wife’s default condition. Born with the primal urge to brighten her future, how can hubby survive comparison to someone else’s fiction and her fantasy? Consequently, a wife’s habitual search for romance produces in husband the same or equivalent reactions that his porn habit generates in her.

Fantasy is common to porn and imagined romance, and it may be a two-headed elephant in some homes. If both spouses are captivated by those fantasies, incompatibility oozes from every pore.

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1939. Compatibility Axioms #251-260


251. Born hard-headed and soft-hearted, the former serves women best before marriage and the latter afterward. Her hard-headedness stimulates competition. Her soft-heartedness contains patience that fuels cooperation. [109]
252. A woman’s sexual history affects her man’s sense of significance whether she knows it or not or accepts it or not. [111]
253. If he won’t honor her values, standards, and expectations before conquest, he likely won’t afterward. [113]
254. Conquest convinces him that he’s worthy enough for her; he need not try harder. She’s left to prove  that she’s more worthy for him but without her greatest ‘convincer’. [113]
255. If he won’t romance her before they get into foreplay and intercourse, he likely won’t learn to do it for their future together. [113]
256. Courtship works best when he’s the seller and she’s the buyer. He convinces her of his worth. [113]
257. Marriage works best when he’s the buyer and she’s the seller. She convinces him of her worth. [113]
258. A woman thrives on a man’s devotion but too easily forgets that it arises from what he does for her and not what she does for him. [113]
259. If she yields sex to him, she should expect conqueror’s rights to kick in. First, he’s convinced that he’s worthy enough and can stop chasing her. Second, he takes charge of their sexual agenda. [113]
260. The harder she is to conquer, the more trophy-like she appears to him. [113]

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1938. Compatibility Axioms #241-250


241. People don’t mistreat those they respect. A long courtship enables a woman to both earn a man’s respect and qualify him as having had a good upbringing and as having developed the potential for treating his woman well. [108]
242. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. It empowers them to become relationship experts, which enables them to successfully swap interests with a man for marriage. Men have neither such expertise nor interest. [110]
243. Men are driven to compete with Nature, against other men, and to control and shape human events. Their sex drive is but a subset because women can more easily tame it before marriage than reduce their drive to compete with him after marriage. [110]
244. Men won’t and don’t compete with their wives in the major processes of life such as key decisions. Two reasons: They abhor being told how to live and fear losing to their woman as it diminishes their sense of significance. [110]
245. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. She seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To help her fulfill these needs, a man expects rewards for husbanding and fathering. As the relationship expert, she has to develop the swap to mutual satisfaction.  [110]
246. A man absolutely needs only one thing. A place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’. If his wife isn’t inclined to maintain at least a hut for him, someone else will. [110]
247. Women do not absolutely need a man, but they want company. A woman’s primal want is for a solid relationship with someone stronger and more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children. She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by powerful people. Two men won’t knowingly share her, so one man best fulfills her primal want. [110]
248. A man wants the freedom to do as he chooses, especially to make himself stand out as a competitor, his own man, a man of significance. He views his home—hut or palace—as a place of recovery and not a place to be called to account. [110]
249. A woman’s time-focus emerges from her primal need to brighten her future. Most of her present-day concerns were handled as part of yesterday’s future. She dreams a lot about enhancing and making her relationship more solid and it works best when she supports her man’s focus on present-day matters. [110]
250. A man’s time-focus emerges from his primal readiness to compete, which makes it imperative that he focus on today and its problems. He knows full well he can handle tomorrow’s problems when they arrive. Where women dream about the future, his primary concern for the future revolves around what he can do today to prepare for tomorrow. [110]

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1932. Compatibility Axioms #221-230


221. As the expert, she either drives the relationship bus or pitches herself under it.
222. Women wrongly expect their man’s words to program his heart. Not true. His actions program his heart. His words are a reflection of and as reliable as his character.
223. To her, his lack of words speaks more loudly than his actions. Quite the opposite of his view. [106]
224. She appreciates his providing/protecting actions, but she appreciates his words more and especially if they are complimentary, affectionate, and appreciative. That’s her primary reason for being with him, to receive such words as confirmation that their future together remains on track. [106]
225. Of course, it’s not fair. Women that seek equality dealing with men will likely spend a lot of time recycling as an ex. (It’s Nature and modern values are at odds.) [107]
226. She must respect him above all else for who and what he is and does. Each incident of nagging, fault-finding, and indifference works against it. [107]
227. She must be grateful for who and what he is and does. Affection and love do not register with him as her gratitude. [107]
228. His ego and sense of significance are the same. Demeaning his ego discredits his significance. It’s his greatest fear, especially insignificance in his woman’s eyes. [107]
229. A man expects to succeed at husbanding and fathering. Her actions that apparently recognize his success provide enough reward. Her confirming words are not nearly as effective. [107]
230. Rewards for her are fewer than she expects in the short-term. Her major rewards come over the long haul as her indispensability for home and family matures. [107]

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1929. Compatibility Axioms #201-210


201. Promiscuously experienced boys make poorer adult-mates. From many round-heel and easy-pushover girls, boys learn two things. 1) Females aren’t as respectable as males. 2) Token commitment is sufficient and devotion unnecessary to capture a female.
202. The end result of masculine-style sexual freedom for women is that men become more adroit at sexual hit and run, and women gain more experience as ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-live in, and ex-wife. [103]
203. As male dominance is challenged in the home, it strengthens and fertilizes the man’s natural reluctance to stay long with one woman. [103]
204. Females pursuing equal right to be unfaithful actually redouble the males’ effort to maintain and even exploit their natural dominance and sexual freedom. [103]
205. Women are endowed with a cooperative spirit, men with a competitive one. Men easily recognize the difference, guard their turf aggressively, and overpower wifely assertiveness that challenges husband’s role. [103]
206. Women need to exemplify religious morality. It can civilize, tame, and domesticate the male beast. (New school moral relativism breeds abuse and violence of men against women and children and both sexes against others.) [103]
207. Women bitch that men don’t act gentlemanly. It’s the highly valued self-respect of ladies that inspires men to act gentlemanly. (To loosen up moral values, feminists several decades ago shamed out of existence the social construct of the lady. Gentlemanly respect and courtesy faded rapidly thereafter.) [103]
208. Women insist on equal sharing of housekeeping and childcare responsibilities. The best intentions to equalize workload weaken mutual devotion, because sustaining equality is too friction-causing and impossible in the end. [103]
209. Men usually keep their love under wraps. When he expresses love, he does so through actions designed to please his love object, and it shows in spurts. [104]
210. Women express love through closeness, nurturing, and intimacy. She reveals her love frequently using words when necessary to keep the spirit moving. Also, she expects her ears to be filled frequently with his words of affection and appreciation. [104]

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800. Gender Differences Revisited — Group Q


1. Women see flattery as opportunity and take advantage to make themselves feel good. Men don’t.

2. When they demonstrate love, men are different than women. (This aspect of chromosomal XX ≠ XY disappoints women for life.)

3. When wife is the main breadwinner, husband’s significance fades. (He may be gracious and act that way, but he misses filling that role and longs for something or someone to compensate his sense of importance.)

4. When husband outshines wife in her areas of responsibility, his self-image expands proportional to her gratitude (which often fades and he often misses it). More importantly, when wife outdoes her husband in manly domains, she poisons his sense of significance.

5. Women multi-task and multi-converse, because their processing nature enables it. Men dislike and usually avoid both, because their producing nature make multi-thinking inefficient.

6. Women cohabit because they are desperate to capture or live with a man, or they seek economic advantage. Men cohabit, because she’s unworthy of marriage, he wants to keep his options open, he seeks frequent and convenient sex at low cost, it’s a cheap and friendly arrangement, or all of the above.

7. Women can turn an inadequate man into an adequate mate and vice versa. Men can turn adequate wives inadequate but not the reverse.

8. Women assess people more by character than occupation. Men lean toward the opposite.

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