1198. Boot Camp for Girls—Post-grad #2: Advisory

You girls need something to keep your mind focused throughout your teen years. Self-development is the key. You need to determine where you are going, devote yourself to it, and follow your fully-pledged heart throughout adolescence.

Let’s start with how we’re all made by God, Nature, and hormones. You can’t get too much of the basics about our opposing male and female natures.

• Boys fill their lives with ever more responsible missions throughout the teen years. They’re learning how and what builds their sense of significance. None of it includes finding a mate until very late or in adulthood. They pursue sex for its own sake, use romance to get to foreplay, and avoid commitment because it impedes pursuit.  
• Girls have but one natural mission, that of finding a reliable and steadfast mate. They see the answer in romance and pursue boys in hopes of expediting the process.
• The here-and-now (aka the present) is the domain of boys. You girls ‘own’ the future as long as you don’t let boys dominate the present.* The future is your domain, your primary interest, but you have to prevent boys from convincing you otherwise.

If you don’t dominate your teen years with adult hopes and dreams as guidance, then you relinquish domination to boys. If you let it happen, you face an adult life unlike whatever you earlier hoped and dreamed it would be.

Aim at, think on, and exploit yourself on activities that keep you thinking about you instead of boys. Build your activities into dedicated habits that elevate your interests above boys and boyfriends. Dedicate yourself to several, I say again, several activities. For example, master a musical instrument, play in the band, play sports, conduct special studies, research new ideas, prep for college, prep for grad school, get involved in politics or religious activities, write essays, maintain a journal aimed at becoming a best-seller, get a job, perform community service, teach Sunday School, learn new skills, exploit your talent, sing in choir or glee club, or do something else that you can pursue with adult-like dedication.**

One aim of such personal development should be to inject intensity and build self-confidence into your life outside of the boy arena. That is, boys not only don’t come first, they have to honor your obligations just to associate with you. They have to make themselves worthy of you, rather than the other way around. If you make that your habitual way of dealing with boys, you’ll have little trouble dealing with men after departing adolescence.

Pursuing such personal development habits breathes maturity into your life. It keeps you looking ahead to see where you’re likely to end up. On the flip side, focusing on boys and following a boyfriend’s lead stunts your emotional growth and shrinks your maturing process.  

Creating several developmental habits won’t keep your mind off boys, but it helps keep your feet on the ground. Your mind will be preoccupied away from the imagined heaven but actual sinkhole of teen romance, infatuation, and out-competing girlfriends for boys. Pledge your heart to yourself more than to any boyfriend, and you will slide more confidently and successfully into adulthood.

*Once you become a wife, the sentence applies in reverse. Wives ‘own’ the future as long as they DO enable husbands to dominate the present.

**My favorite for turning boys into mature men is Eagle Scouting. The ultimate skill for both sexes is playing piano, which I consider the greatest skill humans can develop. If you haven’t started, don’t wait. Aging smothers the ability to master complex skills and exploit one’s talent.

859. Virtual Virginity #24

♫      Her romantic love pedestal crumbles when infatuation and lust fade a year or two after their first sex together. If she has not earned his enduring love by then, he shifts into temporary mode and starts looking around. The most fertile ground to earn his enduring love exists before they first have sex, and virtual virginity provides the greatest advantages. Provided, that is, she takes enough time for his thoughts about, habits with, and respect for her to change. Men are willing to change in order to conquer but not after.

♫      Conquest is more meaningful, when a man is challenged and then scores and out-competes other guys. This makes her sexual inexperience highly symbolic and significant to him.

♫      Men seek virgins, because they know they have beaten out other men. Her highly valued virgin beauty signifies that many others tried and failed. Men want dearly to be first among male competitors, and this makes virtual virginity the absolute next best thing for females.

♫      Permanent reconciliation does not likely follow having sex with one’s ex. If she wants to re-wed him, make it sex-free until he proves himself worthy of her and marries her again. If she does not withhold herself, she has no room to maneuver and change their relationship away from what it was when they failed the first time. Virtual virginity can alter their new relationship toward the altar and keep it under her control until then.

792. Love Revisited

• Women expect men to love and cherish them as females love others, but it’s another natural inequity.
• When demonstrating their love, men are very different from women. This chromosomal XX ≠ XY frustrates women into expecting a balance that never comes.
• If her man demonstrates his love as females show love, she loses respect for him.
• For a woman love and sex tend to merge. For a man love and sex tend to remain disconnected.
• Based on infatuation and lust, romantic love fades after a year or two. Enduring love can replace it, if courtship laid the foundation around his devotion of her rather than just his ‘commitment to them’ (more tomorrow at #793).
• A man’s enduring love is based on his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect of one woman specifically. It emanates from his appreciation of female attributes and her virtuous character, self-respect, and likeability as a mate.
• A woman’s enduring love is structured around her need for a brighter future for her and kids. It emanates from her emotional dependencies with her own life into which some responsible man enters.
• Enduring love being founded on deep respect, too much familiarity too soon and too fast short-circuits his respect for her. Full disclosure, touchy-feely, and easy sex are culprits.

463. The high cost of cheap sex — 16

Who gets dumped the most? Women with none, few, or many sex partners? How many times has she become ex-girlfriend, -lover, -wife? The root cause? Sex made easy, cheap, or both!

Women try to use sex to shape a man’s thinking. But, they ignore that men don’t change as easily as they identify and disrespect the easy mark, desperate female, or booty candidate.

If men get by with it, the masculine pursuit of more and cheaper sex devalues whatever respect that ardent femininity naturally breathes into relationships and standardizes into cultural values.

Women pursue masculine-style sexual freedom to please themselves. This makes society become more male-centered, less family-centered, and leaves women and children to roast on the scorching coals of male self-absorption. The fallout weakens female gender influence over life, home, children, and culture.

Promises exchanged in response to infatuation, lust, and love require mutual dependency within a couple. Time and future relationship growth confirm devotion, earnestness of promises, and strength of commitment that undergird dependency.

Unfortunately, erotic trophies and hunks constantly lure partners and weaken mutual dependency. Breakup moves her into the ex- lane, where sex is even easier and cheaper and the chance increases of again becoming an ex-.

And how does cheap and easy serve females?

442. Trust but verify

Advice for lovelorn females: Women get confused, desperate, and make poor choices. She should take time to trust a man but verify his actions. The learning process will unclog her mind and heart, especially if she starts to learn early in adolescence.

Unless she ignores it, as the unfortunate do, each woman’s love is built on a foundation of her self-love and hopes and dreams for a bright future with a man. She has three options to work toward: To be cherished, get his commitment, or generate his devotion. The former goes too far, the second disfavors her, and the latter option improves odds for marital success.

Cherished, the kind that princess daughters enjoy from their fathers, goes too far. Nevertheless, some women seek to duplicate father’s presence, or they missed the father-princess phase of life.

If she finds such a man, disappointment sets in. She can’t always get her way. He’s not as much like real or imagined father as she hoped, so she judges him continually on a father-standard. Her ingratitude and disrespect follow, because he never measures up to what he can’t read—her imagination.

Commitment is short term, present oriented, full of loopholes, and favors men over women. Couples stir their infatuation, lust, and romantic love with words that herald commitment to each other. It works well until domestic life intervenes and romantic love fades in a year or two.

More than words are needed to seal their future together. So, the wise woman searches for confirming actions that signal his devotion. A man’s feelings and intentions are expressed more in actions that mislead her than words that please her. Long courtships thus enable her to discriminate and evaluate his worth to her.

Devotion can be seen in actions that outshine a man’s words. He acts out rather than expresses his feelings, fulfills his promises, and spends what time he can with her for the sake of nothing else. He looks to her for confirmation, comfort, and companionship. He works harder outside the home to fulfill his manly role of provider and protector. His devotion shines from what he does for her, even though his affectionate words will be more scarce than she likes.

Summary. Being cherished as by father can’t be duplicated by a man worth keeping. Commitment too strongly favors a man over her. Practical living confirms devotion as essential to the females’ preferred domestic life.

439. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 12

Dear Daughter: More nuggets for review.

♦ The earlier in life the better to teach males about romance. This makes teen girls critical in the development of romantic men. [8]

♦ Shapeless and excessively covered boobs shift manly focus to other women. [12]

♦ Romantic love, mostly based on infatuation and lust, does not require a man’s respect. Moreover, romantic love fades after a year or two. [7]

♦ Morality serves women, but men don’t need it. Mothers and other females must see that boys and men live within the moral expectations of women, or male dominance gets out of hand. [18]

♦ Men with a wounded spirit work harder to recover and do better. Women with a wounded spirit seek someone to nurse away their hurt. [4]

♦ Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s beating out all those other guys. [7]

♦ Love to a man means showing respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does, and that’s what he expects from a woman. [4]

♦ Love to a woman means showing attention and affection, and that’s what she expects of a man. [4]

♦ If she duplicates masculine-style sexual freedom, it makes her the subordinate player in a man’s game. [12]

♦ Hunter-conquerors highly value difficult targets. This makes hardtoget work. [8]

♦ Feminism demeans masculinity to get what women want. Femininity uplifts and honors manliness to get what women need. [1]

438. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 21

♣ She may think it will work, but chasing a guy is unnatural. The male nature responds by taking advantage of her self-induced vulnerability. 

♣ She’s in charge. It’s more than a hiccup, if enduring love has not arisen and stabilized when the infatuation and lust of romantic love fades in a year or two.

♣ The soft-headed woman ignorantly thinks that removing the mystery and disclosing her sexual history makes a man appreciate her. Actually, it provides him ammunition for later squabbles.

♣ If she fails to add to his sense of importance and significance, she’s temporary.

♣ She steals a woman’s husband or boyfriend and expects that it will not happen to her.

♣ Females act desperate to have a boyfriend, compulsive to keep one, and dress sloppily to show independence. It all comes across as very unimpressive for much beyond sex. 

♣ Women change after marriage, but men don’t. He resists her attempts to change him and resents her changing from the woman he married. She resents both his resistance and resentment.

416. Toxic Love

Life is the game, love is the trophy. Life has ‘rules’, but love works well without restraints, restrictions, and rules but most of all without competition.

Men expect to compete with men. They dislike competing with women and will not do it long with their own. They discourage easily, because the male nature is made to compete with men.

Men don’t love competitors, but they do find them companionable. So, early marital stages can go well. But with a competitive woman, a man learns quickly that he can never measure up; she always finds a way to win. She overrides or demeans his decisions in domains he considers his own.

A competing wife prevents her man from getting to deep and abiding love for her. She short-circuits his heart strings. She makes their relationship a rivalry, and he loses interest in being responsible. With a weakened sense of responsibility for his domain, his love for her doesn’t grow into the enduring kind that lasts.  

So, he gets fed up, splits up, and looks for another woman. He expects to find the same thing, so, he’ll accept infatuation and lust as prelude to shack up but not true love so essential for successful marriage. Burned once, etc….