You girls need something to keep your mind focused throughout your teen years. Self-development is the key. You need to determine where you are going, devote yourself to it, and follow your fully-pledged heart throughout adolescence.
Let’s start with how we’re all made by God, Nature, and hormones. You can’t get too much of the basics about our opposing male and female natures.
- Boys fill their lives with ever more responsible missions throughout the teen years. They’re learning how and what builds their sense of significance. None of it includes finding a mate until very late or in adulthood. They pursue sex for its own sake, use romance to get to foreplay, and avoid commitment because it impedes pursuit.
- Girls have but one natural mission, that of finding a reliable and steadfast mate. They see the answer in romance and pursue boys in hopes of expediting the process.
- The here-and-now (aka the present) is the domain of boys. You girls ‘own’ the future as long as you don’t let boys dominate the present.* The future is your domain, your primary interest, but you have to prevent boys from convincing you otherwise.
If you don’t dominate your teen years with adult hopes and dreams as guidance, then you relinquish domination to boys. If you let it happen, you face an adult life unlike whatever you earlier hoped and dreamed it would be.
Aim at, think on, and exploit yourself on activities that keep you thinking about you instead of boys. Build your activities into dedicated habits that elevate your interests above boys and boyfriends. Dedicate yourself to several, I say again, several activities. For example, master a musical instrument, play in the band, play sports, conduct special studies, research new ideas, prep for college, prep for grad school, get involved in politics or religious activities, write essays, maintain a journal aimed at becoming a best-seller, get a job, perform community service, teach Sunday School, learn new skills, exploit your talent, sing in choir or glee club, or do something else that you can pursue with adult-like dedication.**
One aim of such personal development should be to inject intensity and build self-confidence into your life outside of the boy arena. That is, boys not only don’t come first, they have to honor your obligations just to associate with you. They have to make themselves worthy of you, rather than the other way around. If you make that your habitual way of dealing with boys, you’ll have little trouble dealing with men after departing adolescence.
Pursuing such personal development habits breathes maturity into your life. It keeps you looking ahead to see where you’re likely to end up. On the flip side, focusing on boys and following a boyfriend’s lead stunts your emotional growth and shrinks your maturing process.
Creating several developmental habits won’t keep your mind off boys, but it helps keep your feet on the ground. Your mind will be preoccupied away from the imagined heaven but actual sinkhole of teen romance, infatuation, and out-competing girlfriends for boys. Pledge your heart to yourself more than to any boyfriend, and you will slide more confidently and successfully into adulthood.
*Once you become a wife, the sentence applies in reverse. Wives ‘own’ the future as long as they DO enable husbands to dominate the present.
**My favorite for turning boys into mature men is Eagle Scouting. The ultimate skill for both sexes is playing piano, which I consider the greatest skill humans can develop. If you haven’t started, don’t wait. Aging smothers the ability to master complex skills and exploit one’s talent.