1591. Faith

Faith knows no vacuum; it’s always full. Faith based primarily on humans and humanity serves those with the most strengths and inevitably centralizes in powerful men. Faith based on a supreme being induces people to rise above themselves and persuades men to more deliberately and dearly respect women and children.

If a single man believes and faithfully follows Jesus Christ, Mr. Good Enough morphs easily into Mr. Promising. I understand many Christian single men don’t lead very Christian lives. Their lives lack the presence and influence of a very Christian wife (as opposed to a woman). Christian bachelors deserve more credit than they seem to earn. Faith in Christ tops all else for guiding and enabling men to respect women and children and potentially devote themselves to helping fulfill female hopes and dreams.

If not full of Jesus Christ whose standards are perfect and expectations command respect for others, then husbands live up to self-centered emotions and beliefs that are not pleasing to women and children. Specifically, less than ideal and often less than admirable expectations generated by narcissism, self-absorption, selfishness, self-hatred, self-loathing, cultism, ideology, religion, rule of man, witchcraft, sports, adventurism, sex, pop culture, adolescence, or absolute inferiority of females.

Lapsed faith isn’t the same as no faith, which should inspire single women to pry, question, and screen for the difference in early dates and emerging courtships. Good men don’t have to be great Christians; they just have to keep trying.

1441. Guy’s Second Favorite Post

Her Highness Honora asked what my second favorite post might be. Thinking about it taught me quickly that I have many favorites. Usually the latest post seems better than its predecessors. However, I reviewed my decision process. My #1 favorite was chosen as the most important to improve a woman’s importance in her world. So, following that preference, I expanded my favorite with this as my second favorite. See if you give it comparable esteem.

——————

If I could advise every woman in the world, it would be this: Read, study, and implement and then re-study, reinforce, and re-implement the suggestions in article #806 (plus 1143 and 1146). Nothing else better prepares a woman to seize the day and shape it to her favor. She can use the mirror to become more highly effective at turning daily miseries into happier days. She starts the day happy with herself, which at most empowers and at least enables her to shape herself mentally, physically, and spiritually into the important and worthy person she longs to be.

Proving her prettiness during mirror time, however, just sets the stage for the day. She then becomes what else she symbolizes. Does she know this? Can she live with it? Both society and culture are built upon subtle judgments based on sex differences and individual personal exceptions. Her external choices shape her internal character and determine her long range success.

She feeds her ‘emotional metabolism’ with her choices. How she chooses to reflect herself outwardly, she soon becomes that way internally—and vice versa. The prettier she appears, the prettier she acts—and vice versa. The more confident she acts, the more self-confidence she generates—and vice versa. The more morally upright she projects herself, the more worthy she becomes in her mind—and vice versa. The more she acts as an ideal role model, the more others model themselves after her—and vice versa.

The more she acts fearlessly, the less fear freezes her actions—and vice versa. The more respectful of others she acts as a woman, the more she respects herself as a person—and vice versa. The more class she exudes, the classier she becomes in her value system—and vice versa. The happier she appears, the more attractive she becomes to men—and vice versa. The more joy she reveals, the more hope she generates—and vice versa.

The more generous her spirit, the more others want to help her—and vice versa. The more personal goodness she displays, the more others mind their manners around her—and vice versa. The more without comment she idealizes faithful dependence, the less men want to be undependable to her in return—and vice versa. The more modest and neater she appears physically, the more feminine her outlook—and vice versa. The less she reminds others or appears as a sex object, the more worthy she becomes as a person—and vice versa.

The more patience she displays, the gentler she becomes as both person and woman—and vice versa. The more easily she puts ‘him’ before ‘me’, the more easily he accepts ‘us’ before ‘her’—and vice versa. The more she appears dependent in all things instead of nagging him about a few, the more easily he finds respect and gratitude residing in her spirit—and vice versa. The more submissive she appears to be, the less dominance he has to display—and vice versa. The more she symbolizes chasteness, the easier to hold would-be conquerors at bay—and vice versa.

The more sincerely she can smile in tight situations, the more influence she has to improve on whatever happens or rearrange what is about to happen—and vice versa. The more mirthful she appears as a person, the more feminine she appears as a woman—and vice versa. The less she whines about minor things, the less likely she sours a situation or event—and vice versa. The easier she finds it to forgive, the easier she finds it to forget—and vice versa. The more she leads by example rather than continuous chatter, the more effectively she leads men—and vice versa.

Finally, and perhaps the most important choices she can make. The more she loves people as persons, the more capable she becomes of loving one man to the utmost—and vice versa. The more she patterns her love of others after Christian ideals, the more she can love herself—and vice versa. The more she turns her heart to follow Jesus Christ, the more easily she can overcome and recover from whatever turmoil arises in her life—but NOT vice versa this time.

Proof-reading shows me that I’m right. My second favorite is my latest—and vice versa.

 

1277. Adolescent to Adult — Part C

This series aims at morphing a young woman from adolescence into mature adulthood. Yesterday’s post was devoted to the mental side of self-image, one’s picture of Self. Today, we focus on one’s appearance.

“To change a habit, make a conscious decision, then act out the new behavior.” (Maxwell Maltz)

Upgrade and reinforce your daily appearance and you change your habits. Dress for success and become more successful. For example, dress for capturing a man, keeping a man, getting a better job, earning more respect, or just to feel better about yourself and success will follow. No guarantees but odds dramatically favor you. Dress more maturely and adult-like and you leave adolescent habits behind without much effort. Details follow.

Your Appearance. Many people prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change. If you’re like those people, you won’t like what follows here.

• Plan and slowly and step by step do a personal and private makeover. Don’t appear radical. Stay within common boundaries especially the classier aspects of society.
• To believe something new about yourself, use these steps: Repeatedly until it becomes habitual, act the way you want to believe about yourself. If you want to be cuter, dress and groom that way. If you want be prettier, spend more time at the mirror. If you want a new job, do better at the one you have. If you want to capture a good man, practice figuring out the character and integrity of men. If you want the courage to change your beliefs, act as if you already have it. Give yourself at least ninety days to become what you want to believe. If not there, continue. You can become who you want to be but it takes courage and dedication to your hopes and dreams.  
• Work daily before a mirror to make yourself prettier as an adult, more femininely important as an adult, and more attractive in your eyes as an adult. Commit to at least a half-hour a day before your main mirror. At first just speculate and experiment with thoughts and grooming tools that might work for you. Then, practice improving on making you prettier for you. Then, prettier and prettier to and just for you. Self-talk prevents becoming satisfied too soon, as you’ll see in tomorrow’s article. (Also, you can learn more at the Mirror Time series at 563 and 564).
• Since you believe in yourself, you need no other opinion than God’s and those you form before your mirror-friend. Expect to make mistakes and forgive yourself. Be proud of each recovery. (If you don’t believe in yourself, turn your life over to Jesus Christ and He will lift you from that misery.)
• Make yourself appear classier than your peers but not too much and never toward radical. If you feel prouder of yourself and envy other females much less than before, you’re on the right track. If girlfriends envy and friends and family admire you, you’re on the right track. But don’t quit. You have much more potential than you credit yourself.   
• Each day review what you did well and reinforce those things in your bundle of convictions about yourself. Record it in a journal. Forget what others did or said. Focus just on you and especially your feminine sensibilities. Also identify those things at which you lack skills, aptitude, or interest. Decide ahead of time that you will avoid those things in the future. Either bow out or walk away when your sensibilities are offended.     
• Others will form their own opinions based on how they see you. You can help shape their opinions by making yourself more attractive in your own eyes. Appear more attractive and you act that way. Act that way and receive much more attention. You need more attention from others if you hope to fulfill your hopes and dreams.
• Finally, the Boob Language series at CONTENTS has many guidelines and precautions about dressing oneself more attractively for men.  

This series continues to grow. Much courage for upgrading oneself from adolescent to adult is also available by working with one’s self-talk, self-esteem, self-interest, and use of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Those subjects continue tomorrow.

1033. Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. — #22

• If you look for reasons to be tired, you will find them. If you look for new energy, you will also find it. (Morning coffee helps, doesn’t it?)
• If you find and live up to Jesus Christ, you’ll also find your world living up to your expectations.
• You don’t have to be old to be ‘old school’.
• More easily than with men, females tend to believe whatever they perceive and personal perceptions often differ from objective facts. Thus, truth and reality easily become clouded with female hopes, dreams, and wishes. For example, females too wishfully accept a man’s words about commitment. They too easily ignore a man’s actions that show lack of devotion.
• Virtual virginity is a gigantic barricade that protects women. Let him break it down, and she only wins if he’s already devoted to her.
• Virtual virginity enables females to keep past mistakes to themselves. A female’s mistakes reveal weaknesses about which conquerors take advantage.
• Refusing to disclose her sexual history reinforces virtual virginity and vice versa.

More next week.

785. Favored Quotes — Collection 7

• “Approval seeking isn’t attractive behavior – men are doing us a favor by ignoring it. It kills our mystery.” (LB from 718)
•  “[T]o be shown respect I must show respect.” (Keith at Author page)
• “I dated and married him before I was a Christian, and had premarital sex with him, so I don’t believe he ever respected me. In fact, he never trusted me even though I was faithful to our marriage. Funny how that works.” (Princess Princess at 708)
•  “I don’t know who wrote it, but I love this quote and believe it may also answer [Sunny’s] question: ‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.’” (Sharon at 719 and I use it elsewhere)
• [N]o matter how hard things got financially I couldn’t leave my babies.…My husband’s job was to make the living and mine was (and is) to make life worth living and I didn’t wait for him to make the living to make a joyful, welcoming home for him and our children. (Jill F. at 746)
• And when a woman is happy and contented rather than stressed and overworked, the family will be happier, in spite of the lack of luxuries… (Ladylike at 757)

731. Self-esteem, -image, and -interest: Self-image V

What follows is the toughest part for understanding this series: When one’s self-image makes one like oneself, why isn’t that self-esteem?

Self-image

We like and appreciate ourselves daily. Some victory, accomplishment, or memory generates feelings of elation and appreciation for whom and what we are. We temporarily have a good picture of ourselves.

We also dislike and feel bad about ourselves daily. Some incident or memory triggers feelings of dissatisfaction, doubt, and guilt about whom and what we are. We temporarily have a negative image of ourselves, and we’re glad when it doesn’t develop into a picture viewable by others.

Both the daily ups and downs are temporary and based on our conscious thoughts. They remain part of our self-image; they’re merely several of the pixels* that light up or dim when cued by an incident or memory.

Our current self-image includes the ups and downs of daily life; they’re temporary and easily changed. In fact they’re as changeable as the various environments we pass through each day: work, mealtime, travel, home, entertainment, relaxation, waking up in the morning.

We work diligently to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. We primarily do it with accomplishments (males), associations (females), and lessons learned. That is, we work constantly to generate a better picture of ourselves in our mind’s eye. Self-image develops throughout life.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is already developed and operates in background. It’s the subliminal super-opinion one has of Self that the daily ups and downs of self-image don’t change.

Perhaps you love yourself regardless of what happens. Perhaps you hate yourself regardless. Or, more likely, you’re somewhere in between and neither hate nor love yourself. But you have a definite sense of your overall worth as a person—e.g., good, adequate, inadequate, bad, average, better than acceptable. It’s yours for life, because your brain was wired that way in infancy.

This sense of one’s worth in and to the world doesn’t change, but it can be replaced by a new super-opinion of yourself. Committing one’s life to Jesus Christ immediately smothers one’s faults, defects, and demons with a soothing blanket of His love. Living such a life heals the discomforts of self-loathing and even self-hatred.

Self-interest

Self-interest concludes this series tomorrow with #732. An examination of wrongheadedness about self-esteem follows with 734 – Adult Mistakes due to post Saturday am.

* Pixel: A tiny dot of light that is the basic unit from which computer and TV screens are made and pictures built.

655. Good News to Lift Female Blues — Part I

WWNH includes the benefits of the majority living the good Christian life. What’s in female hearts counts for most of the goodness in society.

• The Christian’s heart is softer for both women, who are naturally soft-hearted, and men who are naturally hard-hearted. Christian beliefs make both sexes more considerate of others, especially females, children, and mates.
• God loves us, when no one else does. By lifting him as the ultimate, we’re always loved regardless, and loved better than any mortal can love us. It’s our fallback position when others disappoint us.
• Love, devotion, and commitment are always unequal between giver and receiver. But Jesus Christ receives less than he gives, and we receive more than we give.
• Faith has no vacuum; it’s always full. Faith in Him replaces beliefs that are not always helpful for living with others or even oneself.
• We Christians know ourselves to be better than we deserve, which breathes gratitude into whom we are, and happiness follows gratefulness.
• Being saved by the grace of God, we’re as valuable to ourselves as we need to be. Sensing ourselves valuable in His eyes energizes our goodness, and we need little more than that to remain faithful.

622. Recovery for Wives — Part 5

WWNH: Working on her inner self will be more productive than trying to improve husband. She can surround him with an improved HER.

One regular reader said, “My boyfriend told me ‘I’ve been sweeter lately’. That’s a pretty big deal. I’m so excited he noticed.” Sweeter means her attitude shined more brightly in ways that he appreciated. Right?

How did her attitude change? I don’t know about the reader specifically, but women can sweeten their attitude by changing their view of their Self. Men have no natural drive toward being sweet, but husbands can sweeten their attitude by associating with a sweeter person and wanting to please that person.

Women can generate a lot of ‘sweetness’ easily, but men won’t or don’t see it as strength for them. I cite four ways to make herself sweeter for herself and husband.

• She likes herself better as a person; she decides and reinforces all by herself that she’s more valuable to herself than she’s accustomed to thinking. (Reading this blog helps.)
• She pictures herself as a better female, woman, help-mate, lover, encourager, and wife. When her shortcomings come to mind, she imagines they’re fading and will soon be gone, and then reinforces how much better she is now than she used to be. (Again, I send Einstein to the rescue: “Imagination [of what you can be] is more important than knowledge [of whatever you are].”)
• She becomes more dedicated to caring for husband and making their life better together. She accepts responsibility to do the work without expecting compensation or recognition. (After all, it’s her marriage to maintain, since men don’t think relationships need maintenance. Also, for example, sweetness, lightness, and playfulness can reshape a relationship without getting the man directly involved.)
• Or, there’s a simpler and easier way: Invite Jesus Christ into her heart. This automatically does all of the above plus a whole lot more. It costs nothing and the payoffs never end.

On that promise of earthly blessings and heavenly bliss, I end this series and pray that it helps those in need of recovery for their marriage.