1846. Sex Difference Redux—Part 89: Where Love Begins—05

Romantic love begins in his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. Ingredients that require harmonizing in your relationship continue with another ten soundbytes.

41. You expect frequent gifts and signs of his giving heart to symbolize your man’s affection and, hopefully, unconditional love. He expects frequent appreciation and unconditional respect as signs of your dependence on him.

42. Your man expects the privilege of doing many things that do not necessarily concern you. You expect him to do things almost exclusively for and preferably with you and your children. Your expectations clash easily; he lacks your ability to harmonize those often-conflicting expectations.

43. You envy his freedom from family and you’re jealous when he exploits it. His nature doesn’t inspire him to think much about your lack of freedom from the kids. It’s another example of clashing expectations for which you’re better equipped to harmonize.

44. Your man respects and consequently falls prey to the mysterious, to what he can’t have, can’t earn, and can’t master—such as female modesty or a chaste female. You are more pragmatic, which inspires you to take advantage of such masculine uniqueness.

45. You tie love and sex together but consider love more important. Your man perceives it differently. Sex is a necessity but love is unessential. He accepts the combined results, because they have a pleasurable and anxiety-quieting effect on him, which produces a taming effect of him for her.

46. Your hard-headedness captures your man by charming, coaxing, and wheedling him away from his habit of trying to dominate you excessively. Your soft-heartedness keeps him.

47. Your love emanates from emotional connections with your own life and into which some attractive man enters. Your man’s love arises proportional to his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect for one woman particularly.

48. Conquest changes your man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for you. Marriage changes you. Your new husband can be made better, and you’re just the one to improve him.

49. Dealing with the opposite sex, your man’s natural strength lies with directness and your best choice, tactic, and strength lies with indirectness.

50. You naturally dominate the future because your greatest need is for it to be brighter. Your man naturally dominates the present because of his interest in efficiency, effectiveness, competition, and results. (Male-dominated religions reject those natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture frees up and enables women to exploit those sex-unique forces of Nature to the advantage of women and children.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 50 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

728. Gender Differences Revisited — Group I

1. Conquest changes a man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for that woman. Marriage changes a woman. Her husband can be made better, and she’s the one to improve him.
2. Dealing with the opposite sex, a man’s strength lies with directness and a woman’s with indirectness.
3. Men naturally dominate the present in both society and workplace. Women naturally dominate the future in both home and culture. (Male-dominated religions reject these natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture enables women to exploit these forces of Nature.)
4. Females specialize in loving others, but men specialize at something else.
5. Girls teach boys the requirements and finer details of dealing with females. Or boys learn to be guided by their hurricane of hormonal impulses even into adult life.
6. Girls dream about the right man and building a life together. Boys dream about doing things when they grow up, and a mate sometimes fills the background.
7. Men are impressed by what they see. Women are impressed by what they hear.
8. Women need affection, men don’t, and so men are weak at providing it. Men need respect, women don’t, and so women are weak at providing it.

617. Women Dominate Our Culture.

This post is dedicated to Her Highness Tryin2understandurside. She asked me to explain this statement: “Men dominate society or WHAT people do, and women dominate culture or WHY people do what they do.” Her request triggered this and the previous post, 616. 

WWNH: Whether for good or bad, women dominate the values that determine our culture, and this determines how people act in home and society. 

• Women enjoy near-matriarchal power, when they maximize their influence over men by using indirect methods that keep females out of male faces but under the protective armor of one man. Specific techniques and customs empower wives to indirectly and patiently impose and spread moral, religious, and other female friendly values, standards, and expectations.
• Moral and religious for three reasons: (1) Certain beliefs energize people to live up to something larger than their selves. (2) Morality and religion appeal to and serve females to a much greater extent than males. (3) Women that live by high moral standards and religious expectations automatically earn masculine respect and can seldom be found wrong; radicals, phonies, and manipulators excluded of course.
• Husbands advance their family’s lifestyle, the quantity end of family responsibility. Men are into actions and results, and this transmutes their interests toward quantity. But women are the driving force behind quality of life. Women are into processes, which pushes them to focus on quality by setting standards and blending mutual expectations, especially in relationships. 
• Wives insist, promote, and supervise husbands to implement values important to women and children, for example, brighten the family’s future. Husbands do the work directly, which enables them to dominate society, but they do so gradually but ultimately under the indirect influence of their wives. The fewer the wives, the less influence Womanhood has over the male gender.
• People change WHAT they do according to how females use their sexual assets.  Individual females change to whatever suits their self-interest according to their belief, situation, and custom. Men change to have frequent and convenient access to sex, whatever that takes to please one or more females. Consequently, when men have to please women for more than sex just to get sex, they tend to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Or, as in the last few decades, men don’t respond well to helping. Nevertheless, women remain firmly in charge of WHY people do what they do in society.
• Women lay the ground rules for social interaction. If women have low or no standards up to which men must step, then women weaken their capability to individually influence men or a man.

It’s our Judeo-Christian value system that endows women with this magnificent power. Women elsewhere are not so fortunate.

For example, in Arab and some Muslim societies, females lack cultural influence, because sex is used against them. Arab men claim that females are the oversexed gender, not males. They confirm and reinforce the untruth with actions. Men justify their own unfaithfulness by claiming irresistible seduction. They make rape victims produce four witnesses to actual penetration to prove rape. Men kill sisters and daughters that dishonor the family by committing adultery or having unmarried sex. Aunts and grannies circumcise young girls to ‘kill’ their supposed excess libido. Actions based on a single untruth thus paralyze and kill female influence with blame.

In the end, the culture you get is the culture you got from ancestors. American Womanhood inherited an advantage not recognized by modern females. Yet, they still dominate our culture because of political and religious riches of the past.

451. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 13

Dear Daughter: You may have missed some of these.

Ø For a man’s total admiration, marriage is the only truly forgettable reason for her having had sex with another man—and maybe not even marriage. [7]

Ø Greater potential exists for building home and family, when she shapes her man’s role with cooperative indirectness rather than competitive directness. [8]

Ø Sealing male friendships with sex cuckolds her man every time he sees one of her male friends, whether she actually did it or not. [7]  

Ø Mothers civilize and domesticate boys. Chaste girls tame and teach testosterone terrors to honor female expectations. Grateful wives finish the process of making great husbands. Otherwise, men disappoint women. [18]

Ø Men need no lessons for ‘wham, bam, thank you, mam’. They learn how to treat a woman differently by being rejected for sex by girls and other women before the present one. [18]

Ø In our Judeo-Christian culture, men naturally dominate the present in both society and workplace. [8]

Ø In our Judeo-Christian culture, women intuitively dominate the future in both home and culture. [8]

Ø Her appearance and attitude determine whether the hunter-conqueror plans for a short or long campaign. She falls behind when he concludes short. [12]

Ø Hardtoget keeps her in charge and puts men on the defensive. It forces each man to prove his worth to her, if he chooses to pursue. [7]

Ø Forgive mistakes and forget imperfections, especially your own. Else, they eat into you, and you digest them into bitterness. [11]

304. Lifelong husbands—made, not born — Part I

Many complications muck up lifelong marriages in modern America. Five follow.

1.     The wisdom of the ages is lost. Women can’t learn from their moms, because their moms didn’t listen to their moms. It exploded four decades ago. Girls and young women rebelled and spouted slogans with revolutionary zeal: Don’t listen to anyone over thirty, Down with authority, Distrust parents, Ignore authority figures. We’re several generations deep now with women shaping their lives around these adolescent values. What one generation allows, the next practices.

2.     Men do whatever they have to do to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Because many women provide unmarried sex, men are encouraged not to swap independence for responsibility.

3.     The feminine nature presented with pride and charm appeals and turns men ON for female influence about helping fulfill a woman’s hopes and dreams. Our forefathers followed that model. But not modern men. Feminist politics, theory, and dogma turn men OFF for yielding masculine independence.  

4.     Men seek justice. Women seek equality. As women seek greater equality with men, they give up justice. The PC crowd—political correctioneers— destroy justice. PCers and feminists disconnect females from male empathy and sympathy. They reject the separate but equal roles that family life requires for mutual respect, harmony, success, and longevity.

5.     Morality serves women more than men. Women can use it, men don’t need it. Our Judeo-Christian cultural heritage serves women even better. It goes beyond morals to guide men and women into separate but equal roles in home and society. However, ideologies such as humanism, secularism, relativism, and elitism replace morality and religion with values that expand male dominance, serve males over females, and throw away what’s best for families.*

* See the Worldviews page for more about these ‘isms’.

238. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes — Part 3

        Patriarchy is natural. Throughout history no matriarchy ever arose, but our American foremothers came closest. Our forebears converted and integrated immigrant patriarchies into a female-friendly, family-centered society.

Our Judeo-Christian value system empowered husbands to dominate workplace and society and enabled wives to dominate home and culture. This empowered our foremothers to promote manly significance and indirectly shape the future without violating the natural dominance of men.

Single men were minor players in cultural development, because most men married or sought marriage. Single women adopted, upheld, and even uplifted the virtues of Womanhood as spreader of all that is good.

Husbands fulfilled wifely expectations for a more civilized life. They tamed Nature, built wealth, managed single male excesses, observed rule of law, customized family-friendliness, and brightened the future for children.

Our American foremothers knew themselves and the male nature; they honored and exploited both. They pursued separate but equal genders.

Generation after generation made the USA more female-friendly. More law and order, security, generosity, compassion, wealth accumulation. Less male aggression, abuse, violence. Greater individual responsibility for family, fathering, husbanding.     

Women harnessed masculine energies to favor female-friendly and family-centered life. Without such wifely leadership, men don’t settle down to help women fulfill female hopes and dreams. As women go, so goes society.

Our foremothers never let up. Mothers tamed boys, girls civilized teen boys, and wives domesticated husbands. And that’s missing today.

[More on old school America appears in posts 218 and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

139. Politically incorrect: The essence of family

Our Judeo-Christian culture over several centuries has taught this: Three separate and distinct roles provide the greatest insurance for family success. He’s the head, and she’s both neck and heart.

The head is the ultimate authority, responsible for the toughest decisions, and accountable for failures. Ill-equipped to manage family relationships directly, he contributes best when he’s focused on outside influences, opportunities, efforts, and what he does best: producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving.

The neck keeps the head turned and focused on whatever does or will brighten the family’s future. The neck points the head at desirable outcomes that  please the heart and everyone else including the head. While the head governs the present, the neck governs the long run and shapes the future.

The heart overcomes the harshness of daily life, energizes the head, molds family spirit, and shapes character of infants and toddlers. The heart lathers family members with love, joy, gratefulness, and, most importantly, hope. It also keeps the neck (herself) inspired to keep the head on track.

The head can perform neck but not heart functions and still render the wisest and most beneficial decisions. Too much emotional involvement and conflict exists for him to excel.

If she doesn’t crown him as family king, she inherits the head role also. Many women reject on feminist principle the crowning of their former prince as king. They usurp his role, and then find themselves dumped and unable to do what a good man can do.

One final obligation: The kids between toddlerhood and puberty will be absorbing their values from heroes. Either head, neck, or heart or all three should apply and qualify themselves for the job. Otherwise, kids will learn to imitate outsiders and anticipate doing the same from teen peers a few years hence.

Single moms: Oh, what it might have been?

AGM note: Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the head-turned-by-neck analogy. It’s from her flick, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

103. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 6

We have heard for years that men are irresponsible, inadequate, and dysfunctional at helping fulfill female dreams. This post looks closer at it.

• Women are not ignorant about men, but much of what they know is wrong. Consequently, their natural relationship expertise weakens. Anticipating the behavior of men becomes error-filled, and women make too many mistakes dealing with their man.
•  Dominant people get more so when challenged. In the modern home men grow frustrated and angry. Their dominance strengthens, and it fertilizes their natural reluctance to stay long with one woman.
• The end result of masculine-style sexual freedom for women is this: Men become more adroit at sexual hit and run, and women gain more experience living life as ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, -wife.
• The more that females exploit their youth, beauty, and sexual assets to attract men, the more easily and certainly men will be lured away from their present girlfriend, lover, live in, wife.
• To follow social trends for greater sexual freedom, women drop the old school importance of fidelity to please their man. Females pursuing equal rights in unfaithfulness merely redouble the masculine effort to maintain inequality.
• Modern women compete with their man, and they usually lose. Women are endowed with a cooperative spirit, men with a competitive one. Men know the difference, guard their turf aggressively, and not just assertively.
• To loosen their conscience as governor of the soul, women discard Judeo-Christian morality. They give up old school respectability that civilizes and domesticates males. They live by new school moral relativism that breeds abuse and violence of men and women against others.
• To loosen up moral values, feminists several decades ago killed the social construct of the Lady. The death of gentlemanly respect and courtesies followed soon thereafter. Now, women bitch that men don’t act gentlemanly.  
• Wives blame husbands for female miseries and fail to consider what she may have contributed. Feminists defend her as ‘inexperienced’.
• Women insist on equal sharing of housekeeping and childcare responsibilities. The best intentions to equalize workload weakens mutual devotion, because sustaining equality is both impossible and friction-causing.