Tag Archives: love

2026. Likeability — Part II


Better than love, I like another term that makes both sexes more comfortable in marital problem solving—likeability. Keeping a constant but mostly silent watch on mutual likeability enables women to more easily detect and retune disharmony before major problems erupt. And so, I aim this short series at relationship experts who hope to improve their techniques.

As the gauge of marital compatibility, women usually use ‘love’ with all its variances and connections. They start thinking he doesn’t love me anymore or similar thoughts with accusations often included. It focuses her thinking on blaming him without provoking any self-talk about her involvement, as if she’s either innocent or free of blame. It’s a natural response; she never intended to do anything that would cause his unlikeable behavior, disruptive attitude, lessened interest, or weaker love. However, blame immediately diverts both their attentions away from minor and toward bigger and more blame-worthy issues and accusations.

Each spouse’s likeability determines the extent to which the other wants to be in their presence, enjoy their company, live together permanently. It’s the magnet of friendliness, kindness, and companionship. The enjoyment of just being around the other. Wives have to sacrifice much of it after marriage. Natural motivational forces energize husbands to forego much of the intimate togetherness that wives wish or crave.

Her likeability is built on the foundation of who she was when he waited at the altar. Courtship taught him the meaning of her presence in his life. As she grows (or wilts) out of that persona, her likeability declines. His respect and love of her may go up, but it does not follow that her likeability will also. Respect and love have different roots; her likeability is rooted in their courtship and the promise he perceived in her as his supporter and junior partner for his workaday life.

Her man’s likeability is rooted in her dreams of how she will shape their married life. Her dreams, however, don’t include a full understanding of his nature. His marital responsibility, job obligation, ambition, and primal urge to accomplish things push him to yield the enjoyment of her presence in favor of his many missions in life. When he falls from grace as part of her dreams, his likeability declines.

I propose a new set of thoughts to overcome her natural but unproductive response dealing with it as a love issue. Constantly but quietly weigh their relationship in terms of self, matching, and mutual likeability. Keep tabs on it for him, her, and us. Don’t constantly focus on the big things for which she naturally worries such as love, finances, or sex. Become more aware of the little things that rattle their cage of reciprocal likeability.

For example, she’s teed off at his laziness because her honey-do list grows longer. How does her reaction to that conclusion make her appear likeable or unlikeable to him? Would she have reacted that way during courtship? She can read his reaction to however she expresses her dissatisfaction. In his view, do her words and attitude make her more or less likeable? Given her mood, does he enjoy her presence?

I believe that signs of one liking the other are better indicators both of love and of disturbances in their relationship. Discrepancies are easier to see, harder to defend, and less accusatory when kept at a simpler level than the complexities of understanding mutual love. Moreover, it encourages relationship experts to take advantage of this fundamental principle of life: One is never wrong who takes the blame so that others avoid it.

For example: She turns careless and sloppy about her appearance soon after marriage. Or, her cooking turns from prepared at home to carry-out. Or, she insults him in front of others. Or she fails on her promises. He expects her not to change from whom he married but she does, so he’s not at fault. He takes offense—silently. He has no relationship management skills. Unsure of what to do, he weighs the expected consequences and finds her less likeable. However, she reads the silence in him and is enabled to inquire as if she is to blame, which is the tactic that causes him to open up. She can open discussion by asking questions that harbor no blame. Presuming to take the blame for whatever has happened, she learns what’s bothering him. Out of that, she can figure out what she wants to do about it.

For example: He starts working longer hours when it appears unnecessary from her view. Or, he flirts with other women in front of her. Or, he quit taking care of and keeping her car washed. Before she accuses him of something concocted in her imagination—he doesn’t love her anymore or he’s having an affair—she presumes that she’s less likeable for some reason. And so she inquires. Honey, have I been pleasing you enough lately? Are you displeased with me? Do I provide what you need when you need it? How can I do more for you? Fix meals more closely aligned with your schedule? Greet you after work in my nightie? Fix your breakfast before I go to church? Keep the kids quieter while you study? Let you sleep longer on the weekends? Take aspirin before bedtime?

When romantic or enduring love starts to fade in the eyes of either spouse, suspicions arise, faultfinding emerges, and mutual appreciation becomes un-mutual. Potholes appear in his road to marital satisfaction. Her road to happiness narrows, needs repairs, and the detours re-route her. On the other hand, likeability is far less volatile as subject of discussion and therefore less disruptive and more easily addressed without blame attached.

Battling over whether one’s love is sufficient for the other induces just blame and excuses. Operating as if likeability is the primary glue reduces problems instead of growing them. Small problems are more easily resolved peaceably. Relationship harmony is more easily maintained.

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NOTE: Ladies, this is a new subject that I have been working on for some time. I’m confident about the concept and process but less so about the clarity and completeness of the series. You can help me present more or a better view by questioning/challenging specific points to which I can rebut and elaborate. IOW do what you do best and works best for me. Thanks for the help or even thoughtful consideration. Guy

 

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1995. Self-gratitude — Her Angelic Presence


She loves others and is grateful for some. She fails to appreciate, love, and be grateful enough for herself. She envies the best in others, but fails to look for and find it in herself. Internal pressures cause it. It seems unfortunate, but it’s not. It’s a natural defense against overextending herself. It prevents female expressions of dominance that can be rightfully claimed by the natural superiority of her sex, but which inevitably run into the superior and thus highly respected physical strength of males. In short, her naturally enforced accommodation with her nature helps bring balance to mating.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love yourself more, but that you should love yourself specifically for your superior qualities and abilities and not your desire to impose your will on others. See the difference? You benefit when your superior spirit and admirable character float in the view of others without demanding they do your bidding. They see your participation in their lives as so routinely important that you’re neither questioned nor challenged. Your presence is enough to cause self-gratitude to grow in the hearts of family members, but the taproot is your own self-gratitude.

Always deserving of more affection than you receive, you’re needful of a strong sense of importance more than affection. You make yourself important and leave to others to sense the need to show you affection. It enables you to live with the A.D.D that afflicts both you and your man. Nevertheless, with almost angelic composure, low expectations for yourself enable you to set and dominate the values, standards, and expectations of home and family. In that lays practical confirmation of the self-gratitude that you can absorb while privately seated before dresser mirror. And therein lays the reason for the poet’s claim, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” [William Ross Wallace]

 

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1983. Compatibility Axioms #441 — Relationship Malpractice


441. The big things don’t hold a man, such as sex, feeding, love, likeability, respect, devotion. The accumulation of little malpractices causes his interests in her to seep away through cracks she causes with disrespectful and ungrateful incidents. Such as:

  • He never measures up to her expectations that are so heavily weighted down with feminist theory and dogma. [150]
  • She values the feminine-like side of his personality more than his masculine persona. Being thoughtful, pleasant, and accommodating outweighs his producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving. [150]
  • Her private time is respected. His gets interrupted. [150]
  • She supervises the Honey-do list so closely as to be offensive. [150]
  • She corrects him as if scolding a child. [150]
  • She dislikes and tries to correct his masculine expressions and manliness. [150]
  • She interferes with his way of doing things, as if he isn’t handy and needs her input for everything. [150]
  • She excuses her frequent criticism by calling it ‘constructive’. [150]
  • She shows signs that she appreciates him, but only when things go her way. [164]
  • She makes her nesting more important than his ego. For example, her drive for fashion in the home outweighs to a fault his desire for functionality. [164]

More to follow.

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1929. Compatibility Axioms #201-210


201. Promiscuously experienced boys make poorer adult-mates. From many round-heel and easy-pushover girls, boys learn two things. 1) Females aren’t as respectable as males. 2) Token commitment is sufficient and devotion unnecessary to capture a female.
202. The end result of masculine-style sexual freedom for women is that men become more adroit at sexual hit and run, and women gain more experience as ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-live in, and ex-wife. [103]
203. As male dominance is challenged in the home, it strengthens and fertilizes the man’s natural reluctance to stay long with one woman. [103]
204. Females pursuing equal right to be unfaithful actually redouble the males’ effort to maintain and even exploit their natural dominance and sexual freedom. [103]
205. Women are endowed with a cooperative spirit, men with a competitive one. Men easily recognize the difference, guard their turf aggressively, and overpower wifely assertiveness that challenges husband’s role. [103]
206. Women need to exemplify religious morality. It can civilize, tame, and domesticate the male beast. (New school moral relativism breeds abuse and violence of men against women and children and both sexes against others.) [103]
207. Women bitch that men don’t act gentlemanly. It’s the highly valued self-respect of ladies that inspires men to act gentlemanly. (To loosen up moral values, feminists several decades ago shamed out of existence the social construct of the lady. Gentlemanly respect and courtesy faded rapidly thereafter.) [103]
208. Women insist on equal sharing of housekeeping and childcare responsibilities. The best intentions to equalize workload weaken mutual devotion, because sustaining equality is too friction-causing and impossible in the end. [103]
209. Men usually keep their love under wraps. When he expresses love, he does so through actions designed to please his love object, and it shows in spurts. [104]
210. Women express love through closeness, nurturing, and intimacy. She reveals her love frequently using words when necessary to keep the spirit moving. Also, she expects her ears to be filled frequently with his words of affection and appreciation. [104]

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1145. Favored Quotes—Collection 18


“One thing I recommend for any person in the future, if you’ve been with someone for more than a month and they haven’t changed their Facebook status to show that they are in a relationship, bail. No second chance, no hesitation, bail and never look back.” [Jim at 1136]

“Men put their self worth on what they do, which determines who they are. Women put their self worth on who they are, which determines what they do.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1139]

“Now, ‘love’ and ‘respect’ are really the same thing, the “difference” between them being a matter of focus.” [Ilion at 1102] [Guy adds: The merit rests with the firmly connected spirit behind both love and respect that prompts people to give rather than take.]

“When [women] started competing with each other we stopped trusting each other, and then we looked to men to replace the influence of good female friendships.  When that didn’t work (as it doesn’t in the vast majority of cases), the women harden their hearts and become even more competitive, judgy, insensitive, entitled, and unhappy. It is my firm belief that women NEED other women for love, support, and encouragement.  We might be able to get by without it but we are not better for it.” [Violet at 1134]

“So maybe it doesn’t matter if what he does is pleasing to me. Maybe what matters is that what he does is right, and it pleases me BECAUSE it is right.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1133]

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867. Gender Differences Revisited — Group X


  • A woman’s love shows up as words and actions that reveal her affection. As she demonstrates affection and loving kindness, she becomes more loving of the object of that affection. A man’s love shows up with his producing, providing, protecting, and problem-solving for someone for whom he feels responsible. His loving actions confirm to him his love for that someone.
  • The internal forces that push a man forward—qualities such as work ethic, responsibility, rugged individualism—are comparable to the internal forces that warm a woman’s psyche such as love, affection, and intimacy.
  • Women complain about male dominance. The more a woman likes herself as a female for being female, and the more feminine she portrays herself as such, then the less she permits men to dominate her. Men learn easily to use much softer gloves with women they highly respect. And men respect friendly and feminine females that exploit their unique nature to the fullest—which excludes as a guy, man, feminist, radical, or something else.
  • In the matter of self-respect, self-worth, and self-confidence: Women expand and strengthen those qualities after they capture a boyfriend, mate, or husband. Men possess those qualities before capturing a mate, and if wife weakens them, she makes herself more burden than blessing.
  • Women disclose their feelings easily; they view very open relationships as non-threatening. Men don’t need open relationships, and they don’t disclose feelings, unless it helps accomplish something.

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800. Gender Differences Revisited — Group Q


1. Women see flattery as opportunity and take advantage to make themselves feel good. Men don’t.

2. When they demonstrate love, men are different than women. (This aspect of chromosomal XX ≠ XY disappoints women for life.)

3. When wife is the main breadwinner, husband’s significance fades. (He may be gracious and act that way, but he misses filling that role and longs for something or someone to compensate his sense of importance.)

4. When husband outshines wife in her areas of responsibility, his self-image expands proportional to her gratitude (which often fades and he often misses it). More importantly, when wife outdoes her husband in manly domains, she poisons his sense of significance.

5. Women multi-task and multi-converse, because their processing nature enables it. Men dislike and usually avoid both, because their producing nature make multi-thinking inefficient.

6. Women cohabit because they are desperate to capture or live with a man, or they seek economic advantage. Men cohabit, because she’s unworthy of marriage, he wants to keep his options open, he seeks frequent and convenient sex at low cost, it’s a cheap and friendly arrangement, or all of the above.

7. Women can turn an inadequate man into an adequate mate and vice versa. Men can turn adequate wives inadequate but not the reverse.

8. Women assess people more by character than occupation. Men lean toward the opposite.

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798. Foreplay IV — Tips Again


A few more tips lead to closing this series:

  • The later the cutoff of deepening foreplay, the greater the frustration. The greater the frustration, the less respect he holds for her, the less inclined she becomes to terminate foreplay the next time, and the closer they draw to intercourse.
  • If she measures her sense of self-worth or his worthiness for her by her passions under foreplay pressures, he’s on the road to intercourse and she will perhaps lose him later rather than sooner.
  • If he won’t respect body parts as untouchable when she seeks snuggling romance, does he respect her enough to love her? If he’s told to not touch or his wandering hands are moved, how does he react? Respectful withdrawal and restraint? Or, lack of restraint, persistence against her wishes, and disrespect?
  • If he won’t honor her decisions regarding chasteness and allow her to prevent excess temptation, will he honor her other personal decisions once they marry? Don’t count on it.
  • Foreplay is the best testing ground to prove that he’s worthy of her, to condition his thinking habits to accept her decisions. After marriage, or at least after romantic love fades in a year or two, few things will be more important to her than his respect for her opinions and decision-making.
  • Think about a lengthy courtship. Gradual expansion of foreplay easily leads to sex before marriage. However, a firm stopping point can be negotiated and agreed to early in courtship. If he goes along and his devotion accepts conquest after marriage, she’s won the ballgame.

So, this series ends. Foreplay has been brought to a boil, condensed, and separated from romance, love, and female wishful thinking. It’s a great tool to show her wifely potential, but she has to exploit it.

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