765. Beware Red Flags — Part 1

Her Highness Sara at 756 said: “…do you have any tips on how to know if a guy is the right one or not?” No, I don’t. So, I’ll lead off with the big picture today and tomorrow. Then tips will follow that help identify Mr. Wrong.

First, I believe women err trying to find Mr. Right or declaring someone as the ‘right one’. Identify a Mr. Good Enough and test, evaluate, and build from there.

Men are only candidates with potential for husbanding and fathering, until each woman sees years later that she made the right choice. Calling any man the right one weakens her ability to think, reason, and evaluate him for helping fulfill her hopes and dreams after romantic love fades.

Second, love doesn’t hold a couple together, because romantic love ultimately fades after the first year or two. Eternal love and marital glue comes from mutual respect, personal closeness, likeability, and enjoy-ability. But little things eat away at the glue.

Life’s inevitable irritants, frustrations, and personal attacks eat away at marital glue and stability. The groundwork to minimize these negatives should be laid earlier, and pre-conquest provides the greatest opportunity. Consequently, as the relationship expert, most of the burden lies with her.

Men have little interest in preventing future squabbles, especially with a female. They don’t think that way. Their nature focuses on the present, and they can always dominate or manhandle a woman if necessary. Not saying that it’s right, fair, equal, or justified, it’s just Nature. (Feminists tried to change the male nature and failed. Our foremothers mastered the art of harnessing the male nature, and they made patriarchy work for women and children.)

Third, relationships have stages that women need to master in their minds so they don’t run off at the heart. That’s tomorrow.

749. Gender Differences Revisited — Group N

1. Sex to her is giving of herself. To him, it’s taking—especially their first time together.  
2. She is the expert on relationships and bonding. He is the expert on sex and escaping.
3. Starting at puberty, boys are turned off by female nagging—unless she’s a sex target as yet unconquered. It’s natural and for life.
4. Women hunger for marriage. Men can easily do without.
5. A man’s confidence emanates from his self-image, his picture of who and what he is. A woman’s emanates from her self-esteem, how well she likes herself as a person, her self-love.
6. The masculine way is eat to enjoy life. The feminine way is eat to sustain life.
7. The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.
8. Therapeutic recovery for a man lies within his work or doing something. A woman mostly relies on time for healing while unloading anguish to the sympathetic and empathetic ears of friends.

743. Her Affection Deficit Disorder

The female nature craves attention and affection at certain times, for specific reasons, and especially for confirming a woman’s self-love. His attentions add and his affection confirms worth to her, or so she feels.

·  Compared to four or five decades ago, female self-esteem is lower. Self-image is twisted from having bought into feminist issues that contradict the female nature. Consequently, females are hesitant, afraid, or ashamed to let their feminine nature shine through. It costs women, because the male’s Affection Delivery Disorder gets worse in the absence of femininity.

·  Females adopt the idea that they can do anything and everything that men can do. It’s okay and in many cases true. However, it contradicts their inherent female nature just enough that dodging femininity makes them phony to themselves. Thus weakened, their self-image does not prevent them from doing things contrary to their best and especially female-specific interests. With a shortage of self-respect and self-confidence, they rely more on emotional than rational thought, and men have an advantage and usually take it.

·  The popularity of unmarried sex causes males to lose unconditional respect for the female gender. Among teens it’s atrocious. Males, as competing hunter-conquerors, see females as dumb for not guarding their negotiable assets. But women need frequent and sometimes continual reaffirmation of their value to someone else to confirm their self-love. This drives females toward this paradox: For reaffirmation they provide sex. Having given it, men lose unconditional respect for the female gender. With less respect for the gender, the love of men weakens for individual females. With less pronounced femininity, a man’s A.D.D. gets worse.

·  When men show less respect, it reflects that women are somehow lacking something. This does two things: It further lowers female self-image, which weakens their sense of control of their lives. Lack of a sense of control then pushes women easily into desperation and toward depression.

In the end, the more intense her affection deficit, the more intense becomes his disorder for showing attention and delivering affection.

714. Gender Differences Revisited — Group F

Differences in the sexes continue.

1. A man wants his hut or castle outfitted for physical comfort. A woman wants her nest lined with emotional comfort.
2. The male nature competes first and cooperates when necessary. The female nature cooperates first and competes when necessary.  
3. A man thrives on a woman’s support and gratefulness for what he does, because he thinks he deserves it. A woman thrives on her man’s devoted attentions, because it confirms her value and self-love.
4. A man’s desire for his woman to maintain their home is much, much stronger than her natural objections. (But not her feminist objections or female-ego opposition.)
5. A man will call his hut a castle, if he’s treated as the king. A woman’s ego resists treating him that way, because she’s naturally driven to dominate her nest and their home.
6. When a woman wants comfort and understanding, she discloses to a specific man. When a man wants comfort and understanding, he does not disclose but turns to a woman.
7. Men have distinct missions in life. Women have life as their mission. 
8. Women want comfort and companionship in needy times and the future. Men want comfort daily after a hard day’s work.
9. A woman craves to associate closely with at least one strong, highly masculine figure. A man craves freedom, often temporarily from his woman.  
10. Love and sex are fine to a husband, but they are fillers rather than glue. Because it works for them, wives mistakenly think love and sex make relationship glue.

More to come.

707. Make Mr. Promiscuous Faithful — Part 1

Her Highness Sofia asked at post #25: How do I find a good man who will not cheat, do they exist?

First, you don’t find them. One woman convinces each man that she’s more valuable than the rewards of cheating. Second, such men exist, but most have been conditioned to be faithful by females. Wives play the major role, however, but they probably don’t know how they do it.

Before we examine the wife’s major role, let’s set the stage this way:

·        The title Mr. Promiscuous exaggerates. I refer to men generally.

·        Nothing is ever perfect. So many mistakes mean that recovery is everything, and everything is relative.

·        This series doesn’t guarantee masculine faithfulness but explains where it likely comes from when occurring.

·        The male nature knows no conscience about spreading seed. The female nature nourishes the conscience about intimate relations.

·        Her faithfulness is far more important to him than his to her. Her infidelity doesn’t just ease his conscience against cheating on her but releases it completely and with revenge attached.  

Wife has four lines of defense that favor husband’s fidelity. We will look at each in upcoming articles:

·        First, a man’s conscience about husbandly fidelity grows from socializing with females throughout his life, and his conscience serves as wife’s first line of defense.

·        Second, husband’s respect for the female gender is her second line of defense. It arises in childhood or not at all, so a long courtship enables her examination of what values he picked up earlier.

·        Third, marriage vows, when taken seriously and with commitment, reinforce the male conscience with eagerness to stay the faithful course, provided his upbringing taught the primacy of keeping one’s promises.

·        Fourth, and the wife’s main line of defense is her own behavior toward husband, how she treats him. (Don’t presume too much at this juncture. Childlike indulgence and eager submission is not where we’re going with this.)

View wedded bliss this way: Wife has a particular role to fill in order for her man to fill the faithful husband role. The first creates the second. We begin several episodes tomorrow.

696. Wife’s Dependency — Section 1

Several ladies voice confusion about the dependent role of wife, so let me start with the husband’s side.

♦       First, we have actual dependency. Husband fulfills his responsibility by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving. He’s not easily discouraged in this primary mission, because it’s basic to the male nature.

♦       Second, we have symbols that reflect husband exalting his wife’s station as a highly respected female, a lady, such as opening doors and seating her at tables. Whatever standards he developed in childhood and later socialization, husband defers to her in certain of these matters and expects to abide routinely.

♦       To his mind, she deserves it. He respects her, and the more feminine and ladylike the greater his respect. However, he respects her primarily, because she depends upon him for the essentials of life and doesn’t compete with him doing his ‘duty’.  

♦       He discourages easily with the symbols, however, because they reflect deference more than dependence, and she can act less ladylike or respected. Men don’t automatically defer to their inferiors but to men of superior status and females with whom they are not in competition.

More about husband in tomorrow’s post, 697.

695. Keepers for Keepers — Assortment 21

♦       If she can’t accept him as king in their home, she pushes him toward the escape hatch. His nature works against treatment less than royal. (Nothing to do with what he earns or deserves.) [10]

♦       After a man conquers a woman, he knows her well enough and perhaps as well as he desires. He can move on to something else that may or may not include her. It’s his nature. [17]

♦       Female relationship expertise demands high standards and expectations for oneself. Without values that override her emotions, living with a man does not work well. [17]

♦       A man’s desire for his woman to maintain their home is much, much stronger than her natural female objections. [4]

♦       As women go, so goes society. Consequently, the self-fulfilling prophecy has fulfilled in recent decades. Men are not ideal for family life, but were they ever by female expectations? [5]

♦       Feminists change the culture by imposing political objectives. As men are weakened politically in the workplace, they take it home and home life withers for their mates. [18]

♦       Strong-willed feminine mystique, female modesty, and moral imperatives focus a man on a woman’s uniqueness, her gender independence, the moral floor for his behavior, and the ceiling of her expectations. [18]

694. Attitude of Gratitude — Part 5

This summary completes the series about grateful actions that can lead to mutual happiness.

Wife directly demonstrates her gratitude for husband, which makes her happy with him.

♦       That’s it. Her happiness-seeking ‘job’ is simple and easy.

♦       Unless, that is, she can’t show gratitude. She may have chosen or turned him into Mr. Wrong. Or she may suffer low self-esteem or high self-centeredness and expect more from him than she can ever give.

Husband indirectly demonstrates his gratitude for wife, but success depends upon her confirmation.

• He shows his gratitude for her by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving for her and the kids.
• Success comes from her respect and dependency, which makes him grateful for who he is and what he does, and this opens the door for his happiness.

You may conclude this, and it’s true. The best evidence of her gratitude is to reward him with respect and recognition for his efforts on her behalf.

One final reminder: A few negative words can poison good intentions and nullify positive actions. Consequently, words, discussions, and opinions either confirm his contributions or mutual unhappiness follows. (Full disclosure is vastly overrated.)