Tag Archives: marriage

2120. Christmas Present for Guy

Sir Guy,
A Christmas novel for you. [from Anonymous]

Over 5 years ago I stumbled across this blog while I was pondering why the man I had been dating dumped me abruptly. I learned that the likely cause was that he was after sex not me (I wouldn’t put out) and I should be glad I found that out pre-conquest. I haven’t missed an article since. Thanks to your hard work on this blog, at the ripe age of 18, I came to realize that my decision whether or not to date a man should be based on his character not on how may butterflies I got thinking about him. As a result I decided to give one of my long-term guy friends a chance to audition for Mr. GoodEnough about 8 months after finding WWNH.

I remember asking your advice on why I didn’t really feel like I loved him. You told me it would come if I kept acting like it. You were right. We slept together after 1.5 years of dating and 7 years of friendship prior to that (one could call it platonic courtship, he kept asking me out and I kept refusing but we still spent time together as “friends”)*. I do believe by the time we slept together he was already devoted.

After 3 years of dating (1.5 after first sex) he suggested shack-up. I politely declined but said nothing about marriage. The first three years of dating he had always said he would marry me tomorrow if we weren’t still in school so I figured it was only a matter of time. Wrong, I forgot men aren’t women and will avoid marriage if possible. We continued dating while living separately and a year later he suggested shack-up again. This time I told him I did not feel comfortable living together without being engaged and that since I want to have a family I could not stay exclusive with someone who doesn’t know if they want to marry me after 4 years. I told him I loved him and didn’t mean to pressure but I was going to date other people until he could make up his mind because if he didn’t know by now then maybe we aren’t right for each other. He said he understood and agreed to date other people. I was hurt and shocked, I couldn’t believe after years of acting devoted that he didn’t want to be with me. But this was a time for hard-headedness not soft-heartedness: I was not about to try to convince someone they should want to marry me nor was I going to be his good-enough-for-now girl so back in the parade of Mr-NotGoodEnoughs he went.

4 hours after we broke up he called me and said he had already made up his mind: he wanted to marry me. The caveat was he wanted the official proposal to be a surprise so it wouldn’t happen right away. I told him to think about it for at least a week because I did not want to get back into the relationship unless he was 110% sure about his intentions. A week later he assured me he was certain he wanted to marry me. Or, rather, “I’m still scared to get married, but I don’t want to live without you. So if that’s what I have to do to keep you then I will do it.” He’s never lied to me and I didn’t want to take away his pleasure of planning a surprise proposal (bless his heart he gets so much joy from romancing me) so I agreed to go back to being exclusive and sign a lease with him with the understanding a proposal would be forthcoming*. Last week, 8 months after our break-up, he asked me to be his wife with a ring he is very proud of.

Sometimes it bothers me that it took me leaving for him to propose. Stinking thinking creeps up of “if he really loved me he would’ve planned a proposal before 4 years”. Wrong. If he really loved me AND I had made it a requirement then he would’ve proposed sooner. When I get stinking thinking I remind myself of what you kindly confirmed for me a few months ago: the only good marriage candidate is the man who does it in order to avoid losing her. He doesn’t want marriage, he wants me. It took him less than a day to figure it out once I required it.

4.5 years ago, before I agreed to date him, I had made it clear I did not want to be in a relationship with anyone who did not have career plans. He did not have a plan at the time but he promptly got one. Last month he graduated from grad school and landed an awesome job. When I congratulated him he hugged me and whispered “you know I did it all for you”. And whenever his sports team loses he insists on taking me to dinner because “the only thing that can cheer him is spoiling me and making me happy”. The amount of selflessness he exhibits with our relationship amazes me every day. I try to be selfless as well but I don’t do nearly as much as he does (probably a good thing, at least before marriage, right?).

Oh yeah, and remember when I wrote to you for advice over a year ago with anxiety about getting into grad school and financial woes? You told me I can’t lose if I don’t quit trying. You were right. Not only am I now halfway done first year of grad school, I received a very large scholarship.

Did anyone ever tell you that men are never more handsome than when they provide a lady with the tools necessary to brighten her future? I can almost guarantee you if I had not found your blog I would’ve followed the majority of college girls and wound up with a history to haunt my future husband. Instead I can honestly say I’ve never been with anyone except the person I’m going to marry. He told me the other day he’s glad it’s like this and he believes “he earned it”. IMO your work here is a gift from heaven and I will forever be grateful for the messenger.

*I tweak the advice here to my particular situation and use the lessons here as guides for my attitudes rather than concrete rules. IOW a blueprint rather than a recipe. It works best for me ☺

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and God Bless

-A grateful and faithful reader


Filed under courtship

2119. Her Hair: Crowning Glory or …???

It’s time. I’ve put this off for years for fear of losing readers. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

It’s recurrent. Women keep asking what men prefer for the female hairdo. Women concerned with that issue are out of step with Nature and flummox themselves dealing with men. I offer a contrarian view more in accord with both the male and female natures.

Hair is important to women, not men. Men are not that interested in one of a woman’s features. Oh, some men will claim they like to waller their face in a woman’s long hair. But that’s more adolescent than adult behavior. And some praise long stringy hair these days because it’s popular. It generates comfort for men that all women look alike. Popularity keeps single women bowing to masculine tastes.

It may change after a relationship is established and working smoothly. A husband should have some say, about which wife understands what is required to keep the marriage promoted in her favor. She can figure out what’s best for them.

We’ve heard all our lives that hair is a woman’s crowning glory. Glory for whom? Not men. They don’t see glory there. Glory flows from her heart at what she sees, cleans, likes, loves, strokes, pats, combs, dyes, tinges, cuts, and waves until it becomes a useable feature to make herself feel better about herself. Hair care compensates for guilt. It relieves depression when she modifies her vision of herself. It keeps her tied to her mirror, where her independent spirit emerges and she finds solace living with herself. A hundred strokes a night isn’t wasted time or energy; it inflates the female ego.

Her hair is her crowning glory for self-centered reasons: It enables her to glorify herself, promote the image of who she is, elevate her confidence, compensate for low self-esteem, make herself feel good caring for it, express her natural vanity to herself, match up better or differently with her other features, and otherwise reinforce her appearance and roles in life to suit her and no one else. Hair is just a part of her package of prettiness that she aspires to make prettier. Adjusting her hair care practices to please others defeats some objectives in life.

To wear her hair to please men—especially after about age 25 when getting a man becomes problematic—is to push her into other actions to please men, diminish her choices, retreat from single independence, reduce her ability to stand out from other women, and in general curtail her ability to appear unique. When women seek to follow what’s popular, they lose ability to be extraordinary. Which is, of course, what men seek to marry.



Filed under feminine

2118. Compatibility Axioms #591-600

591. Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect. [212]

592. Her value continues upward increasingly to every man that chases her, until she yields. People instinctively value more highly what they can’t have than what they gain and then ‘own’. [212]

593. Everybody makes mistakes. Recovery is everything, and virtual virginity enables it for past sexual mistakes/experience. [212]

594. Avoiding life as an ex comes much easier to the woman that elevates and honors her sexual assets even above marriage. [212]

595. By her refusing to have unmarried sex, she forces a man to prove himself worthy of her and capable of fulfilling her expectations for home and family. If it doesn’t work that way, then he’s after sex and not her. [212]

596. Scoring with a hard-to-get woman elevates a man’s sense of significance, but it’s more ego than conviction, more temporary than permanent, more fun than bond. [212]

597. The woman that a man respects and honors adds to his convicted sense of significance, whether they are sex partners or not. That is, he’s more satisfied with himself by treating her more respectably/honorably.[212]

598. Refusing to have sex with an attractive man requires womanly strength of character to keep from turning him off. Hard-headed feminine gentleness helps and self-dedication wins. [212]

599. A woman’s biggest challenge is to keep from being eager or desperate to have a boyfriend, dates, hubby, or sex, or whatever else she thinks she has to have for the short term. [212]

600. Women seek affection and fear abandonment. Uncrossed legs before marriage is not mutually bonding, which short-circuits affection and increases likelihood of being dumped sooner or later.  [213]

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Filed under How she wins

2117. Compatibility Axioms #581-590

  1. Too many women reject this truism for making marriage work: Before they marry he should prove himself worthy of her. That is, she makes him the seller and her the buyer. He peddles all his strengths. She evaluates his character,  prospects of domestic responsibility, and likelihood of delivery on his promises. After marriage, she keeps herself worthy of him. That is, she becomes the seller and peddles rewards for his husbanding and fathering. [206]
  2. Pregnant women look like men whose appearance they dislike or detest. They use tight clothing and masculinize motherhood, spread feminist fashion, and visibly brag to please women. Not sexiness, attractiveness, and femininity, not what men appreciate even with mothers. [206]
  3. Thirtysomething women without kids have no outlet for their mothering instincts. So, they parent their man. [206]
  4. Wives treat husbands much less respectfully than they treat boyfriends, lovers, and shack up partners. Two effects: Husbands dump wives more easily. Other men see what happens, avoid marriage, and opt for shack up. [206]
  5. Women condemn the male ego, as if they have none of their own. The feminist movement made the female ego explode. Activists took advantage and promoted one sex’s willingness to blame the other. [206]
  6. Men seek a woman that accepts him as he is and wants to stay. Women nevertheless think they can or should change their man. [206]
  7. Sex is the man’s game. Females determine the rules and officiate, but men always win. Only men run an offense and they keep the score. [207]
  8. Relationships crumble as so much unmarried sex cheapens fidelity, breeds unfaithfulness, and threatens each marriage. Yet, men are blamed for lack of character facing all those easily spread legs. [207]
  9. After a one-night stand, he doesn’t call. He claims he loves her, but he doesn’t. He pledges his commitment, but it fades. Except when teamed with a man proven to be devoted to her more than to sex, copulation just leads to more easily being ignored. [207]
  10. Sex attracts, but it does not bond. The higher a single woman elevates sexual freedom in her priorities, whether real or symbolic, the less likely she will find a man to spend the rest of his life with her. [207]


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Filed under Dear daughter

2116. Compatibility Axioms #571-580

571. A woman that appears very ordinary stales fast in the face of erotic scenery outside the home. [203]

572. Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. It takes years to soften his heart, and her going soft in the head doesn’t help her but stops softening of his heart. Experts aren’t very effective when their thinking goes mushy. [203]

573. Modern women market themselves poorly. They put all their eggs in the advertising basket, use cheap packaging, and ignore product quality. They advertise sex, dress cheaply, groom carelessly, and think and hope that sex will both capture and hold a man. One-night stand, yes! Hold, no! [205]

574. Sexy apparel and exposed skin precisely focuses a man’s interest on conquest. After conquest, he may or may not focus on her other interests. [205]

575. By fishing with sex as bait, she yields dominance and sex to him. This minimizes her negotiating power and puts their future in his hands. [205]

576. Sex needs no advertising. It sells itself, and advertising it cheapens a woman for everything but sex. [205]

577. Women need high quality packaging to project the appearance and confirm the fact of an extraordinary female—the kind to whom men marry and stay married. [205]

578. Regarding her appearance, if she doesn’t protect her self-respect, display self-confidence, and reflect self-esteem, she lacks quality for much more than temporary gigs with men. [205]

579. Modest attire, attractive grooming, and high-standard feminine behavior create a mysterious quality that intrigues men. It elevates a woman toward keeperhood. [205]

580. As women go, so goes society, and feminine mystique, modesty, and morality drive the best bus for females. Exclusively advertising sex makes a woman miss the bus. She’s left behind to get run over by men. [205]



Filed under boobs

2113. An Enigma of Nature

Here’s something I wrote more than a year before the blog.

Early in a marriage a man sees himself as indispensable and expects his wife’s behavior to reflect it. He doesn’t pay attention to whether she is essential or not, until their first baby awakens him to the subject. After that, she gains slowly. Not because she is not deserving, but because he is not thinking about it. He takes marital obligations as satisfied by him and maybe takes her for granted. But after a man spends many pleasant years with a woman, he fully recognizes her essentiality and that it existed all along.

Provided, that is, she plays her cards right. Marital success requires this tradeoff be honored by the relationship expert. She makes him appear as the essential one in the early years. Then, hope and certainty of her importance brighten her future until finally he becomes Mr. Right and she becomes his well-honored queen, mate, and dearest friend.

Instant gratification as the most important person in the relationship—as sought by modern women—defeats the marital process and wifely hopes and dreams. It’s just the way men and women are made.



Filed under sex differences

2098. Compatibility Axioms #531-540

531. When he shows interest, she starts out as targeted sex object. Her yielding confirms it. Hunters stop aiming at game already put down—except for arranging booty call. [198]

532. To each man interested in her, she’s a sex object. She yields and becomes something else. She does not yield and becomes something better for him—bigger challenge, rise above himself, something he has to earn by showing more respect for their mutual interest. [198]

533. Her withholding unmarried sex is the most valuable way to shift a man’s focus to feminine interests, especially away from male dominance. [198]

534. Before conquest he keeps looking for weaknesses to get her in bed. While doing so, he learns of her other qualities and strengths that can benefit him, and which can grow into promise that she has to be his mate. [198]

535. Female dominance works indirectly, beneath conscious thought. Her insistence on chastity before marriage forces him to choose. Either depart or enlarge his interest in all the other wonderful things she has to offer and qualities she has to charm and bless his life. [198]

536. Unmarried chastity with a man enables her to orchestrate his interest gently but deliberately through this sequence: girlfriend, sweetheart, fiancée, bride, wife. It’s her path to feminine glory. [198]

537. Her yielding unmarried sex empowers him to pursue this: hook up, link up, and maybe shack up until his freedom calls, and they split up. It’s his path to masculine glory. [198]

538. Male virginity has no value to females. Moreover, unmarried boys have little future use for the girl who taps it. [199]

539. A man changes dramatically after conquering a woman. She never knows what to expect either, which is why time and delay work better for women.[199]

540. Three major roles rooted in human nature trump love. Dominance for a couple comes in three colors: Dominant mate or the head, dominant nester or the heart, and dominant family leader or the most cherished. Marriage works best when that sequence matches this: him, her, and either. [199]


Filed under sex differences