344. Ties that bind, or not! — Their fears

Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Immature men make life tough, but the mature woman has the natural expertise to overcome.

 

She fears abandonment. She fears losing him above all else, whether killed, incapacitated, or a walk out. Abandonment strikes her ego as well as her heart.

 

She expects him to overextend himself, as necessary, to provide reassurances. The devoted husband sacrifices to avoid torturing his loveable wife with continual fears that weaken her appreciation for him.

 

He fears insignificance, and her eyes reflect it first. Her lack of respect and gratefulness makes his sense of significance decay. Wounding his spirit can be terminal.

 

Even slight decay can jumpstart motivational forces in him. He seeks to restore his sense of manliness—more independence, expensive toys, trophy woman, or just walk out. Mid-life crisis worsens whatever he chooses to do.

 

He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.

334. What men brag about

If mature men bragged about their wives, they would cite these things as great.

·        A feminine female easily recognized at first glance and reinforced over time.

·        A likeable partner proven to be so during courtship and continued after marriage.

·        A hard-headed date that protected her self-interests with charm and yet earned his enduring respect.

·        A grateful spouse shown by her potential guessed at during courtship and proven after marriage.

·        An appreciative lover as he imagined during the platonic phase of their courtship that she would become.

·        A robot of pleasantness, good will, cheer, and encouragement.

·        A conscientious wife that encourages him and adds to his importance and significance.

·        A soft-hearted and hard-headed mother to raise their kids.

Of course, mature men don’t brag about wives. Neither can they disclose full appreciation to their wife. Hormonal pressures prevent full disclosure. Unfortunately for females, it’s part of the ‘beastly’ side of male nature. 

318. His Mindset About Sex

The female mindset: Women worry about three phases of sex: foreplay, intercourse, and intimacy afterward. Men don’t.

Background

·        Adolescent male nature:  Intercourse is just intercourse. Foreplay should be unnecessary but can be fun. Intimacy interferes with recovery. Who’s next?

·        Mature male nature: Certain emotional involvements—such as respect and affection for her—add meaning and necessity to a man’s foreplay and intimacy. Her likeability adds too, but her attractiveness does not. (Attractiveness inspires the chase, but its emotional involvement fades after foreplay.)

A man’s sense of responsibility, significance, and permanence with his partner add considerations and connectedness that she appreciates. But his devotion makes him far more receptive to fulfilling her needs, especially after romantic love fades in a year or two.

The male mindset: Men are hormonally loaded to conquer attractive women. They plan around and worry about three things different than females: pre-conquest, post-conquest, and avoiding loss of their independence to hunt and conquer.

Of course, some men plan for and seek marriage. Being devoted to marriage is not the same as devoted to her, so she still has worries about his foreplay, intimacy, and even permanence.  

For more on the male mindset, see the Content page at the top for this series. Also try Do women know jack about Jack?

 

285. Female Fortitude—101 through 105

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match previous posts.

101.   Both change after their first intercourse together. He changes for the worse for her; she changes for the better for him. She pays the price, but he gets the reward.

102.   Living with or chasing small boobs means the man is willing to forsake adolescent immaturity and approaches sexual activity more maturely.  

103.   The end result of masculine-style sexual freedom for women is this: Men become more adroit at sexual hit and run, and women gain more experience living life as ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, -wife.

104.   Today, women measure his love by her standards, and so he repeatedly falls short. If men were born for closeness, nurturing, intimacy, and continuous dialogue, they would have been born female.   

105.   Women discourage displays of affection. They expect their man to do things that demean his masculinity—dishes and diapers? It’s not the doing that offends, it squeezes his sense of significance.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 280, 275, 270, 265, 260, 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

258. What daughters never hear — Section 6

Dear Daughter,

♀ When you think men are only after one thing, your adolescent side shows. You attract only adult-adolescent men, and they fulfill your prophecy. Mature men figure you offer little else than sex, and they treat you accordingly.

♀ Virtual virginity is your best strategy to distinguish mature from adolescent-minded men.

♀ Mature men devote themselves to what they perceive as a good woman, because most want to raise children.  Adolescent-minded men think short term, dislike obligations, have little interest in children, always look for another ‘looker’, and promises commitment that has very short legs.

♀ Your dominant influence expands with each sacrifice you make joyfully in service to your family and castle without harshly judging what may appear as husband’s lack of interest, affection, or gratitude. (Of course, it’s neither equal nor fair, because both principles are female inventions. Go back to the top and assess your interest in ‘dominant influence’.)

♀ You should take advantage of your strengths and give him the appearance of your submissiveness to the man of the house. His perception is reality, and this means whatever he perceives satisfies him. You are far better equipped than he to work out the details to your advantage.

[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 244, 227, 214, 200, and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

248. Virtual Virginity #14

♀ ♥ Virtual virginity means just say No to unmarried sex. The purpose: To separate mature from immature, real from fake, reliable from irresponsible, surprising from humdrum, decisive from spineless, adult from adolescent in men and boys. Otherwise known as assessing a guy’s true potential for responsible husbanding and fathering.

♀ ♥ Unless he chooses to drop her—very likely in today’s sexual arena—denial of unmarried sex makes a man focus more and more on her quality, value, and potential as whole person and, hence, wife.

♀ ♥ Conquest stops his looking so diligently for her weaknesses and thus learning about her strengths; other things become more important than sex with her.

♀ ♥ Conquest releases a man to focus on other things. It frees him to move his attention to something else such as job, hobby, buds, or other females. 

♀ ♥ If she can refuse unmarried sex until she conquers him for marriage, she expands her influence over his natural dominance. The winning conqueror shapes their subsequent relationship.

♀ ♥ Women play the man’s game. They shop for friendship, pay with sex, and hope the relationship leads to shack up or marry up. Friendship based on sex doesn’t last, which makes escape easier for men.

[More about virtual virginity appears in posts 231, 212, 198, 181, 169, 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, and 44. Post 25 describes options for girls. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following.]

218. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes — Part 2

As women goes, so goes society. That’s the story of America.

     Over several centuries, our foremothers took America from male-centered to family-centered. It peaked in the late 20^th Century.

     Husbands built American political, legal, and economic greatness. They dominated both workplace and society. But wives dominated home, family, and culture. (Society is what people do, culture is why they do it.)

     Wives/mothers shaped and policed the social landscape with family-centered values, because they had the freedom and respect to do so. They dominated the home. They gained dominance of the family as industrialization occupied husbands, and universal education occupied kids, outside the home.

     With the help of spinster teachers, married women came to dominate the culture by standardizing and spreading common family-enhancing values—especially marriage, monogamy, morality, and equality of education.

     They also promoted mutual gender respect by pushing feminine as female identity and manly as male identity. This empowered the genders as separate but equal. Parents were enabled to unify compatibly and, thus, maximize benefits for children.

     Except female teachers, single people contributed virtually nothing to the cultural values that guided husbands at work. Married couples made family enterprise the supreme institution. Most men sought marriage and succeeded.

     Wives advised husbands on ways to brighten the family future—build society around families and weed out evil. This uplifted society. Many generations of such wifely influence smoothed the rough edges from male domination.

     Family-centeredness evolved smoothly. However, it peaked after revolutionary zeal spread from Marxists to feminists after the 1960s. Changing America to fit feminist theory now moves society to female-centeredness. The Dark Side of Feminism wipes out family-centeredness.

     How foremothers did it is next post facto for this title.

[America’s move from mystique to mistakes also appears in post 204. Scroll down or search by the number]

192. Weans, tweens, and teens #4—Heads Up!

Some natural principles govern development of the mind.

Involved adults ‘program’ the subconscious mind of each child. Successful programming flows primarily from nurturing in the weans and dominant leadership in the tweens. But both of these adult capabilities lose effectiveness after puberty embraces a child.  

Coaching succeeds best with teens, if adequate wiring and programming were done earlier.  

At puberty a child’s subconscious is crowded, partially filled, or empty. It’s works as if the subconscious mind were finite.

If filled to capacity with adult and mature values for self-guidance, teen peer influence will be minimized. When it’s not filled with values that endorse mature adult behavior, ‘leftover room’ will be filled with teen peer values.

Children well-prepared for adulthood aspire to reach it. Rather than claim the glories of post-puberty teen independence, they seek smooth passage through adolescence in order to reach adult goals beyond.

Consequently, those well prepared for adulthood pass mostly unscathed by troubled teens. They minimize rather than add to family problems.

On the flip side, some kids pass through puberty with minds empty or near-empty of mature adult values. They are the troubled teens.

More follows about the subconscious.

[More about the mind appears in posts 187, 178, and 177. Best viewed in that order too. Scroll down or search by a number with dot and space following it.]