Tag Archives: men

2025. Likeability — Part I


The point has been made before. The accumulation of negative irritants and minor offenses can dissolve a relationship bit by bit and do it more easily than original reasons for mating can hold a couple together. Major negative influences easily lead to terminal disruption, such as these.

  • Everyday carelessness in her appearance weakens his desire to look upon her as worthy of his investment. Men hate to be reminded that they may or in fact did err, and their imagination magnifies whatever mistake they do nothing about.
  • Emotional outbursts weaken respect. Hers have the most damaging effect because his love is based on respect for her. Her respect of him is not as vital but still accumulates with all the other little things about him that turn her off.
  • Emotional infidelity weakens his desirability, because women refuse to play second fiddle in their man’s life. He’s not nearly as sensitive to her emotional infidelity, but her physical unfaithfulness outweighs all reason for keeping her.
  • Nagging weakens her likeability and indolence weakens his.

In fact, likeability is underrated as marital glue and is the subject of Part II tomorrow.

 

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2018. Favored Quotes—Collection 41


These quotes reflect the wisdom of ladies who comment on the blog.

“At times I think “yes I am great catch” then comparison, the thief of joy comes along.” [Reading Up at 1972, emphasis added by Guy.]

“The conversation contained the words ‘stop it’ which I would repeat several times over the next few months. I never raised my voice; in fact I spoke much more softly than usual, as I knew he felt as badly as I felt. Neither of us had wanted this type of interaction. I forgave without needing an apology (although he did give one).” [Lauren about Guy Jr. at 1493]

“See I have been waiting for months for an opportunity to use what you taught us on how to thank men. And I did… it was at work in an email to a colleague who helpful. I typed ‘men are never more handsome than when they help a lady who’s under pressure’! You had to see his reaction. I think I made his day :) It was easier in an email though.” [From Cocoa at 1525]

“I think men love the sparkle in a woman’s eye more than cleavage dumping out the blouse. They love a girl who can work hard and make it look easy, who is full of languor and confidence, and yet humble and energetic. They love it when a woman doesn’t talk too much, but only says things that either need to be said or are wanted to be heard. Men seem to like women who have self-respect because it protects them from having to feel guilty for getting away with disrespecting her, since she won’t put up with it in the first place. Men seem to think it’s fascinating for a woman to defend herself, so long as she doesn’t do it in a way that disrespects his manhood. I think my husband appreciates my talents that help him build up his own self-image, such as my fashion sense in helping him dress, my popularity with his co-workers, and my knowledge of nutrition since he’s in the fitness business. He doesn’t seem to care much about what I wear as long as I’m happy with it, or if I show up to his work events to socialize. I think men want a woman who trusts them even more than they trust themselves. Men want a woman to hold them up to a standard of greatness that is in them, but that they have not yet attained, because their love for her motivates them to reach that standard.” [Maria at 1979]

 

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1989. Self-gratitude — Where Her Troubles Begin


I figured out why men have little compunction about asking women for hang out and hook up in lieu of dates. Women are willing to be treated less than they deserve—less respect as a person, less worthy as a female, less regard as the superior sex. The dominant sex takes the easier way, because women don’t reinforce their own wishes and brace up their own feelings by standing up for their own selves. Actions change feelings, but women have forgotten how to exploit that principle. Men haven’t.

Men see women as not defending uniquely female values, standards, and expectations. They invite women to help pay for dates without risking loss of face. So, men suffer no loss of dignity by doing what women neither want nor appreciate. When women do stand up for themselves, men must expect and respect it or else they flunk the course of learning how to find acceptance on feminine terms—aka being tamed to honor female standards and expectations.

Women don’t appreciate themselves enough. They don’t protect female sensibilities and feminine expectations by telling men to bug off with their disrespectful proposals. Women just don’t preserve their superior role as females, and the root of malpractice is described in the next post.

 

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1979. Admiration: The Prime Motivator of Men


Women don’t recognize the tap-root of male nature, that which primarily motivates a man. Women focus too much on sex and  seem not to understand the full picture of that*. Something else energizes him and determines what he does and becomes, primarily does for himself but also in relationships. If women use it to figure out their man, both become more valuable in the eyes of the other.

The closed loop of male behavior is structured around one thing, earning admiration. First, earn it himself for himself. Second, witness other people earn it from him and thus enable his judgment ability to be self-admired.

The loop emanates from his primal need for self-admiration and proceeds close to this order: generate ambitions, determine missions, set goals, and accomplish things. Successes all along that process provide self-admiration. A satisfied need no longer motivates, however, and so out springs the urge for more significant achievements and more self-admiration. Men are constantly reaching for new, better, and greater ambitions. The process of earning admiration never ends even after age or incapacity make labor no longer the primary venue.

For this article, we consider that which he earns for himself and that which he enables women to earn from him. Obviously there is more, admiration of men for example, but that’s another story.

Self. A man’s deep-rooted need of self-admiration prompts him to seek work, any work, as it provides the best opportunity**. He admires himself for successful achievements and even for his potential to be successful at whatever he undertakes. Both achievements and his potential accumulate and blend to become his sense of significance and consequent self-worth in his world. He admires his significance as the ultimate truth, because it’s the product of all that he’s produced. Although seldom recognized except when women threaten it, a reinforcing helper for his urge to accomplish things is this: His greatest fear is insignificance.

Men welcome and appreciate the recognition and admiration of others, but it’s not essential. They are independent by nature and reasonably satisfied with self-admiration. Lessons learned in life, however, make them expect recognition, appreciation, and even admiration for their efforts. And especially from those who depend upon them without giving due credit.

Women. A woman becomes of lasting personal interest to a man because of her virtues, those qualities in her that he admires and that remain or may be discovered after conquest. As described in post 1977, qualities that he admires become virtues. Virtues of importance to him make her fascinating, which is the attraction that holds him. With more virtues and increased intensity in her fascination, a man finds promise in her as his mate. And that pulls or pushes him to or at least toward the altar.

Being unconquered is not a virtue; he wants her for sex but he doesn’t admire her status. However, he respects virtual virginity. Her determination to protect her interest by not yielding earns his admiration. Her availability for post-conquest sex is not a virtue either; too many other willing women. Unless, that is, he admires her sexual—shall I say—dexterity? But that can lead to loss of respect for her, which is another story.

His motivational consideration of her boils down to this. Her qualities earn his admiration. It pleases his sense of self-admiration for finding her so virtuous and thus fascinating. That makes her fit snugly into his personal ambitions, missions, goals, and accomplishments that he anticipates for the present and perhaps the future.

——

*To the male mind, conquest and other sex are significantly different in both urge and result.

**Childcare and housekeeping lack opportunity because they don’t require his strengths or expertise. The former threatens his significance, too much potential to innocently do harm or produce bad or poor results. The latter requires boredom in order to endure. Neither has much potential to earn self-admiration. Better ways exist and he wants to get to them.

——

NOTE: I suspect that the sexes are hugely divided over what they think are virtues in a woman. For those readers who may be interested, I could enjoy seeing what they nominate as virtuous in the eyes of men. Not what women tell themselves is virtuous about each other, but what they think men admire in the normal course of masculine behavior. Whatever you nominate, I will try to contrast it to what I think men admire. We might be able to piece together something significant to portray as sex differences.

 

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1944. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 87


  • A husband’s sexual fulfillment comes from learning through the actions and attitude of his wife that he’s a great lover. Not greater, not greatest, and not anything else comparative. It’s just him and his ability repeatedly to honor her wishes and pleasures even over and above his own. According to her, he never weakens much less fails. On the other hand, failures in bed—regardless of fault—damage a man’s psyche and reduce admiration for her qualities, which makes her less virtuous and weakens her promise of being a great wife, which alters his devotion and questions his dedication to sexual faithfulness.
  • Men think in terms of doing things and not in terms of how they feel. For instance, they don’t chase happiness like women do. They let it come to them and even then they don’t think much about it. They buy big toys for accomplishment and pleasure and not happiness although a little of it may follow. They still have too much to do even if it’s just to relax at beach, book, or beer. For instance, they don’t think much about their gratitude for something or somebody. They appreciate but they don’t dwell there. Gifting as expression of gratitude doesn’t carry much weight. It discloses their feelings too much for their own comfort. Thus, by not frequently expressing their gratefulness for somebody or something, their heart isn’t steered toward happiness per se, which means they just are not drawn toward it as women are.
  • Work is the essence of a man’s significance. Men who are unable or unwilling to work lack significance in their own eyes; they end up of little or no benefit for their women too. ‘Work’ means wanting to accomplish worthwhile objectives and is best developed by fulfilling various responsibilities as a boy until achievement and productiveness become habitual. Boys not taught to work end up troublesome for both parents and later spouses. They become addicted to self-entertainment, such as video games, drugs, porn, gangs, and similar excursions into self-centered and troubled lives.

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653. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 6


  • Intimacy is vitally important to her and less so to men. But which is more important: depth or breadth, quality or quantity, intensity or frequency? Lengthy courtship enables her to find out about herself and ‘train’ him to match her expectations. 
  • Home should be his castle, but not unless she generates the harmony. For example, except when in use, she requires the commode LID to be down. Last user is responsible. (Can’t tell you why it works this way, but he’ll more easily accept her homey home-keeping standard for closed commode than her expectation that he always lower the seat. He’ll do for his castle, what he won’t do for her. You say shameful or selfish, I say Nature.)
  • Sex bonds women, but mutual respect bonds people and genders.
  • Self-esteem means how well you like yourself as a person. Self-love describes it better for females provided it also includes especially liking their selves as female.
  • Women have to put up with many unwelcome hits to draw a few routine compliments from men. Improving their appearance with feminine mystery and modesty improves the ratio in favor of compliments.

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652. Favored Quotes — Collection 3


♦        I have read articles where it mentions how incredible it is that men are coming in touch with their feminine sides. Seriously? I would date my girlfriend if I wanted that! (Angela at 548)

♦        Men and women both have game rules but they are different yet created to have a complimentary effect. (Miss Dawn at 400)

♦        Does the sperm chase the egg? No. Sperm compete to get to the egg, and conditions inside the female reproductive system don’t make it easy for those sperm to get to that elusive egg! (Easybreezy at 389)

♦        As I begin to start the next chapter of my life (prayerfully medical school) I will seek to take more control of my choices and treat myself how I want the opposite sex to treat me. . .special. (Jessica at 649)

♦        Women used to be put on a pedestal, loved, honored, cherished, and protected. They were strong, loving, sweet, gentle, caring and stood by their man no matter what. Feminism has destroyed the natural essence of women. (Angela at 643)

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628. Sweeter is Better—for Her!


I dedicate this article to Her Highness Linda L. She asked for specific examples “…that would register a woman as ‘sweet’…” at post 624.

Gazillions of “manners, actions or comments” frost the cake of feminine sweetness. Men don’t know how to be sweet in the way that women do. Nor do they know how to tell a woman to be sweeter. So, I can’t define it, but men know it when they see it.

Actually, women are sweet, but men are thoughtful. The female recipient of a man’s thoughtfulness calls him sweet, because she judges by her standards and uses female terms. So, women expect men to be sweet or sweeter, but it won’t work that way.

Watch this, ladies: Sweetness flows naturally out of an attitude of gratitude for herself, not him or men. Men don’t have that capability for self-love.

Her sweetness shown to a man may seem like an unearned gift, which men don’t appreciate. But it’s not that. He sees her radiating self-love as part of her nature. He just happens to be on the receiving end, and appreciates her for making his life more enjoyable. He seems to be appreciated for who he is, because one woman crowns him with her heart-felt energies. He receives an unexpected delight, and this translates as high quality to him.

Sweetness reinforces a woman’s femininity and helps, as claimed before, add color to a man’s black and white world. Women shouldn’t seek to make their man sweet, just thoughtful. They should work to like their selves better as females, and this calls for more femininity.  

Sweetness is predominantly a female strength, because women are far more capable than men of giving of themselves. Women are much more easily energized than men to do it. Unfortunately, sweetness seems so natural to the female sex, it easily appears ordinary to the male sex. Consequently, men take it too easily for granted.

Sorry, ladies, but that’s the cake of feminine sweetness. She’s sweet because she feels good about herself. Men benefit. And she goes unappreciated for it. The question rises, of course: Why does she do it? Because acting sweet and sweeter makes her like herself better and better. This generates gratitude for herself, and happiness flows out of one’s gratefulness.

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