- A husband’s sexual fulfillment comes from learning through the actions and attitude of his wife that he’s a great lover. Not greater, not greatest, and not anything else comparative. It’s just him and his ability repeatedly to honor her wishes and pleasures even over and above his own. According to her, he never weakens much less fails. On the other hand, failures in bed—regardless of fault—damage a man’s psyche and reduce admiration for her qualities, which makes her less virtuous and weakens her promise of being a great wife, which alters his devotion and questions his dedication to sexual faithfulness.
- Men think in terms of doing things and not in terms of how they feel. For instance, they don’t chase happiness like women do. They let it come to them and even then they don’t think much about it. They buy big toys for accomplishment and pleasure and not happiness although a little of it may follow. They still have too much to do even if it’s just to relax at beach, book, or beer. For instance, they don’t think much about their gratitude for something or somebody. They appreciate but they don’t dwell there. Gifting as expression of gratitude doesn’t carry much weight. It discloses their feelings too much for their own comfort. Thus, by not frequently expressing their gratefulness for somebody or something, their heart isn’t steered toward happiness per se, which means they just are not drawn toward it as women are.
- Work is the essence of a man’s significance. Men who are unable or unwilling to work lack significance in their own eyes; they end up of little or no benefit for their women too. ‘Work’ means wanting to accomplish worthwhile objectives and is best developed by fulfilling various responsibilities as a boy until achievement and productiveness become habitual. Boys not taught to work end up troublesome for both parents and later spouses. They become addicted to self-entertainment, such as video games, drugs, porn, gangs, and similar excursions into self-centered and troubled lives.
Tag Archives: men
- Intimacy is vitally important to her and less so to men. But which is more important: depth or breadth, quality or quantity, intensity or frequency? Lengthy courtship enables her to find out about herself and ‘train’ him to match her expectations.
- Home should be his castle, but not unless she generates the harmony. For example, except when in use, she requires the commode LID to be down. Last user is responsible. (Can’t tell you why it works this way, but he’ll more easily accept her homey home-keeping standard for closed commode than her expectation that he always lower the seat. He’ll do for his castle, what he won’t do for her. You say shameful or selfish, I say Nature.)
- Sex bonds women, but mutual respect bonds people and genders.
- Self-esteem means how well you like yourself as a person. Self-love describes it better for females provided it also includes especially liking their selves as female.
- Women have to put up with many unwelcome hits to draw a few routine compliments from men. Improving their appearance with feminine mystery and modesty improves the ratio in favor of compliments.
♦ I have read articles where it mentions how incredible it is that men are coming in touch with their feminine sides. Seriously? I would date my girlfriend if I wanted that! (Angela at 548)
♦ Men and women both have game rules but they are different yet created to have a complimentary effect. (Miss Dawn at 400)
♦ Does the sperm chase the egg? No. Sperm compete to get to the egg, and conditions inside the female reproductive system don’t make it easy for those sperm to get to that elusive egg! (Easybreezy at 389)
♦ As I begin to start the next chapter of my life (prayerfully medical school) I will seek to take more control of my choices and treat myself how I want the opposite sex to treat me. . .special. (Jessica at 649)
♦ Women used to be put on a pedestal, loved, honored, cherished, and protected. They were strong, loving, sweet, gentle, caring and stood by their man no matter what. Feminism has destroyed the natural essence of women. (Angela at 643)
I dedicate this article to Her Highness Linda L. She asked for specific examples “…that would register a woman as ‘sweet’…” at post 624.
Gazillions of “manners, actions or comments” frost the cake of feminine sweetness. Men don’t know how to be sweet in the way that women do. Nor do they know how to tell a woman to be sweeter. So, I can’t define it, but men know it when they see it.
Actually, women are sweet, but men are thoughtful. The female recipient of a man’s thoughtfulness calls him sweet, because she judges by her standards and uses female terms. So, women expect men to be sweet or sweeter, but it won’t work that way.
Watch this, ladies: Sweetness flows naturally out of an attitude of gratitude for herself, not him or men. Men don’t have that capability for self-love.
Her sweetness shown to a man may seem like an unearned gift, which men don’t appreciate. But it’s not that. He sees her radiating self-love as part of her nature. He just happens to be on the receiving end, and appreciates her for making his life more enjoyable. He seems to be appreciated for who he is, because one woman crowns him with her heart-felt energies. He receives an unexpected delight, and this translates as high quality to him.
Sweetness reinforces a woman’s femininity and helps, as claimed before, add color to a man’s black and white world. Women shouldn’t seek to make their man sweet, just thoughtful. They should work to like their selves better as females, and this calls for more femininity.
Sweetness is predominantly a female strength, because women are far more capable than men of giving of themselves. Women are much more easily energized than men to do it. Unfortunately, sweetness seems so natural to the female sex, it easily appears ordinary to the male sex. Consequently, men take it too easily for granted.
Sorry, ladies, but that’s the cake of feminine sweetness. She’s sweet because she feels good about herself. Men benefit. And she goes unappreciated for it. The question rises, of course: Why does she do it? Because acting sweet and sweeter makes her like herself better and better. This generates gratitude for herself, and happiness flows out of one’s gratefulness.
Firstly, thanks to Pops for providing me the opportunity to contribute. I’m not sure how often I will be able, but hopefully those times will be useful to his efforts — and perhaps even to some of you.
Secondly, I congratulate my Dad for his labor of love that is WWNH. He has dedicated the majority of his retired life to what each of you see here. Before I was accidentally prescient enough to recommend blogging to him, he spent the better part of 10 years writing different versions of what he thought might become a published book, and perhaps another of his great achievements.
In fact, a few years back, Sean Hannity from FOX News Channel came to SMU in Dallas for a speaking event. I hatched a plan where I would slip Dad’s latest outline in a manila envelope to Sean during autographs. Maybe he could help in some way. I did. DOA.
We’ve often chuckled over the past couple of years about how better it’s been that he never achieved the “finality” of a book. You see, this blog, each of you, and the inherent interactivity afforded by blogging on WWNH have provided him a much greater reward than the fame or fortune (neither of which he needs nor desires) that a book ever could.
I have also seen the difference that WWNH has made in many of your collective highnesses’ lives. That’s where the real rewards lay, not only for you, but also in the lives of Guy and his most beloved, Principessa Gracie.
Lastly, if you are or have been an active participant in the WWNH dialogue, you’ve probably made Guy’s day at some point, or many times over. If you are more of a lurker, I encourage you to get off the sidelines. The rewards of the collective knowledge and experiences of this community are unbelievable, but even more so for all when YOU contribute.
I’ve decided to.
♦ Love is never enough. Too many little negatives interfere, and too few positives support it.
♦ Modern men have many malpractices for dealing with women and living with one. But men are trainable, when women set their mind to it.
♦ When women want a man more than their dignity and self-respect, they invariably choose poorly.
♦ A woman’s self-love determines her capacity for reliably loving a man. Bitchiness and critical attitude signal a shortage.
♦ Challenge for Wives: When telling him about what happened to you today, try telling it such that he responds with the rarest words a wife ever hears from husband, “Tell me more.”
♦ I wonder what would happen if a woman dressed up for work above and beyond whatever is standard and expected at her place of employment—for example: more feminine, less casual, neater sense of professionalism, etc. Actually I know what would happen. First, other women would dislike them for it. Second, the men would show more attention, respect, and appreciation. Third, other women would gradually follow suit to keep up with leader of the pack. Fourth, it would become a better place to work.
♦ I credit someone else for this, but I love it: Mother and child is basic Nature. Joining them with a man is basic civilization. I could add: Marriage arranges and the family unit stabilizes civilization.
About choices: Women don’t use their sexual assets very well. Why? God empowers them to do so, each woman has free will to choose, but do wives know husbands well enough?
About wives: The female nature continually seeks a brighter future. This usually requires that one man help a woman fulfill her hopes and dreams. Men don’t eagerly devote and continue doing such things without compensation for husbanding and fathering. It calls for both incentives and rewards, but women have trouble with the difference. Wives often think sex provides compensation enough, but female thinking easily subverts it.
About husbands: Being competitive producers, providers, protectors, and problem solvers by nature, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. They appreciate the results of effort and achievement and new challenges.
- Without being shown respect and appreciation by one woman, men act out their resentments in pursuit of their own interests. They don’t care that much about female opinions, interests, hopes, or dreams unless one woman above all others keeps herself interesting and worthwhile.
- Rewards satisfy, but incentives challenge. Rewards imply yesterday, but incentives imply today. Being present oriented, men favor challenges far above thank yous.
About differences: Men are more strongly motivated with many incentives and a few intermittent rewards than with plenty of rewards. Women are the opposite; they value rewards over incentives. Consequently, wives play the incentive and reward cards wrongly, if at all, and it weakens compensation for husband.
About marriage: A couple’s minds, both conscious and subconscious, are divided about sex.
- Wife thinks of providing sex as rewarding him, and for which he is expected to show gratitude. When he doesn’t, she’s unhappy. She can’t be grateful either, because her ‘reward model’ doesn’t work. Making this simple but poor choice haunts her into making other mistakes.
- Husband thinks of frequent and convenient sex as his reward for having married. He’s long since shown his gratitude for it, which means he’s not likely to show much now.
- Incentivize is a better model for her. Her presence, attractiveness, and willingness make her a daily invitation for sex aka incentive aka challenge. He’s satisfied, because he’s grateful that she reliably confirms marital commitment as he understood it. He can cherish the challenge that she continually presents to his presence.
- His reward for giving up his independence is long past and virtually forgotten. To the male mind, married sex means marital duty, which makes gratitude okay but not essential. Hence, whatever gratefulness for sex he shows will likely never be enough for wife.
- Her presence is an invitation for sex, and her willingness confirms the original reward of marriage.
Husbands and wives sense their sexual sides quite differently. He sees a land of plenty, and she sees a gratitude famine. When wife compensates mate for husbanding and fathering, let her think of incentives rather than rewards, present rather than past, and inviting rather than careless appearance. His male-limited supply of gratitude normally crystallizes around her availability and cooperative willingness for sex rather than sex per se.
Caution: Don’t take the above as more than a description of how their respective minds work and interact. I neither condemn nor advise. Readers can do that.
♦ As women age, their ratio of testosterone to estrogen rises, so they get more authoritative. As men age, they get less aggressive, because their ratio diminishes.
♦ In war men don’t fight for home and country, they fight for the men alongside, military buddies. In wartime women fight for home, family, and beliefs.
♦ Men don’t respect women acting like males. Women don’t respect men acting like females.
♦ Men offer advice cautiously. They can’t stand to be ignored or disregarded. Women offer advice freely. They’re not offended when it goes unheeded or ignored.
♦ She wants to look pretty. He wants to appear in control.
♦ Women are more group-oriented and men more individualistic.
♦ Women expect peace without having to fight for it. Men know they must fight for it.
♦ Men physically defend themselves. Women mentally defend themselves.
♦ The male nature competes but cooperates under pressure. The female nature cooperates first but easily competes under pressure if risks are not threatening to kids or family.