359. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 16

Mothers ignore Einstein’s claim that “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Daughters suffer consequences, when mothers and daughters elevate popularity or anything else over virginity.

The male mind works like this regarding females:  Curiosity energizes his imagination. Knowledge about a particular thing stops curiosity, which stops his imagining about it.

Conquering a female goes step by step. For example, curious about boobs, imagine touching them. Feeling them up shifts his curiosity to exposing them. Seeing them makes curiosity shift to what’s next. But you know all that.

Imagination stirs hormones, knowledge calms them. Resurging curiosity keeps shifting a man’s imagination toward the next step for conquest.

♀  Male curiosity satisfied about any aspect of a girl becomes knowledge, which invites more curiosity and imagination about the next step toward sex, say boob exposure, which when satisfied invites more…. It doesn’t end until his conquest.

♀  As long as boys have to imagine about girls’ bodies, they stand in line to learn exactly what girls expect boys to do. This enables female dominance, which girls need to protect and promote their self-interest dealing with men.

♀  As long as boys have direct knowledge about a particular girl’s genitals, their imagination wanes, interest in her focuses only on the sexual, and male dominance explodes on a female countenance that will shortly reflect disappointment or worse.

When mothers and girls devalue virginity and virtual virginity, they empower boys to dominate girls. Once learned from the consequences, her lessons and his tricks imprint for life.

[Fifteen more posts about Sex and the fickle girl appear in the CONTENT page in the blog heading.]

318. His Mindset About Sex

The female mindset: Women worry about three phases of sex: foreplay, intercourse, and intimacy afterward. Men don’t.

Background

·        Adolescent male nature:  Intercourse is just intercourse. Foreplay should be unnecessary but can be fun. Intimacy interferes with recovery. Who’s next?

·        Mature male nature: Certain emotional involvements—such as respect and affection for her—add meaning and necessity to a man’s foreplay and intimacy. Her likeability adds too, but her attractiveness does not. (Attractiveness inspires the chase, but its emotional involvement fades after foreplay.)

A man’s sense of responsibility, significance, and permanence with his partner add considerations and connectedness that she appreciates. But his devotion makes him far more receptive to fulfilling her needs, especially after romantic love fades in a year or two.

The male mindset: Men are hormonally loaded to conquer attractive women. They plan around and worry about three things different than females: pre-conquest, post-conquest, and avoiding loss of their independence to hunt and conquer.

Of course, some men plan for and seek marriage. Being devoted to marriage is not the same as devoted to her, so she still has worries about his foreplay, intimacy, and even permanence.  

For more on the male mindset, see the Content page at the top for this series. Also try Do women know jack about Jack?

 

307. Newlywed Bonding #10 — Self-talk enslaves money

I offer self-talk that breeds financial success.

We become better people, when we live up to someone or something bigger than ourselves. It reduces self-centeredness and prevents selfishness. This improves everyone around us. Happier people make other people happy. And, that’s us. Contrary to common thinking, successful budgeting does it for us.

It only requires success-breeding rules honored by both of us. The following mutual commitments convey our meaning and dedication to one another:

1.           We can’t do it all yet, but we pledge to each other that we’ll work toward everything listed below.

2.           When we make mistakes, we’ll not look back. Make no room for guilt, or it will spoil our future. After all is said and done, hitting our targets is not everything, but recovery is everything even if we stumble some more.

3.           Money is available for everything we need, so long as we trade off money allocated to lower priority items to spend on higher priority items. Tradeoffs bless our endeavors by reminding that we always have enough money for vital needs. Tradeoffs also enable us to reprioritize our needs, wants, and wishes, and that’s the way it should be. 

4.           It may take years, but with each income increase we’ll squeeze our lifestyle until we live on 80% of our income.

5.           As squeezing permits, we’ll first shift 10% into short range savings each year (e.g., Christmas, vacation, gifts, etc.). We’ll not use credit to expand spending on these wants, but we expect expansion later as income increases.

6.           As squeezing permits, we’ll shift until we put another 10% into long range savings (home purchase, kid’s college, retirement, or whatever we choose).  

7.           Christmas and vacation spending will be limited to whatever we allocate at the start of the year and don’t tradeoff before those events arrive. Overspending on either event violates our principles and causes problems we intend to avoid.

8.           If we have a budget item but no funds to put there yet (e.g., none for long range savings), we will budget and accumulate at least $1 a month to remind its still a high priority intention. We’ll track it as a target, let it accumulate as a $12 IOU each year, and increase as more income permits.  

9.           Our card balances will grow no more. We’ll stop immediately charging on our cards unless we set the money aside to pay it off with the next billing. Our monthly monitor of cash flow will be used to track and obligate these funds until the bill comes in.

10.      We’ll pay off our credit cards as soon as possible. Once done, we will never again not pay them off each month.

11.      If financial arguments erupt, we will discuss our financial management process and whatever shortcoming caused the issue with the view to avoiding it in the future. To argue about the money or each other’s faults merely triggers lack of faith in each other. It’s the process we adopt that keeps us from each other’s throats.

12.      We’ll work up a plan for both of us to earn a reward each month. (Described in the next post.)

Budgetary rules make things come out the way people want, if they but impose and honor rules of their own making. Live up to our own rules, and we’ll become financially secure along the way and, perhaps, rich someday.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 301, 297, 261, 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

303. Weans, tweens, and teens, #11 — Immature kids

Immature adults emerge from this background: Kids enter puberty with empty minds primed to vacuum up adolescent values that produce these characteristics in adulthood:

·        Action comes before responsibility.

·        Self-centeredness overpowers ‘us’.

·                   Good intentions explain away lack of results.

·        Taking risks overrides common sense.

·        Others must earn my respect.

·        Popularity is more important than character.

·        Symbols are as good as substance.

·        Sex outweighs fidelity.

·        Parental supervision offends.

·        Wisdom resides in my peers.

They get that way from poor parenting in the weans and tweens. The following point to impending immaturity when present at puberty.

They lack:

o   A good work ethic and strong sense of personal responsibility.

o   Religious beliefs and moral convictions that guide them toward living up to something bigger than themselves.

o   Dependence upon parents for wisdom, guidance, support, back up.

o   Respect for authority and authority figures.

o   A foundation of unconditional respect for all people.

o   Ambitions (underdeveloped) for their own adult life. Not necessarily what they want to do, but expectations and preferably dreams of living in the adult world of responsibility, work, mature fun, family building.

They have:

o   Dreams of becoming a teen instead of an adult. They focus on peers, popularity, fashions, outside-the-family activities, and earlier duplication of older kids.  

o   Respect others only for what they can do for the child.

o   Self-centeredness. Selfishness comes easily to them. Their heart is soft for peers, but hard for most others.

o   A mother that did not nurture the child well in the weans, a father that did not lead well in the tweens, or both.

They exit adolescence with convicted beliefs that values learned in the teens are right and proper for adult life. This happens for one reason: They entered puberty with a mind empty of mature adult, albeit underdeveloped, values into which they expected to grow.  

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 268, 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

302. Her sexual history — Part 09

♂?♀  Her faulty reasoning: She seeks a man’s empathy or sympathy about her ex. Whatever she gains will be lost as he ponders about or imagines her sex with ex.

♂?♀  Uncovering her sexual history is masculine due diligence. Men want to know, but least is best.

♂?♀  Knowledge is vital to his future interests. What should arouse his suspicions? How can he estimate her potential and confirm her faithfulness? How should he react when encountering men who have laid with her?

♂?♀  Feminine intuition tops full-disclosure. While not easy, women have the skills and expertise to hide who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know.

♂?♀  Former relationships may be known to her man, but no mention should be made or details disclosed. It’s taboo.

♂?♀  Women should plan and develop non-disclosure tactics long before a relationship begins.

268. Weans, tweens, and teens #10 — Self-centered

          This post continues the description of subsets that make up the universal motivator, self-interest (post 223). Mature self-interest arrives after a child passes through three stages that are simplified here for clarity.

Selfish (post 239), self-centered, and self-tests are actions that motivate children at various stages of growing up. This post summarizes selfishness and then addresses self-centeredness.

In the last half of the weans, selfishness is the standard order of the day for toddlers. Such children promote their interests ahead of what’s agreeable with others. It becomes an undesirable habit, when they learn that it pays off. 

As effective parenting discourages selfishness, the child learns to think long instead of short term. He learns that spitefulness does not pay but fairness usually does. Groundwork is thus laid for the next stage after toddlerhood.

Self-centeredness arises during the tweens and takes two forms in every child. Whether viewed as good or bad, he behaves to make himself feel good about himself.

Parents consider it bad, when a child focuses repeatedly on getting others to make him feel good about himself. The child dwells on getting attention, affection, or appreciation. After repeated failures to be satisfied, he often escalates to outrageous behavior.  

Parents consider it good, when a child energizes himself to make his life better or more interesting. He depends upon himself to feel good about himself. He learns to benefit from turning off his selfish and self-centered switches when associating with others.

Self-centeredness in the tweens determines what’s ahead for the child and helps shapes his adult self-interest.

Lessons learned take on permanence as puberty arrives. Following that, the teen years provide the third stage of developing adult self-interest—self-testing. That’s the next post in this series.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

261. Newlywed Bonding #7 — Look, then leap

Here’s more to help guide newlyweds. These principles, beliefs, attitudes, and convictions can be tailored to fit or rejected by each couple to help fulfill their hopes and dreams. Advice is labeled as such.

♂$♀  Budgeting comes easily if a couple focuses on building a successful mixture of spousal interaction. Lots of imagination, small bits of will power, negotiable cooperation, and frequent confirmation of mutual trust can all be energized through the budgeting process.

♂$♀  Ignore what’s past. Assume decisions already made were sound at the time. Else, you would not have made them. Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes. Why pay attention to what can haunt, irritate, and demotivate you or generate distrust for spouse or your budgeting process?

♂$♀   Pay yourself first: Save at least 10% off the top for long term savings for home purchase and retirement. Otherwise, late in life you will limp financially before physically. It’s best the other way around.  

♂$♀  At the start of the year, allocate for church giving and short-term savings to cover Christmas and vacation spending. Then, commit to not overspending on the last two items.

♂$♀  This is ADVICE: Determine the level, develop a plan, and purposely live a lifestyle at considerably less than 100 percent of income. Doing it is critical; the percentage goal is less so.

Evil incardnate comes in next post.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

256. Newlywed Bonding #6 — Blessings

Just the term ‘budgeting’ scares some people. Like other processes, however, it can be learned by experimenting and mastered through practice. Newlyweds have four strengths to guide them:

1.     Some income. (It’s usually not enough, so spending control can be critical to avoid great indebtedness just getting settled into marriage.)

2.     Mutual interest to have enough money for a good life together.

3.     Two different and talented minds operating with joint purpose to succeed in marriage. When those minds operate as one in financial matters, wealth grows.

4.     Mental flexibility. A spouse can suppress the urges for impulse buying, compulsive shopping, and instant gratification when they have something bigger to live up to—for example, rewards that flow out of budgeting rules designed to overwhelm such bad habits.

So, as newlywed couple, wherever you’re at, do the best you can with what you’ve got. Think control before spending instead of the reverse.

More follows in future posts.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 256, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]