Tag Archives: modesty

2001. Male’s Primal Urge to Conquer Females


This article may shock you. It’s about the most unique aspect of the male nature. The way men are born and before they experience life growing up or associating with women. Before they are trained and pressured by women to hide one trait within their nature, which in turn brings out many causes and effects.

You have your unique modesty. Men have a unique urge for first-time sex with attractive women. When you understand and respect this unique trait in men, you will be better prepared to handle that which often offends girlfriends, lovers, live-ins, and wives.

Every man’s interest is stirred by sexually attractive females. Your man’s reactions to seeing one is NOT automatically a reflection against you. It may be but more likely it’s not if you mean anything to him except for sex. His primal urge is not disloyalty to you. It’s his nature exposing itself, a subconscious urge jumping up before your easily offended eyes. You should ignore it until you find confirming signs of his betrayal of you. Or better yet, be grateful that he chose you. (If you had it once, you must still have it unless you let IT slip away.)

Urge to conquer is one of two actions common to all men. His glance at a moving object is natural (as explained elsewhere) and more than a glance is natural at a sexually attractive female. Your taking offense just adds harmful pressure to your relationship. However, in no way do I alibi for men who take their interest beyond a good look, beyond what their nature prompts and their society-developed character should avoid.

The conquering urge in males causes or produces these effects across relationships and society:

  1. The males’ primal urge to have first-time sex with many women is divorced from female interests. A target’s interests have influence only to the extent that she conditions his thinking to subordinate his nature in order to please her for other things.
  2. His conquering urge is single-mindedness that springs open at sight of a sexually attractive female and repeats itself until a particular target is conquered or disposed of mentally. The urge prevails above and beyond the actual, practical, and even impossible conquests. Social and domestic pressures generated by women cause men to civilize their involuntary urges into more compatible and female-friendly behavior.
  3. The urge to conquer stands disconnected from warm and kind feelings. However, emotional connections with sex targets develop as a woman’s refusal to yield to conquest spurs his frustrations into delving deeper into her psyche.
  4. Whether dating or courting, he looks for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Accidentally, serendipitously, or purposely programmed by her, he discovers qualities of vital interest to him. Those he comes to admire are considered virtues. Wanting to marry a virtuous woman, the more virtues he finds before conquest, the more promising she looks as potential mate. That places her higher on the ‘keeper spectrum’, and so he chooses to spend more time with her rather than just vanish. What determines the outcome? How she conducts their relationship before conquest such that her worth as potential mate outweighs his urge to conquer. Effectively, she waters down his urge with her feminine mystique, female modesty, virtuous fascination, and monogamous spirit plus a gigantic patience and immense likeability that he thrives on whether it’s obvious or not.
  5. Civilizing influences and social and domestic pressures tame male sexual aggression. Men are pressured to hold in check and disguise their conquering urge. Exploiting female innocence and desire for romance, men manage to harmonize it with social interactions.
  6. Romance opens the door to her heart, which cracks open the door to earlier conquest, which stirs men to be romantic although it’s foreign to the male nature. So, romance forces men to go against their nature in order to conquer according to their nature. (Another reason that both sexes fail to understand the other.)
  7. After conquest he’s a different man relative to the conquered. First, conquest releases his nature to consider other targets. His primal urge is reinvigorated. Second, he views the just-conquered woman in a totally different light. The spectrum runs from marriage to immediate disappearance with these possibilities in between: romance her, probable keeper, friend, booty, dumpee. The choice he makes depends upon the pre-conquest relationship that she as the expert was able to develop.
  8. With each woman conquered, his life changes relative to her. Whatever relationship developed before that, it will be different afterward. Whereas he expected and responded to her competitive spirit, especially to protect her sexual assets, he expects it to end. He afterward expects her cooperation sans competition. Discovering new virtues in her is both harder and slower after conquest, because he’s no longer looking for weaknesses. Effectively, the respect she earned before conquest is the level of respect she will enjoy subsequently. This is the real enigma of conquest: She is no bigger or better than what he conquered. She doesn’t lose anything; he just doesn’t recognize much more worth in her until a lengthy and happy marriage teaches him otherwise. (Now, obviously there’s a measure of hyperbole in that claim. But the essence is true. A woman’s worth as a woman—as opposed to her worth to him—is generally the worth she earns defending her sexual assets.)
  9. The conquering urge lasts for life. It can only be tamed and women must do the taming. The intensity fades later in life but the sight of a sexually attractive female stimulates his interest long after age-related practicality or marital obligations prevent anything else.*

Consequently, women know so little about the male nature that they—even as the relationship experts—misplay the dating and courtship agendas.

If wife gets jealous because husband looks at attractive women, she should judge on what he does and not what he thinks momentarily. She’s no less valuable to him; he just reacts instinctively. To her it’s simple-thoughtlessness. To him its single-mindedness inherited at birth. To be sure, men should train themselves to be less offensive in their natural habits, but many men just don’t respect women generally or their woman in particular enough to do that.

Men are born with the primal urge to conquer as many as practical. It’s up to women to learn how to exploit it rather than be victimized. Don’t you at least suspect that our ancestor women developed the institution of marriage to at least check and hopefully check mate the male nature?

——

*Several years ago I renewed a dormant friendship with a school chum (both are 83). A couple of visits, dozens of emails, and exchanges of opinion on common-interest subjects brought not one mention of attractive women. Both of us became widowers this year. In the past few days we have exchanged several emails on the subject of sexually attractive women. Oh, not speculating anything. Just that particularly noticeable ones improve the appeal of TV (from which I have weaned myself for other reasons). Even as octogenarians, female attractiveness attracts because the primal urge never dies. Hope wilts but not the urge.

 

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2000. Compatibility Axioms #451-460


451. Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature enables virtual virginity to work for her. [154]
452. This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows. [154]
453. The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine standards, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex. [154]
454. Women age most gracefully and charmingly when they intensify their natural femininity early in life. Duplicating the male persona ages women prematurely and leaves them with little grace and charm for their elder years. [155]
455. Women are naturally well-equipped with a cooperative spirit, indirectness, nurture-power, soft-heartedness, and natural but unoffending hard-headedness. These strengths help balance their man’s dominance. Each successful balancing event reinforces her efforts, strengthens her influence, and enlarges his respect. [155]
456. Extraordinary women arise from this model to hold the respect of men for life: She keeps herself looking pretty and modest, fairly independent, and attractive to men. However, she automatically tests any man she encounters as if for a relationship. She doesn’t relate well with those unworthy of her. It applies to all men, not just her man. [155]
457. Femininity in early life captures a man’s attention. Femininity practiced ardently over their years together gradually empowers her as family matriarch in later life. [155]
458. Femininity best improves a woman’s lot in life by inspiring a man to adopt her social and domestic values and expectations usually built upon her girlhood hopes and dreams. But it calls for indirectness, cooperation, patience, and charm used to admire his significance, demo her respect, and show gratitude for and dependence on who he is and what he does. [155]
459. Whether done by one or many women, feminine values and standards upheld strongly and persistently against unmarried sex go far toward reducing male dominance, aggressiveness, and violence. (First principle of masculine behavior: Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Second principle: Men even marry if that’s required.) [155]
460. He measures his manly prowess by her worth after his conquest. Much of her retention value hinges on it. He wonders roundabout and over time: Now that I have, who else conquered this woman, if she is to be anything more than a used sex target to me? [156]

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1993. Self-gratitude — Relationship Maintenance


Both sexes are born to live compatibly as mates. To men, relationships just are; they don’t need maintenance. Recovery comes with women being born as relationship experts. They’re able to coach and coax accommodation and maintain balance between the sexes. Facing hundreds of sex differences, they do better when they start with strategic guidelines.

The following universal principles provide high level guidance. Accommodation and balance in these principles reduce the battle of the sexes to compatible peace and the potential for harmonious mating.

  1. The superior sex provides what the dominant sex needs to succeed at building economic wealth to sustain life as a family. In exchange, the dominant sex yields independence to the superior sex to succeed at building domestic peace, preferably harmony in the home.
  2. Women are born for happiness but they have to earn it with extra effort at being uniquely female, that is, feminine. Men are born into satisfaction; beginning as toddlers they stumble into it as the result of living a self-admired way of life.
  3. Men are born to compete, women to cooperate. Mating enables the dominant sex to rest peacefully after the hard labor of building and accumulating wealth. Mating enables the superior sex to strive for a brighter future through the good offices of a mate.
  4. Women are born to be good. By doing good, they become good in fact. Men are born to do good. They become good under the influence of women who energize them to do good.
  5. Morality serves women. Men don’t need it. And so women gain the moral high ground if they choose to impose morality into their lives.
  6. Men focus on the present. (They seek self-admiration through achievement.) Women focus on the future. (Today’s schedule was planned yesterday; the next vacation is in the works; the prospects of food next month is more important than what is on the table today.)
  7. Men are naturally direct and women indirect in dealing with the opposite sex. Mutual respect for each other’s preferred method breeds cooperation.
  8. Men are sufficiently independent to chase their boyhood dreams with dedication as adults. Women lead lives of quiet desperation or unquiet exhaustion as they adjust expectations to fit the discouraging realities pitted against their girlhood hopes and dreams.
  9. To men, respect must be earned. Women give respect freely until it becomes undeserved.
  10. Sex bonds women but not men.
  11. Women need to feel important. Men need to be admired.
  12. Women fear abandonment. Men fear insignificance.
  13. Women are naturally modest. Men are not.
  14. Women live eternally with infernal guilt. Men do not; they resent the imposition of guilt and reject, escape, or forget it.

Accommodation and balance in those factors sets the stage for relationship success. However, a woman’s relationship expertise is both animated and limited by self-gratitude. With it flooding her heart, she ‘inherits’ the urgency to build a healthy relationship and the energy to maintain it. Without a flood, she flops and flounders on the rocks of interpersonal pressures.

More will follow on self-gratitude.

 

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1991. Self-gratitude—He Doesn’t Love the Whole You


As explained at post 1985, you face a seemingly impossible hurdle in pursuing, capturing, and retaining a potential Mr. Right. While he looks for weaknesses to get you into bed, you have to continually present some unknown quantity of unspecified qualities in ways that make Mr. Good Enough admire them sufficiently for you to appear fascinating. When fascination grows and your promise as his mate also becomes fascinating, he proposes and releases you to wedding planning. He does it all, you are the stimulus.

In the end, your fascination is what your man loves. It’s not the whole you, it’s those parts of you that fascinate and keep him submerged beneath your indirect stimulation and patient influence.

The diving board above the pool of your fascination is erected by this. You always look and act like the woman you hope to be, the woman of your affirming girlhood dreams. It calls for you to maximize the use of natural qualities inherited at birth and minimize the values and habits that flow out of your later development. Three examples: 1) Return to your modest nature and discard the immodest habits you picked up along the road of life. 2) Rather than absorb an offense with silence, react assertively against those who impose their filth on your feminine sensibilities. Determine to get the f- and c- and similar words out of your hearing range, whether you depart or remind others that your sensitivities are more important than their presence. 3) Never disclose to anyone—even family and girl friends—your virgin status, sexual history, or anything else that can cost you someone’s respect or be used against you when flare ups occur as they do in every relationship. Retain some degree of feminine mystique, aka mystery about why you insist on doing uniquely feminine things.

You can use prayer, but God’s timing does not always match yours. In fact, no way exists to make yourself more fascinating than by privately generating self-gratitude before your mirror image, your best friend, your reflection to whom you cannot lie. How to do that comes later.

 

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1960. Compatibility Axioms #322-330


A quick recap: God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us to be compatible with a mate. We match up easily in many ways.  
322. Men are driven to overcome Nature and other barriers, compete with men, and shape human events. Women need a brighter future for them and theirs. Compatible matchup? [126]
323. Men just need a place to flop, eat, and throw their things. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Compatible matchup? [126]
324. Men want the freedom to pursue their nature as hunter-conquerors and target high value prey. For example, men don’t mount rabbit heads in their den or pursue women they find unappealing. Women want help when they need it in a world they cannot dominate. Compatible potential?
325. Women are born pretty. Men are born handy. Compatible matchup?
326. Women fear abandonment. Men fear insignificance. By promoting their man’s significance, women demote their fear. Compatible potential?
327. Men have a natural inclination for directness and impatience. Women are endowed with the talent for indirectness strengthened by patience. Their willingness to be flexible and negotiate enables them to gain ultimate influence in relationships to the advantage of them and children. Compatible potential?
328. Man-think primarily focuses men on the present. Woman-think primarily focuses women on the future. Compatible potential?
329. Women are motivated to enhance their sense of importance through relationships. Men are motivated to earn self-admiration through accomplishments. Compatible potential?
330. Women are naturally modest. Men are not but respect women for insistence on it. Compatible potential?

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1951. Favored Quotes—Collection 40


“As for me, my primary motivation for transforming my outer appearance was to NEVER LET MYSELF BE ECLIPSED BY ANOTHER WOMAN in my boyfriend’s mind. Of course, if I stand next to a movie star, I might not be as outstanding, but I am confident that my continuous efforts at perfecting my skills will make me a dignified lady next to her. I just never want my boyfriend to ever think that some other woman is so gorgeous BECAUSE of my sloppiness.” [SBaby at 806]

“Many, many women — perhaps out of their woundedness — advocate manipulation (instead of indirectness), aloofness (instead of principled feistiness), superiority (instead of respect), etc. The differences might sound minor, but my experience has been that they instead are a gulf… and one avenue leads women to crustiness and increased discontent, whereas the other leads them to gentleness and increased peace.” [Not-so-annonymous Anne at 1409]

“Men are powerful, and women are magical. [Breatheeatlive at 1904]

“And yet I know it’s not OK, and that it is not right that women should be pressured into a kind of “lease with option to buy” arrangement with their boyfriends in order to have a chance at marriage and family.” [Lisette at 1945]

 “I have to ‘play the game or stay on the bench’. The game being modesty and the bench being singledom.” [Brown_eyes at 1924]

“It’s the 10th day of my having adopted this philosophy and I’m still amazed by how my mood/confidence really rises and falls upon the degree of satisfaction and pride in my own appearance. I used to be guilty of taking shortcuts – I wasn’t a slob exactly – more of a 5/10 most days because I never thought of linking self-respect with personal prettiness, certainly not in the terms you’ve set out. I only bothered to dress up when I first started new jobs but inevitably, once the novelty and perceived need dwindled, so did my standards. Now it’s different – I can really appreciate the effect it has on my mood. When I’m very satisfied with my appearance, I genuinely am unaffected by what people think, whether it’s prompted by flattery, curiosity or envy. Compliments, when they come, are lovely but I don’t feel the need to seek them because I’m secure that I’ve met or exceeded my own standards for prettiness. One of my male colleagues told me I looked charming today. That’s the first time anyone (male or female) has said that about me and given the working culture I’m in, it was very nice icing on the cake! Thank you for making me realise that taking the time to make myself attractive isn’t trying to create what doesn’t exist, or mask faults, but rather to compliment, complement and highlight what I’ve been endowed with, and for which I am learning to be grateful!” [PeachBlossoms at 1146]

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1920. Compatibility Axioms #141-150


141. Male conquest is predominately a psychological victory. Later encounters with the same woman are physical. This makes their first sex together monumentally different from a couple’s subsequent sexual events. [91]

142. This works. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Their mother teaches them to balance mind and heart. Their father builds and reinforces their confidence in head and heart with his unconditional approval which daughter translates as love and respect. [89]

143. Feminine mystique, female modesty, religious morality, unconditional sexual fidelity, female-defined manners, and holy matrimony enable women to indirectly dominate interaction and values that shape relationships. Men deeply respect a woman that proudly and defiantly upholds an exceptional persona that men would not develop on their own. [89]

144. Mothers create alpha males. If father is an alpha and mother admires him to a fault, sons will likely duplicate father. If father is alpha but mother doesn’t hold him up as exemplary for sons to envy and copy, boys will likely become less than alpha. If father is non-alpha, the same things happen; boys become the men that mothers expect.

145. If she talks a man into marriage, it won’t last. A man’s devotion to marriage is very different from devotion to a woman. [91]

146. In the game of Desperation, men are the best readers and biggest victors. [91]

147. It’s every man’s nature to want to lay with attractive women. It offends his present woman when he insensitively reminds her of that side of his nature. [91]

148. Lengthy sex-free courtships teach males to do whatever they have to do to conquer a woman. Along the way this includes men changing their habits to match female expectations that—hopefully for women—arise from female-friendly and moral standards. [91]

149. Male freedom from womanly influence promotes greater male dominance. Female independence also promotes it. [91]

150. Males are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Mother softens their heart for dealing with women. Father tempers their hard-headedness for living with a woman. [91]

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1919. Compatibility Axioms #131-140


131. The rooster can’t crow boastfully, when he has to play second fiddle in the hen house. [75]

132. Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that couples succeed because of sex differences more than sameness. [75]

133. Guilt powerfully motivates women, but men not nearly as much. Laying guilt on a man produces unintended consequences, usually bad for a woman. [89]

134. Happiness flows from one’s gratitude. The unhappy wife has not used her mind to embed enough gratefulness into her heart. It’s not so much what she’s grateful for, it’s that she find or create gratitude in ever broadening ways for ever more important things. [89]

135. Any female eagerness to hook up, couple up, or shack up shifts game rules toward the masculine side of life and severely weakens the woman’s influence for shaping their future together. [89]

136. Enduring love that lasts for a woman’s life is primarily built around her gratefulness for whomever and whatever fulfills her need for a stable future. [89]

137. Female promiscuity now floods the social marketplace. Social damage flows from the de-civilizing effect it has on males, which breeds male aggression, family irresponsibility, and violence against women and children. [89]

138. Feminine charm that commands masculine respect flows out of natural femaleness such as feminine mystique, female modesty, unconditional faithfulness, need of religion, pleas for morality, and an uplifting spirit for both life and people. All of which are foreign to the male nature and self-interest except as they learn differently from females in their lives. [89]

139. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, defensive, and unsure of her values and intentions about his role in her life. [89]

140. Girls appearing and acting as sluts lather grief all across their father’s pride and sink his significance as a parent. A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. If daughter kills it, he may take it out on her mother or seek admiration elsewhere. [89]

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