Tag Archives: modesty

2084. Female Blessings at Birth — 79-81 Plus Intro of New Project


Yesterday, ladies, I was blessed with new insight surrounding the blessings you are born with. Men admire that which a woman possesses that draws and holds his interest, something he respects, her likeability. Each quality a man admires becomes a virtue to him. Her virtues accumulate until he sees her as fascinating, as a virtuous woman. Each husband has married a woman that in courtship he judged as virtuous to his satisfaction, which is what men work toward in all that they do: satisfaction. In that husband’s case, satisfaction that he judged her desirable to be his mate. Judged not on what she promised or told him, but what he saw and didn’t hear that could have discouraged him.

To me as a man, when I review the blessings in this list, I see nothing but virtues that women are born with. Each blessing has enough man-appreciated quality to be admired by some man, some place, some time.

When a woman exemplifies her blessings, men admire her as unique and fascinating. Examples: submissive spirit, vanity, modesty, neatness, gratefulness, prettiness, self-sufficiency, spreader of joy, easy to smile, protector of sexual assets, et al. To the extent she makes those qualities appealing/attractive to a man, she becomes virtuous. The more virtuous the more fascinating. The more fascinating, the more promise she holds as potential mate. The more potential, the more easily he proceeds to the altar. It’s a system that works best under this simple layout of nature: Men are men and women are women.

That introduces my next major project, which is to match up each blessing with the likely reaction/response of men. However, I need weeks to develop it. Relocating to another state later this month, it could be Christmas before I can post it. Perhaps I can plant seeds along the way to get your help in proofing it.

The first seeds appear below. At the end of each item, I cite her blessing and the responding admiration that normally would flow from men. It’s another attempt at tying her actions to what men see in her. Your comments are needed to help clarify it.

79. I’m grateful each morning when I face myself in the mirror. Terrible when I arrive, successful when I depart. [Guy adds: The benefits are more than worth the inconvenience of time spent bringing out the prettiness of your face. As your face goes, so goes your day. As your day goes, so goes your life. Her blessing: She has prettiness to work with. His admiration: She’s great to look at.]

80. I am blessed that I can see the good in people and turn it into uplifting words. Especially those who are close to me. [Extending special credit to Surfercajun for identifying that female blessing, Guy adds: Women are born to be good, and become good by doing good. Her blessing: She sees the good in life and pursues it to be good. His admiration: While so easily earning the respect and trust of others, she also picks me up when I’m down, makes me feel good about myself.]

81. I am blessed with a feminine nature strong enough to handle any improper reaction I may provoke in others. [Extending special credit to Pretty Woman for suggesting this inborn blessing, Guy adds: You can’t be responsible for others’ reactions. Her blessing: She has calm inner strength to deal with upset people. His admiration: Glad she’s on my side.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add. I am especially grateful for all reactions to my new project and how I’m trying to find a way to depict it in some clear form. Presently, I can’t get past the idea of a table or matrix reflecting blessing vs. admiration.

Women aren’t here to serve or please men. The superior sex is here to serve and please women in such ways that men find them fascinating, irresistible, and promising as monogamous mates. Women play their cards right when they live within the blessings they inherit at birth.

 

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2075. Liked or Respected, Which is Best?


Dealing with men or their man, there are two kinds of women. Some seek to be liked and others to be respected. The former learn to live with continuous dislike of themselves; they look back continuously. The latter work to earn respect and behave as if they are respected; they don’t have to look back.

The difference determines how men perceive them by subliminally reading their attitudes. Men believe in and rely on their perceptions, especially what they see. A person’s attitude is the most obvious expression of what resides in their hearts and it’s virtually visible to the subconscious mind of men—though not as good as women read it.

Wanting to be liked works directly against a woman’s best interest. She misses out on being respected, which is the foundation of man’s love. Her attitude reveals a sense of inadequacy, which reveals lack of self-respect, which makes her unable to respect men as they expect it, and which discourages a man’s respect of her. Her begging for attention makes her annoying. Her sense of near or complete desperation scares men away; she’s unpredictable to male eyes.

Seeking to be liked also prompts women to explain themselves, which arises from their sense of inadequacy. They also complain too easily, which is prompted by feeling treated less than they deserve, which is prompted by the need for confirmation of their self-importance. When they don’t get the reactions they expect, both their self-image and self-worth plummet, which prompts more complaining and explaining.

The other kind of woman works independently to her own advantage. She seeks to be respected as a person, woman, mother, and her other roles and in that order. As a person she doesn’t look down on others. As a woman she holds her head high and stands up for herself to men. As a mother she insists that father defer to her as prime leader of her children. As a housewife she determines how and by whom housework will be done. As an employee she determines the value of her work effort relative to her responsibilities at home. And on and on through her other roles.

She latches onto and replenishes her spirit with inborn strengths, such as female modesty, feminine vanity, mirror-enhanced prettiness, monogamous spirit, relative meekness, submissive spirit, and extra respect for those that earn it. All used to get her way in matters dealing with her moral, ethical, and religious standards and expectations for the others around her. She will not win all the battles, but it’s the standing up for herself that wins the wars with each guy including husband.

The respectable woman is a proactive member of the superior sex and can capitalize on it as long as she doesn’t claim that as her inheritance. IOW, as long as men don’t hear it from her mouth.

The self-fulfilling prophecy works in both cases. The harder one woman tries to be liked, the more her self-like declines. She gets feedback opposite to that she longs for. The more the other woman works to sustain or improve her respectability, the more affirming feedback she gets from all men and especially her own.

 

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2067. Vanity, Thy Purpose is Great — Q&A


With feminine skill at 2066, Her Highness Cinnamon took blogmaster to task. I regret the confusion; lack of clarity on my end. Her questions are quoted and my answers follow. Thanks, Cinnamon, for the ease of clarifying the matter. It’s a tribute to the quality of your questioning.

1. “Are you saying that she tries to be likeable by suppressing natural modesty and vanity and that this is dishonest?”

Not suppresses, just eases off disclosing it. Not dishonest, just mistaken. She focuses so intensely on being liked by both girlfriends and men, that she drops her guard. She’s willing to forgo her heart-felt interests in an effort to not offend or to stand up for herself. So, she adapts to accepting offenses to her sensibilities. (Which she doesn’t have unless she claims them as standard for her.)

And she adopts more comfortable and even sloppy appearance to save time and match others, and it prevents using her prettiness to her advantage. Men have no God-given prettiness to enhance, and so she acts more as men act, which costs her in distinctiveness and uniqueness. All done to fit in better on the likeability circuit her girlfriends follow and men find satisfying, because it makes sex more frequent and convenient.

2. “I thought men did better when women were more mysterious – when they DON’T know who they are dealing with – because it inspires them to find out for themselves.”

That’s true, but the process of learning to deal with her—for her own best interest—starts with her uncovering her standards. What she must have to keep her identity, her uniqueness from other gals, her indebtedness to herself, her separateness from his dominant persona.

3. “Or are you just saying that modesty and vanity are the only two things that she SHOULD be more direct about (while remaining indirect about everything else).”

Pretty much, yes. Modesty and vanity are self-protective and usable as standards unique to the female nature. Men see both as natural and therefore respect a woman’s claims. So, her claims are instinctive, less debatable, more persuasive, and thus more influential inside man-think.

OTOH, in the singles world where two conquerors compete, men feel less respect and restraint for challenging lessons learned in life. Such as religious imperatives, childhood teachings, and moral values. A woman doubtless has other standards and expectations, but they don’t have the authority and predominance that modesty and vanity provide instinctively and that carry over to help stabilize her marriage.

A new thought about how doors open in man-think. By respecting and honoring those two standards, he admires her feminine determination, which makes him see virtue, which energizes him to find ways to live within her standards, which adds to her fascination, which makes him more eager to please her, which tends to build devotion, which adds to the promise he sees in her for his future, which is the gate to the altar. It all started when she let him know that she had standards that he must honor.

It boils down to this. Modesty is a woman’s defensive armor to protect her female sensibilities. Vanity is her offensive technique to exploit her prettiness. Both are inborn and instinctive. Mature men respect both, which jumpstarts a man’s respect out of which his love can grow.

 

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2066. Vanity, Thy Purpose is Great


We’re all naturally self-centered. Beyond a certain point that varies by individual, self-centeredness is unattractive to the opposite sex. Female modesty and vanity in women are justifiable exceptions. Modesty is a woman’s defensive armor to protect her female sensibilities. Vanity is her offensive technique to exploit her prettiness. Men would do the same if necessary. Consequently, they accept such female uniqueness even though it expands female self-centeredness beyond what normally appeals to men. IOW, men have to indulge her modesty and vanity if they hope to get along. By doing so, they invest themselves in her.

Modesty and vanity are inherited at birth. If a man can’t or doesn’t respect and accept those female traits due to his impatience or other traits, he’s too self-centered for her. She needs to discover it early in dating and below I suggest a way.

Modern women use a very poor strategy for capturing a man. They try to make themselves likeable. They do what they think men like, which of course focuses women on sex too. In response to masculine pressures, they also find it necessary to hide their modest nature and abandon their justifiable vanity. Consequently, they gain insufficient respect from men.

When a man likes a woman before he learns to respect her, his mind focuses on bedding her. When a man learns to respect a woman before he learns to like her, he focuses on learning more about her and is willing to put sex in the background. The former guy enables himself to avoid obligation; the male nature just works that way. The latter guy, however, is open to becoming obligated simply because he is willing to earn his way into her heart. The male nature works that way too. She’s captured his attention for learning more about her and drawn his interest to relationship obligations, which is the first step to capturing him for her.

Women seeking to be liked spotlight what they think men want to hear. That thinking keeps a man from finding out who she truly is. Marginalizing and de-personalizing her interest denies him ‘truth in advertising’ and he makes mistakes dealing with her. Not his fault, hers.

Men deal best with women when they know who they are dealing with. Men are direct and expect women to be. Women, being indirect by nature, overdo caution in order to be liked, and men don’t really know who or what they are dealing with. She’s a person but not a known woman, so he has to operate in somewhat of a vacuum. So, heck, take the easy road; push her for sex.

Here’s the crux of it. When a man can’t figure out who a woman is, the vacuum kills likeability. So, women trying to be liked torpedo their own ship.

Now, the suggestion mentioned above. Do the following early in dating and not later than the third date. Without complaining and without explaining further, let every man know two things. Done delicately helps but in no way apologize.

  1. You have female sensibilities and are easily offended. He’ll ask what, and you just respond with something like, “I’m modest and you’ll just have to figure it out.” It will put him on his toes to be more observant of his words and actions. And each little consideration he makes is an investment of himself.
  2. You require extra time to please yourself with your appearance. Tell him, “I always need extra time. You may be inconvenienced, so plan the best you can.”

Note that both bullets describe who you are. Men can deal with that. Without your letting a man know, he will assume you play like other women. Most of them have thrown away both modesty and vanity in order to be liked and popular. So, what’s the foundation for a man’s respect?

A woman does best when men know who she is and seek to step up to her standards. IOW, he earns his way into her heart by investing himself in not offending her. That works where this doesn’t; she goes along to get along, to be liked by him and popular among his buds.

Women are in charge of their destiny, but they have to train men to come along with them. Modesty and vanity earn manly respect. Out of that likeability can grow.

 

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2032. Female Blessings at Birth — 43-45


A NOTE FIRST. Ladies, your interest in these female blessings that arrive with birth seem to be waning. Am I boring you, or is interest in the subject already worn out? Shall I drop the subject?

——

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 15th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add following each blessing, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

43. I appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me. [Guy adds: Modesty is as natural to women as aggressiveness is to men. I urge every woman to study and teach daughters out of Wendy Shalit’s marvelous book, A Return to Modesty — Discovering the Lost Virtue. First, modesty is admirable to men simply because such apparently fun-depriving uniqueness is so foreign to their nature. Second, modesty is a woman’s most powerful weapon for getting a man settled into his expected role of honoring female sensibilities, both hers and that of other women. The more she respects her modest nature with affirming actions, the more easily she earns the respect of men, which is the foundation of a man’s love. (Ladies, I regret repeating myself so much, but many readers will be reading this as their first or near-first exposure to such concepts as men love according to their respect for a woman.)]

44. I can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly encourage myself with how pretty I truly am. [Guy adds: A female’s best friend is her mirror image. To the extent that she exploits that friendship, she strengthens her self-image, self-worth, and self-interest. Without a mirror nearby, she’s virtually lost in thought about her appearance. Anxiety about it can make her lose focus on other things, or she can use the mirror to change the subject. With a mirror she can restore confidence, eliminate anxiety, and restore herself to whatever track she was on in any situation. That’s why she’s designed, endowed, and hormonally energized to believe that she’s pretty—it’s her salvation for any tough situation when she learns to use it in company with her compact-available best friend.]

45. I feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men. [Guy adds: Women lack the masculine self-confidence that whatever they choose to do is okay within themselves. The spirit of Feminism suggests to women that they will feel more self-confident and like themselves better by duplicating masculine habits in dress and behavior. But it doesn’t work as advertised. Instead, they have to try other more masculine habits, but that doesn’t work either. Consequently, modern women continually feel less than good about themselves. They try harder and harder but the pop culture pushes them in the wrong direction, that of adopting male initiatives, welcoming male dominance, and tolerating excess male aggressiveness. Thus, women wean themselves away from their natural ways of always feeling good or better about themselves, which means they don’t find gratefulness in themselves, which means they can’t find all that much gratefulness in their lives, which means that they move further and further away from ever finding happiness that emerges from a strong spirit of gratefulness particularly for being female.

Example for your response: “45-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.

 

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2001. Male’s Primal Urge to Conquer Females


This article may shock you. It’s about the most unique aspect of the male nature. The way men are born and before they experience life growing up or associating with women. Before they are trained and pressured by women to hide one trait within their nature, which in turn brings out many causes and effects.

You have your unique modesty. Men have a unique urge for first-time sex with attractive women. When you understand and respect this unique trait in men, you will be better prepared to handle that which often offends girlfriends, lovers, live-ins, and wives.

Every man’s interest is stirred by sexually attractive females. Your man’s reactions to seeing one is NOT automatically a reflection against you. It may be but more likely it’s not if you mean anything to him except for sex. His primal urge is not disloyalty to you. It’s his nature exposing itself, a subconscious urge jumping up before your easily offended eyes. You should ignore it until you find confirming signs of his betrayal of you. Or better yet, be grateful that he chose you. (If you had it once, you must still have it unless you let IT slip away.)

Urge to conquer is one of two actions common to all men. His glance at a moving object is natural (as explained elsewhere) and more than a glance is natural at a sexually attractive female. Your taking offense just adds harmful pressure to your relationship. However, in no way do I alibi for men who take their interest beyond a good look, beyond what their nature prompts and their society-developed character should avoid.

The conquering urge in males causes or produces these effects across relationships and society:

  1. The males’ primal urge to have first-time sex with many women is divorced from female interests. A target’s interests have influence only to the extent that she conditions his thinking to subordinate his nature in order to please her for other things.
  2. His conquering urge is single-mindedness that springs open at sight of a sexually attractive female and repeats itself until a particular target is conquered or disposed of mentally. The urge prevails above and beyond the actual, practical, and even impossible conquests. Social and domestic pressures generated by women cause men to civilize their involuntary urges into more compatible and female-friendly behavior.
  3. The urge to conquer stands disconnected from warm and kind feelings. However, emotional connections with sex targets develop as a woman’s refusal to yield to conquest spurs his frustrations into delving deeper into her psyche.
  4. Whether dating or courting, he looks for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Accidentally, serendipitously, or purposely programmed by her, he discovers qualities of vital interest to him. Those he comes to admire are considered virtues. Wanting to marry a virtuous woman, the more virtues he finds before conquest, the more promising she looks as potential mate. That places her higher on the ‘keeper spectrum’, and so he chooses to spend more time with her rather than just vanish. What determines the outcome? How she conducts their relationship before conquest such that her worth as potential mate outweighs his urge to conquer. Effectively, she waters down his urge with her feminine mystique, female modesty, virtuous fascination, and monogamous spirit plus a gigantic patience and immense likeability that he thrives on whether it’s obvious or not.
  5. Civilizing influences and social and domestic pressures tame male sexual aggression. Men are pressured to hold in check and disguise their conquering urge. Exploiting female innocence and desire for romance, men manage to harmonize it with social interactions.
  6. Romance opens the door to her heart, which cracks open the door to earlier conquest, which stirs men to be romantic although it’s foreign to the male nature. So, romance forces men to go against their nature in order to conquer according to their nature. (Another reason that both sexes fail to understand the other.)
  7. After conquest he’s a different man relative to the conquered. First, conquest releases his nature to consider other targets. His primal urge is reinvigorated. Second, he views the just-conquered woman in a totally different light. The spectrum runs from marriage to immediate disappearance with these possibilities in between: romance her, probable keeper, friend, booty, dumpee. The choice he makes depends upon the pre-conquest relationship that she as the expert was able to develop.
  8. With each woman conquered, his life changes relative to her. Whatever relationship developed before that, it will be different afterward. Whereas he expected and responded to her competitive spirit, especially to protect her sexual assets, he expects it to end. He afterward expects her cooperation sans competition. Discovering new virtues in her is both harder and slower after conquest, because he’s no longer looking for weaknesses. Effectively, the respect she earned before conquest is the level of respect she will enjoy subsequently. This is the real enigma of conquest: She is no bigger or better than what he conquered. She doesn’t lose anything; he just doesn’t recognize much more worth in her until a lengthy and happy marriage teaches him otherwise. (Now, obviously there’s a measure of hyperbole in that claim. But the essence is true. A woman’s worth as a woman—as opposed to her worth to him—is generally the worth she earns defending her sexual assets.)
  9. The conquering urge lasts for life. It can only be tamed and women must do the taming. The intensity fades later in life but the sight of a sexually attractive female stimulates his interest long after age-related practicality or marital obligations prevent anything else.*

Consequently, women know so little about the male nature that they—even as the relationship experts—misplay the dating and courtship agendas.

If wife gets jealous because husband looks at attractive women, she should judge on what he does and not what he thinks momentarily. She’s no less valuable to him; he just reacts instinctively. To her it’s simple-thoughtlessness. To him its single-mindedness inherited at birth. To be sure, men should train themselves to be less offensive in their natural habits, but many men just don’t respect women generally or their woman in particular enough to do that.

Men are born with the primal urge to conquer as many as practical. It’s up to women to learn how to exploit it rather than be victimized. Don’t you at least suspect that our ancestor women developed the institution of marriage to at least check and hopefully check mate the male nature?

——

*Several years ago I renewed a dormant friendship with a school chum (both are 83). A couple of visits, dozens of emails, and exchanges of opinion on common-interest subjects brought not one mention of attractive women. Both of us became widowers this year. In the past few days we have exchanged several emails on the subject of sexually attractive women. Oh, not speculating anything. Just that particularly noticeable ones improve the appeal of TV (from which I have weaned myself for other reasons). Even as octogenarians, female attractiveness attracts because the primal urge never dies. Hope wilts but not the urge.

 

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2000. Compatibility Axioms #451-460


451. Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature enables virtual virginity to work for her. [154]
452. This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows. [154]
453. The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine standards, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex. [154]
454. Women age most gracefully and charmingly when they intensify their natural femininity early in life. Duplicating the male persona ages women prematurely and leaves them with little grace and charm for their elder years. [155]
455. Women are naturally well-equipped with a cooperative spirit, indirectness, nurture-power, soft-heartedness, and natural but unoffending hard-headedness. These strengths help balance their man’s dominance. Each successful balancing event reinforces her efforts, strengthens her influence, and enlarges his respect. [155]
456. Extraordinary women arise from this model to hold the respect of men for life: She keeps herself looking pretty and modest, fairly independent, and attractive to men. However, she automatically tests any man she encounters as if for a relationship. She doesn’t relate well with those unworthy of her. It applies to all men, not just her man. [155]
457. Femininity in early life captures a man’s attention. Femininity practiced ardently over their years together gradually empowers her as family matriarch in later life. [155]
458. Femininity best improves a woman’s lot in life by inspiring a man to adopt her social and domestic values and expectations usually built upon her girlhood hopes and dreams. But it calls for indirectness, cooperation, patience, and charm used to admire his significance, demo her respect, and show gratitude for and dependence on who he is and what he does. [155]
459. Whether done by one or many women, feminine values and standards upheld strongly and persistently against unmarried sex go far toward reducing male dominance, aggressiveness, and violence. (First principle of masculine behavior: Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Second principle: Men even marry if that’s required.) [155]
460. He measures his manly prowess by her worth after his conquest. Much of her retention value hinges on it. He wonders roundabout and over time: Now that I have, who else conquered this woman, if she is to be anything more than a used sex target to me? [156]

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