Tag Archives: Nature

2041. Single Women Don’t Pay — II


Ladies and gentleman, your dialogue at part I pleases me. It adds value to the blog. So, thanks. I never made this point. Men are born expecting to pay for dating and courtship. It’s in their heart to step up to that plate. I hope to show you.

Your dialogue at 2040 reveals the experiences and expectations that exist in your memory, your present, and your future. It’s quite normal. But blog contributions remain mostly outside those thoughts. My standpoint comes from how men and women are born differently. How their natures differ, how hardwired and thus default conditions lead them until they learn something else that seems to keep or merge them more comfortably into whatever life they have.

To inject myself into your dialogue, let me state something new. Out of its roots, the male nature applies pressure such that men expect to pay in the cases under discussion. That’s right. Deep in their heart of hearts, men know they should pay for everything—but they’re neither dishonest nor obligated (more later). Nature guides both sexes toward that conclusion. Let’s see if I can make it make sense to you all.

As women go so goes society, which means that males adhere to female values when women insist. Nature mandates it. While men dominate society, they do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Being competitive, the male nature expects access to be costly, and the male desire for efficiency pushes men to seek cost-relief all along the conquering way. Consequently, the primary reason that guys expect gals to pay comes out of the male drive for efficiency, which means that he starts with the expectation that he had to pay and expects to pay if she is worth it. That implies that she’s worth less if he insists or even appreciates it when she pays. It also implies that her sexual assets are more easily available, which slows her earning of his respect, which makes it easier for hit and run fun.

Let’s go back to primal urges cited throughout the blog.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to control human events. Dating pits them competitively against Nature, the female kind. Women need a brighter future. Single women look for a mate but not just anyone. They want and naturally screen for someone they can lean on when times are tough. A responsible man they can depend on. One who won’t abandon them. So, dating puts them in a highly competitive mode. Can he qualify for her? Is he worthy of her? Is he dependable and responsible? What does it say when he expects her to pay? To her, he’s responsible to win her but ducking out of paying seems irresponsible since he’s obviously unwilling to pay up front to confirm his leader role. In which case, how chintzy will he be if they continue? Tightwad husband? Weak leader? Who wants that?
  • The essence of dating is that the guy competes to earn his way into her bed first and maybe her heart later. He wants himself embedded in her heart before she ever becomes embedded in his. If he’s not fully dedicated for her first and bed second, then how does he make it easier on himself? He gets her to pay. If he’s dedicated to capturing her for herself more than sex, he’s more than eager to pay for everything—at least in his heart whether he has the finances or not.
  • If he fails to get her into bed, she defeats him. He earns no self-admiration that way plus his significance takes a hit. He isn’t likely to risk that for some money, except as anecdotal evidence encourages him.
  • His primary motivation is to earn self-admiration. The dating man earns it by achieving what he’s after. If he expects her to pay and she does, he wins. If she refuses, he loses that round. If he loses, he either loses interest in her or he decides to win her favor some other way. Either way she wins. With less interest in her, he’s worthless. With more interest in her, he’s more interesting too. If she pays as he was after her to do, the satisfaction of achieving subdues his motivation. He no longer seeks the same thing. He either pulls back or sets new goals.
  • Fears—rejection and failure among them—seduce him to avoid investing himself for access to sex with her. Spending money is small compared to his time, effort, thought, and convenience, which earn him a lot more in her heart than does his spending on her. Paying advances his agenda with least time and effort. It’s natural that he would seek that easy way to success, but it does little to buy his way into her heart.
  • His nature alerts him to this. If she’s willing to pay, she’s willing to accept him more easily into her bed. So, why not take a shortcut to finding out how productive their dating will be? He’s a producer trying for results. She’s a processor more interested in keeping things going.
  • There’s dishonesty wrapped up somewhere in human nature that causes men and women to do things contrary to what their hearts advise. Now men are hardwired to follow their hard-heartedness; but they are hard-hearted because women (except for sex) don’t rank as high as masculine interests. So, men feel little or no obligation to always pay unless they are so smitten about their date that sex gets pushed onto the back burner. He can’t afford to lose her.
  • Women, however, are not so easily excused from dishonesty. When women pay except in emergency, they shortcut their patience, amplify their fear of losing a potential mate, weaken their obligation to defend sexual assets, and help convince guys that women don’t have high expectations for mates. In short, when women don’t listen to their hearts, when they try to convince men that they are who they aren’t, the consequences work to a woman’s disfavor.
  • He realizes that anytime he can get her to pay, his job becomes easier and men are deeply involved with efficiency of effort. Paying on dates is an efficient way to keep the doors open to where he expects to take her. Paying symbolizes investing of himself but it’s not really an investment that generates hugs, kisses, affection, and all those other things that women crave from their man.
  • Modern women have started paying for or toward dating costs. Men learn to take advantage of it. However, men don’t truly appreciate it, because it doesn’t make them favor the payer more but seemingly less. Men learn to expect more out of her for less investment by him. IOW, he pays minimal price but people appreciate what they win more than what they are given. In fact, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If men pay for dates, they earn what they achieve. Moreover, by not paying, men don’t go whole hog investing themselves to win a date’s favor. By not investing himself spiritedly and honestly, he fails to brighten her future to the extent she expects. Therefore, when women pay they allow men to act less masculine, which in the final analysis within the male mind makes him less self-respectful aka less significant.
  • No doubt some men seek their date to pay in order to confirm they are at least that important to the gal. It’s not a very masculine way of looking at it, but in today’s social marketplace there seems to be an abundance of men who need confirmation in both that and other ways.

Now the sexes are designed beautifully different. I conclude that men are born with the hardwired expectation that duty calls them to pay for dating and courting. Of course, an expectation is not obligatory. But women benefit when men are made to live up to what’s resident in their hearts. When women set the standard, men step up because they won’t give up what women have to offer.

Now, this doesn’t answer the questions you all have generated in your dialogue. I will get to them soon, trying for today.

OPINION TIME. When she’s not more important than his money, she’s not respected enough for him to be a good husband. She should find it out before the altar. Pay up to get her up for a date is a major way to screen a guy for candidacy for marriage. She may tolerate his cheapness in courtship, but she will have a miserable marriage. If a man puts his money before his woman, he’s a moral failure.

 

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2001. Male’s Primal Urge to Conquer Females


This article may shock you. It’s about the most unique aspect of the male nature. The way men are born and before they experience life growing up or associating with women. Before they are trained and pressured by women to hide one trait within their nature, which in turn brings out many causes and effects.

You have your unique modesty. Men have a unique urge for first-time sex with attractive women. When you understand and respect this unique trait in men, you will be better prepared to handle that which often offends girlfriends, lovers, live-ins, and wives.

Every man’s interest is stirred by sexually attractive females. Your man’s reactions to seeing one is NOT automatically a reflection against you. It may be but more likely it’s not if you mean anything to him except for sex. His primal urge is not disloyalty to you. It’s his nature exposing itself, a subconscious urge jumping up before your easily offended eyes. You should ignore it until you find confirming signs of his betrayal of you. Or better yet, be grateful that he chose you. (If you had it once, you must still have it unless you let IT slip away.)

Urge to conquer is one of two actions common to all men. His glance at a moving object is natural (as explained elsewhere) and more than a glance is natural at a sexually attractive female. Your taking offense just adds harmful pressure to your relationship. However, in no way do I alibi for men who take their interest beyond a good look, beyond what their nature prompts and their society-developed character should avoid.

The conquering urge in males causes or produces these effects across relationships and society:

  1. The males’ primal urge to have first-time sex with many women is divorced from female interests. A target’s interests have influence only to the extent that she conditions his thinking to subordinate his nature in order to please her for other things.
  2. His conquering urge is single-mindedness that springs open at sight of a sexually attractive female and repeats itself until a particular target is conquered or disposed of mentally. The urge prevails above and beyond the actual, practical, and even impossible conquests. Social and domestic pressures generated by women cause men to civilize their involuntary urges into more compatible and female-friendly behavior.
  3. The urge to conquer stands disconnected from warm and kind feelings. However, emotional connections with sex targets develop as a woman’s refusal to yield to conquest spurs his frustrations into delving deeper into her psyche.
  4. Whether dating or courting, he looks for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Accidentally, serendipitously, or purposely programmed by her, he discovers qualities of vital interest to him. Those he comes to admire are considered virtues. Wanting to marry a virtuous woman, the more virtues he finds before conquest, the more promising she looks as potential mate. That places her higher on the ‘keeper spectrum’, and so he chooses to spend more time with her rather than just vanish. What determines the outcome? How she conducts their relationship before conquest such that her worth as potential mate outweighs his urge to conquer. Effectively, she waters down his urge with her feminine mystique, female modesty, virtuous fascination, and monogamous spirit plus a gigantic patience and immense likeability that he thrives on whether it’s obvious or not.
  5. Civilizing influences and social and domestic pressures tame male sexual aggression. Men are pressured to hold in check and disguise their conquering urge. Exploiting female innocence and desire for romance, men manage to harmonize it with social interactions.
  6. Romance opens the door to her heart, which cracks open the door to earlier conquest, which stirs men to be romantic although it’s foreign to the male nature. So, romance forces men to go against their nature in order to conquer according to their nature. (Another reason that both sexes fail to understand the other.)
  7. After conquest he’s a different man relative to the conquered. First, conquest releases his nature to consider other targets. His primal urge is reinvigorated. Second, he views the just-conquered woman in a totally different light. The spectrum runs from marriage to immediate disappearance with these possibilities in between: romance her, probable keeper, friend, booty, dumpee. The choice he makes depends upon the pre-conquest relationship that she as the expert was able to develop.
  8. With each woman conquered, his life changes relative to her. Whatever relationship developed before that, it will be different afterward. Whereas he expected and responded to her competitive spirit, especially to protect her sexual assets, he expects it to end. He afterward expects her cooperation sans competition. Discovering new virtues in her is both harder and slower after conquest, because he’s no longer looking for weaknesses. Effectively, the respect she earned before conquest is the level of respect she will enjoy subsequently. This is the real enigma of conquest: She is no bigger or better than what he conquered. She doesn’t lose anything; he just doesn’t recognize much more worth in her until a lengthy and happy marriage teaches him otherwise. (Now, obviously there’s a measure of hyperbole in that claim. But the essence is true. A woman’s worth as a woman—as opposed to her worth to him—is generally the worth she earns defending her sexual assets.)
  9. The conquering urge lasts for life. It can only be tamed and women must do the taming. The intensity fades later in life but the sight of a sexually attractive female stimulates his interest long after age-related practicality or marital obligations prevent anything else.*

Consequently, women know so little about the male nature that they—even as the relationship experts—misplay the dating and courtship agendas.

If wife gets jealous because husband looks at attractive women, she should judge on what he does and not what he thinks momentarily. She’s no less valuable to him; he just reacts instinctively. To her it’s simple-thoughtlessness. To him its single-mindedness inherited at birth. To be sure, men should train themselves to be less offensive in their natural habits, but many men just don’t respect women generally or their woman in particular enough to do that.

Men are born with the primal urge to conquer as many as practical. It’s up to women to learn how to exploit it rather than be victimized. Don’t you at least suspect that our ancestor women developed the institution of marriage to at least check and hopefully check mate the male nature?

——

*Several years ago I renewed a dormant friendship with a school chum (both are 83). A couple of visits, dozens of emails, and exchanges of opinion on common-interest subjects brought not one mention of attractive women. Both of us became widowers this year. In the past few days we have exchanged several emails on the subject of sexually attractive women. Oh, not speculating anything. Just that particularly noticeable ones improve the appeal of TV (from which I have weaned myself for other reasons). Even as octogenarians, female attractiveness attracts because the primal urge never dies. Hope wilts but not the urge.

 

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1992. Self-gratitude — Just What Is It?


Self-gratitude is the habit of claiming gratefulness for who you are and what you do. It keeps your heart overflowing with your importance and worth as person and as female fulfilling your multiple roles in life. Self-gratitude floods your heart when you follow and reinforce your natural feminine qualities pretty much as God intended, Nature trains, and hormones push you.

Created to be good, you do good by following your heart. When you reinforce your self-gratitude daily, it enables you to focus on life outside yourself, which in return confirm your claims of self-importance and add to your self-worth.

In modern life this seems almost a universal fault. Influences contrary to self-gratitude are inculcated in childhood and doomed to continue later in life. As the direct result, women pay too little attention to keeping their ego sufficiently protected, self-love sufficiently inflated, self-worth sufficiently appreciated, and self-gratitude sufficiently reinforced, that is, DAILY.

And it works in reverse to simplify and ease a changeover. Even if you have to fake it for awhile, you can adopt individual default attitudes and find yourself doing that for which God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize you. You don’t copy or act like men. Instead, you act uniquely different, take pride in it, and expect to be honored for it. It makes you worth what men are willing to pay in lost independence in order to have you for a mate.

On the other hand, to the extent you copy masculine characteristics, you lose self-gratitude. For example: 1) Promiscuity steals your joy. Joyless women can’t be very grateful. 2) Competing with husband drives him away. While you may be grateful for winning battles, it vaporizes on losing the war. 3) Sloppy appearance destroys manly interest. Grateful for attracting male eyes reinforces your self-importance, but its absence weakens self-love, self-confidence, and self-worth.

The more intense is your self-gratitude and more wide-spread across your personality, character, and roles in life, then the more capable and influential you are. Your relationship expertise expands, and you’re more capable of fixing relationship issues. It also prepares you better to deal with all aspects of life.

The shortage of self-gratitude waters down other gratefulness that is essential for your happiness. Serendipitously, the more grateful you are for yourself, the more grateful for others and things. But the reverse doesn’t work. With insufficient self-gratitude, declaring your gratefulness for others and things actually forces comparisons that question and weaken self-gratitude.

However, recovery is everything and each woman is capable. More to follow when the default attitudes are posted soon.

As a modern woman, even though member of the superior sex, you lose macro and micro influence and negotiating power in direct proportion as you lack self-gratitude. The reverse is also true. The greater is your self-gratitude dealing with men and their natural expectation to dominate women, then the greater is your influence in matters concerning other self-interests. Men lose negotiating power when you rectify your life with great gobs of self-gratitude. Living up to your nature is living up to something bigger than yourself, and also endows you with the moral high ground.

When you exploit your natural femininity, you focus less on present matters in exchange for greater influence in shaping the lives most important to you. You promote compatibility and maintain harmony the easy way. Moreover, you contribute somewhat to universally helping men find the satisfaction and women the happiness they respectively crave. It’s your self-gratitude that empowers your awesomeness over men and female opponents on matters of your heart, life, and future.

 

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929. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part VII


 

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR

 

ALPHA

 

BETA

 

GAMMA

Sense of independence: Strongly independent; not to get away so much as to attract, hold on, and keep at responsibilities and devotions such as business, job, family, hobby. Less independent than alpha, but he keeps reaching for more out of ego satisfaction rather than devotion to responsibilities. Highly dependent on someone else.
Sense of justice: Fairness rules from a moral base; he seeks quick justice so as to forgive & forget easily and move onward and upward. Ambivalent about moral base for justice; tends to favor fashion and popularity. Sees equality as better than fairness, because it’s the female preference.
Sense of responsibility: Strong on all matters of supreme interest to him. Careful about accepting it; weak on biggest & very important issues. Fearful; can be strong on small matters, but inclined toward CYA.
Sensitive to female needs and body language? Nope, not usually. Nope, not usually except older betas and those leaning toward gamma. Yes, he earns female respect by doing so.
Thrives on: Confusion, chaos, & conflict. Seeking agreement & cooperation. Peace, quiet, stability.
True allegiance to his role: Neither jealous nor envious; compassionate without patriarchal malice; lives by strong moral compass. Insensitive about others until taught otherwise by females and life. Overly considerate of others to the point of sycophancy.
Vulnerable to females? Yes to the very highly respected and the helpless by his measure. Highly selective; yes to beauties, no to less endowed. To a fault.

Women may be attracted to a particular male persona, but they don’t choose to marry on that basis without making a mistake. Alpha, beta, and gamma are mere labels that classify men according to strengths and weaknesses. Women know to look deeper, and this series hopefully provided info for doing it.

Tomorrow’s post #930 ends this series. The alpha, beta, gamma description of females follows as post 931; keep this in mind: Only two are suitable for marriage.

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653. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 6


  • Intimacy is vitally important to her and less so to men. But which is more important: depth or breadth, quality or quantity, intensity or frequency? Lengthy courtship enables her to find out about herself and ‘train’ him to match her expectations. 
  • Home should be his castle, but not unless she generates the harmony. For example, except when in use, she requires the commode LID to be down. Last user is responsible. (Can’t tell you why it works this way, but he’ll more easily accept her homey home-keeping standard for closed commode than her expectation that he always lower the seat. He’ll do for his castle, what he won’t do for her. You say shameful or selfish, I say Nature.)
  • Sex bonds women, but mutual respect bonds people and genders.
  • Self-esteem means how well you like yourself as a person. Self-love describes it better for females provided it also includes especially liking their selves as female.
  • Women have to put up with many unwelcome hits to draw a few routine compliments from men. Improving their appearance with feminine mystery and modesty improves the ratio in favor of compliments.

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628. Sweeter is Better—for Her!


I dedicate this article to Her Highness Linda L. She asked for specific examples “…that would register a woman as ‘sweet’…” at post 624.

Gazillions of “manners, actions or comments” frost the cake of feminine sweetness. Men don’t know how to be sweet in the way that women do. Nor do they know how to tell a woman to be sweeter. So, I can’t define it, but men know it when they see it.

Actually, women are sweet, but men are thoughtful. The female recipient of a man’s thoughtfulness calls him sweet, because she judges by her standards and uses female terms. So, women expect men to be sweet or sweeter, but it won’t work that way.

Watch this, ladies: Sweetness flows naturally out of an attitude of gratitude for herself, not him or men. Men don’t have that capability for self-love.

Her sweetness shown to a man may seem like an unearned gift, which men don’t appreciate. But it’s not that. He sees her radiating self-love as part of her nature. He just happens to be on the receiving end, and appreciates her for making his life more enjoyable. He seems to be appreciated for who he is, because one woman crowns him with her heart-felt energies. He receives an unexpected delight, and this translates as high quality to him.

Sweetness reinforces a woman’s femininity and helps, as claimed before, add color to a man’s black and white world. Women shouldn’t seek to make their man sweet, just thoughtful. They should work to like their selves better as females, and this calls for more femininity.  

Sweetness is predominantly a female strength, because women are far more capable than men of giving of themselves. Women are much more easily energized than men to do it. Unfortunately, sweetness seems so natural to the female sex, it easily appears ordinary to the male sex. Consequently, men take it too easily for granted.

Sorry, ladies, but that’s the cake of feminine sweetness. She’s sweet because she feels good about herself. Men benefit. And she goes unappreciated for it. The question rises, of course: Why does she do it? Because acting sweet and sweeter makes her like herself better and better. This generates gratitude for herself, and happiness flows out of one’s gratefulness.

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625. Random Thoughts — Group 2


♦       Love is never enough. Too many little negatives interfere, and too few positives support it.

♦       Modern men have many malpractices for dealing with women and living with one. But men are trainable, when women set their mind to it.

♦       When women want a man more than their dignity and self-respect, they invariably choose poorly.

♦       A woman’s self-love determines her capacity for reliably loving a man. Bitchiness and critical attitude signal a shortage.

♦       Challenge for Wives: When telling him about what happened to you today, try telling it such that he responds with the rarest words a wife ever hears from husband, “Tell me more.”

♦       I wonder what would happen if a woman dressed up for work above and beyond whatever is standard and expected at her place of employment—for example: more feminine, less casual, neater sense of professionalism, etc. Actually I know what would happen. First, other women would dislike them for it. Second, the men would show more attention, respect, and appreciation. Third, other women would gradually follow suit to keep up with leader of the pack. Fourth, it would become a better place to work.     

♦       I credit someone else for this, but I love it: Mother and child is basic Nature. Joining them with a man is basic civilization. I could add: Marriage arranges and the family unit stabilizes civilization.

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