775. The Blessings of Patriarchy — Chapter 4

MORE DETAILS

This continues the part of yesterday’s article where I said: “Historical facts suggest women will be eternally blessed and made hopeful by male-dominated, wealth-building society. The question then pops up: How do women capitalize on what they face? How do they balance their interests with those of men? Before Feminism came along, our foremothers intuitively knew how. The answer squirts out in this misty spray: Women depend on, use, and exploit men in society and around the house. (Details tomorrow)” The details now follow.

Women depend on, use, and exploit men in many ways. But it’s best done gradually and unnoticeably. Before anyone says I’m endorsing manipulation, think again for I’m not. All that follows is motivated naturally by these primal urges: her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle; her need for a brighter future; her wants for a man’s help in fulfilling her hopes and dreams, her fear of abandonment, and her time focus on the future more than the present.

The following is not a How To. It’s intended to be educational. So, it requires study to deepen one’s understanding of the female nature when balancing self-interest with that of a man:

·        She stakes out ownership of the feminine domain and competes to preserve it. She clearly and ungrudgingly yields ownership of the masculine, and cooperates to help men or husband to do better.

·        She competes strongly with men to preserve her chastity or marital fidelity. She cooperates strongly with husband to preserve their relationship. She assumes responsibility for ‘maintaining’ any relationship.

·        She has a natural urge to take charge of almost everything concerning her family. She knows when she shouldn’t especially in areas that husband considers his responsibility or domain.

·        Without offending husband, she learns to control enough of life’s events to pursue her hopes and dreams for her family. She wins enough independence by depending on him.

·        She knows men don’t like to ask females for help, and so she anticipates and meets husband’s needs without his asking. It’s not reciprocal, however, because he isn’t as sensitive to her feelings.

I found the list too big for one day. It will finish tomorrow.

638. Mothering Sons #05

Teens—These things DON’T go together when parents are coaching; the last term conflicts directly with the first: teen’s independence and supervision fit for a tween; discipline and temper; punishment amid anger or spitefulness.

Infants—Nurture is the main ingredient, and expertise for delivery lies primarily with son’s own mother. Women sense this, but many return to work. An infant cared for by other than mom becomes confused about liking himself, his self-value, and his importance to others and especially HIS MOTHER.  

Mothers—This one specific family rank order generates success although primary responsibilities shift from phase to phase of childhood: God, husband, wife, mother, father, son. (For details about the relative ranking and interactions of each role, see the Smother Love series at 551 and 554 and 569 about dysfunction of elevating kids over father.)

Toddlers—A boy’s self-image emerges and grows according to what he accomplishes. Trying and failing is superior to mom doing things for him or helping where it’s unnecessary. Mom’s greatest value for adulthood comes with teaching toddler right and wrong and associated morality, for him to try new challenges, and her to encourage him to follow failure with new ways, new attacks, and more persistence.

Mothers—Sons learn diligence by paying attention to details. Boys learn persistence, when they don’t give up after failure.

More to follow.

 

452. NURTURING — Her attitude

The care and encouragement we call nurturing requires dedication on two broad fronts: the child as child and the mother, surprisingly, as woman.

Her problem: Mothers blame men for not helping to nurture children. Fathers react unresponsively or contrary to mother’s expectations.

Mothers have the talent, concern, initiative, and judgment to provide excellent child care and encouragement. Just what every child needs and deserves, and fathers expect.

Mothering provides its own rewards, but it’s not quite enough. Mothers suffer intermittent attacks of boredom, blues, frustration, discouragement, overload, and fear. They too require nurturing to keep them perpetually inspired for mothering excellence. But they need care and encouragement as woman and wife. 

Her solution: Mother blooms when father provides frequent and bold attention, affection, and appreciation—aka care and encouragement aka nurturing—to HER. These aren’t masculine strengths, but fathers bend to the task much easier than to nurturing infants and toddlers.

Some pointers: The next post in this series, Her initiative, describes considerations to help produce what mothers expect of fathers.

NOTE: I offer this series as tribute to Her Highness Marianne. She posed the question: “Is the nurturing of the children the mother’s job alone?”

408. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 17

What women know about males is often wrong. Consequently, women spend a lot of time as somebody’s ex.

♀ Modern women devalue virginity. Even mothers enable and encourage daughters to value acceptance and popularity more highly—e.g. prom night. No one asks or listens to father, and his significance wanes. 

♀ Virginity challenges boys, whether his, hers, or theirs. Girls determine winners and losers. Victors carry advantages into the adult battle of the sexes. Abstinence teaches girls to win and carry victory into adulthood. Virtual virginity enables recovery from mistakes. Males accept females dominating the sexual arena.

♀ Single mothers show confusion. They have trouble finding balance points for children between over-nurturing and over-indulging. Between over-supervising and self-supervising. Between over-coaching and just ignoring the need. Women can do it all, but without a man around?

♀ Men yield their freedom to commit to one woman, but women refuse to take his name to seal the deal. Wedge inserted in his sense of significance.

♀ Women nurture, lead, and coach their stepchildren differently than their own. It slows or stops family blending and makes both sets of kids poorer as family members. Organizational solidarity breeds harmony, which husband wants to see and expects wife to provide.

♀ Women want it, so they try to make their man think and act more as a woman would around the home.

Thus, women often pave the entry ramp to the ex lane.

341. Ties that bind, or not! —Their drives

     Sweetheart love, the sweetest, melts into smooth flowing and enduring love, the deepest. But spouses have opposing natures and primal urges that conflict beneath the love they share.

She’s driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones, and he’s the primary target in the early years.

But further, she expects him to produce, provide, protect, and problem-solve to assist with whatever she needs.

His naturally independent nature responds: He simply does the best he can. His best fades, however, if she fails to fully respect his primary self-interest, next.

He’s driven to make himself significant, to overcome Nature and other barriers, compete with men, succeed in the workplace, and shape human events. It’s his role in life, and progress and accomplishment are their own rewards.

Her naturally grateful heart responds: If he’ll do those things on my behalf, I’ll reward him for husbanding and fathering. 

Merging these natural differences compatibly leads to cooperation—good! Failure to recognize and respect these differences leads to competition—ungood!

335. College girls: Dateless??? — Posts 186-200

One Duke University senior claimed she never had a date in college and knew no one that had. So, coed now means guys and booty?

Hear the rest of the story at these post numbers.

186.       Hot tips for hot lips.

187.       Our education system has corrupted the term ‘self-esteem’.

188.       If her boobs ain’t displayed right, she’s starting to look older.

189.       One thing kills a man’s love, and another ends his presence.

190.       Women energize men to pursue the next score, notch the bedpost, and go after more.

191.       Girls acting like boys.

192.       Nurture in the weans, lead in the tweens, coach in the teens.

193.       Most body movements require little thought.

194.       Mom was right. We do become like those with whom we associate.

195.       He’s the left hand rhythm end of life’s keyboard. She’s the right hand melodic end.

196.       Feminists want to treat his and her infidelity the same, but they’re not.

197.       Baby-care adults breathe self-esteem into each of us.

198.       He changes after conquest.

199.       Male virginity, disconnected from romance.

200.       What daughters should hear.

Escape or dodge the booty label. See the CONTENT page in the blog header.

303. Weans, tweens, and teens, #11 — Immature kids

Immature adults emerge from this background: Kids enter puberty with empty minds primed to vacuum up adolescent values that produce these characteristics in adulthood:

·        Action comes before responsibility.

·        Self-centeredness overpowers ‘us’.

·                   Good intentions explain away lack of results.

·        Taking risks overrides common sense.

·        Others must earn my respect.

·        Popularity is more important than character.

·        Symbols are as good as substance.

·        Sex outweighs fidelity.

·        Parental supervision offends.

·        Wisdom resides in my peers.

They get that way from poor parenting in the weans and tweens. The following point to impending immaturity when present at puberty.

They lack:

o   A good work ethic and strong sense of personal responsibility.

o   Religious beliefs and moral convictions that guide them toward living up to something bigger than themselves.

o   Dependence upon parents for wisdom, guidance, support, back up.

o   Respect for authority and authority figures.

o   A foundation of unconditional respect for all people.

o   Ambitions (underdeveloped) for their own adult life. Not necessarily what they want to do, but expectations and preferably dreams of living in the adult world of responsibility, work, mature fun, family building.

They have:

o   Dreams of becoming a teen instead of an adult. They focus on peers, popularity, fashions, outside-the-family activities, and earlier duplication of older kids.  

o   Respect others only for what they can do for the child.

o   Self-centeredness. Selfishness comes easily to them. Their heart is soft for peers, but hard for most others.

o   A mother that did not nurture the child well in the weans, a father that did not lead well in the tweens, or both.

They exit adolescence with convicted beliefs that values learned in the teens are right and proper for adult life. This happens for one reason: They entered puberty with a mind empty of mature adult, albeit underdeveloped, values into which they expected to grow.  

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 268, 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

266. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am! — Post 1 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♫ Their natures and interests differ markedly on this subject. He’s made one way, she’s made another. She wants them to be more alike, he wants them to just get on with it.

♫ Women nurture, men lead. Women want to be nurtured in their sex life, but men don’t nurture well. It makes them feel feminized, wussified.

♫ Her needs for attention and affection are minor compared to his need for acceptance as sex partner—that is, if she’s to be a keeper. 

♫ His primal motivations are conqueror’s role before and conqueror’s rights after their first sex together. Conquest itself must have pleased her, or she would not have yielded. So, why should anything else be needed?

♫ Male sensitivity about his sexual prowess exceeds female willingness to complain. Women intuitively know this. So, they complain to sister females rather than to their man.

♫ Men are on a mission to deliver love with a prepackaged agenda. Virtual virginity forces him to repackage himself with consideration for other things such as her personal preferences. (See post 248 about virtual virginity.)

♫ Women can talk about it—to other women, that is. But, talking to their man requires more caution and indirectness than that used in international diplomacy and negotiation, where phrases can sometimes have double, different, or even opposite meanings.

♫ It takes a lot of time and desire for a man to figure her out physically. He’s too preoccupied with figuring her out mentally and emotionally.

As we have seen, men should be more considerate of female wants, needs, and desires. However, human nature often interferes

NOTE: Thanks to her highness at beyondjems.wordpress.com. Her comments prompted me to start this series.