1846. Sex Difference Redux—Part 89: Where Love Begins—05

Romantic love begins in his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. Ingredients that require harmonizing in your relationship continue with another ten soundbytes.

41. You expect frequent gifts and signs of his giving heart to symbolize your man’s affection and, hopefully, unconditional love. He expects frequent appreciation and unconditional respect as signs of your dependence on him.

42. Your man expects the privilege of doing many things that do not necessarily concern you. You expect him to do things almost exclusively for and preferably with you and your children. Your expectations clash easily; he lacks your ability to harmonize those often-conflicting expectations.

43. You envy his freedom from family and you’re jealous when he exploits it. His nature doesn’t inspire him to think much about your lack of freedom from the kids. It’s another example of clashing expectations for which you’re better equipped to harmonize.

44. Your man respects and consequently falls prey to the mysterious, to what he can’t have, can’t earn, and can’t master—such as female modesty or a chaste female. You are more pragmatic, which inspires you to take advantage of such masculine uniqueness.

45. You tie love and sex together but consider love more important. Your man perceives it differently. Sex is a necessity but love is unessential. He accepts the combined results, because they have a pleasurable and anxiety-quieting effect on him, which produces a taming effect of him for her.

46. Your hard-headedness captures your man by charming, coaxing, and wheedling him away from his habit of trying to dominate you excessively. Your soft-heartedness keeps him.

47. Your love emanates from emotional connections with your own life and into which some attractive man enters. Your man’s love arises proportional to his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect for one woman particularly.

48. Conquest changes your man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for you. Marriage changes you. Your new husband can be made better, and you’re just the one to improve him.

49. Dealing with the opposite sex, your man’s natural strength lies with directness and your best choice, tactic, and strength lies with indirectness.

50. You naturally dominate the future because your greatest need is for it to be brighter. Your man naturally dominates the present because of his interest in efficiency, effectiveness, competition, and results. (Male-dominated religions reject those natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture frees up and enables women to exploit those sex-unique forces of Nature to the advantage of women and children.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 50 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

1194. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 35

• We’re all in this together. Men translate female appreciation into respect for them as pleasers of women. At the macro level, female respect of the opposite sex rewards females at the micro level with masculine eagerness to please. 
• You’ve seen them. Some people see, recognize, and accept only what they believe. Their minds are made up and often hardened beyond understanding by anyone else. (Two examples: (1) Ideological zealots. (2) After a sour marriage women turn against men and men turn against marriage.) Such people can’t rationally discuss contrary facts or arguments, because their beliefs are challenged and questioned by information not currently believed.
• The instant you reject learning something new, your mind becomes convinced that you know everything you need to know about the subject. It qualifies you to make and justify your own opinions and choices.
• Immobilized and unmovable minds have all they need to know except how to listen.
• There are three kinds of women for men: Sexually desirable for him, sexually deserving of other men, and a very few others.
• Feminists claim only reproductive systems make the sexes different. Should women believe that all other differences are created by raising boys and girls differently? (Dennis Prager claims that “Truth and political correctness are mutually exclusive.”)

728. Gender Differences Revisited — Group I

1. Conquest changes a man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for that woman. Marriage changes a woman. Her husband can be made better, and she’s the one to improve him.
2. Dealing with the opposite sex, a man’s strength lies with directness and a woman’s with indirectness.
3. Men naturally dominate the present in both society and workplace. Women naturally dominate the future in both home and culture. (Male-dominated religions reject these natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture enables women to exploit these forces of Nature.)
4. Females specialize in loving others, but men specialize at something else.
5. Girls teach boys the requirements and finer details of dealing with females. Or boys learn to be guided by their hurricane of hormonal impulses even into adult life.
6. Girls dream about the right man and building a life together. Boys dream about doing things when they grow up, and a mate sometimes fills the background.
7. Men are impressed by what they see. Women are impressed by what they hear.
8. Women need affection, men don’t, and so men are weak at providing it. Men need respect, women don’t, and so women are weak at providing it.

662. Nature Balances Itself

• Men produce, provide, protect, and problem-solve. Their nature focuses them primarily on the immediate and near term, which includes resting between events. The female nature seeks to sustain a man’s generosity for the future, so women help and support their man’s restfulness.
• Wives tend to accept the present in exchange for assurances about a brighter future. She planned today yesterday and today shapes her life tomorrow. Most everything impacts her future someway or somehow, so she rests only when exhausted or comfortable with prospects for a good day or days ahead.
• From girlhood, women hope and dream of a happy life with the right man. From boyhood men expect marital happiness to arrive automatically—and passively on their part—when the right woman activates and energizes them with wedded bliss. Of course, it’s unequal, but it’s Nature and, therefore, fair.
• Gratitude begets happiness, so being grateful for one’s own appearance makes for a happier and more attractive person to the opposite sex. When they get fixed up, women are grateful for their own appearance. Men expect women to be grateful for them regardless of appearance. (Men dress up to impress a woman, not to keep her.)
• What she calls ‘co-menial’ housekeeping tasks, he calls ‘wo-menial’. He might share such tasks, but it’s not his long suit, preference, or significance-builder. To men, much of it demeans and provides a daily reminder of his insignificance. (I make no claim that men shouldn’t do housework, only that what’s voluntary settles in more agreeably with the male nature. So, recruiting/rewarding works much better than wifely demanding/expecting.)

652. Favored Quotes — Collection 3

♦        I have read articles where it mentions how incredible it is that men are coming in touch with their feminine sides. Seriously? I would date my girlfriend if I wanted that! (Angela at 548)

♦        Men and women both have game rules but they are different yet created to have a complimentary effect. (Miss Dawn at 400)

♦        Does the sperm chase the egg? No. Sperm compete to get to the egg, and conditions inside the female reproductive system don’t make it easy for those sperm to get to that elusive egg! (Easybreezy at 389)

♦        As I begin to start the next chapter of my life (prayerfully medical school) I will seek to take more control of my choices and treat myself how I want the opposite sex to treat me. . .special. (Jessica at 649)

♦        Women used to be put on a pedestal, loved, honored, cherished, and protected. They were strong, loving, sweet, gentle, caring and stood by their man no matter what. Feminism has destroyed the natural essence of women. (Angela at 643)

289. The Dark Side of Feminism — Part 18

As a result of Feminism, both intended and unintended consequences now flood the social marketplace and domestic arena.

♣  Feminism promotes raising the self-worth of women at the expense of men. This signals women to be inferior.

♣  Feminism promotes an ideology that women believe. What people believe, they live, whether to their advantage or not.  

♣  Every woman’s belief system determines whether she succeeds living with a man. If men are no good, she will see her man turn that way sooner or later. (Pygmalion Effect)

♣  Every man’s belief system determines how he will deal with women and live with one woman. If he expects to have troubles, he will. (Pygmalion Effect)

♣  Feminism discourages men from dealing fairly and squarely with females. And vice versa, but men deserve it, so feminists say.

♣  Under- or unappreciated as males, men act irresponsibly to female interests. Finger-pointing and blame make shortcomings spread infectiously across the gender. 

♣  Except to make money, male dominance has no incentive to build up or promote the opposite sex. But female intuition and relationship expertise invent incentives. Feminism kills this female advantage. 

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 251, 233, 211, 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

264. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes—Part 5

Allow me to personalize the male and female natures as Manhood and Womanhood. I wish to describe traditional America before the 1960s.

Womanhood capitalized on male dominance instead of tearing it down. She supported Manhood’s dominance of society (what people do), while she took over dominance of the culture (why people do it).

Womanhood’s goal: One reliable man to help fulfill her dreams for nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones. She sought stable marriage and family. She convinced Manhood to provide the wherewithal and do the hard labor. In return, she rewarded his husbanding and fathering.

She gained status and added personal stature by making herself very different and highly unique. She capitalized on gender differences and exploited the female nature. Her character was shaped around feminine mystique, female modesty, moral standards, marriage, monogamy, manners, virginity, virtual virginity, soft-heartedness inside and hard-headedness outside of marriage,  and whatever else would distinguish her from Manhood.

She taught daughters to mature first, love next, leave sex to marriage, and uplift manliness and masculinity as the way to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

In the process she earned Manhood’s unconditional respect for the female sex. The benefits grew through the decades. Womanhood changed cultural values and the social and domestic environments in such ways that the genders respected the opposite sex more than their own (e.g., my generation).

Womanhood developed American life into a family game. She emphasized separate but equal genders with cooperative rather than competing roles. In her eyes, good character and virtuous actions overwhelmed looks, interests, and words.

For over a century, Manhood was preoccupied on the job with technological and economic advancements. He dominated workplace and society. Gradually adopting wifely-inspired and family-friendly values, however, Manhood gradually yielded dominance of home and culture.

Family dominance was a toss up, but mostly it had the appearance of husband as head, wife as neck, and children as no more than adult-hopefuls. Womanhood accepted and parlayed this truism: Perceptions are reality, and whatever appears to be, is.

Manhood bought into the lifelong married life sought by Womanhood. Family responsibility guided husbands in the workplace and society. With laws, wealth, and leadership, husbands shaped America to his wife’s vision of family-centeredness.

Mutual respect grew as husbands implemented feminine values in society. Husbands in the workplace made America more family friendly. The beginning of the end, however, arose in the 1960s.

[More on old school America appears in posts 263, 238, 218, and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

224. Newlywed Bonding #1 —Intro

Marriages deteriorate more easily and become temporary, than they solidify and become permanent. Deterioration requires little else than inattention, sloppiness, carelessness.  

Solidifying a marriage requires a lot of shared goals and planning to sustain mutual respect. Making the process habitual in the early years produces desired results later. (Grace and I didn’t get the shortcomings of our early marriage straightened out until our third decade together.)

First impressions last, and early marriage sets the stage for whatever follows. Jointly built successes bond a couple. Failures, weaknesses, and even good intentions do not bond and can smother love to death.

Consequently, newlywed success depends on preventing relationship harm. That’s where forming good habits comes in. It requires mutual devotion—not just commitment—to build new habits that stamp out premarital bad habits that lead to deterioration.

This Newlywed Bonding series covers four beneficial habits that chase bad habits away:

1.     Virtue as relationship glue

2.     Money as relationship slave

3.     Separate but equal as teamwork

4.     Custom as dispute avoidance

The first good habit will appear in a few days. The Table of Contents at the top lists many subjects pertaining to living successfully with someone of the opposite sex.

NOTE: A nice and classy young lady, Tricia, inspired this series of posts. I pray her pending marriage matches her public pleasantness, charm, and sense of responsibility.