This is a tough mission assignment for me and I hope the design holds. I anticipate three daily articles with these themes.
I — Although we each are born with the capability to do good as both mate and parent, our upbringing and self-underdevelopment overwhelm our natural talent.
II — As mate and parent, we often slip, slide, grope, and sometimes fail. Both prevention and recovery are possible.
III — The female sex can use a unique genetic predisposition for exemplary leadership.
Love and other affirming emotions—the ‘positives’—are insufficient to hold mates together. Criticism and other demeaning emotions—the ‘negatives’—are far too powerful. Consequently, marriage thrives to the extent that belittling emotions are absent.
Both sexes emerge the womb with an inheritance of two major capabilities. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize each individual to live compatibly as a couple with a member of the opposite sex. The same genetic inheritance makes every couple capable of harmonizing* their home on behalf of the next generation (so that the species continues).
A compatible couple is bonded by affirmations of their connectedness and rewards of togetherness. Positive concepts enable it. We each inherited the capability of delivering goodness through the use of these positives. They include romantic love, mother love, familial love, pledges, promises, vows, responsibility, pleasant associations, mutual trust, mutual respect, forgiveness and forgetfulness, mature leadership, beneficial social pressures, personal likeability, sex as physical reward for men, sex as intimate opportunity for women, family closeness, religious beliefs, common values, extended family support, and many other blessings and expectations. Each positive is a concept that has a range from great to poor and every relationship has some mixture. Benefit of the positives depends on the acceptance of beneficiaries and belief in the deliverer.
People generally know and expect that continued family success depends on the stability and mutually attractive influence of those positives. They also believe that marital compatibility and family harmonizing come from building up and continually strengthening those factors. It’s easy to believe that and it’s necessary, to be sure.
It’s necessary because the negatives are far more powerful. They easily outweigh the positives in effects that linger. Each negative works like an on-off switch. It’s an act that’s present or absent. The degrees of intensity vary with specific incidents that are repeated. The effect on a ‘victim’ is profound. To judge the deliverer of a negative, the victim need not have belief, faith, or trust in him or her. The positives satisfy beneficiaries but the negatives motivate victims to take negative action.
Positives are concepts. Negatives happen as incidents and these are ‘ungood’. Criticism weakens acceptance of the criticizer. Lack of trust weakens respect and vice versa. Faultfinding weakens mutual respect and likeability. Contradiction of mom weakens motherly authority. Reproach of father weakens his usefulness. Censure of husband weakens his value. Censure of wife weakens her harmonizing leadership. Complaining weakens the leadership ability of the complainer. Blaming others for one’s mistakes sparks hatred. False accusers lose credibility. Disapproval of a girl’s choices devalues her importance. Scorn of masculine behavior turns boys toward rejection of parental values. Contempt for a child’s immature values causes loss of self-respect. Condemnation of children’s friends solidifies child’s opinions. Immature, disrespectful, and untrusting treatment wires children to duplicate it later with their own. Parental scorn of adults and authority figures causes children to disrespect them. Continual scorn of father and men in general inspires boys to be something else and girls to do without men. Impatience spreads unwanted pressure to others. Sour attitude causes loss of respect and full appreciation of others and generates the same from them. Manipulation destroys manipulator’s credibility. Wife denying sex insults husband. Husband denying sex convinces wife she’s unimportant. Not respecting teen as an adult and toddler as a person stimulates rebellious thoughts. Verbalizing parents’ disagreement before children empowers kids to play parents against each other. A negative spirit makes positive affirmations virtually worthless. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Some negative factors have greater impact than others. When the effects demean the importance of females or suppress admiration of males, they are both egregious and unforgiving. The ‘victims’ react with their own form of negatives. For example, adults may find physical diversions outside the home. Children may use mental diversions to disturb family harmony.
Even though we enter life well prepared to shine as both mate and parent, we fall prey to real life growing up. Home, parental, social, and experiential pressures steer us astray. The result is poorer mating and parenting. We can both survive and recover with a simple change in our strategic aim in life but a rather large change in our habits of thought. I describe them next at #1829.
*Take ‘harmonize’ to mean emotional attachment, mutual acceptance, and interpersonal agreement on family matters.