Tag Archives: prettiness

2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story


 As with so many things, the sexes differ dramatically about romance. As with affection, they have social contradictions that I tag with medical terms. She has romance deficit disorder. He has romance delivery disorder. Her story today, his tomorrow.

Women are born to be romanced. It confirms their self-importance, stimulates the satisfying disclosure of feelings for one another, generates self-gratitude, and provides conviction (without insurance) they are on the way to happiness. Romance is women’s payday for living graciously important lives, and they expect to be paid frequently according to the depth of a relationship.

Romance means exclusive attention, sweet compliments, whispered affections, expressions of devotion, reminders of her importance, confirmation of her worth, affirmation that her prettiness registers as beauty with someone, and actions that specifically confirm and don’t contradict the foregoing. Women can imagine a gazillion ways that men can convey and demonstrate such ‘simple’ things.

The opposite of men, her imagination stirs her curiosity. Her imagination can and often runs wild about a new guy of interest. Curious about why he doesn’t respond to her romance expectations, she finds no fault with herself. Instead, she easily blames him as inadequate romancer and in need of improvement.

Women take personally a man’s lack of romancing her. Consequently, they blame men as inadequate, which transmutes in practice as lack of respect of men, which weakens women’s influence, which makes men less interested in paying women for living graciously important lives.

On two counts, his lack and her curiosity, blame outweighs lack of romance as the culprit in modern day relationships. Women can live with lack of romance better than lack of a man. Lack of romance dulls her side of a relationship. Blame, however ruins his side. Blame spurs her into finger pointing mode; which spurs her to take to her mouth; which offends him; which generates resentment, resistance, and often retaliation; and which far too easily pushes him into departure mode.

I advise women to drop the blame game, period. It is always anti-female to finger men as faulty. Not that they aren’t, just that they don’t take kindly to women doing it and especially their mate. It inevitably works against her because her blame-based best intentions have negative influence.

Women can and should develop their own training techniques. She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter, becomes vital in dating, and fully develops in courtship. By the time they become engaged, his habit should be well established to participate with her more closely, more affectionately, and more intimately. Effectiveness training her man determines the frequency and worth of her future paydays.

This question will arise so I shall answer ahead of it. How do you train a man to be a romancer? 1) Follow your heart, female instinct, and feminine intuition. Follow not what you think you’re owed, due, or need. Follow not what others tell you to expect in response to your initiatives. Follow not what your girlfriends do. Follow not what you wish for. Do what makes you feel more like a woman when you do something with him or yourself. If you hurt, wait for his solace. If you’re happy, don’t over play it. If he gets uncomfortable with you, let him dig himself out of the hole. Keep your self-interest as first priority; he has to catch and capture you. Reverse that last sentence and automatically poison your female nature for guiding you.

2) Require him to earn your affection, love, and worth as potential mate. Make him the seller and you the buyer in everything. If he does it with words, it doesn’t program his heart to favor you. If he does it with actions, you gain the maximum benefit of his heart programmed to your favor.

3) Gently and smoothly invite cuddling when just sitting around. Don’t push on him for anything. He must be lured. Let him get familiar with how easy you are to please when close together. Don’t tell him but gently and slowly encourage him to realize how important physical closeness is to you. He doesn’t need it; he has to learn to like it in his own heart, patiently slipped in by you. Don’t whisper sweet things to him expecting him to do the same; he won’t. You should hint and plant seeds that sweet words inspire you to greater things as date, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You can be especially effective while cuddled if you talk and act more as you did when he married you. He doesn’t want to talk or hear about the wedding; he wants to hear and see you duplicate yourself as his fiancé.

4) Regularly and frequently use a phrase I coined twisted to fit whatever the situation: Men are never more handsome than when they please their girlfriends/fiancees/wives with (as appropriate) sweet talk, whispers of devotion, violets, hand-picked wild flowers, cuddling up for TV, surprises, unexpected date night, date night just concluded, little gifts, unexpected thoughtfulness, waltzing her around the kitchen, singing to her, holding a pleasured smile in front of her face. Use it at every opportunity for even the slightest things that touch on romance.*

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “men are never more handsome” programs both hearts with appreciation of the other. It sweeps up many romantic ingredients into daily habits at whatever stage of relationship development.

Women know what they want and expect as romance from a man. They don’t, however, know how to get the quality or quantity they expect. Men don’t know much about what romance means to women. Even worse, they can’t figure out how to deliver whatever it is that women expect. It may become understandable with tomorrow’s post about his side of the story.

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*The phrase works best when kept in third person, i.e., using ‘men are’ and ‘wives’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘wife’ or ‘me’.) As written it’s a compliment. As ‘you’ and ‘me’ it’s sucking up which earns suspicion rather than appreciation.

Also, until he becomes a more romantic guy, I suggest these not be used with the ‘men are never’ phrase: helping with the dishes, opening car doors, washing her car, taking out the trash, setting the table, planning for visitors. Unless, of course, she feels those things are part of romancing her.

 

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1225. Ugliness


Ugliness ain’t how you look. It’s how you fit into your world. It rises out of the lack of feminine spirit and careless disregard for a female’s best interest.

Ugly is as ugly does. Practiced long enough, the following eventually capture a woman’s heart and shred her female nature:

  • Think ugly and she moves in that direction. It clouds her mind. (If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right. As you think it, you become it.)
  • Act ugly and she is. Her spirit shows it. If her heart doesn’t match her potential for beauty and attractiveness, then she confounds those with whom she associates.
  • Quit trying to be pretty and she moves toward ugly. Her likeability suffers.

As explained at article 1143, prettiness floods the female nature from birth. She’s convinced of it throughout life. As girl and woman, however, she has to remind herself, reinforce weaknesses, and recover from challenges to her convictions.

In childhood mom lifts her spirits about her prettiness, but mostly her father confirms her prettiness persona by doing, teaching, and developing good habits of reminding, reinforcing, and recovering. He’s the irrevocable authority in such things, if she’s blessed enough to have him before puberty.

Ugliness sets in from bad habits:

  • She gives up on proving herself prettier than others expect. Of course, it isn’t fair that others expect her to always look her best, especially men. Others think: If I were blessed like her, I would do better. When she doesn’t listen to her friends, her prettiness fades.
  • She objects to men hitting on her. So, she dresses down and ignores painting the barn as preventive measures.
  • Depression sets in from ignoring her prettiness, or depression from other causes drives her to ignore it or give up.
  • Worldly discouragements cause her to quit reminding herself of her prettiness, reinforcing with upgrades, and recovering when doubts arise.

Finally, this paradox applies. When she prettifies herself for others, she abandons her own nature and phoniness follows. However, when she ‘unprettifies’ herself in contradiction of those she knows, she dumbs herself downward. Ugly is as ugly does.

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605. Prettier is as Feminine Does #3


‘Pretty’ is how she looks to herself. She’s done her best to attire and groom herself well. Her physical attributes shine and physical weaknesses go unnoticed to her.

·        Some females try to make their selves pretty, some don’t, and some don’t know how. Lack of competition to look prettier than others lets prettiness standards die within Womanhood. Men see no united front of prettiness. Consequently, they have fewer incentives to chase females, simply because female aren’t competing to look prettier.

·        If women aren’t trying to appeal to men generally, men know they don’t care that much about men, which means they don’t care that much about being the kind of woman that men want to mate with, which means….  

·        Sexual attractiveness means a lot, but it  lacks holding power of the lasting kind. Femininity and feminine charm are much better foundations. They provide female magnetism that makes men enjoy female company, overlook flaws in their physical appearance, and keep coming back for more or deeper associations. (One lady claimed that Femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world.)

·        Women compete with each other to stand out, to appeal to men. They make themselves more valuable simply because they attract attention, are admired, and are therefore appreciated. Ability to stand out with both attractive appearance and feminine behaviors and without trying to gain attention, that’s the essence of ‘pretty’. Another reason appealing to the male gender is superior to trying to capture the attention of one man.

Two more posts follow on this subject.

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604. Prettier is as Feminine Does #2


‘Pretty’ is how she looks to herself. She’s done her best to attire and groom herself. Her physical attributes shine and physical weaknesses go unnoticed to her.

·        Mirror-time spent making herself prettier builds on the feminine foundation. Women strut their independence when they add stylish refinements that various people then describe according to their own taste, whether cute, chic, elegant, fancy, or classy. Individual enhancements thus generate female competition. It earns manly respect, because female differences are so distinct.

·        Except for the guy that makes himself worthy of her hand for life, making herself pretty is the only obligation single females should feel toward men. If her prettiness isn’t enough to capture more than his attention, he’s not after her as person but what he can get out of her.   

·        Imagine two competing females trying to out-pretty each other. It’s like two guys chased by a bear. No need to shoot the bear, just shoot buddy in the foot. The difference for gals being chased by men: If she likes her Self as female, she has the gun. (The ‘gun’ might suggest cattiness but not intended that way: Cattiness is not female, it’s self-centeredness caused by low self-esteem or self-image and designed to make the catty person feel good about Self.)

·        A man’s view of prettiness is often distorted by his dealings with her. If unknown but sexually attractive, or if she’s a target for conquest, physical attractiveness outweighs pretty. If conquered, or unconquered but not a target, pleasing to male eyes and pleasant company rank as pretty.

Three more posts follow on this subject.

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572. The Male Glance — Part II


Part I (570) describes men observing females. This flip side describes female preparing to be observed.

Females focus continually on how they appear. The female nature craves manly attention. She takes it as routine confirmation of her value to Self and to those she loves. Compliments work very well, but even flattery beats nothing. Known males are usually best, but strangers can be appreciated for attentions and what they say and do for her—if nice of course.

If father, husband, or boyfriend does not provide a sufficiency of attention, she yearns for more. Virtually any man can provide it, which is better than none, but good looking and eligible guys are much, much, much, much better—even if she’s committed to another.

Compliments confirm and reinforce value of herself to herself. Whatever her preparations and grooming for the occasion, she did well. Pride suffuses her spirit, and her prettiness and attractiveness are reinforced in both mind and appearance. She’s doing the right things with herself.    

Denied the attentions she thinks she deserves, especially as a girl, disappointment sets in. Over time she becomes careless, desperate to get her own man, or disgusted with Self, men, or both. Greater absence of attention follows, and her self-image becomes so devastated that she rationalizes sloppy or manly appearance as her choice. Depression follows easily.

PS. Incidentally, women complain about hits from workers on construction sites. Women shouldn’t; they are not the sex object they presume. Men show off to buddies and outshine competitors with boasts and outrageous displays of bravado. She’s the vehicle they use and not the target, unless she acts suggestive or responds provocatively.

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448. VIRTUE—Magnet for Males —SECTION II


We know that men judge women mainly by their outer appearance. So, women focus on the males’ habits.

Women give men no credit for reading the inner woman, and, admittedly, men don’t do it well. But, men perceive subliminal messages that feed their self-interest, however weak, wrong, or garbled the signals.

Conquering thoughts fill a man’s mind. Simultaneously, his subconscious registers many messages that women either send by design, ignorance, or chance. The messages accumulate and synthesize into his interpretation of her virtues, from which he intuitively predicts her value to his present, future, or both.

Virtue ‘credits’ accumulate from her attire, grooming, attitude, and behaviors that emphasize:

©     Modesty rather than sex.

©     Persona rather than a specific shape.

©     Self-sufficiency rather than need-for-attention.

©     Self-respect rather than easytoget.

©     Hardtoget rather than low self-esteem.

©     Respect for other women rather than trying to steal their man.

©     Self-confidence rather than worry.

©     Avoiding shame and guilt rather than recovering from it.

©     Enjoyable femaleness rather than sense of inferiority.

©     Inner strength rather than emotional weakness.

©     Open pleasantness rather than anger.

©     Prettiness rather than comfort.

©     Neatness rather than sloppiness.

©     Hits as compliment rather than taking offense.

©     Morality imposed over the immoral.

©     Authority rather than vulnerability.

©     Character rather than uncertainty.

©     Standards rather than wishy-washiness.

©     Mystery rather than disclosure.

©     Need for respect rather than popularity.

©     Unmarried sex as taboo rather than okay.

©     Female pride rather than faked masculinity.

The value that men place on these and other factors varies by individual. But the accumulation and synthesis of messages determines her virtuous character, her value to his present and future.

The next post describes learning about virtue.

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