Tag Archives: puberty

1570. Mother’s Plan 05 — The Teens

Focused on what women never hear, this series expanded. Today the teens, tomorrow the parents. I hope to show that greater dependence on the nature of males and females provides a far better foundation to prepare parents for exposure to teen life. Today we look at teens’ and their reactions to some internal and external pressures.

  1. Before puberty both girls and boys confirm, enhance, and enlarge their self-image through accomplishments. After puberty, boys continue the same; they seek to win admiration for accomplishments. However, girls shift their ambitions somewhat. They seek to confirm their importance through accomplishments that solidify the wanted and nullify unwanted relationships.
  2. Hormones propel puberty. The presence or absence of values in the teen psyche governs the personal growth that follows. Parental nurturing insults a teen. Tight leadership earns teen disdain. Personal independence in decision-making crowns the teen persona. Parents are left with one effective influence method, coaching.
  3. When puberty hits boys and girls who don’t believe in themselves, they desert parents when in need of approval and guidance. They look for someone else’s belief in them, because what went before can no longer fill their ambitions and need for their larger role in life. A stronger sense of independence compels them to suspect parental wisdom and applicability to their forthcoming ‘new life’. They default to teen associates for approval and guidance.
  4. Belief in oneself comes from one source: several or many years of successful accomplishments. That is, feats attempted and completed; fears faced and conquered; obstacles detected and overcome; judgments proven correct; mistakes dodged or forgiven through recovery; promises kept; beliefs confirmed; responsibilities accepted; and even a bittersweet conscience scalded by few or many lies, failures, and broken promises.
  5. Lack of belief in oneself comes from inadequate upbringing before puberty. Parents fail to make it habitual for children to take advantage of opportunities that can deliver a sense of accomplishment. Achievement denied because of tasks never given, responsibilities not clarified, parental expectations not verbalized, routine duties never assigned, or childish excuses accepted in lieu of doing what one should do.
  6. The more mature the mind of a boy, the better he feels about himself doing adult-like things that teach how better to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve. Also, by virtue of less interest until he feels better qualified to do well at it, the pursuit of sex has a low or even insignificant priority. His sexual identity isn’t confused; his adult persona isn’t developed as he wishes it.
  7. Boys tease girls primarily to elicit smiles, which boys take as signs of approval. Modern girls dislike being teased; they scowl because feminists taught females to disrespect males. As a result, modern boys tease disrespectfully and girls dislike it even more. The cultural tradition of pleasant, innocent, and frequent intersex recognition and approval thus fades away.
  8. Their nature doesn’t encourage girls to have sex. It stirs them to exploit their ultimate asset, as males view females, to get what they want.
  9. Boys seek admiration. Less time at home applies pressure for them to win it among others. However, if the lure of winning admiration at home exists, ambitions weaken to seek it elsewhere.
  10. Boys want to learn about girls but they don’t know how. Modern girls substitute sex. They don’t recognize that boys aren’t being taught lessons vital to the future well-being of females. In only one way do boys learn the truth about fulfilling the hopes and dreams of females: denial of sex by many girls. Yielding teaches boys the wrong things. Only by girls refusing to yield do masculine dreams, hopes, and curiosity stir the male imagination to honor female uniqueness and respect the promises of marriage.
  11. The teen pecking order builds primarily on age. Teen life changes so rapidly that one year doesn’t seem that important compared to other years. However, a year’s difference between teens of the same sex is very significant. It generates a respect gap and the younger ends up with less than his due. Among teen unmarried couples, girls can’t respect a younger boy with enough energy to stifle older boys from stealing the girl away. Such relationships don’t last. Greater age gaps generate even greater respect gaps.
  12. Girls find out about boys by refusing to have sex with them. Each must do it alone to get a dependable and predictable picture of what men will be like in her life.

WADWMUFGAO, that is, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Teens eagerly imagine teen life as their exclusive domain and a top priority. Learning about the opposite sex tops the ways in which they exchange knowledge and interest to feel good about themselves. Results aren’t always as imagined, but teens aren’t deterred. They keep trying. They shun the wisdom of the ages; teen life is their exclusive domain to live and shape it as they sense they should. But still, parents play a major role. Their dilemmas come up tomorrow at post 1572.


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771. Gender Differences Revisited — Group O

  1. To a woman in her home, décor and fashion supersede functionality. According to men, functionality should reign.
  2. To men sex is an end. To women sex is a means.
  3. Females want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Males want to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.
  4. The male nature promotes winning as the only thing—fairness in action. The female nature promotes how one plays the game as more important than winning—equality in action.
  5. Men value what they see when they see it more than what they remember about what they saw. Women are opposite.
  6. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, men tend to weigh facts and truth with greater reality. Women tend to more easily blend reality with their emotions.
  7. Women more easily endorse political correctness than men. (In the name of compensating for past injustices, it makes things more equal. According to my favorite intellectual giant, Dennis Prager, truth and political correctness are mutually exclusive.)
  8. Boys either mature mentally before puberty or remain adolescent as men. Girls either mature mentally after puberty by denying sex to boys, or they remain adolescent as women.


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758. Response to Viewer — Item 21b

Her Highness Abigail prompted this article. At post #751 she commented: “…your writing makes me feel like women have a very bad deal. Surely men aren’t all as selfish as you make them sound!”

Of course men are not. WhatWomenNeverHear describes the potential that men have for making women happy or miserable, and how women can prevent, avoid, or cure it. How I describe men generally has little connection to specific traits of an individual. Across an array of characteristics, every man appears differently.

However, I point out these realities about selfish/unselfish:  

  • Selfishness emerges naturally. Learned behavior suppresses it as disadvantageous to one’s self-interest.
  • Women promote unselfishness, because it helps bond relationships. Men have much less interest, because they are more individualistic.
  • Women see unselfishness as critical to relationship harmony, and so they teach children to adopt it. They also measure the offensiveness of male selfishness by relationship standards.
  • Men see far less practical use for stabilizing relationships, so they differ from females about selfish/unselfish issues. Not saying it’s fair, or that selfishness is justified. It’s just human nature in action with different sexes involved.
  • We’re all born selfish. Mothers are the primary instrument by which selfishness is ‘untaught’ in childhood. Girls grasp and more easily embed it in their subconscious. Boys require more diligent programming to become generally unselfish as part of their consciousness.
  • Whether a man has conquered a female or not plays a major part within a couple’s relationship. After their first sex together, he may show a level of selfishness that surprises her.
  • After puberty, boys’ selfish/unselfish behavior relates to whoever else is involved. Consequently, chaste girls have considerable influence in conveying the merits of unselfishness to teen boys. Chaste single women have similar influence with men.
  • Players prey on females that don’t pay much attention to masculine self-centeredness about sex.  Consequently, players learn that selfishness pays off. When they marry, it’s tough for wife to accept it and tough for him to change.

Paraphrasing Forrest Gump, Selfish is as selfish does. In the end, everyone has something about which they are selfish. Adult men and women tend to be as selfish/unselfish as their self-interest guides them.

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749. Gender Differences Revisited — Group N

  1. Sex to her is giving of herself. To him, it’s taking—especially their first time together.  
  2. She is the expert on relationships and bonding. He is the expert on sex and escaping.
  3. Starting at puberty, boys are turned off by female nagging—unless she’s a sex target as yet unconquered. It’s natural and for life.
  4. Women hunger for marriage. Men can easily do without.
  5. A man’s confidence emanates from his self-image, his picture of who and what he is. A woman’s emanates from her self-esteem, how well she likes herself as a person, her self-love.
  6. The masculine way is eat to enjoy life. The feminine way is eat to sustain life.
  7. The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.
  8. Therapeutic recovery for a man lies within his work or doing something. A woman mostly relies on time for healing while unloading anguish to the sympathetic and empathetic ears of friends.

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623. Mothering Sons — #01: Phases

I dedicate this series to Her Highness Adrian. My words, not hers: What’s the secret to raising good boys? The answer: Don’t raise bad ones! —at which this series aims. Good boys are essentially accidents left over from teaching boys to like Self, respect others, admire good character, and live up to something bigger than themselves.

Mother: Get ‘perfect’ out of your mind. Perfection appeals to males as it does to females, but perfection is never what someone else identifies. Also, any human knows he’s incapable of perfection all the time about all things. So, quit trying to make him anywhere near perfect. He’ll resent you and become a disciplinary problem, mama’s boy, or perhaps co-dependent on someone or something.

Mother: You may not like it, but your sense of mothering should evolve as son passes through four development phases. Nurturing and love are not always the most important. Sometimes mom’s strengths are bothersome. More later.

Mother: View child development in three phases: He’s taught before first grade, he learns firsthand before puberty, and he already knows everything after that. So, mother has to face three phases of roughly six years each. But I cut the first phase roughly in half.

  • Infants—This is the first three or so years until the conscious mind comes alive and the child recognizes himself as a person, toddler to you.
  • Toddlers—The second three years or thereabouts.
  • Tweens—This phase runs from about age six or the first grade until puberty.
  • Teens—This phase runs from puberty onward.

Effective parenting flows from emphasizing three roles with mom and dad switching primary responsibility. That’s next.  


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565. Response to Viewer — Item 11

I dedicate this series to Her Highness Katrinka. She asked “Why is it so hard for fathers and sons (specifically grown sons) to be close?” I cite the father mostly, but mother plays a more critical role than included here:

  • Being of independent nature, men receive no reassurances from being close to one another as women do. So closeness has to be generated over time.
  • Father and son compete as do all men. Their competitive relationship forms in the tweens and solidifies in the teens.
  • Men don’t change much, unless they get saved. So, how they get along in early compete mode determines how they relate later.
  • Leadership can vary greatly, but absence of both respect as a person and trust that matches maturity level breeds an unwilling follower.
  • Throughout childhood, hold him back and earn his scorn. Help him along and earn his desire to belong. 
  • When father pays little or no attention to son’s upbringing, mother has too much influence. She’s reflects or expresses disappointment in father to the son, and he takes up her offense. 
  • Helicopter mothering prevents son learning from mistakes and failures. It leads to lack of both self-respect and self-confidence, which conflicts when father has those traits to spare.
  • Mother elevates son over father; she treats him as adult rather than child. Son shows no respect for father, because he learned he can be equal while acting like a child.
  • Trust and respect for father can easily be killed by son’s bio mom and bitter ex-wife of father, especially when son is in the tweens living with her. 
  • A son continually aims for independence, declares it, and expects it without argument soon after puberty. If father fights and suppresses this drive along the way, bitterness arises and follows later in life.
  • When father leads uncertainly, unpredictably, distrustfully or with whims, temper, and anger, then son’s disrespect grows proportionally.
  • If father suppresses son’s growth toward independence, son resents hell out of it and bitterness may well follow for life.
  • If father lets son outcompete father in decision making, repeatedly outwit or beat down father to get or do what son wants, or let’s son get too independent too fast for his britches, disrespect develops and lasts for life. 

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538. Dysfunctional Female

A female’s primary love is self-love. To the extent that she lacks it, she becomes proportionately dysfunctional, because self-love governs her primary motivator, self-interest.

Without self-love, she’s uncertain about good and bad for her, torn between needs and wants, indecisive about her importance among others, and substitutes instant gratification for longer range interests.  

The question arises: Where does Self-love come from and how does she get it?

The complex answer: Obviously roots are in genetics and hormones. However, those roots need reinforcement and invigoration that comes from being treated as a princess in the heart and eyes of father, gramps, or whatever man reared her from about three and especially from age six thru puberty.

The simple answer: Being her father’s first-class, royal, and beautiful princess throughout childhood.

The next best thing: Self-talk before a mirror and in her prayers that describe her appearance and value as getting better all the time. Negative self-evaluations are harmful to her self-image, and this translates into less Self-love.

The really, truly, absolutely best thing: Get saved! Everything else works for her, but this is the ultimate. By giving her heart to Jesus Christ, she becomes His. Faith generates, restores, or improves her self-love.  


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483. What Moms Never Hear —K: Self-image

Self-image (aka self-concept) buds in infancy, blossoms in toddlerhood, explodes in the tweens, blooms again in the teens, and tends to settle down in adulthood.

·        Definition—Self-image is the mental and spiritual ‘picture’ a person has of Self. Who he is in life and how he fits in his world.

·        It identifies us to us. From it, we know who we are, how we mix with our world, what we can and can’t do. When fully developed, it tends to restrict us to doing what’s ‘normal’ for Self.

·        The roots lie in cooing, crying, smiling, and whatever else produces feedback to the infant. Added to genetic hardwiring, loving care and encouragement program the subconscious mind about its ability to affect its world, to influence its surroundings.

·        Toddlerhood opens the door to testing the world, examining realities, and programming the subconscious with a steady stream of new abilities—new ways to view Self. The greater the exploratory and adventurist nature of a toddler, the broader and deeper spreads his self-image.

·        Development of self-image explodes in the tweens. Kids face new pressures, social structures, and experiences outside the home. Greater accomplishments and varied experiences morph into a much enlarged self-image.

·        Puberty inflicts temporary damage that may turn permanent. Self-image undergoes doubts and confirmations to make Self fit into a world rocked with hormonal hurricanes. But, it didn’t come to stay, it came to pass.

·        Self-image blooms again in adolescence. It’s a growth period. Boys expand their search for independence and significance. Girls expand their search for involvement and meaning. Self-image grows with successes, narrows with failures, and steadies out with acceptance of Self as the third decade of life arrives.

As with adults, self-image sets boundaries on our behavior, which we usually observe. When we don’t, we take corrective action or rationalize to explain or excuse it to ourselves and others. Our self-image keeps us on the track we imagine as right for our life.


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