Compatibility has one switch for sex. They compete before conquest. They cooperate after.
- If a woman sets standards and has high expectations, a man will step up, elevate his effort, and smooth his attitude—but only before their first sex together. After that, she’s no worse than the woman he conquered, and he expects her to step up to his expectations.
- A man will not long play games or otherwise compete for sex with a woman he has conquered. If she persistently uses sex to get her way, he will rebel quietly, privately, noisily, or physically. Whichever way he chooses, he won’t tolerate it very long and will soon seek another woman.
- Virtual virginity doesn’t make her judgments foolproof. It does, however, enable her to distinguish the important things to her: long term devotion from short term commitment, the Marrying Man from the player, the mature from the immature, the sincere from the phony, the temperate from the intolerable, the believer in something admirably greater than himself from the disbeliever, the considerate guy from the inconsiderate practitioner that shocks female sensibilities.
- He knows how to capture her love, although it doesn’t mean he will succeed. But once she loves him, he knows little about how to keep it or her respect except by being himself in all his masculine glory. Once he conquers her, if he can’t be who he is, he’s virtually lost at being what she expects. (For example: He can’t do relationship management, especially as she visualizes the necessity.)
Tag Archives: relationship management
Her Highness Samantha at #977 asked for more about this: “Only women manage relationships. Men can’t, won’t, or don’t.”
Allow me some license to clear the air. I purposely make what follows kind of outrageous to express sex differences in ways that women never hear. Please don’t take it as raw as it reads. Remember too, this blog focuses on human nature BEFORE love, religion, and other emotions impact and change a person to rely on more than their hormones. What follows might be called the hormone fundamentals.
Samantha also said: “I tend to want the man I love to be engaged equally….” Many women claim the same. However, they expect what they’ll not see, which leads to more relationship errors out of frustration. Equality is the females’ game and both a misleading and unachievable target. Men don’t engage equally as females expect it in their endless search to suppress male dominance.
Women can avoid disappointment and frustration. A much better target is this: Expect that she’ll be able to harmonize the relationship with the man that loves her. (In addition to her superior ability and the differences in their natures, it has much to do with how the subconscious mind operates on each person’s behalf. But that’s for another time.)
Samantha also asks, “Do men just not want to be bothered with it?” Yes, exactly, absolutely, that’s it. A relationship to a man is just that. Whether dating, courting, engaged, or married, if he’s not rising to meet her satisfaction, then separate. The more she pings on him that things aren’t right, the more he withdraws. He has her along for support and companionship, while he fulfills his primal drive to compete with men and shape human events and satisfy his primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prep for tomorrow’s battles. He wants freedom too. If his relationship is ‘painful’ or not working, why keep it?
She also has primal urges: She’s driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. She needs a brighter future. She wants a man to help her fulfill her hopes and dreams. Let her focus more on those things instead of his faults. When she does, harmonizing becomes much more effective than relationship management. (Who taught women to ‘manage’ the process of living with a man? What man will put up with being managed? Even the term turns men off. Use ‘harmonize’ instead, for example, and wives take on a far different, agreeable, and successful mindset.)
I’ve made the foregoing perhaps obnoxious to show that managing his relationship holds little or no interest. He depends on her to make everything come out well; it’s what she does best, so let her do it. He has other things to do.
Of course, it’s not fair. But it’s God’s design, Nature’s endowment, and hormonal energy implanted before the blessings of love, religion, and other helpful values arrive to smother the hard-heartedness out of the male nature.
- She wants to please him. He thinks that he pleases her just being around her, available, and listening.
- Only women manage relationships. Men can’t, won’t, or don’t.
- Men suffer in silence. Women don’t.
- Unlike with food, men like new ideas and thoughts in small bits and pieces until they digest them into a personal challenge. Women can digest new stuff in one mental serving, because they can easily reject all of it for one shortcoming.
- The prospect of war scares women much more than men.
- Men will fight to impose their will. Women dodge fighting except to protect their children.
- Their natures differ dramatically from this one factor: Females are born soft-hearted, but males are not.
- Military men fight for the men alongside, and equality means equal opportunity to die. Military women fight to prove themselves equal to the men alongside. They resent facing opportunity to die to prove it.
- Women cohabit as a step up to permanence. Men shack up for temporary convenience, regular sex, economic gain, and protection against marital devotion.
- Women prefer the extra security provided by the legal responsibility of marriage. Men prefer that more options exist for the sake of having options. The desire for freedom never really dies.
- The opposite of feminine is not masculine. Men see masculinized females as unnatural.
- Men expect to please a woman before conquest, but they tend to coast afterward. Modern women expect the reverse; they wrongly think conquest buys more and not less.
- Unlike women, men draw a line between what is their business and what is not, between what they should change and what they should leave to others—politicians and political activists excepted of course.
- He marries and takes her for granted. If she does that to him, he is easily lured away.
- Home life includes relationship management. To men, relationships require no management. Women know better.
- Nurturers focus more on people than things, so women conclude that relationships matter the most. Producers focus on accomplishments more than people, so men conclude that winning matters most.
Feminists claim only reproductive systems make the sexes distinctive. However, can it be true? Dennis Prager claims that “Truth and political correctness are mutually exclusive.”
- Love to a woman means showing attention and affection, and she expects it from her man. Love to a man means showing respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does, and he expects it from his woman.
- Chastity empowers unmarried females to dominate their relationships. Men make great effort to hide or ignore her empowerment. They accept it, and return to their dominant persona after the couple’s first sex together.
- A woman can integrate her strengths with a man’s, compensate for their weaknesses, and build success as a couple. Men can’t. They lack both interest and expertise for such relationship management.
- A woman can tolerate an angry, aggressive man. A man withdraws mentally if not physically from that kind of woman.
- A woman craves signs of her man’s love. He takes her love for granted.
- Males are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Good mothering softens their heart for dealing with women. Good fathering tempers their hard-headedness for living with a woman.
- Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Good mothering teaches them when to use head and heart. Good fathering builds and strengthens a daughter’s confidence for balancing head and heart in her interests.
More differences follow.
I close this series with thoughts from a previous post. It applies to men with a conscience about faithfulness to their wives and not to repeaters and serial cheaters.
Three noticeable phases face each marriage. Awareness enables wives to prepare, prevent, and prevail. (Some women also pass through these phases, but we describe men here.)
The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year together. Both undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, unfaithfulness and separation may not be far off.
· Husband’s enduring love lies in the foundation of respect she has earned, especially before conquest, and her likeability as supportive mate. Her enduring love springs from the current and anticipated gratefulness for him and what he does. He looks at what she is; she looks at what he can be.
The seven-year itch arrives when his wandering eye opens. Many situations challenge him. Devotion to her and commitment to vows are essential for surviving natural pressures on him.
· She’s in charge. Years earlier she chose a man susceptible to wander. Or, she chose a man devoted instead of just committed to her, and a man with sufficient character to honor his vows. If she didn’t or couldn’t, avoidance is difficult. Forgiveness is the next best thing, and forgetfulness is absolutely essential.
The twenty-year switch arrives when he wants to start over and hopes to do so with a trophy.
· It’s a dream that slowly builds as his sense of significance fades, which the mid-life crisis is all about. He aspires to rejuvenation, and he’s just dying to prove it to himself with an attractive woman. He may even aspire to raise another child to overcome earlier mistakes. Or, he may simply want to prove to himself that wife has been wrong all these past many years.
For the glitch, itch, and switch, she prepares best by knowing men and her man, females and herself, and that she has unique and powerful skills for relationship management.
Throughout life and these crisis points, the harder she tries to ensure his fidelity, the more likely she will fail. We all get what we think about the most. If she constantly worries about his faithfulness, she sends signals that push him away from her. Honest-to-goodness trust provides the greatest help for her.