765. Beware Red Flags — Part 1

Her Highness Sara at 756 said: “…do you have any tips on how to know if a guy is the right one or not?” No, I don’t. So, I’ll lead off with the big picture today and tomorrow. Then tips will follow that help identify Mr. Wrong.

First, I believe women err trying to find Mr. Right or declaring someone as the ‘right one’. Identify a Mr. Good Enough and test, evaluate, and build from there.

Men are only candidates with potential for husbanding and fathering, until each woman sees years later that she made the right choice. Calling any man the right one weakens her ability to think, reason, and evaluate him for helping fulfill her hopes and dreams after romantic love fades.

Second, love doesn’t hold a couple together, because romantic love ultimately fades after the first year or two. Eternal love and marital glue comes from mutual respect, personal closeness, likeability, and enjoy-ability. But little things eat away at the glue.

Life’s inevitable irritants, frustrations, and personal attacks eat away at marital glue and stability. The groundwork to minimize these negatives should be laid earlier, and pre-conquest provides the greatest opportunity. Consequently, as the relationship expert, most of the burden lies with her.

Men have little interest in preventing future squabbles, especially with a female. They don’t think that way. Their nature focuses on the present, and they can always dominate or manhandle a woman if necessary. Not saying that it’s right, fair, equal, or justified, it’s just Nature. (Feminists tried to change the male nature and failed. Our foremothers mastered the art of harnessing the male nature, and they made patriarchy work for women and children.)

Third, relationships have stages that women need to master in their minds so they don’t run off at the heart. That’s tomorrow.

763. On “unappealing” men…by Guy Jr.

As a lurker and sometimes contributor to WWNH, I’ve seen many threads of thought on these pages. One thread has recently captured my attention, and that is the appeal, or lack thereof, that women perceive of men at times — whether in general or about specific ones.

As a man, I understand I can consciously try to be appealing… or just the opposite, depending on the person or the situation.  But that is trying to be appealing or not by MY definition… what I think that other person “wants” of me at the time.

But how do I really know what appealing is in the eye of women in general or any specific one? In my relationships, I have often heard of things I’ve done or words I’ve said that have indeed been unappealing to a significant other. Women seem to be well suited to point these out. But how often do they point out or reinforce what is appealing? What is attractive? What is expected or not tolerated? What kind of appealing traits or actions truly bind?

So, for my benefit, and hopefully the benefit of others, I am asking a favor: Tell us!  Please comment on this thread with the 3-4 things you see as most appealing and unappealing about men in general, or your man specifically. Think hard about it, now… because they can be many things; traits, actions, specific words, hygienic habits, hobbies, careers, relationships/friendships, support of causes, any number of things.

I know I could sure learn a lot.  Maybe we all can too.

Best,

A. Guy Maligned, Jr.

758. Response to Viewer — Item 21b

Her Highness Abigail prompted this article. At post #751 she commented: “…your writing makes me feel like women have a very bad deal. Surely men aren’t all as selfish as you make them sound!”

Of course men are not. WhatWomenNeverHear describes the potential that men have for making women happy or miserable, and how women can prevent, avoid, or cure it. How I describe men generally has little connection to specific traits of an individual. Across an array of characteristics, every man appears differently.

However, I point out these realities about selfish/unselfish:  

• Selfishness emerges naturally. Learned behavior suppresses it as disadvantageous to one’s self-interest.
• Women promote unselfishness, because it helps bond relationships. Men have much less interest, because they are more individualistic.
• Women see unselfishness as critical to relationship harmony, and so they teach children to adopt it. They also measure the offensiveness of male selfishness by relationship standards.
• Men see far less practical use for stabilizing relationships, so they differ from females about selfish/unselfish issues. Not saying it’s fair, or that selfishness is justified. It’s just human nature in action with different sexes involved.
• We’re all born selfish. Mothers are the primary instrument by which selfishness is ‘untaught’ in childhood. Girls grasp and more easily embed it in their subconscious. Boys require more diligent programming to become generally unselfish as part of their consciousness.
• Whether a man has conquered a female or not plays a major part within a couple’s relationship. After their first sex together, he may show a level of selfishness that surprises her.
• After puberty, boys’ selfish/unselfish behavior relates to whoever else is involved. Consequently, chaste girls have considerable influence in conveying the merits of unselfishness to teen boys. Chaste single women have similar influence with men.
• Players prey on females that don’t pay much attention to masculine self-centeredness about sex.  Consequently, players learn that selfishness pays off. When they marry, it’s tough for wife to accept it and tough for him to change.

Paraphrasing Forrest Gump, Selfish is as selfish does. In the end, everyone has something about which they are selfish. Adult men and women tend to be as selfish/unselfish as their self-interest guides them.

749. Gender Differences Revisited — Group N

1. Sex to her is giving of herself. To him, it’s taking—especially their first time together.  
2. She is the expert on relationships and bonding. He is the expert on sex and escaping.
3. Starting at puberty, boys are turned off by female nagging—unless she’s a sex target as yet unconquered. It’s natural and for life.
4. Women hunger for marriage. Men can easily do without.
5. A man’s confidence emanates from his self-image, his picture of who and what he is. A woman’s emanates from her self-esteem, how well she likes herself as a person, her self-love.
6. The masculine way is eat to enjoy life. The feminine way is eat to sustain life.
7. The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.
8. Therapeutic recovery for a man lies within his work or doing something. A woman mostly relies on time for healing while unloading anguish to the sympathetic and empathetic ears of friends.

737. Gender Differences Revisited — Group L

1. Men know romance as whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the attention he pays her when sex is not at stake.
2. Men demand physical faithfulness in their mate. Women expect both physical and emotional fidelity but especially the last.
3. Husbands that enshrine themselves at home stay at home. Wives that enshrine themselves at home grow bored with husband.
4. Men fight best and work hardest for what they believe in. Women fight best and work hardest for who they believe in.
5. Men see friendship differently. Women don’t fit a man’s mold of pure friendship, except when they are far removed from being a sex target.
6. Women get upset and cry to release. Men don’t get upset by their own admission. They get frustrated, angry, and shift into battle mode without tears.
7. Men resist change to their person and role, especially by a woman they have conquered. Women are much less sensitive and more flexible.
8. Men shape their lives around thinking, substance, actions, and accomplishments. Women shape their lives around feelings, family, appearance, and relationships.

688. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 25

Over the past three decades, Feminism expanded the natural battle of the sexes into a political war of the sexes. Trying to kill male dominance, feminists expanded their political capabilities. They made great strides economically, politically, and legally, but women lost the ability, skill, and patience to keep a man.

• Females that dress ladylike, classy, or even prissy are of the now-distant past. Women abuse male preference for females to look good. Mutual advantages disappear.
• Mystery decays to full disclosure. Comfortable attire decays to sloppy. Complimentary modesty decays to skin tight. Simple decays to erotic. Grooming decays to natural. Pregnancy decays to beer belly.
• Manly respect decays, as females appear less attractive by choice and less worthy of much masculine effort. Manly disinterest rises for everything but sex.
• Guilt and personal redemption fade, and blame and finger pointing explode. Relationships spiral into collapse or unhappiness.
• Less unconditional respect for the opposite sex translates to less womanly influence to counter male dominance. The original mission of Feminism was to overcome patriarchy, but male independence increases and family responsibility decreases.   
• Women play the feminist game with political correctness, which pushes Truth aside. Men respond with whatever’s needed to continue frequent and convenient access to sex, and it becomes easier with each new generation.
• Modern women starve for male attention uncluttered with sex or innuendo. Under threat of sexual harassment and PC, men are conditioned to not pay compliments to females.

The fallout from Feminism continues to pile up.

619. Recovery for Wives — Part 2

WWNH: Wives face a paradox that some can’t accept and overcome: If he doesn’t show appreciation for her, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate her. There are two sides, and the second is the stronger and more dependable for female benefits.

First, women see insensitive clods, because masculine thinking runs like this: To show appreciation through praise or acknowledge one’s gratefulness is to show dependence and weakness. It’s the man’s world, and so, unless he wants something, he doesn’t think about her.

Trying to capture a woman, however, men show more female-friendly attentions, praise, and gratitude. But once committed in marriage, husbands revert to thinking like a man. As family leader he needs independence and mental strength. This shifts his focus away from pleasing her as she would like, or as she became accustomed when dating.

Second, femininity has its own built-in rewards. She knows she’s doing the right thing, so small favors, nuances, and attentions to husband stroke her ego whether he shows appreciation or not. Her actions alone confirm her importance. This makes femininity self-rewarding, which strengthens her ability and commitment to it, which strengthens family bonding.

Men lack the relationship skills that women have naturally and in abundance. As you would expect, recovery for wives depends on wives. It’s next.

618. Recovery for Wives — Part 1

I dedicate this series to Her Highness Honeybee. She asked for tips about overcoming wifely mistakes of the past.

WWNH: We all make mistakes, which means recovery is everything. To stretch the point, what wives do to please or displease their husband is much less important than how they do it. This means their spirit during ‘recovery’ means everything.

So what is the spirit for recovery? It’s whatever flows out of a wife’s solid femininity, her female nature finely tuned to reject and even contradict Feminism’s theory, dogma, and anti-male spirit. She can’t change him, only herself.  

For women that fell for feminist propaganda, this makes a difficult challenge. They have bad habits and attitudes to overcome. Even if they resisted Feminism from Day One, they still subconsciously absorbed anti-male thoughts or habits just from living in our heavily bombarded society.

Wives not victimized by Feminism enjoy a strong feminine nature. It guides them to reject the anti-male messages. They have little need to recover, but their feminine nature always seeks better ways to breathe happiness into their home.

Femininity adds wifely functions that men can’t understand, appreciate, or return. Small favors, nuances, and attentions easily detectable by other females escape detection by males. But keep it up, ladies. Even if detected, husbands don’t reciprocate, because it’s contrary to the male nature; their life involves more significant things than fine tuning an already congealed relationship.

This brings up a paradox that wives face, and it’s posted as 619.