A quick recap: God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us to be compatible with a mate. We match up easily in many ways.
322. Men are driven to overcome Nature and other barriers, compete with men, and shape human events. Women need a brighter future for them and theirs. Compatible matchup? 
323. Men just need a place to flop, eat, and throw their things. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Compatible matchup? 
324. Men want the freedom to pursue their nature as hunter-conquerors and target high value prey. For example, men don’t mount rabbit heads in their den or pursue women they find unappealing. Women want help when they need it in a world they cannot dominate. Compatible potential?
325. Women are born pretty. Men are born handy. Compatible matchup?
326. Women fear abandonment. Men fear insignificance. By promoting their man’s significance, women demote their fear. Compatible potential?
327. Men have a natural inclination for directness and impatience. Women are endowed with the talent for indirectness strengthened by patience. Their willingness to be flexible and negotiate enables them to gain ultimate influence in relationships to the advantage of them and children. Compatible potential?
328. Man-think primarily focuses men on the present. Woman-think primarily focuses women on the future. Compatible potential?
329. Women are motivated to enhance their sense of importance through relationships. Men are motivated to earn self-admiration through accomplishments. Compatible potential?
330. Women are naturally modest. Men are not but respect women for insistence on it. Compatible potential?
Tag Archives: respect
A quick recap: God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us to be compatible with a mate. We match up easily in many ways.
301. Virtual virginity means keeping her legs crossed before marriage. It puts her in the buyer’s seat and forces a man to be the seller, to make himself worthy of her instead of the other way around. (Men don’t truly appreciate what they don’t earn.) 
302. Her attractiveness spikes his interest for sex. It’s up to her to convert that interest over to her. Heeding granny’s advice to keep a dime between her knees works best. 
303. Her first refusal for sex spreads a man’s interest to try harder, to know her better. Subsequent refusals push him to look ever deeper for weaknesses he can exploit to convince her to yield. (Presuming he accepts her refusals as other than rejections of him.) 
304. As her refusals continue in courtship, he serendipitously discovers her admirable strengths and non-sexual qualities. These earn more respect both for her potential as a keeper and promise for mating. (Provided, of course, he’s more interested in her than just conqueror’s sex.) 
305. By yielding sex before marriage, she reverses their natural roles. She becomes seller to his buyer, and he’s paid her price when she yields. It’s too late for her to raise the ante; the door closes partly or fully on his investing more in her even though the potential for it resides in the male nature. 
306. As the seller, she settles for less than she deserves because she has only one conquest event with each man. (Women may not see it that way, but men do. Men change after conquest, and it forces women to change to stay abreast of the conqueror.) 
307. Conquest is a relationship-changing event for a man. He quits looking so interestedly at a conquered woman. Nature releases his heart to pursue something or somebody else. 
308. By yielding unmarried sex, she lets a man know what price she charges for submission. This naturally, automatically, and subconsciously programs his mind on how their relationship will work in the future. It enlarges his expectations for getting his way with her—we’re talking greater male dominance here, aren’t we? 
309. The longer and more intensely without sex that he stays focused on her, the greater their bonding and the more promising their future together. 
310. Just a friendly touch in passing or a pat on the back sends a message of trust that earns a man’s regard if not respect. If he mistakes her friendliness for something else, she has uniquely subtle ways to turn him off without offense and immense power to discourage with offense. Friendly touching in passing is a small price women pay. It helps hold onto the respect of men other than their own, which magnifies their gratefulness for both men and themselves. 
Peach Blossoms posed these questions at article 1228: “How does a woman strike a balance between keeping him interested and not letting him become discouraged if he can’t get to the first kiss? How to defer it without making him feel like she might be leading him on?” My response grew.
Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
You focus on the negatives so drop that mindset. You worry that you’ll do something wrong. We all make mistakes and that’s why recovery is everything. Also, don’t look for balance, let it arrive naturally.
Try a different slant on life. Your attitude will be weighed by a man because it reflects what’s in your heart. The more nonsexual attention, admiration, respect, and gratitude you express to and about a man, the more your heart becomes programmed to sincerely reflect your feelings about him. He wants to see your love, not hear about it.
- Primarily it works like this. Your words about him program your heart. Your actions influence his heart and convince his mind. His actions that please you program his heart toward devotion. Unfortunately, loving and loveable words about your love merely increase your self-centeredness. A man doesn’t need to hear about your love for him; he becomes convinced as he hears your appreciation of who he is and what he does.
- A man easily respects an unconquered woman who has the self-respect to resist his appeals for sex. She earns respect by apparently living up to something more important. Her resistance helps promote his determination to mate with her because resistance and sincerity promote the promise of her faithfulness. It also makes first kiss much less important. If he sees promise that she can enhance his life, he can wait longer without it weakening his interest.
- You have standards. So, make them plain, don’t complain, and don’t explain. When you complain, you blame and no guy wants to hear it; he instinctively rejects guilt. When you explain, you weaken your own standards, show lack of self-respect, display lack of self-confidence, and otherwise make yourself appear less respectable. It’s not good because a man’s love is founded on respect for women generally and one in particular.
- Avoid deep personal matters but show friendly attention, wonder, respect, and gratitude for who he is as a unique person, handy man, and powerful achiever in both job and leisure pursuits. However, praise only what you want to see more of. Don’t verbalize about the undesirable but use it to determine if he’s really the one for you.
- Find laughter to defer seriousness, pay attention to him as a friend rather than potential lover, and make yourself so appealing in his company that he wants to be with you instead of somewhere else. His devotion grows from his actions to please you. (Complaints about his absences work directly against you. You’re saying he’s inadequate and he rejects the guilt by turning his eyes elsewhere.)
- But don’t try too hard and overdo it. Be yourself and act feminine. Indirectness sells you better. Respond to his nonsexual initiatives affirmatively. Respond to his sex-slanted initiatives with Whoa and No in the air but not verbalized until essential to get him to stop or change. Forget your soft-hearted nature and put your hard-headed nature to work indirectly and as subtle as practicable. Hard-to-get is greatly undersold. Resistance to yielding is the primary method for a female to earn male respect, because a man infers so readily that she is and would continue to be faithful to him.
- Make it your standard to provide as little feedback as possible when your expectations are not respected. The more feedback you provide, the more judgmental he becomes with the new info. The less feedback you provide on negative issues, the more mysterious you become.
- First kiss leads to a faster conquest. So, all delays help you control the premarital agenda. While trying to find what makes you tick and what rounds your heels for conquest, a guy learns about your character, the potential you possibly hold for his future, and the promise he sees in you as his mate. The longer and deeper he has to dig to find what will finally roll you into his bed, the more his appreciation morphs into promise of you as his mate.
Finally, be aware that men don’t act like women act.
- When a man conquers a woman, he doesn’t bond. He already knows enough about her and so he changes. He stops trying to find out who she is and what promise she might hold for him. He has less interest, and so he quits delving deeper into her heart and mind. He quits ferreting out what dwells within her and his respect for her peaks. If not devoted to her by that time, he’s less likely to spend his life with her.
- Men don’t need and often don’t want the love and loving that women crave. While they are emotional creatures, they think and act more on facts than feelings. They keep their feelings to themselves. It’s not your love and loving that captures or holds a man; it’s the promise he visualizes as the result of your actions much more than your words.
I like to make the holiday season personal in this way. Today we Americans give thanks for what we have and who we love and like. At Christmas we Christians give thanks for who we are in the eyes of God and family and friends. Recognizing and displaying our gratitude is the common theme. The holidays are thus made happy because happiness flows from gratefulness.
Gratefulness civilizes us and the more the better. The process of finding ways to express gratitude for others displays a unique respectfulness that makes women smile more and men work more responsibly on behalf of family. Their natures cause this; women are happier during the holidays because they more easily find and spread gratitude than do men.
I wish a Happy Thanksgiving Day to Americans everywhere. To others, I hope they can find ways to find and spotlight gratefulness for who they are and whom they love and like. We only uncover and release the good life together when we unconditionally respect and find gratitude for each other. Turkey comes second.
Theory. The traffic signal just turned green. With a phone at her ear, a woman’s car starts to roll several seconds after the guy in the next lane also with a phone at his ear.
Women are generally better multi-taskers, but the stop-light intersection brings on this exception. Faced with multiple sensory inputs, men react faster to the visual and women to the audible. Simultaneously hearing a voice or involved in talking, women delay in responding to visual stimulation. Men are opposite; being hunter-conquerors they respond first to visual stimulants and then to hearing. So, when both parties are on the phone at the light, men handle the multi-tasking more easily and are quicker clearing the intersection.
Reality. I post that stop-light trivia as a reminder that women can anticipate, figure out, and resolve relationship problems before they happen. Day after tomorrow at #1806, I will restate the ten prime motivators that inspire this blog. They also trigger hundreds of minor sex differences that work to the advantage of both sexes when one relationship characteristic is present—mutual respect.
Emerson said “The world turns on hope.” Without it, a person’s energy is stifled and they sit down to do nothing or worse, perhaps with drugs. Hope motivates individuals and each has his own version. However, personal ability to influence others is required to mutualize hope between individuals, such as in a couple or family.
The world of influencing others turns on respect, which generates trust in return, which reinforces the initial respect, which reinforces the initial trust, and which continues to compound until their respective hopes find mutuality and compatibility. Respect sends the message, “I hold you in high regard.” Trust sends the message, “I’m grateful for associating with you.” Mutual interests are thus enabled to join as the person influenced shapes his self-interest to match more closely that of the influencer.
If the respect of the influencer is missing or lost, it takes some inducement, threat, or force to complete the process of influencing others.
Most people know how to show respect for and to others. But I’ve uncovered a way by which moms, dads, and other leaders screw up their good intentions. It follows tomorrow.
“One thing I recommend for any person in the future, if you’ve been with someone for more than a month and they haven’t changed their Facebook status to show that they are in a relationship, bail. No second chance, no hesitation, bail and never look back.” [Jim at 1136]
“Men put their self worth on what they do, which determines who they are. Women put their self worth on who they are, which determines what they do.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1139]
“Now, ‘love’ and ‘respect’ are really the same thing, the “difference” between them being a matter of focus.” [Ilion at 1102] [Guy adds: The merit rests with the firmly connected spirit behind both love and respect that prompts people to give rather than take.]
“When [women] started competing with each other we stopped trusting each other, and then we looked to men to replace the influence of good female friendships. When that didn’t work (as it doesn’t in the vast majority of cases), the women harden their hearts and become even more competitive, judgy, insensitive, entitled, and unhappy. It is my firm belief that women NEED other women for love, support, and encouragement. We might be able to get by without it but we are not better for it.” [Violet at 1134]
“So maybe it doesn’t matter if what he does is pleasing to me. Maybe what matters is that what he does is right, and it pleases me BECAUSE it is right.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1133]
- “Approval seeking isn’t attractive behavior – men are doing us a favor by ignoring it. It kills our mystery.” (LB from 718)
- “[T]o be shown respect I must show respect.” (Keith at Author page)
- “I dated and married him before I was a Christian, and had premarital sex with him, so I don’t believe he ever respected me. In fact, he never trusted me even though I was faithful to our marriage. Funny how that works.” (Princess Princess at 708)
- “I don’t know who wrote it, but I love this quote and believe it may also answer [Sunny’s] question: ‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.’” (Sharon at 719 and I use it elsewhere)
- [N]o matter how hard things got financially I couldn’t leave my babies.…My husband’s job was to make the living and mine was (and is) to make life worth living and I didn’t wait for him to make the living to make a joyful, welcoming home for him and our children. (Jill F. at 746)
- And when a woman is happy and contented rather than stressed and overworked, the family will be happier, in spite of the lack of luxuries… (Ladylike at 757)