258. What daughters never hear — Section 6

Dear Daughter,

♀ When you think men are only after one thing, your adolescent side shows. You attract only adult-adolescent men, and they fulfill your prophecy. Mature men figure you offer little else than sex, and they treat you accordingly.

♀ Virtual virginity is your best strategy to distinguish mature from adolescent-minded men.

♀ Mature men devote themselves to what they perceive as a good woman, because most want to raise children.  Adolescent-minded men think short term, dislike obligations, have little interest in children, always look for another ‘looker’, and promises commitment that has very short legs.

♀ Your dominant influence expands with each sacrifice you make joyfully in service to your family and castle without harshly judging what may appear as husband’s lack of interest, affection, or gratitude. (Of course, it’s neither equal nor fair, because both principles are female inventions. Go back to the top and assess your interest in ‘dominant influence’.)

♀ You should take advantage of your strengths and give him the appearance of your submissiveness to the man of the house. His perception is reality, and this means whatever he perceives satisfies him. You are far better equipped than he to work out the details to your advantage.

[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 244, 227, 214, 200, and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

252. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 8

Women use faulty tactics dealing with men. They ignore a strategic truism.

Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Imagination motivates. It breeds drive and determination, and curiosity triggers it.

Immature women expect that exchanging intimate knowledge with a  man, especially sexual activity, will enable them to capture and hopefully keep a man. Nature works quite the opposite.

Men appreciate what they pay for, and the more dearly they pay, the greater their appreciation. Pay, that is, with their interest, focus, time, manners, sacrifice, energy, laughter, fun, games, promises, mistakes, affection, commitment, politeness, devotion, and even worry about losing her.

Not knowledge but a man’s imagination keeps him interested in her. It’s the promise of what lies ahead with her that keeps her glued into his self-interest.

For example, each step completed from flirtation to copulation satisfies and shifts curiosity to the next step. Knowledge gained step-by-step satisfies all curiosity about her body. It becomes a known quantity, quality, and value with conquest.

Mature women see his energy for her as more important than his knowledge of her, wanting her as more important than having her, imagining her as more important than knowing her.

If he wonders why she acts resistant to his come on, his imagination shifts toward finding out. If she’s not understandable, his imagination shifts toward her depth of character and what motivates her.

For example, feminine mystique is all about creating curiosity and satisfying it ever so slowly. Her need for modesty, intimacy, and privacy stimulate his imagination to know more about her.

Women could do better with a new strategy: Generate maximum curiosity and satisfy it the least. Exploit curiosity to trigger masculine imagination. It works better than making herself knowable and known without his having paid much in dedication, effort, and self-worry.

More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

249. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 15

♀?♂  When unmarried women yield the first time to a man, he wins much more than sex. Men rule over women they conquer. If she refuses, he dumps her.

♀?♂  Men see friendship differently. Women don’t fit a man’s mold of pure friendship, except when they are not sex targets.

♀?♂  Men treat women according to what they appear to be—sex object, slut, lady, sloppy, neat, pretty, immaculately groomed, careless, desperate, disposable…. That is, she’s responsible for the respect with which she’s treated.

♀?♂  Men treated as sex targets by females learn that all women have little else to offer. Let the fun and irresponsible games continue. Visible groupies are more significant than unseen bed post notches.

♀?♂  Modern female fidelity is questionable to men, because so many women sacrifice themselves at the altar of sexual freedom.

♀?♂  More than sex, men crave appreciation for who they are and what they do. If not their wife, however, sex works just fine for today—thank you very much.

♀?♂  One major facet of a man’s sense of significance rests upon not having to face men who have bedded his woman.

[More jack about Jack appears in posts 232, 217, 202, 185, 172, 162, 153, 142, 135, 132, 114, 97, 91, and 7. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

222. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 6

Females succumb to male expectations and standards, which lower their value as mates. They accept commitment instead of taking time to generate a man’s devotion.

⌂ Commitment promises togetherness with her. ♥ Devotion delivers his dedication to her.

⌂ Commitment only promises to rule out other women. ♥ Devotion delivers it, because she’s worth not losing.

⌂ Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him. ♥ Devotion signals she’s more than worthy for him.

⌂ Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. ♥ Devotion to her lasts even though living together may not happen.

⌂ Commitment dies easily under daily pressures that eat away at promises and togetherness. ♥ Devotion of self to one person triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures.  

⌂ Promises require no work at the present. ♥ Devotion exhibits personal sacrifices today.

⌂ Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. ♥ Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication.

⌂ Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. ♥ Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else before her.

⌂ Commitment has no obligation to excuse a mate’s mistakes. ♥ Devotion finds excuses to protect one’s mate.

⌂ Promises make only vague and risky commitment, as females see it. ♥ Women crave someone’s devotion.

Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up.

Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her.

NOTE: She did it again. The nice lady that inspired post 219 also inspired this one.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3

She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.  

60. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part I

Women, not men, have to tell men how to deal with women. And they should do it with feminine expertise that appeals to men instead of feminist disrespect that disuades men from respecting women.

No two women are pleased in the same ways. Ditto for men. The Battle of the Sexes is fought as protagonists smoothing out their respective interests during courtship in order to promote living together—after which the smoothness gets rumpled. All else is incidental.

A woman’s battleground success flows mostly from indirect messaging and highly feminine techniques that make a man feel good about himself. Men respond favorably and become pliable when rewarded appropriately. They respond unfavorably if not. Those are the rules for life’s game in which women need men more than vice versa.

Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

This begs the question: How do smart women hold male dominance within acceptable bounds? The answer: They outfox the fox. They empower him to rule the roost, while they learn to rule the rooster. She lets him dominate the present, while she shapes their future to match her hopes and dreams.

She makes him head of the family and proud to be that, while she as the neck points and promotes family togetherness, solidarity, and morale. She sacrifices herself for him and family in their early years, and reaps her rewards later as well-loved matriarch of a warm, close knit, admirable family.*

Reward men appropriately for husbanding and fathering, and women can have what they want out of life with a man. ‘Appropriate’ means as defined by that man and no one else. So, a woman’s lifelong major task is to uncover what her man expects from her, and make sure she will not be victimized in whatever follows. (Of course she can claim that she’s due the same thing. But, he lacks the skills and interest to provide it.)

It’s humongously tough to do. Reward mostly means respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. But each man individualizes it. Among the natural female ‘nessies’ described in post #59, there are innumerable ways for a woman to reward her man. When she continually shines in his eyes, that’s usually reward enough.

* Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the neck analogy from her movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

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A Guy Note: Women know what they want, but they don’t know how to get it. They’re doing it all wrong. That’s What Women Never Hear, but now they can read it here.