1697. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 62

1. To avoid having to demand respect, earn the respect of others. First show respect for them. It’s never more true than when dealing with children and emphatically your own.
2. When fashion prevails in your heart, adolescence prevails in your mind.
3. You can’t love someone more than you love yourself, and no one gives you more love than God. If Christ isn’t in your heart, how do you love others as much as you possibly can?
4. If someone’s kindness doesn’t stimulate true gratitude in you, disrespect floods whatever form your “thank you” takes.
5. You can’t disrespect someone without clouding up your self-respect. Eventually your conscience will win out, unless of course it has been seared or scorched or stricken from your heart by showing so much disrespect for so many people both close and not so close.
6. If someone’s kindness doesn’t stimulate true gratitude in your heart, you’ve not taken the time to ponder and appreciate the value they feel in giving. It sends a loud message of disregard at least and disrespect at worst.
7. When celebrity worship dominates your thinking, self-centeredness dominates your heart.

1269. Dress to Expectations of Others?

Her Highness Alice wrote: “Why the HELL should I dress to other people’s expectations? Ugh.” Her innocence inspired this article.

Alice, how much of your dress habits come from the teachings of your parents? Do you still live up to any of their expectations? If for no other reason, you cover your body in public to meet the expectations of others. Female modesty inspires you to do it, but I bet you always go beyond the minimum.

Try this: Dress way up or way down for some social function with friends, business associates, or whoever. How do they react? Do it regularly and you will be marginalized at least and dumped at worst, but you know that. So you dress as certain people expect you to appear provided you want to maintain your relationship with them. You reflect on them even if you don’t know it and whether you like it or not. You don’t have to fully meet their expectations, but their minimum exists and I bet you normally dress up to it.

Does fashion ever enter your decisions about dress, appearance, attractiveness? You dress to please yourself for some event and find another woman dressed exactly the same. If you dressed to please only yourself, why would her duplicate attire bother you? But, I bet it does, because the female nature knows that uniqueness means a lot in getting a woman’s world to swing her way. 

You have a natural female need for self-importance. Does it inspire you to dress in particular ways when you’re joining up with friends or about to face others?

It’s a real twist of fate. People can’t be happy without being grateful. Gratefulness for things is usually not enough. It usually takes gratefulness for one or more people including Self to make a person truly happy. People expect you to try to be happy, which to them means grateful for yourself. If, however, you’re not inspired to dress up to please yourself, to make yourself grateful for yourself and thus meet the expectations of others, you’re not likely to find that their responsive behaviors make you grateful of them.

Your HELL comment expresses one arbitrary and seemingly angry reason for not doing something that improves the world in which you live. I’ve given several reasons to move outside of self-centeredness and into other-centeredness where females shine so much brighter than men. You don’t need to do it, but many viewers of this blog claim they see a brighter future by improving themselves, especially relative to men.

You doubtless heard this wisdom growing up: We become like those with whom we associate. Well, it includes attire.

Finally, I figure you missed or ignored the merit of this: “I dedicate this blog to females that groom and dress to be pretty instead of erotic, attractive instead of comfortable, and modest instead of convenient. Each one reminds how much more beautiful the world can be.” Or and more likely, you took exception to one or more of the adjectives: pretty, erotic, attractive, comfortable, modest, and convenient.

So, I shall express it another way: I dedicate this blog to females that groom and dress to feel better instead of just good about themselves, grateful instead of unappreciated about their attractiveness, and happier instead of forlorn about their femaleness. If you see that both dedications say the same thing, I’ve eased your innocence and fulfilled my purpose today.

1253. Caught in Trap of Her Making

If a woman doesn’t provide sex after one or a few dates, modern men tend to send her back to the recycling pool. They blame her ‘hang ups,’ and she interprets it as guilt. Not always slowly either, she comes to think that men are right. She will succeed better if she yields soon or at least sooner. Thus, she sets the trap for herself.

Her loneliness, angst, or desperation triggers the trap. She falls victim to infatuation, lust, or romantic love but they are short lived. The magnet of her sexual assets inevitably weakens. Men dump her but its worse. Her psyche takes terrible hits. She did but he didn’t bond as she hoped he would. She springs the leaks of a thousand guilts.

Millions of women fall for that two-pointed scam perpetrated by advocates of masculine-style sexual freedom. Men don’t complain. They’re compensated. They play around in the field of lust, infatuation, and romantic love. Then, when they tire of one woman, they dump her at the cleaners for a press job, guilt reinforcement, and pick up by another guy.

Dominance of cultural values thus shifts from females to males, from relationship stability to instability, from other-centeredness to self-centeredness, from family responsibility to player mentality, from female-friendly to male-friendly standards and expectations. All brought on by abandonment of No Sex without Marriage as a predominant cultural imperative.

Now enthused to almost exclusively pursue sex, men are more eager when its easily available and more deliberate when women ration sex with high standards for yielding. When a man must spend many more dates with a woman to get her into bed, it forces him to pay attention to her other attributes so essential for his respect and love. He is not so easily freed up to hunt and conquer someone else. When Womanhood fails to uphold higher standards, men do whatever makes their job, life, and relationships simpler and easier. And each woman feels trapped in a web of convenience that favors men.

651. College girls: New campus trend

College girls go beyond X-rated bathrooms. Coed dorm rooms replace coed dorms as hot campus trend.

College liberates students from adult supervision. Childhood self-centeredness doesn’t fade away until about age 21 or graduation, whichever comes first. Not surprising, students do stupid things. Decisions no doubt seem rational to immature minds, but they foretell agonies for a woman’s future.

• The female nature focuses on the future, the male on the present. Dorm room cohabitation practices the males’ game, which reinforces teen thinking to go where the boys are and do what the boys want.
• Highly self-centered and still impressionable male minds receive lessons about marital benefits without associated responsibilities. This shapes the males’ belief system contrary to mature female interests.
• Dorm room cohabitation teaches men that married life can be simple, and they expect the real thing to be equally so. Women dealing with those men after college pay the price for lessons taught earlier by coeds.  
• A female’s mystery, modesty, and morality can’t survive on campus without adult supervision or mature self-supervision. Then, it all dies in a coed dorm room, asphyxiated after coed dorms and bathrooms made it terminal.
• Watch this one, ladies: Losing her mystery, modesty, and morality makes her less attractive to guys except for sex. BUT: It also makes her less self-respectful and less forgiving of herself. She can fake or reinvent those things for guys, but she can’t fool herself. It could take years, if ever, to restore her sense of feminine dignity to the level she desires once her mind matures.

340. College girls: Dateless??? — Posts 201-215

One Duke University senior claimed she never had a date in college and knew no one that had. So, coed now means guys and booty?

There’s more about the rest of the story at these post numbers.

201.       “We are co-dependent,” she imagines wrongly.

202.       This reveals his self-centeredness, and when aging makes her….

203.       Her actions dominate her feelings, not his actions.

204.       As women go, so goes the campus.

205.       Modern women market themselves poorly.

206.       Women reject this truism for making marriage work.

207.       Real, honest, and tough conquests are touchdowns.

208.       Wired and programmed into our subconscious, it identifies us to us.

209.       Women give up their dominance.

210.       If she does that to him, he is easily lured away.

211.       Feminism conflicts with two natural principles.

212.       Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect.

213.       More sex differences.

214.       Promiscuous women eventually find that they….

215.       Infatuation dominates female life.

Escape or dodge the booty label. See the CONTENT page in the blog header.

311. Preventive maintenance — Checklist II

The squabble-prevention checklist continues:

♥ Keeping him is easy but not simple, once she learns to use her female strengths.

♥ Feminine brightens his day. As one woman put it, femininity adds color to a man’s B&W world. [Alison A. Armstrong, Keys to the Kingdom, p.151]

♥ People respect those who are different, unique, and powerful within themselves. Her power thrust in his face offends, however, whereas well-controlled internal strength is admired.   

♥ Virginity, devotion, and marriage are recoverable. People make so many mistakes that recovery is everything. (Details in posts titled Virtual Virginity.) 

♥ She’s a keeper, once she learns to keep him.

♥ Hook up but no call? Moved in but no joy? Married but no peace? Then change herself, because men don’t or won’t.

♥ Women are the maintenance experts, men go along for a smooth and maintenance-free ride.

♥ Learn the difference: Self interest motivates everyone. Self-centeredness motivates you. Us-centeredness motivates us. Selfishness de-motivates others.

♣ Feminism sours his day.

♣ Attacks unsettle his day.

♣ If she’s never satisfied, it drives his thoughts to other options. (The wedding signaled she was satisfied with him, so dissatisfaction means she changed and is no longer the woman he married.)

[The checklist started at post 296. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

303. Weans, tweens, and teens, #11 — Immature kids

Immature adults emerge from this background: Kids enter puberty with empty minds primed to vacuum up adolescent values that produce these characteristics in adulthood:

·        Action comes before responsibility.

·        Self-centeredness overpowers ‘us’.

·                   Good intentions explain away lack of results.

·        Taking risks overrides common sense.

·        Others must earn my respect.

·        Popularity is more important than character.

·        Symbols are as good as substance.

·        Sex outweighs fidelity.

·        Parental supervision offends.

·        Wisdom resides in my peers.

They get that way from poor parenting in the weans and tweens. The following point to impending immaturity when present at puberty.

They lack:

o   A good work ethic and strong sense of personal responsibility.

o   Religious beliefs and moral convictions that guide them toward living up to something bigger than themselves.

o   Dependence upon parents for wisdom, guidance, support, back up.

o   Respect for authority and authority figures.

o   A foundation of unconditional respect for all people.

o   Ambitions (underdeveloped) for their own adult life. Not necessarily what they want to do, but expectations and preferably dreams of living in the adult world of responsibility, work, mature fun, family building.

They have:

o   Dreams of becoming a teen instead of an adult. They focus on peers, popularity, fashions, outside-the-family activities, and earlier duplication of older kids.  

o   Respect others only for what they can do for the child.

o   Self-centeredness. Selfishness comes easily to them. Their heart is soft for peers, but hard for most others.

o   A mother that did not nurture the child well in the weans, a father that did not lead well in the tweens, or both.

They exit adolescence with convicted beliefs that values learned in the teens are right and proper for adult life. This happens for one reason: They entered puberty with a mind empty of mature adult, albeit underdeveloped, values into which they expected to grow.  

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 268, 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

239. Weans, tweens, and teens #9 — Selfishness

Selfishness is the most junior of three subsets of self-interest. It predominantly appears in the wean years. (Post # 223)

Selfishness insists on getting one’s way at the expense of others. It’s natural to the human condition.

The need for and delivery of food and care teaches infants that being selfish pays off. Thus, long before an infant’s conscious mind comes alive, his subconscious mind gets ‘wired’ that putting self first is essential for living.

To the nurturer and observers, selfishness is unfairness. At first an infant puts too much pressure on caregivers, who quickly learn to handle or squelch the pressure. Later, it’s about sharing, especially with siblings.

Unfairness makes it an equality issue. Women, not men, favor and strive for equality. This better prepares mothers to ‘cure’ selfishness in a child. This makes it the province of nurturing, which means it’s more easily ‘corrected’ in the weans.

Later, as tweens and teens, selfishness becomes minor to the degree a child is led into making more mature decisions. By puberty selfish tendencies have been submerged behind other more beneficial habits in a child’s self-interest.

Selfishness provides one of the measuring sticks to forecast the adult from the child at puberty. The less selfish, the more mature. And vice versa.

Weaning a child from selfishness is minor compared to two other subsets of self-interest. The next, self-centeredness, follows at post 268.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]