Tag Archives: self-worth

1811. Sex Difference Redux—Part 61: Female Happiness—Mile 2c Spiritual

This second mile of the road to female happiness includes the physical (#1809), mental (#1810), and spiritual inputs to self-appreciation and self-gratefulness. I conclude with the spiritual side inherent to the female nature.


Actually, the complexities of the spiritual side of the female nature confound me. However, two points are very relevant to forming new habits and driving out bad ones. They are self-worth and self-forgiveness. The higher is the former, the easier becomes the latter. The comparison is vital. The inability to forgive oneself is the greatest single obstruction to women finding happiness.

The female nature thrives on not forgetting what is best forgotten (in order to pursue happiness). By being virtually unable to forget the wrongdoings of others, women choose appropriate times to figuratively fight back. (It’s a man’s term, but you know what I mean.) Success at fighting back puts someone else down and forfeits their trust if not their esteem. Failure at fighting back discredits the initiator in the eyes of those involved or witnesses. The female nature makes women aware of that, and it explains why they naturally prefer to cooperate rather than compete—especially with a man.

Men aren’t like that. Their masculine nature competes to win. A natural offshoot is fear of losing to a weaker opponent. Men avoid losing by either avoiding the fight or making sure they win any scrap with a woman. Consequently, women mostly lose when they fight back against men and thus weaken their ability to find happiness. On the other hand, by patiently outsmarting rather than fighting back, women take the high ground morally, competitively, and consistently, which also elevates their sense of self-worth.

Self-worth is the accumulation of the beneficial values embedded within a woman’s self-esteem, -love, -image, -interest, and -respect plus the love of a supreme being as faithfully claimed by her. A vital ingredient for female happiness, self-worth carries the most beneficial influence. It empowers her to forgive both herself and others for mistakes, failures, and transgressions. Self-worth also confirms the rightness of her causes.

The higher one’s sense of self-worth, the easier it is to forgive. The easier to forgive, the easier it is to forget. The easier to forget, the easier it is to avoid fighting back (especially squabbles with her man). The easier to avoid fighting back, the easier it is to appreciate and feel grateful for oneself. With those accomplishments, the road toward happiness loses much of its restraining friction and progress more easily expands her sense of self-worth. As self-worth improves, her sense of self-importance grows alongside her increasing happiness. As if guided by outside forces, the female psyche continually works around that cause-and-effect loop by making everyday choices.

It’s a closed loop totally under the control of each woman. As she makes choices beneficial to her self-interest, happiness accumulates within her heart. As she makes poorer choices and fails to improve her self-worth as she moves from cause to effect in everyday life, then happiness generally eludes her. If she has no loving supreme being to reinforce her self-worth whenever she needs help, she further weakens her pursuit of happiness.

By always trying to affirm her self-worth and learning to forgive herself for mistakes and failures, she tends to forget the past. A past forgotten except for happy memories strengthens her future and pursuit of happiness.

‘Happy’ is a natural endowment for females. If she doesn’t naturally gravitate toward it, she’s making poor choices in her physical, mental, and spiritual life. If she chooses to blame others, she surrenders her ability and influence for using the greatest power given to mankind—the power to forgive.

The series continues soon with mile 3 of the female road to happiness. It’s all about how wives find appreciation and gratefulness in husbands (and sons) and convert it into husband’s respect for wife and consequent marital happiness.


Filed under sex differences

1611. Friendly Reminders — #33

  • Love at first sight applies only to men—his eyes can get him emotionally involved such that conquest loses immediate importance. Love at first encounter applies to women—a man’s potential as mate comes before appearance.
  • Young females lack maturity to appreciate what follows in the good life for females. Some don’t care and dive under rather than drive the bus toward the ultimate female reward. The ultimate prize of the female life is a loving, loveable, and loved family of happy children and adults that she ‘put together’ and dominates as mother hen of one generation and matriarch of several. She spends her young life using indirectness to master the art of family harmony and receives her rewards directly from what she produces. Finally, she grows to be the well-recognized and honored boss of the multi-generational family she created.
  • The primary love of females is self-love. The primary love of males is their achievements at sex, work, athletics, problem-solving, producing, protecting, conquering specific females, capturing girl of their dreams, and whatever other accomplishments add self-admiration and improve their individual sense of significance aka self-worth.
  • Kids understand they are dependent on adults, but puberty disrupts what went before.
  • Family life ultimately boils down to two bus drivers: With wife primarily at the wheel, family pulls together. With mother primarily at the wheel, family pulls apart. Why the difference? With mother at the wheel, she can’t resist elevating child to adult and perhaps numero uno status, and husband/father feels he’s been thrown under the bus.


Filed under Dear daughter

1145. Favored Quotes—Collection 18

“One thing I recommend for any person in the future, if you’ve been with someone for more than a month and they haven’t changed their Facebook status to show that they are in a relationship, bail. No second chance, no hesitation, bail and never look back.” [Jim at 1136]

“Men put their self worth on what they do, which determines who they are. Women put their self worth on who they are, which determines what they do.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1139]

“Now, ‘love’ and ‘respect’ are really the same thing, the “difference” between them being a matter of focus.” [Ilion at 1102] [Guy adds: The merit rests with the firmly connected spirit behind both love and respect that prompts people to give rather than take.]

“When [women] started competing with each other we stopped trusting each other, and then we looked to men to replace the influence of good female friendships.  When that didn’t work (as it doesn’t in the vast majority of cases), the women harden their hearts and become even more competitive, judgy, insensitive, entitled, and unhappy. It is my firm belief that women NEED other women for love, support, and encouragement.  We might be able to get by without it but we are not better for it.” [Violet at 1134]

“So maybe it doesn’t matter if what he does is pleasing to me. Maybe what matters is that what he does is right, and it pleases me BECAUSE it is right.” [Simplicity Evermore at 1133]


Filed under Dear daughter

798. Foreplay IV — Tips Again

A few more tips lead to closing this series:

  • The later the cutoff of deepening foreplay, the greater the frustration. The greater the frustration, the less respect he holds for her, the less inclined she becomes to terminate foreplay the next time, and the closer they draw to intercourse.
  • If she measures her sense of self-worth or his worthiness for her by her passions under foreplay pressures, he’s on the road to intercourse and she will perhaps lose him later rather than sooner.
  • If he won’t respect body parts as untouchable when she seeks snuggling romance, does he respect her enough to love her? If he’s told to not touch or his wandering hands are moved, how does he react? Respectful withdrawal and restraint? Or, lack of restraint, persistence against her wishes, and disrespect?
  • If he won’t honor her decisions regarding chasteness and allow her to prevent excess temptation, will he honor her other personal decisions once they marry? Don’t count on it.
  • Foreplay is the best testing ground to prove that he’s worthy of her, to condition his thinking habits to accept her decisions. After marriage, or at least after romantic love fades in a year or two, few things will be more important to her than his respect for her opinions and decision-making.
  • Think about a lengthy courtship. Gradual expansion of foreplay easily leads to sex before marriage. However, a firm stopping point can be negotiated and agreed to early in courtship. If he goes along and his devotion accepts conquest after marriage, she’s won the ballgame.

So, this series ends. Foreplay has been brought to a boil, condensed, and separated from romance, love, and female wishful thinking. It’s a great tool to show her wifely potential, but she has to exploit it.


Filed under courtship

558. Femmy Secrets for Harmony — #3

Certain behaviors help breed harmony in the home:

♫     She insists on higher morality and living up to something or somebody bigger than oneself.

♫     She indirectly and without hassles seeks more civilized behavior, enhanced domestic responsibility, and harnessing of male aggression into energy that brightens their family’s future.

♫     She knows her sloppy appearance, inattentive personal care, and careless grooming around the home point his eyeballs toward the outside.

♫     She promotes her self-confidence and self-worth by indirectly assisting her man through, around, or over whatever obstacles he encounters. (If she’s too direct or insistent, he too easily assumes that she thinks he’s incapable. She might call it his ego, but it’s more natural than personal. It violates his self-image as producer, provider, protector, and problem solver.)

♫     She realizes that submissiveness is more attitude than principle. It means to cooperate and not compete, and she gains his respectful attention when she adapts to it. She knows that it means to stay out of his face and get her way with other and indirect methods for which she has considerable talent. It also earns respect.

♫     She respects, charms, and captivates her man with multiple skills, talents, and attractiveness from which he concludes that he is most important in her life. It’s vital that he draw his own conclusions, and her actions sell more effectively than words.

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289. The Dark Side of Feminism — Part 18

As a result of Feminism, both intended and unintended consequences now flood the social marketplace and domestic arena.

  Feminism promotes raising the self-worth of women at the expense of men. This signals women to be inferior.

  Feminism promotes an ideology that women believe. What people believe, they live, whether to their advantage or not.  

  Every woman’s belief system determines whether she succeeds living with a man. If men are no good, she will see her man turn that way sooner or later. (Pygmalion Effect)

  Every man’s belief system determines how he will deal with women and live with one woman. If he expects to have troubles, he will. (Pygmalion Effect)

  Feminism discourages men from dealing fairly and squarely with females. And vice versa, but men deserve it, so feminists say.

  Under- or unappreciated as males, men act irresponsibly to female interests. Finger-pointing and blame make shortcomings spread infectiously across the gender. 

  Except to make money, male dominance has no incentive to build up or promote the opposite sex. But female intuition and relationship expertise invent incentives. Feminism kills this female advantage. 

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 251, 233, 211, 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

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251. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 17

As women go, so goes society. They set cultural values, and society spirals downward when women and children feel less than great about themselves.

·        Feminists tear down the masculine and manly to seek equality. Women silently and subconsciously accept themselves as inferior. The results show up as low self-worth (aka self-esteem), less self-respect, less appealing self-image, and weaker self-confidence relative to men.

·        A sense or fear of inferiority—combined with libido energized by feminist propaganda—prompts women to provide sex with little or no obligation. Men always win and women ultimately lose in the free sex game. Promiscuous women even admit that sex becomes meaningless later in life.

·        Feminists promote masculine-style sexual freedom. It compensates the male gender but works against the interests of women and children. Compounded into younger generations, prepubescent girls now engage in public sex. School bus or boys’ restroom fellatio anyone? Early teen pregnancy okay with parents? Impregnators feel responsible?   

·        Women may capture a man, but even if they can hold him, threat of abandonment or theft-by-trophy haunts her for decades. 

·        The institution of family loses stability from feminist and other political pressures, and female hopes and dreams go unfulfilled.

·        What feminists for decades claimed men to be, they now are. Women fulfilled the feminists’ self-fulfilling prophecy.

Modern females believe male adoration will sooner or later flow from feminist behavior. Otherwise they would not buy into it. Nature insists and reminds daily that male adoration flows from the brand of extreme femaleness known as femininity.

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 233, 211, 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

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223. Weans, tweens, and teens #8 — Self-interest

Self-interest motivates adults. It flows out of three sequential stages in childhood. However, I ignore those subsets here to address the bigger, broader, and more vital self-interest itself. The subsetts come later.

☺ Self-interest is the totality of what’s important to each person as they define and weigh everything in life against their inner self. The following process lasts for life or until accident, drugs, or dementia kill it.

·        Our subconscious mind merges and integrates our instincts, self-worth, and self-image with our consciously derived hopes, aspirations, and fears.

·        This programs the subconscious mind with self-interest that motivates its owner. (Research shows that over 99% of human behavior is generated out of the subconscious mind. See more at post 193.)   

☺ Self-interest motivates each individual constantly and throughout life. It drives the bus of a person’s behavior. It’s the subconscious and conscious power behind our efforts.

☺ Life is filled with tradeoffs to do what we want and don’t want, need and don’t need, fear and don’t fear. Self-interest guides us through the maze.

☺ If something’s not in our self-interest, our subconscious turns us away from it. If in our self-interest, our subconscious moves us toward it.

☺ No one reveals their complete or true self to others. That’s why everyone has hidden agendas.

☺ People make mistakes not in their best interests.  Correction or recovery then becomes a new ingredient in self-interest. Childhood marvelously demonstrates the process.

Raising kids is all about guiding a child through programming of self-interest. This post introduces the subject, The subsets show up in posts 239, 268, and 273.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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