Tag Archives: self-worth

2088. Female Blessings at Birth — 91-93 Plus


We have arrived at the last three of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new blessing/admiration seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

91. The root of my pleasure in life is my female uniqueness out of which popularity and sexual assets support my self-worth. [Guy adds: Knowing that men will do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex, smarter women rank feminine uniqueness higher than pleasure, self-respect higher than popularity, and self-worth higher than sexual relations. Her blessing: She’s of great worth as mate to a man. His admiration: (Short of what she would like.) Highly unlikely to pin me down—until she proves that she’s worth it, that is.]

92. I am grateful that my girlhood dreams came directly out of my heart, which I embellished with deep romance and well-deserved masculine chivalry. [Guy adds: Thus, a woman develops her primary mission in life. To live a good life in fulfillment of her girlhood dream. Her blessing: She knows what she wants her life to become, the process of loving and living for her and others. His admiration: For my long-range dreams and ambitions, she fits okay into my life. I can do romantic, chivalrous, nice, pleasant, kind, courteous, trusting, loyal, and respectable for my mate. Ain’t no big deal. Were I like other guys with few dreams or ambitions, she’s better off than I am.]

93. I am grateful for my social conscience in addition to the moral one. By that I mean my ability to analyze myself. I ease my guilt by analyzing myself as to cause and cure. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. I often overdo it with unintended consequences. I can even sink into depression by overdoing it. I’m still grateful, because it enables me to ease most of the misery of everyday guilt. [Guy adds: As to right and wrong and blame and innocence, self-analysis is a mixed blessing. Used beneficially and she profits. Used unwittingly and she punishes herself. For instance, she does something wrong or just out of kilter; the results were just not what she expected. Guilt sets in. She has to do something. To figure that out she turns to self-analysis. What did I do wrong? Insult them? Speak out when I shouldn’t? Hurt their feelings? Unable to find out for sure, she imagines possible answers. The more analysis, the more possibilities. The more possibilities, the more worries. The more worries, the more distraught she becomes. She cranks herself into a tizzy of options none of which appear to be appropriate and so her guilt intensifies rather than lessens. She loses sleep. She ignores or forgets this. We all make mistakes and recovery is everything. Her ability to search herself for cause and cure enables plans for recovery and self-analysis can ease her guilt. But it’s not all blessing. It can cause self-induced discomfort more than comfort. Some use it in ways that paralyze. Others recede into depression. But the smarter ones use it to just recover from mistakes rather than trying to solve problems for others. The more successful women are those less bothered by endless guilt. Her blessing: She can admit her mistakes and take blame for relationship friction. She’s endowed with the ability to minimize damage to herself and reduce blame on others. His admiration: I can’t do that. If someone is wrong or makes mistakes, they deserve what they get. It includes me, although I admit to escaping without much self-analysis.]

Thus, the series ends but the new project doesn’t. I shall soon post the new project condensed version—aka her blessings vs. his admiration—probably in one page at shown in the menu at blog top.

Three closing thoughts:

  • The item most declared false by readers was the first one that started, “I am a great kisser….” At post 2007 the score was: 11 True and 4 False)
  • Out of 391 opinions cast, only 7% were False. In fact, none of the Fs, while legitimate conviction among readers, was sufficiently convincing to deny that it’s inherited at birth. I therefore presume it pretty accurate that all 92 are fairly good descriptions of the blessings. I’m sure there are more than 92 and my research continues. (I’d like to hear from anyone in serious disagreement with my conclusions.)
  • The series confirms this lesson in my mind. I, if not readers, am convinced that self-gratitude is the taproot of female happiness. Without it women can’t find enough gratitude in others to be important enough to themselves and thus jump on the road to happiness. For all you unhappy women, bless yourselves by claiming the blessings in this series as descriptive of you. Act on it and you can lift yourself out of the doldrums or misery that you face daily.

Goodbye, ladies, until the next article. But don’t ever forget this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life.

 

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2081. Love: You Can Do Better At It


“Love is the morning and evening star.” Or so Burt Lancaster preached in Elmer Gantry.

Women love to hear love described in endearing terms with magical qualities. But dreams of devotion to the well-being of someone seem to produce too much modern-day weakening of mutual love. Unintended consequences too often seem to follow a woman’s or mom’s best and most lovable efforts. Within both couples and families, loving relationships crumble too easily. Females continue to lose their ability to tame the male beast, socialize men into domestic prospects, and complete their domestication within the family unit. The main cause follows.

The receiver of love expects to see three ingredients that the giver usually doesn’t consider—respect, trust, and like females for who they are; and respect, trust, and like males for what they do. As those are not felt on the receiving end of a woman’s love, it weakens her importance to objects of her love.

When women feel less important to those around them, they try harder. However, she focuses on making herself important, which doesn’t work. Frustrated, she tries harder but it doesn’t work. Seeking to be important causes her to slide into ever less importance to those around her. It’s selfishness personified to try to convince someone of your importance to them.

Her problem: She loves as she’d like to be loved, which means loved for who she is. She loves without thinking or knowing HOW to show love that is appreciated by love objects.

There is a missing link in the closed loop of mutual love. The primary giver has to set the example and women and moms are the primary givers. The missing link is gratitude and successfully showing love work like this.

She finds gratitude for the respectability, trustfulness, and likeability of those she loves. Regardless of age, even with toddlers. With such gratitude guiding her heart, her expressions of love signal that the loved ones are respected, trusted, and liked. That makes them grateful and their feedback conveys that she’s important to them, which emphasizes her sense of self-importance, which enhances her ability to find more gratitude and thus have her love more appreciated.

Thus, gratefulness for all things, which is the road to happiness, empowers her love in ways that expand her importance. The more important she appears on the radar of her loved ones, the more it confirms their self-respect, -confidence, and -worth, which makes them more grateful for her, which adds further to her self-importance, which intensifies her ability to love more believably.

 

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2075. Liked or Respected, Which is Best?


Dealing with men or their man, there are two kinds of women. Some seek to be liked and others to be respected. The former learn to live with continuous dislike of themselves; they look back continuously. The latter work to earn respect and behave as if they are respected; they don’t have to look back.

The difference determines how men perceive them by subliminally reading their attitudes. Men believe in and rely on their perceptions, especially what they see. A person’s attitude is the most obvious expression of what resides in their hearts and it’s virtually visible to the subconscious mind of men—though not as good as women read it.

Wanting to be liked works directly against a woman’s best interest. She misses out on being respected, which is the foundation of man’s love. Her attitude reveals a sense of inadequacy, which reveals lack of self-respect, which makes her unable to respect men as they expect it, and which discourages a man’s respect of her. Her begging for attention makes her annoying. Her sense of near or complete desperation scares men away; she’s unpredictable to male eyes.

Seeking to be liked also prompts women to explain themselves, which arises from their sense of inadequacy. They also complain too easily, which is prompted by feeling treated less than they deserve, which is prompted by the need for confirmation of their self-importance. When they don’t get the reactions they expect, both their self-image and self-worth plummet, which prompts more complaining and explaining.

The other kind of woman works independently to her own advantage. She seeks to be respected as a person, woman, mother, and her other roles and in that order. As a person she doesn’t look down on others. As a woman she holds her head high and stands up for herself to men. As a mother she insists that father defer to her as prime leader of her children. As a housewife she determines how and by whom housework will be done. As an employee she determines the value of her work effort relative to her responsibilities at home. And on and on through her other roles.

She latches onto and replenishes her spirit with inborn strengths, such as female modesty, feminine vanity, mirror-enhanced prettiness, monogamous spirit, relative meekness, submissive spirit, and extra respect for those that earn it. All used to get her way in matters dealing with her moral, ethical, and religious standards and expectations for the others around her. She will not win all the battles, but it’s the standing up for herself that wins the wars with each guy including husband.

The respectable woman is a proactive member of the superior sex and can capitalize on it as long as she doesn’t claim that as her inheritance. IOW, as long as men don’t hear it from her mouth.

The self-fulfilling prophecy works in both cases. The harder one woman tries to be liked, the more her self-like declines. She gets feedback opposite to that she longs for. The more the other woman works to sustain or improve her respectability, the more affirming feedback she gets from all men and especially her own.

 

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2032. Female Blessings at Birth — 43-45


A NOTE FIRST. Ladies, your interest in these female blessings that arrive with birth seem to be waning. Am I boring you, or is interest in the subject already worn out? Shall I drop the subject?

——

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 15th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add following each blessing, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

43. I appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me. [Guy adds: Modesty is as natural to women as aggressiveness is to men. I urge every woman to study and teach daughters out of Wendy Shalit’s marvelous book, A Return to Modesty — Discovering the Lost Virtue. First, modesty is admirable to men simply because such apparently fun-depriving uniqueness is so foreign to their nature. Second, modesty is a woman’s most powerful weapon for getting a man settled into his expected role of honoring female sensibilities, both hers and that of other women. The more she respects her modest nature with affirming actions, the more easily she earns the respect of men, which is the foundation of a man’s love. (Ladies, I regret repeating myself so much, but many readers will be reading this as their first or near-first exposure to such concepts as men love according to their respect for a woman.)]

44. I can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly encourage myself with how pretty I truly am. [Guy adds: A female’s best friend is her mirror image. To the extent that she exploits that friendship, she strengthens her self-image, self-worth, and self-interest. Without a mirror nearby, she’s virtually lost in thought about her appearance. Anxiety about it can make her lose focus on other things, or she can use the mirror to change the subject. With a mirror she can restore confidence, eliminate anxiety, and restore herself to whatever track she was on in any situation. That’s why she’s designed, endowed, and hormonally energized to believe that she’s pretty—it’s her salvation for any tough situation when she learns to use it in company with her compact-available best friend.]

45. I feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men. [Guy adds: Women lack the masculine self-confidence that whatever they choose to do is okay within themselves. The spirit of Feminism suggests to women that they will feel more self-confident and like themselves better by duplicating masculine habits in dress and behavior. But it doesn’t work as advertised. Instead, they have to try other more masculine habits, but that doesn’t work either. Consequently, modern women continually feel less than good about themselves. They try harder and harder but the pop culture pushes them in the wrong direction, that of adopting male initiatives, welcoming male dominance, and tolerating excess male aggressiveness. Thus, women wean themselves away from their natural ways of always feeling good or better about themselves, which means they don’t find gratefulness in themselves, which means they can’t find all that much gratefulness in their lives, which means that they move further and further away from ever finding happiness that emerges from a strong spirit of gratefulness particularly for being female.

Example for your response: “45-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.

 

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2016. Female Blessings at Birth — 22-24


It’s the eighth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

22. I am worthy of any man but only a few are worthy of me. [Guy adds: Unfortunately, her worthiness is too easily reversible in childhood. Parents are overly challenged and don’t treat children equally as persons but uniquely as boys and girls. It works for the better this way. Fathers pump up their daughters’ sense of self-worth and importance, which girls accept as relative to the source, one man representing all men. Mothers admire their sons’ achievements, which they accept as relative to the source, women. Then, in the romance marketplace, she automatically claims herself worthy and he willingly accepts it as challenge to win her. In the jargon of today, marriage works well with this start-up foundation. He thinks he married over his head and she knows that he did. It springs from natural impulses confirmed before puberty by parents.]
23. I have all the qualities I need to make one man earn me. (However, something inside also tells me I have to work daily to ‘tune up’ those qualities if I hope to keep the admiration of candidates for marriage. [Guy adds: And then, someday, at least one man will see you sufficiently virtuous that he becomes fascinated and devoted enough to see so much promise that he’s willing to yield his independence to capture you as wife.)
24. Something deep inside says I should, so I refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities. I spotlight my objections with critical words or by departing the scene. (No more f- or c- words, porn, or similar filth in my or children’s presence.) [Guy adds: Female sensibilities are personal. You can’t be wrong, so take action and neither complain nor explain, just act. It’s also a primary method by which women set standards to which men are expected to rise, which is one practice that produces a female-friendly society.]

Example for your response: “23-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2010. Dressed to Kill—His Imagination That Is


PREFACE. Feminists endorsed and encouraged it. Women dress down for female convenience rather than dress up for attracting male attention. Doing so minimizes and neutralizes the male urge for sex and is supposed to help promote the death of patriarchy. Feminists and advocates even used shame via sexist and harassment claims. Didn’t work, did it. Male dominance worsens, because men have been made desperate to defend themselves against politics. They try harder and even fight back; they take it out on women who act more like enemies than friendlies. The natural and unconquerable male urge for sex has morphed into disrespect for female-friendly interests.

REALITY. The real world produces unintended consequences. Using politics to alter human nature, Feminism’s fallout continues. 1) It neutralizes masculine interest in one woman and spreads manly interest to all females. 2) Makes conquest more relevant and respectable to men than family responsibility. 3) Weakens unconditional respect for the opposite sex, both ways too. 4) Makes girls better conquest targets and trophies. 5) Makes the marital marketplace less friendly for female aging. 6) Destroys interest in lifetime togetherness for couples. 7) Demolishes the girlhood hopes and dreams of women.

A woman’s appearance sends messages that women can read but men decode subliminally. For example, these are common. Sloppy attire symbolizes the lack of admirable qualities, aka virtues. Low-care grooming symbolizes low self-respect, which precludes fascination. Dressed below what the occasion calls for can be read as self-worth of lesser value, aka low self-image, than that of the others present. Overdressed for an occasion can signal pretention, phoniness, or fashion ignorance. An overly erotic appearance signals cheapness. None discourages the masculine urge for conquest, but all of the above discourage manly interest in anything beyond first-sex together.

To be more specific, how does a woman’s skin-tight clothing influence men? Flab and flaws discourage or offend male eyeballs, turn off masculine curiosity, and reduce the interest of men looking for more than sex. Lack of perfection dulls his eye-viewing except for conquest. The thought arises that she appears desperate and will yield easily. In exchange for conquest he accepts that she will look worse unwrapped. So does he want her?

Einstein said, “Imagination is greater than knowledge.” However, without curiosity a man’s imagination doesn’t energize to penetrate beyond her surface appearance. His eyes reveal all the knowledge he needs. Skin-tight wrappings reveal that beneath it she’s careless, not neat, and probably desperate. An acceptable conquest but little else, perhaps nothing beyond it. Whatever his interest becomes, he forms it without knowing or even caring what she really looks like undressed. That’s the wrong way to teach a man to devote himself to one woman.

Her careful and neat dressing in loose but attractive clothing has another and very opposite effect. It opens his curiosity, fires his imagination about how she will look unwrapped beyond his apparent knowledge, and sparks his interest to find out more about her. Her not appearing desperate, he judges her as challenging.

Subsequently searching for her weaknesses that may help get her into bed, he learns of her admirable qualities (aka virtues). Over time they accumulate and hopefully transform her into a fascinating woman by his standards.

Non-judgmental is a popular but misleading buzzword and even worse for women. People could not survive much less live successfully without judging others. Female clothing and appearance invite or discourage masculine interest. Women shape their future when they shape their appearance to make themselves feel good about pleasing manly eyeballs. Skin-tight clothing has the effect opposite of what men find attractive for more than sex. Thus, skin-tight clothing defeats a man’s interest in spending enough time to uncover a woman’s fascination.

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2003. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 91


  • What is a man’s love? Women see it as inadequate because female love is far more proactive than male love. Love is a man’s satisfaction—which is not a motivator—with his woman’s importance in his life. Perhaps, although not a natural urge, he displays affection or other expressions of his gratefulness.
  • Big breasts and deep cleavage stir the adolescent spirit of men but little else. Neither stirring of adolescence nor focusing men on sex has much to do with promoting romantic or eternal love. Men do not love for sex; they love a fascinating woman and foresee promise that she can make their life mutually satisfying with sex playing a major role.
  • This happens naturally. You pray to God on behalf of someone that you do not like or respect all that much or perhaps not at all. Keep it up. Prayers change your heart and you soon find that you really do respect the person and maybe even like them. More respect improves relationships. Wives, are you listening?
  • Women’s hopes and dreams form in girlhood, remain for life, and adjust to reality. Men’s hopes and dreams originate throughout life amid intentions to change at least the world nearby.
  • She practices virtual virginity and has been invited for a weekend out of town. She accepts and demands to pay for her separate accommodations. Her message cannot be misunderstood.
  • Women feel lonely in the absence of others. Being alone, men are not lonely if they have something they should be doing. A man’s sense of responsibility thus prevents loneliness.
  • Born to seek and find satisfaction, men also find that it placates disappointments. Born to be happy, however, women must earn it. They seek happiness also to assuage the guilt that makes them feel undeserving. But it does not fully happen until they learn how to forgive themselves.
  • Usually justified as convenient and unnecessary to win masculine attention, careless and sloppy habits in females reflect low self-esteem, diminish self-respect, weaken self-worth, shrink self-image, and lower self-interest. IOW, females develop shortcomings in those cornerstones of personality that normally earn the admiration of men. Shortcomings, however, that other women see and duplicate to be fashionable and ‘join the crowd’. Such female leaders and followers ignore and consequently fail to honor this natural law. Women compete with other women for the best men. The lack of female competition within their gender, which normally generates higher standards among men, lowers the character of human behavior all across society—morally, religiously, philosophically, politically, economically. OTOH, extending themselves beyond convenience enables women to dominate the cultural values that tame male aggressiveness and guide both sexes in society.

 

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