1855. Sex Difference Redux—Part 94: Where Love Begins—10

Sex differences continue here. They enable you as the relationship expert to morph temporary romantic love into permanent enduring love. The better each sex comparison is balanced to the mutual satisfaction of you and your man, the smoother both the development and quality of enduring love.

91. Your self-confidence emanates from your self-esteem as a person, self-image as a woman, and self-love as a loving partner of someone else. Your man’s self-confidence emanates from his self-respect as both person and man and his picture of who and what he is in his world, aka his self-image.

92. The feminine side of your female nature inspires you to eat to sustain life, i.e., brighten your future. Your man’s masculine side associates eating with his work or job, i.e., brighten his day.

93. The sexual pleasures for you as a woman are far outweighed by the other things you need for a contented and happy life. Your man easily lets sex substitute for whatever shortcomings appear in his search for a contented life which, if he follows his masculine nature, means a life with one woman (so he doesn’t have to hunt continually).

94. You as a woman mostly rely on time for healing while easing your anguish with sympathetic and empathetic friends. Your man’s therapeutic recovery comes primarily from associating with his work or doing something of unique interest to him, by doing something other than nothing.

95. Your sons are turned off by nurturing after they start school, by nagging after that, and by parental dominance after puberty. Your man went through some form of motherly turn-off and you live with the consequences that shape his adult persona with you.

96. Your daughters face boys who are tamed by girls doing what mothers can’t get away with. Girls nag at boys until they step up to high feminine expectations both for themselves and for boys. Girls can tame uncivilized early manliness as long as they don’t yield sex. The boys to whom girls ultimately yield sex refuse to respond favorably to subsequent nagging; they lose respect for such girls. Your man went through some version of that conditioning by girls.

97. As a woman nesting in her home, you favor décor and fashion over functionality. Your man thinks functionality comes first.

98. You view sex as a means to an end. Your man sees it as an end in itself.

99. You want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Your man wants to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.

100. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, your man tends to weigh fact and truth with greater reality. You tend to more easily blend reality with your emotions.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 100 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and other men. Ten more should follow.

963. Mrs. Guy’s Story #07: Hubby Earns Thanks

Ladies, here’s an illustration of how the male and female minds DON’T work together, but how differences can be overcome.

I asked Guy to take me shopping at a favorite store 65 miles away. On the way home I thanked him for taking me, and my words fell short of being appreciated. Well intentioned words didn’t register nearly as deep as I intended. He didn’t shrug his shoulders apathetically, but he might just as well have.

I’m still learning to put the male puzzle together. So, after a short pause I volunteered to use my mad money to treat him to one of his favorites. We stopped at an Outback Steakhouse. As we dined I told him the prime rib was my reward for his changing his daily plans to please me. (He was bigger than just a chauffeur.)

He nodded and smiled appreciatively. But it goes deeper, and I think Guy is working on a fuller description of how and why men respond differently than us.

Lesson re-learned: Females love to hear words of gratitude, but men are different. Specific actions as rewards impress men much more than just grateful words.

831. Response to Viewer — Item 28

Her Highness Sarah asked at #829 why women need a man more than men need a woman? It’s simple. Their natures differ greatly as the result of God’s design and Nature’s genetics and hormone infusion. Here’s a short summary.**

Men are driven as competitors and hunter-conquerors. They compete with men; they neither want nor long tolerate a woman competing with them. As hunters, a woman is unneeded and may be a burden. Men need something to conquer; an unconquered woman fills the bill. After sex, with physiological need satisfied, she’s expendable. (Sex does not bond a man, as it does a woman.)

Men have one primal need: a place to flop, eat, and recover for tomorrow’s battles. It’s almost never a castle, because a shack will do just fine, thank you very much.

Men very strictly select long-term partners, associates, friends, and spouses. Respect for and trust of selectees overrides other appealing qualities, but women select differently.

Women select long-term partners, associates, friends, and spouses by another standard: bonding ‘stickiness’. Rather than selecting based on respect, they give respect out of bonding necessity. They sacrifice for relationship solidarity and stability.

Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. They need a brighter future for themselves plus children. A man can fill needs that her singleness cannot.

What women can produce, provide, or protect from, men can do for themselves or do without. Men are much more amenable and capable to survive alone. At the survival level, whether economic, physical, or mental, women are more needful for a man than the reverse.

** More sex differences are available in numerous articles titled Sex Differences Do Matter and Gender Differences Revisited. I suggest starting with #702-705. They’re all listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top.

815. Virtue — Magnet for Males — Section V

This subject opened a year ago and a reminder is in order. Remember, female virtue is more than sexual purity and described in earlier articles #447-450.

Virtue among women and good character among men are the institutional foundations of respect one gender for the other. Mutual respect arrives when two people perceive each other to be respectable but by different measures.

He needs to respect her in order to love her. She needs to respect him in order for him to respect her. So, her respect MUST come first. Sorry, ladies, I know you object, but God designed it, and Nature implements it.

Actually, females benefit, so guess who God blessed first. The sex difference enables females to control both first and lasting impressions. But let’s stick here to first impressions and how females control them. Follow this mental exercise loop all the way around:

1. She must show respect for him and that starts with showing respect for men. (He pays attention to what his competitors do and think, so their respect assists in forming his own impressions.)
2. She shows respect for men by appearing virtuous, so she always grooms, attires, and acts as if endowed with glorious levels of virtue.
3. Men recognize her as virtuous, because their competitors see her that way.
4. A man’s imagination converts her attractiveness to include sexual virtue until proven or guessed otherwise.
5. Her attractiveness enables her virtue to shine in his eyes. He responds by showing respect for her, because she showed respect for men, and he infers it for himself.
6. The first impression ends with respect for her hidden within his thoughts but respect for him glowing in hers. (She can’t disrespect one man, when he obviously respects her so much. Right?)   
7. Return to 1. above to close the loop and improve male-female interaction.

In a few days I’ll get to the subject of good character in men.

793. Commitment and Devotion Revisited

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1817.

699. Wife’s Dependency — Section 4

Continuing the descriptions of natural basics that surround a couple before love comes into play, this is wife:

♦       She expects to depend upon him for whatever she can’t or doesn’t want to provide for herself, and she provides sex and exudes gratitude that she thinks will keep him around. This gives her maximum independence, but it discourages him from staying with her. (She makes him appear less valuable than he expects to be. Perception is reality, so whatever appears to be, is.)

♦       Consequently, women often show greater dependence, so that he appears more valuable and accepts her needs and wants as part of his natural ‘duty’ of providing the 4P essentials of life.

♦       But, in reality, she seeks deference. She seeks to satisfy her psychological needs and wants as compensation for appearing to be more dependent and, therefore, the apparent but not really weaker and meeker vessel.

♦       She expects that he will rise to meet her standards of deference, if she but acts more dependent, more like a clinging vine. Then, if he fails to match her expectations, she judges him harshly and thinks of him as wrong for her.   

♦       She goes wrong by overdoing her dependence. He doesn’t show deference out of her demonstrating dependence. He shows deference out of respect for her self-respect, reciprocity for her gratefulness for him, and her personal likeability as wife, friend, and cheer leader.

The preceding ‘natural basics’ open more windows for exploration. The series continues tomorrow.

691. Attitude of Gratitude — Part 2

This post discloses sex differences that help or hinder the shaping of a mutual attitude of gratitude so essential for mutual happiness.

•  A woman measures her value as a person by her importance to others in her world.
•  A man measures his value as a person by his sense of both importance and significance in his world. He can live without symbols of importance (e.g., feedback from others) but not significance (e.g., personal dignity and honor paid to Self).
• When someone makes her feel important—not just to herself but to others—she freely expresses her gratitude.
• When someone makes him feel important, his reaction tends more to internalizing pride than expressing gratitude. When someone makes him feel more significant, his reaction tends more to gratitude than pride.  
• Words from others can make women feel important, and so they need much input from others.  (Self-talk doesn’t work as well as with men, so women depend more on associating with others.)
• Words make men feel important, whether self-talk or that of others. Importance is okay but temporary. Actions make men feel significant, whether his own accomplishments or actions by others in response to him. Significance is essential and permanent and insignificance his greatest fear.
• (In the military, for example, medals, ribbons, and proficiency awards displayed on the uniform signify significance. Letters of commendation represent temporary importance. I offer this premise: Women value letters more than medals.)

As a couple, she wants to hear his gratitude expressed about her importance to him. He wants to see her grateful actions that reinforce his sense of significance. Not just to her but to the world outside, his world of competitive men. Who gets what first? That’s next, tomorrow.

675. Guy Jr. responds to a lady

Her Highness ‘A Questioner’ commented at post 619, “I’m often saddened by the fact that hubby doesn’t call/txt during the day, and that generally speaking, once he does see me, he usually asks for food!! I have to remind him sometimes that I’m not the cafeteria lady. ”

Nowadays, our expectations are such that if we don’t get immediate responses from our electronic leashes we cast to those closest to us, the world must be coming to an end. But guess what? Barring some unforeseen tragic event, the world doesn’t end. But somehow, we are still disappointed. Why is the culprit always the man with employment dedication and obligations?

Selfishness? Narcissism? Or, is it just the difference between the sexes?

So it might make sense to just give a sigh and believe that, perhaps, ‘no news is good news’. Maybe it’s OK to let him be the man he strives to be, without distractions, as he competes with the other gladiators in the Ring of Life. At least these days, it’s never a fight to the death.

Finally, as a man, I would hope that you might find some small satisfaction that he considers you ‘the cafeteria lady’. I would also hope that you holding that title inspires him to accept many other titles: such as yard boy, trash man, pool boy, toilet plunger, car washer, Mr. Fixit, etc. Would you prefer, with lessened respect that would accompany it, Mr. Cafeteria Guy instead?

While ‘cafeteria lady’ is not so becoming to you in your mind, it is one of the true solaces that a man finds in his significant other.  Good food. Not TGIFridays, but what you selflessly create in your kitchen and enjoy together in the dining room/kitchen table/recliners with TV trays.

I don’t want to be trite, but old sayings are precisely that because they have withstood the test of time. And time is always the great equalizer. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” A simpleton saying for many, yet it’s timeless and priceless. In fact, a good description of the origin can be found here…

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/24/messages/1003.html

Never underestimate the power, influence, and control that you wield with a mere spatula or spoon. Else, you underestimate yourself in the eyes and heart of the man you love, and perhaps, the one who will always love you more than any other.

Guy Jr.

Your Collective Highnesses,

Thank you for your gracious feedback, an example of which is from Helen who says, “Absolutely brilliant, Guy Jr!”, which is quite flattering yet somewhat embarrassing to me.  The brilliance of this blog, witnessed and enjoyed by many of you, belongs to Guy Sr. and Principessa Gracie who toil daily at their labor of love for each of you and, hopefully, others to come.

Perhaps unknown to many but certainly known to me, Guy Sr.’s daily motivation, if not hourly, for this labor is rooted in the hope that the words and thoughts offered here might actually make a difference.

So, if this blog has impacted you or yours, make a conscious effort to share it with others. Hungry eyes and souls, together with your pertinent comments and dialogue, truly fuel the machine that is Guy Sr. and What Women Never Hear.  Each of you know that women (and many men) need to hear this.  Our great country and loving families need to hear this.  Help spread the word!

Guy Sr. has provided me the privilege of contributing, which I admit, has been less than occasionally.  My work and travels preclude me from playing a more active role, but that only means that each of you benefit more from the insight and wisdom provided by Guy Sr. and his Principessa.

Thank you for your kindness and acceptance.  Dare to share…
Guy Jr.