807. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 12

• I’ve read and seen much about body language, but not this one: He shakes hands with his palm facing down. It reflects a very strong drive to dominate.
• If she can keep quiet with a pleasant smile (not a smirk), when all around lose their composure, she triggers their invitation to speak.
• Opposites attract for good reason. People too much alike measure one another by their own failings, and this makes judgments more harsh, common, and threatening to their relationship.
• Two great male scams rationalized and copied by women: We should live together to make sure we’re sexually compatible. Women also deserve masculine-style sexual freedom.
• People with firm life missions and hard convictions tend to see things in terms of black and white and seldom gray.
• Knowledge may be power, but his knowledge of her naked body weakens her power. If what he knows makes her more desirable, his male dominance stirs stronger. If what he knows makes her less desirable, her influence with him weakens. (Another reason why marriage needs more than romantic love and sex.)
• THE RULES tell women to deal with men in certain ways. WhatWomenNeverHear tells women WHAT, WHERE, WHO, WHEN, HOW, and WHY to figure it all out and deal more successfully with men.

804. Boyfriend as King? Never! — Part B

Her Highness Jessica at #802 also inquired about treating boyfriend as king. Article #803 described mistakes women make easily on the road of good intentions.

Jessica specifically asked: “How should she treat him BEFORE marriage?”

• Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you, and then avoid making the mistakes cited in #803 and below.

Women should also keep these things in mind:

• Kingly treatment means he gets what he wants when he wants it. But worse, he learns to expect it and even expect more after marriage. After all, he’s due some special deference after the altar, right?
• Whether he’s after her or just sex, he expects to compete with her. She should keep the competition alive until after the altar. He should have to work for every step of progress he makes with her, have to prove himself worthy of her rather than vice versa. Kings never do that, so treating him prematurely as king short-circuits their path to or after the altar.
• It’s not what he gets as premarital king, it’s what he learns to expect. On the other hand, treating him as king after marriage meets his expectations, and he learns to appreciate what he gets rather than expect more.
• He will jump at the chance of being treated as her king. If the opportunity is denied him, it makes him look for ways to win her favor, which leads precisely to devotion.
• They both change after conquest and not for her good unless marriage came first.
• Prior to conquest, she should compete strongly with him to protect her virtue, virtual virginity, or actual virginity. She treats him as mere prince with potential but never certainty for capturing her.
• He marries expecting not to change and he doesn’t, so however she treats him before marriage is what he will expect afterward.
• When she treats him as king before marriage, she endorses his male dominance far beyond what she will be happy with in married life.

The series ends with this thought: Marriage comes after courtship, and his kingliness does too.

797. Foreplay III — Tips

NOTE: In case I’ve been misunderstood: Each woman engages in foreplay at her discretion, her limits, her enjoyment. I never intended to imply that women should not engage in it. I do mean, however, that the discretion and competitive hard-headedness a female exemplifies sets the stage upon which her character and value as potential wife can be elegantly portrayed to men. If a man fails to value her wifely potential, he’s looking for something less, so let him find it elsewhere. 

• After his conquest, many shortcuts are possible. So foreplay after won’t be same as before, unless she reshapes his thinking starting with every encounter after conquest. Her easy arousal and yielding prematurely for second and later encounters sets the stage for inadequate foreplay later in life.
• If she accepts suggestive words, ideas, or conversation about sex, she opens the door to foreplay.
• Each time she refuses his advances, she impresses him to do things her way, if he wants to keep her.
• His respect for her grows best, when she imposes and sticks to her standards about going no further. Especially when her firm decisions override heavy passions he has stirred in her.
• Each time she wilts under his romantic pressures and allows further advances beyond her standards or expectations, she issues permission chits to press more aggressively onward toward conquest.
• If she depends upon halting foreplay only with emotion, then he will win. If she controls it with previous hard-headed decisions, then she can win by either identifying the guy as not for her or enjoying intercourse under her terms about foreplay and preparation.

More tips tomorrow.

795. Foreplay I — Before It Starts

Her Highness Anonymous asked: What about foreplay before marriage? How far is too far etc.? Answer: Too far is when a woman loses a man she hopes to keep. So, let’s examine foreplay in terms that tend to keep rather than chase off a man.

• Foreplay delayed beats afterplay remorse.
• Men see romance as necessary step to foreplay. Her first challenge is to distinguish romantic words that are acceptable from foreplay words, ideas, and conversations that should be unacceptable. If she can’t draw the line, confusion will haunt her attempts to govern her life while in foreplay mode.
• By separating the romantic from foreplay, she decides what her standards are and lives up to them. We’re all more admirable, when we live up to something bigger and more worthwhile than ourselves. Chasteness qualifies in the male mind, but she has to convince herself first.
• A man sees that she’s able to resist his greatest efforts, passions, promises, and commitment pledges. Consequently, he respects her fortitude in protecting what men imagine as her greatest asset. (He thinks: ‘She must be refusing other men too’. The more stringent her standards the more convincing they appear, and the more she stands out among other women.)
• A lack of deep foreplay anchors a man alongside a woman with notions of romance in his head. The longer she keeps foreplay reasonably shallow and avoids the deepest, the more romantically inclined he becomes with her. He’s still after conquest, but she holds him in check with limits that challenge instead of turning him off. (Unless he’s only after sex and dropping her confirms that.)

Persistent sexual pressures in modern society confuse men about female values about sex. Women can help clear the air by discretely refusing to speak about sex and herself or him. She can escape the personal by saying something like this: ‘Talk about sex and the public is okay, if relevant to what’s of interest to us at a particular time; that is, it’s awkward if we don’t. However, talk about me and sex in any shade or color is never okay. I don’t want to hear it.’

Perhaps more tomorrow.

792. Love Revisited

• Women expect men to love and cherish them as females love others, but it’s another natural inequity.
• When demonstrating their love, men are very different from women. This chromosomal XX ≠ XY frustrates women into expecting a balance that never comes.
• If her man demonstrates his love as females show love, she loses respect for him.
• For a woman love and sex tend to merge. For a man love and sex tend to remain disconnected.
• Based on infatuation and lust, romantic love fades after a year or two. Enduring love can replace it, if courtship laid the foundation around his devotion of her rather than just his ‘commitment to them’ (more tomorrow at #793).
• A man’s enduring love is based on his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect of one woman specifically. It emanates from his appreciation of female attributes and her virtuous character, self-respect, and likeability as a mate.
• A woman’s enduring love is structured around her need for a brighter future for her and kids. It emanates from her emotional dependencies with her own life into which some responsible man enters.
• Enduring love being founded on deep respect, too much familiarity too soon and too fast short-circuits his respect for her. Full disclosure, touchy-feely, and easy sex are culprits.

790. Dumb Goes Beyond Blonde

We joke and credit blondes predominantly as eggheads. We miss this boat: Dumbness flows out of adolescent-minded females that carry the blight through adulthood. They fall behind growing up and can’t recover from restricted education, knowledge, and common sense.

Most women have been duped into playing male games. Belief in the use of sex for ennobling, capturing, and holding a man makes women restrict their education, knowledge, and common sense. With adolescent certainty, they ignore the important to favor the exciting.

Men seek knowledge of a woman’s body, but it’s a man’s imagination that keeps his interest focused on her:

• The less he knows, the more he seeks. The more she’s covered, the more he wonders. The more mysterious she appears, the more interested he becomes. The more interested he becomes, the more he wants to be around her.
• Exposed skin kills a man’s imagination, because it shifts his curiosity to those sexually suggestive or stimulating areas still unknown. Stripped down to a thong, for example, only one curiosity remains and his imagination intensifies only about copulation. And conquest kills her ultimate asset.
• She discourages a man’s curiosity by not covering her flaws, and his interest rushes elsewhere—and not reliably to what else she can offer him.
• Winning the heart of one man doesn’t strengthen her self-respect nearly as much as winning the hearts of several men. A man’s love is founded on his respect for a woman, and his respect floats on the foundation of her self-respect. So, the stronger her self-respect, the more intensely the man she ultimately chooses can love her.
• Adolescent-mindedness pushes females into trying to win the heart of one man without keeping some others available for his competition.

A woman’s quality as potential mate stimulates a man’s imagination. However, it arises better from packaging than advertising, actions than words, and especially the promise he sees than the promises she makes. 

788. Gender Differences Revisited — Group P

1. Sex and responsibility help men achieve their goals. Devotion to others and life tending toward the spiritual help women achieve theirs.
2. With regard to unmarried sexual activity, women are whatever they decide to be. Men are whatever they have to be to have access.
3. Two conquerors compete and struggle. He seeks sex, and she seeks marriage. The first to conquer shapes their future relationship together.
4. Unlike men, women tend to change whatever and whomever they find as inadequate—oftentimes parenting husbands as boys.
5. Unlike women, men draw a line between what is their business and what is not, between what they should change, and what they should leave to others.
6. When a man wants comfort and understanding, he turns to any woman. When a woman wants those things, she turns to a specific man.
7. Men look for taste bud satisfaction when eating. Women use food to help satisfy the necessities for life.
8. When women sour on their marriage, they turn against men. When men sour on their marriage, they turn against marriage.

Finally, may your blessings in the new year be so great they obscure the defeats and bad times of the year ending today.

787. Is Mrs. Good Enough Good Enough?

 Her Highness Seekingtruelove prompted today’s posting. She commented on yesterday’s article about Mr. Good Enough (#786). She said:

“Do I understand correctly that you mean a female’s youthful appearance is not as important to men in their 50s and 60s as it used to be when they were younger, so if it has to take until I am in my mid-fifties – providing I try to *sparkle* in every way ) – to find true love and happiness in a valid marriage there is still plenty of hope of finding it … even with six children?”

Yes, Your Sparkleness, you understand correctly, but there’s more. It reads like advice but don’t take it that way. Use it as model to understand some sex differences, social pressures, and motivations involved.

·        Now, quit looking for a man but expand your life outside the home. The man that finds you will be a better candidate. Spend your time on the next two bullets, because luck comes when preparation meets opportunity.

·        The drive to conquer never fades in men, but also sex doesn’t bond them. Preparation for sex issues can be found in the Virtual Virginity articles listed in the CONTENTS page shown at blog top. It applies to all ages. (I know women in their sixties that insisted on dual motel rooms traveling with boyfriends. Successful marriages followed. If a man won’t pay that price, he’s devoted to something other than her.)

·        Face and recondition what candidates may see as baggage, but which you must convert into welcomed associates or better.

Condition your thinking and your sons’ attitudes to make you all more worthy candidates for some Mr. Good Enough to join up with. As to your sons, you want candidates to see them as great-to-associate-with and vice versa. Start fixing it now by gently sharing your dreams of remarriage. For example, your sons will not easily adjust to any new man coming into their home and taking charge. It would move them from well-known dominant roles negotiated between them long ago to losing all their adolescent power over their personal environment. New wife/old mother thus constantly caught in the middle, if not by one son then another without end.

On the other hand, if candidate sees he can’t take charge or is unwelcome, he won’t want to come. Tough to resolve to the satisfaction of all concerned, which is why God designed and Nature endows women with relationship expertise. If Mr. Good Enough truly wants her above all else, he will find ways to get buy-in from her children, provided mom has laid much groundwork.

So, how to fix it? Before candidate Good Enough shows up, coach children to expect another man in YOUR life. Ease them down from thinking they are the top dogs in all that you do. Teach that husband outranks children, mothers deserve a husband, and good children honor mom’s wishes for her personal life. Moms deserve some re-payment for kids’ development before they could think for themselves and, now, think for her and everybody else. (Slight sarcasm intended.)

Mature-minded men will be looking first for attractiveness of unusual quality. Not youthfulness so much as personal pride that makes her a standout among peers. Remember, she still competes with women for a man. She doesn’t have to worry about catching a man, just outdoing her competition and it starts with appearance, moves to delaying conquest, and ends after baggage weigh in.

Adolescent-minded men will also be looking first for attractiveness, but it will be the youthful kind, especially trophies. So, if those quite a bit older than you show their interest, check them out for other adolescent traits (aka immature thinking) such as putting sex, fun, and games ahead of the pleasures of a life well settled to enjoy one another.

Are you willing to give up your children for him? Face this question straight on! Develop your own answers to what newly married life must look like relative to your children. Have a plan and promise to work the plan. Negotiate a settlement with the kids before Mr. Good Enough arrives to court. Then, if he expects you to dump them, dump him.

If you can promise and assure a candidate you’ll work the plan, he will pursue you for more than sex. It’s not the giving up the kids that is essential, it is the attitude that you reveal to him when push comes to shove. A mature man would not expect you to forsake your kids, but he wants to know that he outranks them on things important to him. You have to find out what’s important to him; it’s called platonic courtship.

An adolescent-minded man would expect you to forsake the kids for his immature interests.

Mr. Good Enough will never be good enough long enough, if Mrs. Good Enough is not. So, start with what you have, where you’re at, and do the best you can. Good luck will nip at your heels with numerous candidates, when you and your baggage made lighter with planning outshine all your competition.