722. Foreplay vs. Romance: Closing the Gap

As with the rest of this blog, we’re looking at the natures of males and females. Love has been purposely left out to examine the underlying rawness of a sexual incident.

Their natures are vastly different on the subject of romance. To him romance is foreplay. To her romance is affection lavished on her as the most unique, beautiful, valuable, and appreciated individual alive. If she’s that in his eyes, it’s enough for her. But he likely doesn’t know it’s that simple.

Inadequate foreplay weakens her self-love, disturbs her convictions that she’s loved, and smothers her gratitude for him. That’s in addition to lost pleasure and discomfort or even pain that may ensue.

The romance gap lies here: His arousal confirms that he’s done enough, he’s ready. Her arousal doesn’t confirm his studliness, but penetration does. He’s single-mindedly dedicated to get on with his mission, but her spirit lags far behind.

Closing the gap depends on her realizing one natural fact about men. If a man’s ready for sex, delay to think about something else tends to wilt his desire, soften his energy. It can ruin his show. (I unfairly disregard that her show may already be ruined.)

When she directly insists on waiting for her moment, his moment can easily pass amidst thoughts about what else she expects, what he should do differently, or the bad reflection on his sexual prowess. So, her complaints about inadequate foreplay are poorly timed, when she tries to delay penetration. A better approach lies with dealing with the issue as an incidental discussion sometime when he feels affectionate, but the bed is not nearby.

Her mission: She wants him to expand or refine his foreplay. She disconnects the discussion from his sexual aptitude, ability, and competence. Connect it to pleasing her for no other reason than she loves it when he pleases her. He’s so good at pleasing her that she really, really loves it when he does it in bed. Reinforce even slight improvement with rewards, and pleasant smiles work wonders.

No guarantees advertised here. But turning him off with talk or disappointment when he’s ready to proceed will not turn him on to her or advance her agenda very well.

318. His Mindset About Sex

The female mindset: Women worry about three phases of sex: foreplay, intercourse, and intimacy afterward. Men don’t.

Background

·        Adolescent male nature:  Intercourse is just intercourse. Foreplay should be unnecessary but can be fun. Intimacy interferes with recovery. Who’s next?

·        Mature male nature: Certain emotional involvements—such as respect and affection for her—add meaning and necessity to a man’s foreplay and intimacy. Her likeability adds too, but her attractiveness does not. (Attractiveness inspires the chase, but its emotional involvement fades after foreplay.)

A man’s sense of responsibility, significance, and permanence with his partner add considerations and connectedness that she appreciates. But his devotion makes him far more receptive to fulfilling her needs, especially after romantic love fades in a year or two.

The male mindset: Men are hormonally loaded to conquer attractive women. They plan around and worry about three things different than females: pre-conquest, post-conquest, and avoiding loss of their independence to hunt and conquer.

Of course, some men plan for and seek marriage. Being devoted to marriage is not the same as devoted to her, so she still has worries about his foreplay, intimacy, and even permanence.  

For more on the male mindset, see the Content page at the top for this series. Also try Do women know jack about Jack?