739. Next to the Last Straw

Great bonding brings couples together, but it doesn’t keep them glued as one. Instead, unresolved disagreements and small irritants pile up to dissolve the glue and cover a relationship with rubbish. It smothers from the accumulation of irritants of which these offend men:

1. Embarrass him in public
2. Make him appear insignificant or treat him that way
3. Elevate kids over father or especially over him as husband
4. Show disloyal spirit toward him
5. Threaten, remind, or present him with sexual infidelity
6. Nag him beyond what he calls nagging (A nagatha per Mrs. Guy)
7. Challenge him as family CEO in front of others
8. Fail to provide what he expects as normal routine
9. Boss him around in what he considers his castle
10. Belittle him especially before the kids or friends
11. Withhold sex without health or physical reason
12. Manipulate him
13. Harp on his weaknesses
14. Reproach him before others
15. Groom carelessly such that his attention on her fades
16. Favor masculine vs. feminine appearances
17. Use feminist themes to get her way
18. Show unexpected immodesty
19. Show disrespect for him
20. Show her lack of or reduced self-respect
21. Overspend against his will
22. Reflect indifference to his sexual performance
23. Distance herself from close association with him
24. Make her interests dictate his behavior
25. Present him with her problems that defy his solutions

I’m not qualified to compile a list for women. If some deal-breaking irritants for women are sent to me, I’ll provide editorial treatment and publish them as if women need to be told.

642. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 4

♦       Girls and young women have become so eager and aggressive in pursuing men that men view dating as unnecessary and dating rituals that compliment females as silly.

♦       Men are wired for directness such as using phone calls to elicit decisions. Wired for indirectness, women specialize in suggestions, such as with greeting cards and hinting as with coy glances.

♦       Which should come first? Show respect or wait until it’s earned? This is a common dilemma among leaders in positions of authority. Showing respect first leads to good group spirit. Expecting respect to be earned first leads to poor morale.

♦       Faithfulness springs from devotion to her that includes bedroom success. When sex is more important than intimate prelude and postlude, it angers her and possibilities for sexual adventurism stir his mind. When intimacy dominates sex, faithfulness is reinforced. But guess who’s in charge of training to put intimacy first and last, before and after!

♦       If she measures his sexual performance by the lack of intimacy to her satisfaction, she pushes him toward someone else. It’s not that she’s undeserving, or that he’s inconsiderate. Her focusing on her satisfaction causes competition with him. Men won’t compete with their woman, and so it pushes him away. It’s not finding fault that keeps him faithful to her, it’s appreciation for who he is and what he does.

461. Men Won’t Admit —IV

The male persona is full of private agendas, and women don’t show sufficient respect for their man’s vital nondisclosures.

The list continues of what a man will seldom volunteer or admit:

22.           What’s behind his depression (even if he knows).

23.           That her unmarried chastity earns his respect.

24.           His hidden agenda when she tries to uncover it.

25.           That his immature behavior is adolescent or vice versa.

26.           Weakness in manliness and especially sexual performance and reputation.

27.           That other boys or men are the source of his weakness or character flaw. (He’ll reject guilt by association or copying what others do. He is his own man now and always.)

28.           Finally, he won’t admit to unvolunteered details after admitting to any of the above. He wants to admit only what he just admitted.

Men tend to hide thoughts, dodge queries, and evade rather than admit certain things. In general, women trying to open or explore what’s not volunteered about these subjects might be making their relationship toxic.

This ends the list for now. But stay tuned.

281. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’m! — Post 4 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♂ Tell any man what he’s doing wrong in the sex department and expect unintended consequences.

♂ A man readily assumes that each woman appreciates his sexual performance, or something is wrong with her.

♂ He’s never eager to admit fault about his sexual prowess. Nor should he be excused, but she ventures onto rocky terrain when she brings it up.

♂ Commitment to a relationship does not mean she’s cherished. Neither does commitment energize a man the same way or extent that devotion does. 

♂ He takes her criticism as personal affront. Either he did it wrong, or he should have figured her out better.

♂ If he disappoints, she’s confused. If she explains, he takes it personally. If she goes too far or too fast, he thinks she’s too experienced.

♂ Men can be changed. They dig in their heels, however, when not done with the respect they expect and the indirectness that they can more easily honor.

♂ Men may be insensitive clods to women. But they consider their manly sexual expertise and boudoir manner to be exceptional if not extraordinary.

♂ The female mystery that men perceive varies greatly from one woman to another. So, where does he start but to feel his way along? (No pun intended.)   

♂ Virtual virginity works better than bed-testing before marriage. It conditions his thinking that she’s highly sensitive about what she expects of him. (See post 273 et al about virtual virginity.)

♂ Women make unmarried sex so easy that men don’t have to pay attention to her needs, drives, and desires. But doubts arise about her history and worth for marriage, if she’s too easily conquered.

It’s easy to talk about men being more considerate of a woman’s sexual wants, needs, and desires. As we have seen, however, men often interfere.

[More on this subject appears in posts 276, 271, and 266 and ends at future post 286.]