563. Mirror time

We act according to how we are dressed and groomed. We respond to others by how they are dressed and groomed. Subtle distinctions generate more or less respect, and respect heads the non-emotional list of how we respond to someone else. 

When females spend time, effort, and money on clothes and grooming and much time before mirrors, they tend to act more feminine. When they take shortcuts, they appear and act less feminine.

When females think, act, and dress as men do, they adopt masculine ways. This means less time and effort spent at the mirror, grooming, and clothes selection. More convenience certainly, but this tendency has led women to use the color black to their disadvantage.   

Customarily, black clothing is serious, formal, and authoritative. It means much more than appearance and sends loud signals. Let’s add some light to two extremes: formal events here versus casual, on-the-job, and leisure at the next article. 

Black attire suppresses the uniqueness of females. Symbolically, it removes sex from the scene. Witness funerals, graduations, and other formal occasions when culture, custom, and social programming suppress and discourage sexually-connected thoughts. All-black helps focus everyone on theme.

Black or dark ladies suits provide an aura of authority that favors a female’s acceptance with men on the job. Lightly colored suits appear more feminine and lose some impressiveness.  (Of course feminists complain that attire shouldn’t matter, but females do better when they accept rather than try to change male nature structured so strongly around authority—having, building, and using it.)

Next: Black for casual, on-the-job, and leisure time.

560. Colors Bright, Attractive Sight

Following the sexual and cultural revolutions that began in the Sixties, slothful, sloppy, weird, and wild-colored clothing exploded and raced through successive generations. Each generation lost a little more interest in appearing well-dressed. Slowly, wild colors faded and dull and black became fashionable, men made careless dress popular, and girls followed suit. The drug culture accelerated and worsened everything.

The color black settled in as fashion leader and masculine standard. Girls followed men in mores, attire, and drugs. Now, not only is black fashionable, but so are slothfulness, sloppiness, dull t-shirts, fat-highlighting tightness, and hair so unattended that it appears dirty. Modern females forfeit these realities:

• Bright-colored clothes with complimentary shaping and accessories sell feminine attractiveness. Such things express greater female uniqueness. They also broaden female competition by emphasizing each female’s attributes and disguising whatever she wishes to hide.
• Appearing that way makes men mentally probe behind the frontage, explore her mystery, take measure of her as person rather than sex object.
• But such dressing and grooming has even greater value: She feels better about herself. And, no better reason exists for brightening her appearance.
• In the final analysis, women feel as good about their selves as they prettify their selves. Black informal doesn’t do it. Bright casual, colorful informal, and black formal do it.

When women dress to please and feel good about their selves instead of trying to impress men, they ‘own’ the battleground. Her array of attributes and attitude introduce natural but effective resistance to his conquering and dominating spirit.

520. Exes with Benefits? — III

After a breakup, if she wants him back, she lets him work on his own mind and heart. Chastity triggers it like nothing else can. Some additional thoughts:

·        What should be free no longer is. It drives little boys crazy. Men can be little boys grown tall.

·        He has trouble believing that she’s not a pushover. So, he makes mistakes that offend her. He hasn’t changed. His mistakes strengthen her resolve. No benefits unless he marries her will eventually sink in.

·        Her resolution strengthens her. Ever mindful of how to hit her hot buttons, he fails, and she earns new respect that grows to admiration after a while.

·        Newfound admiration reminds of former times and tends to rekindles his residual love.

·        Denied sex, ego motivates him to prove his charm and worth and win her once again. She can then decide on the merits of his earnestness and his newly developed worthiness.

·        If chastity pushes him away and he shows no interest, he demonstrates unwillingness to accept her standards and expectations. She wins, because he refuses to be different from whatever he was before breakup; she dodged another mistake with him.

·        She also wins if chastity keeps him returning to associate with her. He slips back into his natural hunter-conqueror role. This means that he once again tries to woo and win her. Perhaps only for sex, but that’s always the starter.

·        Greater respect for her and admiration for her chasteness will haunt him to conquer again. Not that he’ll come back to her, but the failure will haunt him. He can’t grasp that he can’t go where he’s been so many times before.

·        The longer she remains chaste with him, the greater his interest in teaming back up with her. Time works for her, because chastity inspires his curiosity, which fires up his imagination to conquer, which fires up his ego to try over and over until he’s victorious. (The past still haunts: From the instant they met, it was a mind game for dominance of her sexual assets.)

Let me close with this reminder. Einstein claimed “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” She has tremendous power to stir a man’s curiosity with other than sex. His imagination can’t leave her mystery alone, if he can’t conquer or re-conquer her.

So much for exes. This series ends here—at least for now.

518. Virtual Virginity #23

©     Men are hunter-conquerors, and boys are little men that learn from teen girls. Each generation of girls teaches boys to aim toward being civilized and domesticated men. Or else, boys grow up to be big time conquerors and dominators. A famine of teen sex teaches the former. Plentiful teen sex teaches the latter.

©     Men can’t stand criticism about sex, so they prefer virginity. Virtual virginity makes a man forget that he may be criticized. Continued refusals make it worth the risk, and so VV lathers her with value.

©     Virtual virginity doesn’t make her judgments foolproof. It does, however, enable her to distinguish the important things: long term devotion from short term commitment, the Marrying Man from the womanizer, the mature from the immature, the sincere from the phony, the temperate from the intolerable, the believer in something admirably greater than himself from the believer in the mundane or things that shock female sensibilities.

516. Exes with Benefits? — II

The lead article in this series introduced the subject of sex after breakup and how to reconcile successfully, should she ever desire it.

Chastity with an ex makes her the driver and him the passenger. It reenergizes his natural drive to conquer and squeezes it beneath her commitment to serve herself with abstinence.

Under such pressures, his renewed respect can redound to new love. But whether it does or not and regardless of final outcome, she wins and he loses.

If she might want him back, or just wants to test to see if he’s worthy, she works on herself in such a way that he works on himself:

©     She commits and accepts him only for a platonic friendship and courtship. This silhouettes her chastity and honors her self-respect, both of which men respect.

©     She finds moral reasons to remain chaste and reinforces such reasons continually to herself.

©     She stamps out any lingering bitterness in herself and finds ways to kill any bitterness he may have.

©     She forgives his past offenses, and it includes forgetting them.

©     She knows that to explain herself shifts the advantage back to him. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t explain about withholding sex. It’s just the way she is NOW. One exception: next.

©     When pushed, she acknowledges that she’s saving herself for first or next husband, whoever it may be. No hurry. Ex may qualify, but who knows at this time. That’s all ex should know, because that’s all she should be committed to.

©     If ex wants to qualify as husband, let him try. Fewer words by her convince more easily, because rejection speaks so loudly.

©     Her chasteness becomes believable and valuable when he concludes that other men also run into her new commitment to abstinence.

©     Unless incompatibilities intrude such as bitterness, saving herself for another man eats at him. This induces change in men worth their salt.

 Never foolproof, but chastity works better than anything else to change the male mind.

514. The ABCs when B stands for Men

As pointed out for women in a previous post, God also designed and Nature genetically and hormonally endows males. But males are not endowed for relationship compatibility as women are. Consequently, a male’s primal urges are seldom in harmony with the nature of one female, until she harmonizes their duet on the key of sex.

J Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, associate so as to compete with other men, and shape and control human events. This includes, oftentimes top of mind, fulfilling a man’s competitive urge to conquer women. (His sexual urge does not require conquest, only a partner.)

J Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare himself for tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman does it for him, he judges her castle building by how it supports his work.

J A man wants the freedom to do as he chooses and especially make himself stand out among others as unique, as a competitor, as a person of significance. He seeks the freedom to lay with her or play with her, to hunt or punt, rest or nest, read or lead, think or drink, farm or harm, glean or lean, produce or reproduce, or just do something new or exciting—especially in the spare time he earned from working at his job. (His pastimes may or may not include his woman, which is good reason why long courtships work better to weave herself as valuable into more than the domestic side of his life.)

J More than anything else, a man fears insignificance measured against other men, his job, the world, or his responsibilities. It’s especially fearful when concluded from what his woman says and does. The lack of freedom to do his work as he sees fit also breeds insignificance.

J A man focuses primarily on the present. His time focus emerges from his primal readiness to compete or do battle, and this mandates that he pay more attention to the immediate and its challenges. It also comes from his single-mindedness.

Not the act but the issues that surround coitus help determine the success of male-female relationships. Next article covers conflict.

510. Virtual Virginity #22

Uncommitted single women float around in the social atmosphere ill prepared to succeed dealing with men:

¸ Some want a man so badly, they’ll do anything. They use sex as attraction and have no other game plan. They hook up with hope, only to later hear each guy’s “Nope.”

¸ Others want a man, but they’re uncertain, cautious, and either have no values and standards or don’t live by those they do have. Their game plan has holes in it. Men pounce on each weakness. The holes kill holding power and make easier his escape to the next trophy.

¸ Still others elevate their masculine-style sexual freedom above having one man. They have the wrong game plan, if they expect to hold a man for very long.

The same answer helps all three groups. Virtual virginity doesn’t foolproof the game, but it focuses a couple on themselves instead of sex and the future rather than the present. Both prospects interest a man, and that’s holding power.

503. Hunks, Jocks, et al

Hunks, jocks, and dreamy guys tend to be like this:

v Her personal qualities mean little other than her likeability for companionship. He tires of her easily, however, because the next hottie appears more exciting and companionable.

v Unconditional respect for the female gender is low or non-existent. He was never pushed to treat females respectfully, and so it’s not embedded in his psyche.

v What little admiration he has for a particular female tends only to appear when he wants sex—booty call and one-night stand come to mind.

v Manipulation, intimidation, and abuse come easy to him, because he lacks respect for her gender. (It’s not what she does, it’s what all her predecessors handed him without investment of his Self.)

v He’s learned that females easily fall victim to his ‘vague and unavailable’ technique, so he prowls with apparent indifference. (It’s not so much his testosterone or his present mate. It’s more the way females in his past life have conditioned his thinking with easy wins and few losses.)

He handles hardtoget out of habit. However, what he can’t have triggers his weakness. Denied sex, ego permits only two options: (1) Ignore and forget her knowing that the next female will assuage his ego. (2) Schmooze her until she yields.