756. The Complex Broken Down — II

Perhaps you wonder why so much misery exists in homes today? Generally, women are not doing their best. You’ve seen some of what follows, but togetherness adds context.

Domestic harmony comes from this:

• Wives/mothers dominate the home by recognizing husband as head of family, wife as second in command, mother as third, and father as fourth.
• Females are naturally hard-headed and soft-hearted. Wife’s hard-headedness, however, dominates mother’s soft-heartedness. The wife role takes priority over the mother role. Otherwise, she pushes husband toward somebody else.
• Submissiveness is not about obedience but about rank structure when agreement can’t be negotiated, but decisions must be made on important matters.
• Husbands with frequent and convenient access to sex made delightful by wife spend less time looking for it and more time following their missions in life—job, family, or hobby. Perhaps to a fault, but it’s usually better than his chasing skirts.

Disharmony arises out of the following whether kids are present or not:

• Mother admits her inability to be second in command by repeatedly or exasperatedly turning to father to solve routine, child discipline, or non-critical problems. 
• When husband/father overrules or reverses decisions of wife/mother, her effectiveness declines. Both she and the kids learn that she’s not respected by head of family. Her authority for discipline goes down, and kids learn to play parents against one another.
• When wife/mother overrules or shows disdain for decisions of husband/father, he’s driven to look for another home. Both he and the kids see that he’s not respected, and he swallows that as an escape pill.

Over the past few decades, harmony in the home has shifted toward disharmony. As a result, home life miseries intrude into everyday life. Perhaps not yours, but someone you know.

499. DATING 9 — Investing Self

J If men see no need to date, what does that say about female values, standards, and expectations? Women object to male dominance, but men dominate the dating scene by not dating except on their terms. Women object to the concept of submission to husbandly leadership, but they submit to anything just to have a date or boyfriend, and then try to escape submission after marriage.

J To the male mind, sexual likeability isolates itself from personal likeability. Sex does not bond men, so it has little staying power once he thinks ‘that’s enough’ or ‘who’s next’.

J He measures her personal likeability by his respect of and appreciation for who she is. It keeps him around. Time spent with her bonds him tighter and reinforces his staying around.

J A guy doesn’t invest himself in dating any girl that buddies or their associates are screwing without dating her. Unless it’s strictly for sex, that is, and he can’t conquer her any other way. Then, he has to dump her right after conquest to save face with the guys that scored with her without a date.

J If a guy won’t invest himself by dating a woman, he sure won’t invest himself by marrying her. If he does, it’s for reasons other than her personal merits. Such as: Help him get through med or law school! Get job through her father! Hopeful of her inheritance!

 

 

 

 

371. College girls: X-rated bathrooms and dorms

College girls now share dorms and bathrooms with college boys. This defines ‘coed’ as exploitive guys screening females that hide their embarrassment and yearn for privacy. Girls surrender their female modesty at no cost to guys.

Feminists schemed that females become more like men: Common dorms and bathrooms force women to abandon their modest nature. This forces women to live with embarrassment, which fakes them into duplicating masculine behavior.

Unintended consequence: ‘Forced’ to live with constant embarrassment and acting as men do devalues a woman to herself. Loss of her sense of control leads to depression.

Unintended consequence: Yielding so much privacy makes women spineless and mystery-less. She submits herself to feminist-imposed male standards, but then she can’t accept submission to husband. To all men she can submit, but to one man she can’t. Her ego gets twisted against her self-interest in coed dorms and toilets. 

Unintended consequence: When a man’s curiosity about a female fades, his imagination goes elsewhere. Female immodesty creates a mystery-less dorm, which kills masculine curiosity except for more sex.

Why should men respect booty call? Yet, booty wonders: Why can’t I get a real date?

(For the latest twists on females duplicating males, explore Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs, Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.)

240. Female Fortitude—56 through 60

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

56.      Any organization needs a CEO, a final authority to whom falls the toughest decisions. Two-boss organizations inevitably fall apart, and people—think kids—are confused by two equal authorities to whom they report. It’s so easy to play one against the other.

57.      Women seek happiness with a man, but they can’t be grateful for who he is and what he does. It doesn’t work.

58.      ♀ Capturing a man for the long haul is all about salesmanship. Like any effective salesman trying to seal a deal, she learns to ‘take it away’ and stimulate his pursuit. It supplements the vague and unavailable and virtual virginity strategies discussed elsewhere.

59.      Even when sex is not cheap, a man ponders that other women look better than his present sex partner. As a skillful and successful hunter-conqueror, he could do better the next time. A woman’s challenge and only option is to make him forget the ‘do better’ and ‘next time’ parts.   

60.      Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

[Previous ‘fortitudinals’ appear in posts 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.

135. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 6

A man’s love is founded on respect. And men respect women that persistently uphold values and standards that uplift women relative to men but not at the expense of men. It includes what men would not initiate on their own.

Femininity builds such respect, but Feminism discourages it.

One woman describes one way that men respond to feminine infusions: “Men need femininity. They call it ‘color in a black and white world.’ It heals their wounds, soothes their spirits and recharges their batteries. It is one of the things men look for in their wives; someone who makes them more powerful by feeding them with their femininity.” [‘Claudia’ as quoted in Keys to the Kingdom by Alison A. Armstrong, PAX Programs, Inc., p. 151]

Femininity reflects intense femaleness. It includes values, standards, and expectations on feminine mystique, female modesty, religious morality, faithful monogamy, female-defined manners, female-friendly social standards, holy matrimony, and with emphasis against offense to a woman’s sensibilities. It generates personal power dealing with men. Such individual, social, and cultural values weaken the hormone hurricane winds of male dominance into either submission or toleration.

When the female gender institutionalizes the options just cited, men learn to respect females more than males. Such unconditional respect for women generally undergirds the conditional respect for one woman that eventually transmutes into enduring love after romantic love fades.

Our old school mothers made it work, and our forefathers tamed Nature and built American greatness out of wifely inspirations, expectations, encouragements, gratefulness, and appropriate ‘color’.

Our foremothers did two things very differently than modern women. First, they competed with other women for a man with sex removed from the equation. Second, they cooperated with their husband and returned sex to the relationship. They knew male dominance has to be outsmarted and outmaneuvered and not blatantly squelched.

Further, they exploited their femaleness to clarify two very different and cooperative roles as a couple—separate responsibilities for each. With such purposely built personal advantages, our foremothers balanced relationship power themselves.

Ask your grandmother!

[More jack about Jack appear at posts 129, 114, 97, 91, and 7.]

125. Virtual Virginity—#5

Virtual Virginity, aka VirtVirgin, means keeping her legs crossed before marriage. It puts her in the buyer’s seat and forces a man to be the seller, to make himself worthy of her instead of the other way around.

Her attractiveness spikes his interest for sex. It’s up to her to convert his interests to her. VirtVirgin does it best.

Her first refusal intensifies his effort. Subsequent refusals push him to look ever deeper for weaknesses, so as to capitalize on whatever will get her in bed. (This all presumes he accepts her refusals as other than rejections of him.)

As her refusals continue in courtship, he serendipitously discovers her admirable strengths and non-sexual qualities. These earn more respect for her potential as a keeper. (Provided, of course, he’s more  interested in her than just conqueror’s sex.)

That’s how VirtVirgin works to benefit her as buyer.  By contrast, enabling his conquest before marriage  reverses their roles:

·         He becomes the buyer and pays whatever low price she lets him get by with prior to conquest.

·         As the seller, she pays the highest possible cost, because she has only one conquest event with each man. (Women may not see it that way, but men do. Men change after conquest, and this forces women to change to stay abreast of him. (See more about their changes at post 27 below.)

·         Conquest is a relationship-changing event for a man. He quits looking so attentively at a conquered woman. Nature releases his mindset to pursue something or somebody else.

·         By yielding unmarried sex, she let him know what price she charges for submission. This naturally, automatically, and subconsciously programs his mind on how their relationship will work in the future.

·         This enlarges his expectations for getting his way with her—we’re talking greater male dominance here, aren’t we?

That’s how the act of denying unmarried sex turns her into winner and providing it enables him to move on to something other than intensely focusing on her. The longer and more intensely he stays focused on her, the greater their bonding and the more promising their future together.  

[More on VirtVirgin appears at posts 96, 70, 51, 44, 26, and 25 below.]

73. Submissiveness—Section 3

Modern women think that submitting to husband’s authority forfeits wife’s interests. Now, another look at that issue.

Women fill two ‘either-or’ roles—woman and relationship partner. But modern women are confused.

As a woman they hormonally resist submitting to a potential threat, a man. But as girls and single women, they submit to male conquest just to have a boyfriend. This ultimate submissiveness lays groundwork for all submission that follows.

As partner to a man they naturally gain relationship advantages by adopting a submissive spirit. But modern wives argue, criticize, and otherwise demonstrate in-your-face fussiness. More masculine than feminine. More success for her in his domain and less success for him to himself.

What she expects does not come hormonally to his hard-headed and hard-hearted self. She either enables and empowers him to succeed as himself with her as partner, or she loses him.

As wife, she focuses primarily on nesting and relationship budding, building, and maintenance.

She’s primarily the nesting authority focused on the future. She perceives success through long term lenses. She’s successful if she has tomorrow’s events under control today.

The issue of who submits to whom revolves around respect each has for the other. When she wants him to succeed, look good, or lead the way, she submits. When he likes her way of doing something, he submits if there’s no watering down of his authority or direct threat to his dominance as perceived by others.

He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home, not inside.

Post 72 is a prequel about the male side.

72. Submissiveness—Section 2

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.