260. Female Fortitude — 76 through 80

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

76.   She seeks to be friends with her kids and elevates them to adult status. This demotes husband to subordinate status, which he views as insignificance and, therefore, insufferable.

77.   A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her female worth as comfort partner. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’.

78.   She welcomes kids with open arms but not him. She takes his arrival home for granted, because she wants relief with the kids.

79.   Hook up but no call? She lost her footing playing in a man’s territory.

80.   Trying to make a couple’s life fair or equal is self-defeating.  

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.

76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3

She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.