303. Weans, tweens, and teens, #11 — Immature kids

Immature adults emerge from this background: Kids enter puberty with empty minds primed to vacuum up adolescent values that produce these characteristics in adulthood:

·        Action comes before responsibility.

·        Self-centeredness overpowers ‘us’.

·                   Good intentions explain away lack of results.

·        Taking risks overrides common sense.

·        Others must earn my respect.

·        Popularity is more important than character.

·        Symbols are as good as substance.

·        Sex outweighs fidelity.

·        Parental supervision offends.

·        Wisdom resides in my peers.

They get that way from poor parenting in the weans and tweens. The following point to impending immaturity when present at puberty.

They lack:

o   A good work ethic and strong sense of personal responsibility.

o   Religious beliefs and moral convictions that guide them toward living up to something bigger than themselves.

o   Dependence upon parents for wisdom, guidance, support, back up.

o   Respect for authority and authority figures.

o   A foundation of unconditional respect for all people.

o   Ambitions (underdeveloped) for their own adult life. Not necessarily what they want to do, but expectations and preferably dreams of living in the adult world of responsibility, work, mature fun, family building.

They have:

o   Dreams of becoming a teen instead of an adult. They focus on peers, popularity, fashions, outside-the-family activities, and earlier duplication of older kids.  

o   Respect others only for what they can do for the child.

o   Self-centeredness. Selfishness comes easily to them. Their heart is soft for peers, but hard for most others.

o   A mother that did not nurture the child well in the weans, a father that did not lead well in the tweens, or both.

They exit adolescence with convicted beliefs that values learned in the teens are right and proper for adult life. This happens for one reason: They entered puberty with a mind empty of mature adult, albeit underdeveloped, values into which they expected to grow.  

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 268, 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

75. Dear Daughter—fourth letter

♀ When women act like men, men treat them as other guys—as competitors and eligible for physical handling.  

♀ Courtship provides opportunity for a woman to be hard-headedly female against a man’s hard-headed persistence to have things the masculine way. Her opportunities fade after marriage, but soft-heartedness is her key to soften his dominance then.

♀ Wife seeks to change her husband, but he resists, resents, and eventually retaliates if she keeps it up. Without exceptional respect for his woman, a man’s enduring love never arises to replace the temporary romantic love that fades in a year or two.

♀ Women flourish with a man’s enduring love, but it arises only from his respect for women generally and her particularly. The roots extend back to their pre-conquest days.

♀ Girls should know better than to share certain information about female uniqueness with boys. Female mystery is too powerful to toss to the immature, since it can also hold sway over mature men.

♀ When she makes herself worthy of a man by providing sex readily, it doesn’t matter much if she’s pretty and attractive. Sloppy or comfortable may work for her, but it adds not to his reputation for having a good looker. This diminishes her worth as keeper.

♀ A woman that parents her man slowly crushes his sense of significance. It highlights his immaturity, and this shifts his mentality back toward adolescence. His ego seeks solace, so he cheats emotionally or physically.

♂ The rooster can’t crow boastfully, when he has to play second fiddle in the hen house.

♂ Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that couples succeed because of sex differences more than sameness.

37. When women act like men — Part 1

During her lifetime each female several times wrings herself out from tears that flow after her relationship falls apart. Then, she starts again her standard search for a teen boyfriend, Mr. Right, or Mister Last Chance. But eventually bad habits and desperation, or vice versa, creep in. She tries harder to please the next candidate.

Unfortunately, many women try to do so by making themselves more like men. They adopt masculine habits, such as sloppy attire, gungy grooming, lounging around as one of the guys, sealing friendships through intercourse, ignoring female-friendly moral standards even unto raunchiness, and generally letting men dominate the female side of their world.

Jean Jacque Rousseau said long ago: “The more women want to resemble them, the less women will govern them, and then men will truly be the masters.”

Trying too hard to win and keep a man, women repeatedly march into misery and away from marital success. As if some fateful voice calls cadence, break ups resound throughout the female world:

Hup, toop, thureep, four. Hup, toop, thureep, four. Hook up, shack up, marry up, split up. Hook up, marry up, muck up, pay up. Hook up, link up, everybody knock up. Shack up, split up, shack up, split up. Link up, shack up, cohabiting nice; keep up mating, but forget the rice. Hup, toop, thureep, four, and there he goes, out the door.

And men march in lock step alongside the female soft-headed drumbeat.