Tag Archives: unfaithful

1973. Sexes Differ on Jealousy Too


Her Highness Cocoa at post 1098 asked how jealousy may be different between the sexes. So, I start with this definition. Her greatest asset is not sex itself. It is a couple’s first sex together, his conquest. Once conquered—except for minor (and temporary for her) differences in sexual performance—she is just another woman to the conqueror. He’s ready to look for the next one. The natural urge to conquer another far outweighs the natural urge to own one. She is left with the task of earning his devotion and winning his loyalty other than with sex.

Conquest confirms this to the conqueror. By yielding her greatest asset to his persuasiveness, she follows his leadership. He has done enough to thereafter dominate their relationship. Effectively he ‘owns’ her if he wants to. Her natural bonding during sex supports his conclusion. By marrying her, he doubles down on that presumption. It makes ownership permanent in his heart and obligations arise to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve on her behalf.

The lessons of life teach some men to question their nature, to doubt that their conqueror’s right guarantees her loyalty. They perceive even the smallest signs of possible disloyalty as weakening their sense of significance, and they respond easily to jealous motives. Fear motivates them.

Other men, more confident of themselves and their ability to win and hold any woman’s loyalty, do not so easily succumb. ‘Possession’ of a woman is not so large a part of their significance. They focus on earning self-admiration in ways other than owning someone. They are not immune to jealousy; it’s just much harder to trigger it.

Very different from men, women have no natural conviction that they deserve to own another. They know they must earn and keep one’s commitment through his words, devotion through his actions, and loyalty through his monogamous fidelity. The closest thing they achieve to ownership comes from conquering a man for marriage before he conquers her for sex.

Highly prone to guilt, women react differently to signs of disloyalty in their man. The lessons of life teach some women to question or abandon their instincts. To such a woman, jealousy follows her sense of impending loss of ownership in her man. She automatically blames him and just as intuitively assumes herself as the innocent victim. She reacts accordingly, and her man rejects her implications of owning him. Her obvious lack of trust wilts his respect for her and turns him off regardless of his innocence or guilt.

Other women, more confident of themselves and their ability to capture and keep a man’s loyalty, do not easily succumb to jealous thoughts. They recognize their nature and that emotional fidelity is more important than physical faithfulness. They can live with the latter but not the former. So, jealousy does not enter their thoughts until they see the red flags of impending infidelity. Mere association with another woman does not induce jealous thoughts. It just triggers suspicions intuitively held in check until evidence is more convincing. Intuition informs them that to verbalize suspicions is to destroy the trust so vital to a man’s respect of his woman. Such women are not above it but are far less prone to appear jealous.

Jealousy is not natural to either sex. It springs from lessons learned growing up and arises and intensifies according to one’s self-image of how well or poorly they relate to the opposite sex.

 

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1184. Boot Camp for Girls—Day 21: Grandfather’s Advice #8


Beautiful granddaughter, you deserve to be placed on a pedestal. However, don’t rely on your beauty. It melts down with aging.

Boys don’t put a girl on a pedestal. Men don’t put a woman on a pedestal. Guys don’t put their fiancé on a pedestal. Husbands don’t put their wife on a pedestal. Females build their own pedestals. Males view the various pedestals and assess the promise emanating from them.

Females begin construction in girlhood and continue for decades and maybe life. They build their pedestal by stacking coins of virtue for each male to see, evaluate, and uncover her promise as girlfriend, fiancé, lover, or wife.

She must construct her own pedestal because of the way males think. First, they admire accomplishments. Second, they don’t believe in unearned gifts. Third, they expect hallowed respect to be earned. Fourth, to openly adore someone makes them look weak. Fifth, they love it when females put up with their expectations.

Expect your pedestal to be observed two ways. The man in your life sees your ingredients of construction, coins of virtue. Outside observers see how you’re adored by him.  

Imagine coins of virtue stacked to rise with each coin added. The stack elevates her stature and status in male eyes. They add up to the promise she holds for her boyfriend/man/fiancé/husband. Other people recognize the pedestal top by how the current male in her life respects her as a person, girlfriend, female, and friend.

Now to the coins. Virtue means unique to females and complimentary to males. She adds value to herself and interest and comfort to his life. It registers as virtue and programs his heart in her favor.

(Forget about showing physical affection. It has little value as virtue. Boys see physical affection as prelude to foreplay and therefore sex. A female’s distinction from other females thus fades with displays of physical affection.)

I now present a goldfield of virtues just waiting to be mined and stacked as your personal pedestal. These foundations come first: Feminine mystique pleasantly defies his understanding of the female psyche. Female modesty proclaims female uniqueness. Moral behavior earns admiration for dedication to living the good life. Monogamous beliefs pledge sexual fidelity. Abstinence makes a man’s heart grow fonder (out of respect and promise of fidelity). The following make those foundations resonate with clarity and intensity.

  • Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.
  • Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest coverings to reinforce that other men are forbidden.
  • Gentleness provided out of patience.
  • Forgetfulness that automatically follows forgiving someone.
  • Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves.
  • Gratefulness for her man that shines as her being happy when he’s around.
  • Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.
  • Happiness that spreads infectiously.
  • Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.
  • Chasteness promised to him by modest display of boobs and legs.  
  • Generousness that smashes selfishness out of her life.
  • Delightfulness that makes her man smile.
  • Unselfishness that spreads as example for all.
  • Neatness that inspires others.
  • Goodness that sets a shining example.
  • Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.
  • Competitiveness with him before marriage but only cautiously on matters of principle afterward.
  • Cooperativeness with him on marital matters.
  • Indirectness and seed planting used as main strategy for getting her way.

However, venom from the snake pit injects grease between coins of virtue. The greasiness destabilizes the pedestal structure. Venom such as:

  • Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.
  • Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.
  • Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.
  • Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their mutual agenda.
  • Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.
  • Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.
  • Fearsomeness brought on by mistakes or failures that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 
  • Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.
  • Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.
  • Loneliness magnified by jealousy when he’s not alongside her.
  • Lonesomeness inadequately handled when caused by husband’s absence at work.
  • Moodiness that flows from her inability to control events in her life to her satisfaction.
  • Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.
  • Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.
  • Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.
  • Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.
  • Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

Now, Honey Child, I don’t expect you to master those things in girlhood. You may never get to the top of such a pedestal. But, as with other things in life, do the best you can with what you have where you’re at. You know where you’re headed. Coins of virtue can also pave a great path toward fulfilling your hopes and dreams.

You may not think a pedestal is worth the effort to build it. But someday, without ever being aware, you’ll find yourself so self-reliant in your thoughts and deeds that you’ll love yourself for whom and what you are. Building such a pedestal puts you into living up to someone bigger than yourself, namely who you can become.

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446. THE ULTIMATES: RESPECT and LOVE


Men need self-respect more than love. Women need self-love more than respect. Both sexes continually act to confirm these basic needs.

It’s hard for men to accept disrespect shown to them. Her physical infidelity signals total disrespect. Her emotional infidelity attacks his ego, but it reflects much less disrespect than the physical.

Women don’t want a person’s love as we usually think, they want affection and appreciation that confirms their self-love. Therefore, it’s harder for them to accept emotional infidelity than physical unfaithfulness. The former attacks their core beliefs. The latter attacks only their ego.

Because of the way women love a man, he can’t win the mature woman by selling himself with words. It takes actions and results. Nevertheless, she expects to repeatedly hear affectionate words that reinforce her self-love.

See 417 about her immature love and 411 for the postmodern paradox about love and respect.

 

 

 

 

 

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259. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 12


♀ A woman’s soft-hearted nature should be reserved for husband and kids. Relying on it during dating and courtship makes her vulnerable to join her sisters in the ex lane.

♀ When a hottie becomes haughty, she might as well be a nottie—after conquest, that is.

♀ Expectant mothers duplicate tee-shirted, pot-bellied men, which drives expectant father’s eyeballs to every attractive female within sight.

♀ He cheats on her, so she cheats on him. The former hurts her, the latter terminates their relationship.

♀ Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend or husband they can’t keep.

♀ It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men resist change and defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. In her eyes, his resistance makes her see his faults as her failure to correct him. Her failures turn him toward inadequacy. It started with her accepting him with faults she could not stand.

♀ Behind each ex there’s an inadequate man. He’s either dumper or dumpee. Yet, she chose him with inadequate qualifications, and her choices will always determine her outcomes.

♀ Short-term romantic love seduces women into ignoring the need for her man’s respect. Hence, when romantic love fades in a year or two, his respect for her is not enough to fuel his long-term enduring love.

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 246, 229, 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]

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216. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 09


♀ A single woman reaps her own soft-headedness when she yields sex based on a man’s words. If the conqueror’s words were backed by a strong conscience, we’d have little need for marriage vows.

 

♀ Women seek casual sex and one-night stands for fun or to escape loneliness.  Their willingness sends messages of unfaithfulness. It signals to a man that she values herself poorly. She eagerly parts with her most prized possession (to a man) for virtually nothing. So easy for him! She’s unfaithful to herself. How then could or would she be faithful to one man?

♀ Blaming her ex makes her current man anticipate the same happening to him.

♀ Is she not cherished? Perhaps she’s standing up inside!

♀ Commitment is a reflection of the giver. Devotion is a reflection of the receiver in the giver’s eyes. 

♀ Females have relationship management and maintenance instincts. But proficiency and expertise are developed through successful experiences. Success that comes from denying something to someone and making them accept it agreeably—for example, denying sex to boyfriends, denying selfish demands of children, denying self-centeredness to self.

More about sex and fickle females are listed in the CONTENT page in the blog header.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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207. The high cost of cheap sex — Part 10


♦ Sex is the man’s game. Real, honest, and tough conquests are touchdowns. Return engagements score extra points. Easy or casual conquests score as field goals. Females determine the rules and officiate, but men always win; they keep the score.  

♦ Relationships crumble as so much unmarried sex cheapens fidelity, breeds unfaithfulness, and threatens each marriage. Yet, men are blamed for lack of character facing all those easily spread legs.

♦ Eroticism inspires rapid turnover of females among men. Female sexual freedom inspires men and boys to try harder for the bigger, the better, the more erotic scores. Women and immature girls reap sad, lonely, and sometimes unbearable consequences.

♦ After a one-night stand, he doesn’t call. He claims he loves her, but he doesn’t. He pledges his commitment, but it fades. Except when teamed with a man proven to be devoted to her more than to sex, copulation just leads to more easily getting dumped.

♦ Sex attracts, but it does not bond. The higher a single woman elevates sexual freedom in her priorities, whether real or symbolic, the less likely she will find a man to spend the rest of his life with her.  

[More about high costs of cheap sex appears in posts 190, 171, 161, 149, 138, 99, 84, 39, and 2. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]

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196. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 14


© If women refuse to honor the male gender as more worthy than the female gender, they kill what it takes for men to respect women as more worthy than men. It’s far more attitude than fact, appreciation than trust, approximation than precision. Caution: The reverse never happens, because men don’t respect women that portray no gender uniqueness.

© Feminists believe that male and female infidelity are the same and equal. Not so. He cheats, and she breaks down emotionally and seeks outside help. She cheats, and his sense of significance plummets. This makes her obsolete. He maneuvers to be rid of her—sometimes harshly or violently. Of course it’s not fair, but men aren’t females regardless of how feminists hope to change them.

© Men bond with a woman and strengthen their family responsibility by making themselves useful and proving their worth as rescuers, protectors, providers, problem solvers. But his woman’s insistence on her independence turns him toward escapism in big toys, expensive adventures, irresponsibility, females. To the degree he’s not needed, he’s free and looks to have fun. 

© We all tend to become like those with whom we associate. Feminists for three decades claimed men to be selfish lovers, inadequate mates, and poor responders to female needs. Now, women accuse men of being irresponsible lovers, mates, fathers, and family men. They also claim that men are ignorant of female needs, wants, hopes, dreams, and relationship-building. ♫ Ta da ♫ Men no longer make good husbands. Just as feminists claimed.  

© Feminism makes the worth of women decline in male eyes. Women receive less respectful, harsher, and even abusive treatment.

© Females treated badly further lowers the value of men in female eyes, which helps the political agenda of feminists. Unintended consequence: It hurts the majority of women trying to keep their man.

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

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191. When women act like men—3rd installment


♣ Sexually active women highly value hunks for looks and capture men poor for keeping. Experience with many sex partners—easy for hunks—weakens a man’s spirit for devoting himself to one woman.

♣ Especially regarding sex, each generation of females works harder to duplicate males. Females initiate everything more and more, but males retain the leadership role. They help females lower female-friendly values, standards, and expectations and to demean themselves just to please males.

♣ Women act and try to date like guys. They accept ‘whatever’ to keep a relationship going. They try to participate and enjoy masculine fun and games. They let desire for not offending a man override their nature—for example, tolerating embarrassment that offends her natural modesty. Her value as keeper weakens from not standing up for herself.

♣ Girls and women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom. Females devalue virginity. Girls ditch it, and mothers push its loss. Girls are popular. Women are adventurous. Both bypass virtual virginity that makes males try harder, that earns masculine respect, that makes men devote to one woman.

♣ To demonstrate their independence from men, women reject feminine virtue, duplicate masculine behavior, and even demo baser behaviors in public. By acting the same as men, women hope to be different? Successful relationships revolve around differences between the sexes that couples reduce to compatibility.

[More about women acting like men appears in posts 152 and 37. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

 

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