Her Highness Easybreezy claims that guys will date but refuse to go to church with you ladies. I hereby suggest a new approach that qualifies for WWNH.
What if you developed a new standard for dating? What if you bargained more before dating? Consider these two options: (1) Insist that first date be his escorting you to church. (2) If necessary, back off and grant first date only with his promise of escorting you to church the next Sunday. In either case after the first church date, subsequent dates require a date for church on Sunday next.
Now I know you ladies are invited on dates far too infrequently. You see great risk in levying such a tough requirement on the guys that do call or ask. But keep this in mind: Even though your roles reverse after marriage, you learn to manage the domestic scene by learning to manage the dating scene. If he won’t live up to your expectations before marriage, why do you think he will afterward?
The following model conversation illustrates how invitations may take place. Remember, it’s just a model. To sample it, personalize and reword the ‘She’ role to fit your personality and druthers. Also, anticipate how guys will react, and present your expectations to win the favor of each. (You can tell an awful lot about a man when he says No.)
He: Would you like to go out with me?
She: Sure, if I can pick the day and place. My first date is always church on Sunday. We can have a second date with lunch after church. I’ll pick the church, you pick the lunch. Or you pick the church, and I’ll bring a picnic basket. I love picnics, don’t you?
He: Well, I’m not sure I’m free on Sunday. I may be doing something else. (He plays vague and unavailable to weaken her resolve.)
She: Well, call me next week then. I love having handsome men escort me to church on Sunday. (She plays hardtoget to counter his V&U).)
He: Well, can’t we go out some night this week? (Persistence is good, as he seeks to recover and get his way.)
She: Well, yes, if you promise to escort me to church the following Sunday. Then, if we agree, we can have lunch or picnic afterward. (The promise is a key to his character. Whether he breaks or keeps it, she has grounds to judge his worthiness for her.)
He: Well, I’m not sure I can promise. My Sundays are crowded. (Trying vague and unavailable again.)
She: Well call me next week and we can try again. (If she fearfully yields to dating under his terms and without at least the promise of escorting her to church, she loses respect. Perhaps more importantly, she loses opportunity to gain great respect.)
- When you play hardtoget, you confirm the competitive arrangement. He’s the seller, you’re the buyer, and you need to keep it that way in single life.
- He hesitates, argues against, or refuses to promise. What else won’t he do that you expect? Pay for date costs? Respect your female sensibilities? Honor your wishes?
- He shows excitement and promises to date for church; it indicates potential devotion to you. You need greater confirmation. On the other hand, if he fails to fulfill his promise, you waste little time uncovering his faux sincerity.
- After a few dates, you can better assess his devotion to accepting part of your lifestyle. Does he deserve you as a date, if he won’t honor and participate in your way of life?
The model above shows one way to pull men into your lifestyle as independent woman living up to something bigger than yourself. It also helps to identify if he’s after you or something less. Getting him to the church can make a difference.