490. Wifely Success — Part III

This post completes the response to Princess Jessica and Princess Tamara. They inquired about it, but there is no PROPER way to balance home and work life, except as individual women make choices and succeed. These cause and effect tips may help.

©     Husband will not play second fiddle, especially not to kids, pets, and even wife’s job. He married to play first fiddle, period.

©     Wives want to hear words of affection, gratitude, and confirmation of their value. Mistakenly, they think men are the same. Husbands want to be respected and confirmed as significant, but in actions and not words.

©     A man only needs a hut, but a woman wants a castle. She can get it by crowning him king and treating him royally. Or, she can learn to like their hut and soon tire of him.

©     A man will consider his hut a castle, if he’s treated as the king. A woman’s ego restricts her from treating him that way, because she’s naturally driven to dominate her nest and their home. If she refuses to treat him royally, however, he eventually looks for an escape hatch. 

©     A wife’s expectations about fairness and equality in housework compete against husband’s hormones. If she wins, over the long haul he becomes more temporary.

©     Fathers withdraw from parenting when not respected and upheld as good father by the mother. Mothers not upheld as a valuable and appreciated mother get rid of father—in spirit if not actually.

The other posts in this series were 486 and 488.

283. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 9

          Our foremothers courted as the buyer, married, and became the seller. Modern women court as the seller, marry, and become the buyer. The former married permanently, the latter marries temporarily.

Our foremothers knew the price and paid for their man up front. They withheld sex and qualifed his potential for Mr. Right. Then they married and she rewarded him for husbanding and fathering. This helped him grow into Mr. Right.

Modern women reverse it. They act as discount sellers to capture and marry. Then they act as buyer and expect husband to keep elevating his value at the discounted rewards wife’s willing to give—especially reduced gratitude and cheap respect.

Consequently, modern women rely on hope, because they don’t or can’t qualify a man’s potential for either Mr. Right or lifetime dedication to her.

Women give up their abilities. They provide sex in exchange for faux devotion, that is verbal commitment. Modern women then pay the full price when they lose their man or dump him as inadequate.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 252, 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

234. Female Fortitude — 51 through 55

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

51.            A man’s natural pursuit of other females does not stop until one woman so captures his respect and captivates his imagination that he devotes himself to her alone. What’s her best strategy for winning this battle of the sexes?

52.            It’s a boob paradox. Women publicly appeal directly to the sexual interests of men. They capture men for sex, but they can’t hold one for long after infatuation, romantic love, and lust fade in a year or two.

53.            Men call romance whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the special attention he pays her when sex is not at stake.

54.            She marries expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. He marries expecting her not to change, but she does. Both get what they don’t want.

55.            In her recent book, Female Chauvinist Pigs—Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, Ariel Levy describes the latest in extreme female behavior. They do man-things to demo female value. (Post 226 also addresses the subject.)

[Previous ‘fortitudinals’ appear in posts 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

222. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 6

Females succumb to male expectations and standards, which lower their value as mates. They accept commitment instead of taking time to generate a man’s devotion.

⌂ Commitment promises togetherness with her. ♥ Devotion delivers his dedication to her.

⌂ Commitment only promises to rule out other women. ♥ Devotion delivers it, because she’s worth not losing.

⌂ Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him. ♥ Devotion signals she’s more than worthy for him.

⌂ Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. ♥ Devotion to her lasts even though living together may not happen.

⌂ Commitment dies easily under daily pressures that eat away at promises and togetherness. ♥ Devotion of self to one person triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures.  

⌂ Promises require no work at the present. ♥ Devotion exhibits personal sacrifices today.

⌂ Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. ♥ Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication.

⌂ Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. ♥ Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else before her.

⌂ Commitment has no obligation to excuse a mate’s mistakes. ♥ Devotion finds excuses to protect one’s mate.

⌂ Promises make only vague and risky commitment, as females see it. ♥ Women crave someone’s devotion.

Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up.

Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her.

NOTE: She did it again. The nice lady that inspired post 219 also inspired this one.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

212. Virtual Virginity #12

© Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect.

© Until she yields sex, her value goes up increasingly to each man chasing her. People instinctively value highly what they cannot have.

© Everybody makes mistakes. Recovery is everything, and virtual virginity provides it for past sexual mistakes.

© Avoiding life as an ex comes easier to the woman that elevates and honors her sexual assets above marriage.  

© Refusing to have unmarried sex forces a man to prove himself worthy of her and capable of fulfilling her expectations for home and family. Else, he’s after sex and not her.

© Scoring with a hard-to-get woman elevates a man’s sense of significance, but it’s more ego than conviction.

© The woman that a man respects and honors adds to his convicted sense of significance, whether they are sex partners or not.

© Refusing to have sex with an attractive man requires strength of character to keep from turning him off. Hard-headed feminine gentleness helps.

© A woman’s biggest challenge is to keep from being eager or desperate to have a boyfriend, dates, sex, or whatever else she thinks she has to have for the short term.

[More about virtual virginity appears in posts 198, 181, 169, 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, 44, and 25. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following.]

187. Weans, tweens, and teens #3—The child’s psyche

The following predominant factors are programmed into each child’s subconscious mind: self-esteem, self-image, and self-interest. Whether they intend or not, adults do the programming in the weans; supercharge or deflate it in the tweens; and worry, enjoy, and interfere in the teens.

During and after such programming, self-talk and the self-fulfilling prophecy about successes and failures keep the subconscious up-to-date with the world in which the individual lives as both child and later as an adult.

For simplicity and clarity, I focus on the effects of Nurture and ignore Nature. We know too little about the genetic and parenting mixture, but parents, guardians, teachers, and other childcare givers do have control of Nurture programming.

Each factor will be covered in subsequent posts. But first, let me remove politics from the subject.

Our education system has corrupted the term ‘self-esteem’. Educators use the need for greater student self-esteem to gild professorial pockets, enlarge school budgets, and program teachers to confuse parents or defuse parental interference.

First, the term implies liking oneself. This empowers the educators’ hidden agenda that there’s never enough. All childhood misbehavior, low academic progress, and lack of motivation can be traced to lack of self-esteem. Of course, parents catch the blame. Teachers thus add value to themselves by working to compensate for parental errors.

Second, purposely or ignorantly, educators confuse it with and as a substitute for self-image (or –concept). This keeps the political side alive and jumping.  

Therefore, I mostly use self-worth to define how individuals love, like, respect, and appreciate themselves as a person.

Self-worth is critical to a child’s well-being, but schools can do little about it. It hardens in the subconscious during the early years of weaning from, hopefully, the mother.  

[Other posts about childhood mental development are listed in the Content page at the top.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

160. Sex and the fickle girl—Part V

♀ Women use sex as bait, which has immediate but limited value to a man. After conquest she’s fishing with an empty hook in the water.

♀ Women want a civil and mature man with a strong sense of family responsibility. When they use sex appeal to pursue that goal, they attract men that distort or block their female vision.

♀ She says, “I can do it all,” but the female nature itself prevents her getting it all—e.g., escaping loneliness late in life without a man.

♀ When they cohabit, women pay much higher emotional costs than men. Yet, modern women endorse the social status, cost benefits, and ‘trial run’ of living with a man. (Eighty percent fail of marriages that follow shack up.)

♀ Women that accept a man’s commitment in lieu of his devotion get little stability but lots of commotion.

♀ Women want beauty in their world, but modern women copy male patterns of dress—comfortable, sloppy, careless. Womanly standards are so low that men get by doing little to please women except as lead-in to conquest.  

♀ Women reject old school ‘marriage is the only way’. They favor experimenting before or as part of committing. This eases their fear and impatience, but it dramatically improves the odds for failure.

♀ Women want it all, but most need a man to get whatever ‘all’ is to each woman.

[More about sex and the fickle girl appears in posts 148, 137, 93,  and 34. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]

156. Her sexual history—Part 06

♀ He measures his manly prowess by her sexual worth after his conquest. Much of her retention value hinges on it. He wonders roundabout and over time: Who else conquered this woman, if she is to be anything more than a sex target to me?

♀ Extreme privacy about her sexual past serves her best, but it’s tough to keep. Women talk to unload their guilt or blame their ex. But friends sometimes disclose what they shouldn’t. (Women feel more guilt than men when relationships fail. It helps confirm that women are better relationship experts and managers.)

♀ Her mate wants to know of her past, but she should let him wonder. Ex-husbands are known as partners, of course, but all details should be verboten.  Non-husband partners count against her, so she only makes it worse even acknowledging those relationships. Even platonic male friends and acquaintances can be suspect. (On this subject, his imagination can run wild at the slightest hint of suspicion.)

♀ After split up and explaining to relieve guilt, she seeks both sympathy and empathy for her mistakes and her ex’s inadequacies. Encouragement by others to make her feel better confirms her rightness. Friends easily assign blame to her ex. Future lovers might too if she tells a compelling story, but it’s hazardous to their relationship health.