During my five years of posting here, women frequently ask me to advise men on how to become better prospects as dates, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and fathers. I’ve always declined, because men resist change:
- Attempts to change men are seen as rooted in Feminism. Men reject it instinctively.
- Men don’t listen to men about how to improve themselves. If they don’t know already, men expect to learn all they need to know firsthand and not from a competitor.
- Modern women forsake their natural ability to change a man when they yield first-sex together. Men have no interest in convincing women otherwise and lack interest in changing themselves to please a woman after they conquer her.
- In the realm of women initiating change, men change for one reason. It’s to comply with a woman’s pre-conquest expectations. As they figure her out over time, men change both words and actions to facilitate conquest. (Women remain vulnerable. A man’s actions may be temporary or permanent. His words may be sincere or insincere. Only chaste time together—a lengthy courtship for instance —earns her sufficient respect for his heart to accept her refusals and appreciate her promise as a previously chaste mate. Her virgin or near-virgin status signifies that no or very few men out competed him for sex with her, which is more important than her actual chasteness. I recognize that modern men don’t seem wired that way, but it describes the male nature hidden under pop culture values.)
- Present-day cheap and easy sex appeals to men. They thrive on their own promiscuity but abhor it in women they find worth mating. They don’t want social values and arrangements to change, but they expect to marry a woman as close to virgin status as possible. (Women can hide past promiscuity as described under Virtual Virginity as listed in the CONTENTS page.)
- Radical feminists demeaned the male character and condemned patriarchy. Under the guise of promoting matriarchy, they initiated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Feminists believe and non-feminists accept the propaganda, and men began and continue to live up to what women expect. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled. Made to feel worthless in the process of females finding happiness through feminist values and pressures, men lost their desire to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. They continue to perceive few incentives to improve their worth except self-worth.
- Women squawk and act desperate about male shortcomings. Men don’t pay attention, because sex is so cheap and easy. If a woman is hard to live with, men can find another woman eager to provide sex with no cover charge bigger than her hope of his commitment. Men have learned to keep open all escape options. It’s easy too with women so desperate to have dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands.
It does no good for me or anyone else to tell men they have defects and flaws that are unattractive to women. Men don’t change as women want. WADWMUFGAO* Men change in response to what makes them feel good about themselves. Just pleasing women or a woman doesn’t do that. They feel good when they want and do please a woman. Consequently, the more a woman wants to be pleased, the less he will do it. Which of course begs the question: What should she do to perpetuate a man’s desire to please her? Answer: Find gratitude in her, him, life, and everything else because gratefulness breeds happiness and men love to have a happy woman nearby who is deserving and easy to please.
Women can only influence men to change by rejecting feminist thought and gaining a better understanding of the male nature. Then, they can do it one woman and one man at a time. A better understanding of both men and women can be found in the ‘Redux’ series that starts at post 1747. That lengthy series contrasts the sexes as very different and promotes female initiatives that win greater favor with men.
*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.
Her Highness Anonymous inquired if an actual virgin should keep it a secret? Many reasons exist to do so, and the advantages accrue to her without cost to him:
- If she brags about her virgin state, she appears desperate. If she discloses it as part of silly belief in full disclosure, he has nothing comparable, and so she loses at the ‘negotiating table’. Providing him the knowledge gives him much more than he can give her. (His sexual history never balances her disclosure, and she doesn’t want to hear it anyway.)
- If ex-boyfriends don’t know for sure and can only speculate to other guys about her pristine-ness, her reputation builds more easily into exciting allure than ‘gotta have it’, gotta have it’, gotta have it’ just because she’s virginal.
- By strongly declaring her sexual status off limits, she has an easier time defending her values, maintaining her standards, and upholding her expectations about how men should behave when with or around her.
- Mystery about her status generates an aura around her of respectable authority (free will, hard-headedness, and willingness to use it).
- Sexual history being the kingpin element in feminine mystique, actual virginity wears the crown. But knowledge destroys mystery, which destroys curiosity, which destroys interest in the crown, which makes her less valuable.
- Claiming virginity challenges a man even more to conquer her. Banging a virgin earns huge masculine bragging rights and status. Instead, she wants him bragging about her beauty, charm, and female worth.
- If he tells his buds about her virgin state, they’ll gang up on him to beat his time, to get there firstest with the mostest. It might make her more popular as they pursue her virgin attractiveness, but it’s not likely to be sincere or lasting.
- Many men, especially the adolescent-minded, think along these lines: If he can’t conquer a woman, it’s one thing. If he can’t conquer a virgin, it’s a different matter, ‘a downright embarrassment’. He has to keep trying; he can’t quit early. His competitive spirit envisions her as his Mt. Everest, and he’s a fool to quit before reaching the top.
- If he knows she’s virgin, he spends less time thinking about her except for why? How could she have avoided it this long? Religious nut? Fearful of sex or what? Sick in the head? Wrongheaded? Malformed? Unfashionable, won’t go along to get along? Had no girlfriends that put out as role models? Boyfriends dumped her for that reason? Or did word spread about her that he missed?
- Knowledge cures mystery, which kills curiosity, which reduces interest in what makes her tick, tock, and chime, which makes him think more of conquest than the rest of her valuable self.
- She will be judged, if he knows she’s virgin; making him wonder delays his judging until a time made better by a longer relationship.
- If he wonders about her sexual past, his thoughts remain with her. If she makes her virgin state as mysterious as the rest of her sexual history, he has little recourse but to focus and accept her as she is without regard to sex.
- If he can only wonder before the altar and marvel about prospects for his wedding night, the male mind more easily adjusts his interests to include a woman’s hopes and dreams. Whether suspicions are confirmed or he’s surprised that night, his sense of significance and her value to him jump off the scale.
- Avoid at all cost having a girlfriend ‘sell’ her virginity to win a boyfriend or prospect. Such good intentions backfire; he gains advantage and she loses mystery. (He’ll also return to the informant for more info when he’s after something else, and that could bring them together.)
Her greatest threat may be close to home. Make sure siblings or girlfriends don’t disclose her virgin status, and she’s better off if they don’t even know it. As with men, it’s none of their business, if she hopes to have maximum independence and play life’s hand of cards without—perhaps but not always well-intentioned—interference.
I venture that Part II, post 936, will both surprise and even shock some women. What to do when he won’t stop inquiring about her sexual history and especially virgin status. It’s due out tomorrow morning.