Tag Archives: virtual virginity

2051. Submissive #08 — Virtual Virginity Earns Less Submission


I continue with situations that make women more aware of what’s happening mentally between the sexes. [Guy adds: ]

19. Virtual virginity softens his expectations that she submit to his natural dominance. It enables her to structure their relationship to her liking and suitability for marriage. [Guy adds: Female purity is a minor attraction. It’s all those men—unknown in name and number—that beat him to her, enable her to compare his performance, and cause him to imagine things that plague his memory. On top of that, who, when, why, how, and where will he face them? Men go deeply against their nature when they have to accept facing a man that previously slept with their woman. All the alibis in the world don’t assuage the hurt and perhaps hatred that he has to suppress. It’s most of the persistent grumble or worse that exists between mates when he knows of her sexual history. That modern men seem to accept their women having had previous lovers does not mean it doesn’t affect respect for her. Women loved less than they deserve is a direct function of less respect and seems to be a modern phenomenon, which is a direct reflection of her man’s knowledge and loathing of her sexual past.]

20. In the face of her ardent virtual virginity defense, a man will become or can be lured into an unnatural-for-males submissive spirit, a premarital sign of his devotion to her. The value of long courtship and engagement is this: Whatever dominant/submissive balance they achieve becomes habitual, and such habits structure the marriage. [Guy adds: Consequently, virtual virginity has more inherent influence with men than does actual virginity. True virginal innocence energizes a guy to be more dominant, to not let her escape, to be first. Virtual virginity enables her to shape their relationship.]

21. Recovery is everything. When wife continually acts like the boss, he feels insignificant, and this simultaneously makes her less attractive and other women more appealing. Perhaps unpleasant to accept, but the choice is hers. If she expects to keep him, she needs to sacrifice what is meaningful to him. He gave up his independence for her, so she must pay a price worthwhile to him. And the primal male nature calls submission the price. [Guy adds: When she suppresses her natural bossiness, she opens the door to her submissive spirit, which has far greater potential to bring harmony into their relationship.]

22. Fawning submission to husband produces loss of her self-respect and his consequent loss of respect of her. On the other hand, in-his-face refusals amount to challenging his sense of significance. Repeat refusals put her in the dumpee seat and his hand on the ejection lever. [Guy adds: Nothing works better than patience and indirectness to balance his expectation of submission with her submissive spirit—that thing so embedded in her heart that she is grateful for it. Virtual virginity opens the door to negotiation and it carries forward into marriage.]

23. The smart wife honors her husband’s role such that he doesn’t have to exploit his dominant nature, especially its explosive underside. Loss of temper makes him feel bad about himself (well hidden to be sure), which means he thinks less of her for having provoked it. [Guy adds: Her likeability and marital success depend on what he hears from her mouth. He doesn’t pay attention to what she says simply because he doesn’t like it or her for saying it.]

More will be posted tomorrow about a wife’s eternal battle with her man’s expectations.

 

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1979. Admiration: The Prime Motivator of Men


Women don’t recognize the tap-root of male nature, that which primarily motivates a man. Women focus too much on sex and  seem not to understand the full picture of that*. Something else energizes him and determines what he does and becomes, primarily does for himself but also in relationships. If women use it to figure out their man, both become more valuable in the eyes of the other.

The closed loop of male behavior is structured around one thing, earning admiration. First, earn it himself for himself. Second, witness other people earn it from him and thus enable his judgment ability to be self-admired.

The loop emanates from his primal need for self-admiration and proceeds close to this order: generate ambitions, determine missions, set goals, and accomplish things. Successes all along that process provide self-admiration. A satisfied need no longer motivates, however, and so out springs the urge for more significant achievements and more self-admiration. Men are constantly reaching for new, better, and greater ambitions. The process of earning admiration never ends even after age or incapacity make labor no longer the primary venue.

For this article, we consider that which he earns for himself and that which he enables women to earn from him. Obviously there is more, admiration of men for example, but that’s another story.

Self. A man’s deep-rooted need of self-admiration prompts him to seek work, any work, as it provides the best opportunity**. He admires himself for successful achievements and even for his potential to be successful at whatever he undertakes. Both achievements and his potential accumulate and blend to become his sense of significance and consequent self-worth in his world. He admires his significance as the ultimate truth, because it’s the product of all that he’s produced. Although seldom recognized except when women threaten it, a reinforcing helper for his urge to accomplish things is this: His greatest fear is insignificance.

Men welcome and appreciate the recognition and admiration of others, but it’s not essential. They are independent by nature and reasonably satisfied with self-admiration. Lessons learned in life, however, make them expect recognition, appreciation, and even admiration for their efforts. And especially from those who depend upon them without giving due credit.

Women. A woman becomes of lasting personal interest to a man because of her virtues, those qualities in her that he admires and that remain or may be discovered after conquest. As described in post 1977, qualities that he admires become virtues. Virtues of importance to him make her fascinating, which is the attraction that holds him. With more virtues and increased intensity in her fascination, a man finds promise in her as his mate. And that pulls or pushes him to or at least toward the altar.

Being unconquered is not a virtue; he wants her for sex but he doesn’t admire her status. However, he respects virtual virginity. Her determination to protect her interest by not yielding earns his admiration. Her availability for post-conquest sex is not a virtue either; too many other willing women. Unless, that is, he admires her sexual—shall I say—dexterity? But that can lead to loss of respect for her, which is another story.

His motivational consideration of her boils down to this. Her qualities earn his admiration. It pleases his sense of self-admiration for finding her so virtuous and thus fascinating. That makes her fit snugly into his personal ambitions, missions, goals, and accomplishments that he anticipates for the present and perhaps the future.

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*To the male mind, conquest and other sex are significantly different in both urge and result.

**Childcare and housekeeping lack opportunity because they don’t require his strengths or expertise. The former threatens his significance, too much potential to innocently do harm or produce bad or poor results. The latter requires boredom in order to endure. Neither has much potential to earn self-admiration. Better ways exist and he wants to get to them.

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NOTE: I suspect that the sexes are hugely divided over what they think are virtues in a woman. For those readers who may be interested, I could enjoy seeing what they nominate as virtuous in the eyes of men. Not what women tell themselves is virtuous about each other, but what they think men admire in the normal course of masculine behavior. Whatever you nominate, I will try to contrast it to what I think men admire. We might be able to piece together something significant to portray as sex differences.

 

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1971. Compatibility Axioms #381-390


381. People highly value the unavailable or unattainable. The ultimate result of male pursuing female boils down to one question. What’s her ‘price’ to be sexually available to him? The higher her price, the greater her perceived value, and the greater his effort must be to discover her price, earn her acceptance, and decide whether or not to pay it. (It’s a major reason her sexual history should be none of anyone else’s business.) [136]

382. Repeated refusals for first-time sex together make her appear unattainable. Relative, of course, to how determined she defends herself. Each refusal escalates her value, keeps him guessing, and pushes him to try harder. If she holds out long enough, her continually rising price makes him consider whether she’s worth her ultimate price—most likely marriage. [136]

383. Men feast with their eyes. The higher her price, the more attractiveness she adds to whatever he already perceives of her. Strengthened desire works much like a few martinis with these exceptions: Attractiveness enhanced by martinis doesn’t last. Attractiveness loses its captivating appeal after conquest. Conquerors view the conquered in a much different light.[136]

384. Expectant conquerors wonder: What’s her price to be sexually accessible to other men? Virtual virginity signals she’s not active. If he can’t penetrate her defenses, other men can’t either. After all, he’s First Stud in his eyes. [136]

385. Before conquest, if she’s unwilling or unable to match wits and wills to hold him off, his dominance will always prevail in their relationship. Before conquest is both her testing and proving ground for what their relationship future looks like. [136]

386. Wives cheat on their husband and expect him to respond as women do. It doesn’t work. When he cheats, she wants to know. When she cheats, he wants to go.  [137]

387. Women should be but don’t seem to be haunted by these questions: Do younger women attract husbands away from their wives? Or do wives lose their ability to hold their man? Or, do wives drive husbands away? Women automatically blame husband or his new attraction. Wives proclaim themselves to be innocent and victimized. Flooding the wife with peer empathy and sympathy, friends and family help restore emotional letdown or breakdown. The rest of the story isn’t explored, because feminists inspired women to not listen to men about man things. (IMHO, this sums it up. Husbands wander away from wives because the wife is no longer the woman they married.) [137]

388. Conquered women lack the allure of attractive unconquered ones. She may be a good lay or good wife or both, but the attractive and unconquered still attract men. To hold a man’s devotion, a woman must compensate for his giving up his independence, reward him for husbanding and fathering. Instead, modern women view as unfair this inequality of Nature. Thus, they ignore, demean, or lose focus on their natural abilities to capture and hold onto one man. [137]

389. Successful marriage requires relationship management. Women qualify as experts, but men don’t. Men are too easily seen as culprit, plus they lack the soft relationship skills to restore marital peace. It’s much simpler and easier for husbands to let masculinity steer them away from one woman. Consequently, it takes an expert’s best efforts to overcome his hormonal urges. Once again, life ain’t fair, but women want a permanent mate more than the reverse. [137]

390. The female gender has made itself politically, morally, and socially entitled to masculine-style sexual freedom. It’s a major cause of so much trouble trying to keep a man’s devotion. When many women act sexually unattached, wives too easily become suspect in the eyes of their husband. He knows what other men are after. Can he remain positive that she’s different from other women? Consequently, casual sexual practices within the sisterhood poison faithful marriages. [137]

 

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1948. Compatibility Axioms #301-310


301. Virtual virginity means keeping her legs crossed before marriage. It puts her in the buyer’s seat and forces a man to be the seller, to make himself worthy of her instead of the other way around. (Men don’t truly appreciate what they don’t earn.) [125]
302. Her attractiveness spikes his interest for sex. It’s up to her to convert that interest over to her. Heeding granny’s advice to keep a dime between her knees works best. [125]
303. Her first refusal for sex spreads a man’s interest to try harder, to know her better. Subsequent refusals push him to look ever deeper for weaknesses he can exploit to convince her to yield. (Presuming he accepts her refusals as other than rejections of him.) [125]
304. As her refusals continue in courtship, he serendipitously discovers her admirable strengths and non-sexual qualities. These earn more respect both for her potential as a keeper and promise for mating. (Provided, of course, he’s more interested in her than just conqueror’s sex.) [125]
305. By yielding sex before marriage, she reverses their natural roles. She becomes seller to his buyer, and he’s paid her price when she yields. It’s too late for her to raise the ante; the door closes partly or fully on his investing more in her even though the potential for it resides in the male nature. [125]
306. As the seller, she settles for less than she deserves because she has only one conquest event with each man. (Women may not see it that way, but men do. Men change after conquest, and it forces women to change to stay abreast of the conqueror.) [125]
307. Conquest is a relationship-changing event for a man. He quits looking so interestedly at a conquered woman. Nature releases his heart to pursue something or somebody else. [125]
308. By yielding unmarried sex, she lets a man know what price she charges for submission. This naturally, automatically, and subconsciously programs his mind on how their relationship will work in the future. It enlarges his expectations for getting his way with her—we’re talking greater male dominance here, aren’t we? [125]
309. The longer and more intensely without sex that he stays focused on her, the greater their bonding and the more promising their future together. [125]
310. Just a friendly touch in passing or a pat on the back sends a message of trust that earns a man’s regard if not respect. If he mistakes her friendliness for something else, she has uniquely subtle ways to turn him off without offense and immense power to discourage with offense. Friendly touching in passing is a small price women pay. It helps hold onto the respect of men other than their own, which magnifies their gratefulness for both men and themselves. [123]

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1945. Men Marry Virtue But What Is That?


A man marries for the promise he sees in a woman, which arises out his liking or loving her unique, persistent, and steadfast virtues. Women show off their best qualities hoping to find masculine confirmation. But the sexes both define and value female qualities differently. So what are virtues?

A man sees a virtue when he admires some quality in a woman. If he doesn’t admire a particular characteristic, it may be good but it’s not virtuous. It holds little or no promise when he’s thinking about a life together. As a result, the male nature impacts women this way; earning his admiration is more important than what women usually rely on to find, capture, marry, and hold a man.

A man admires her less obvious qualities. Surprise, surprise! Neither her sexual assets nor claims and demonstrations of female love are virtuous, however convincing or even sexual they may be. Appreciated, yes, but not virtuous. Both sexual assets and love are common and available from all females. And anyway, a man knows that many women should easily love him and his sexual performance; how can they not with all of his qualities, potential, and promise?

An exception exists. Rejecting a man for sex is virtuous.* His admiration arises when he’s exposed to a woman who claims moral values and sticks to her standards. Virtue appears as he comes to admire these qualities: her resistance as self-respect, rejection as self-dedication, chasteness as success, hope in men as faith in herself, and endless patience as the means of finding a man worthy of her. Admiring her determination and allegiance to brighten her own future, his perception of her promise as potential mate not only grows; it appeals to his nature and challenges him to try harder to win her.**

Consequently, a man doesn’t marry a woman because she loves him; it’s not even necessary as when a man falls in love at first sight. A man marries for the promise a woman holds for brightening the life he expects to live. Also, another surprise for women, virtuous excludes the promises women like to make to improve their chances.

Men judge on actions more than words. They especially admire these female influences in action. Her physical attractiveness taunts him, personality charms him, tenderness calms him, humor delights him, flexibility amazes him, modesty bewilders him, steadfastness strengthens him, patience beguiles him, happiness infects him, smiles please him,  inabilities challenge him, goodness outshines him, generosity shames him, joy lifts him, stifled complaints reassure him, respect exalts him, soft-heartedness impresses him, hard-headedness surprises him, cooking benefits him, housekeeping supports him, gratitude confirms him, dependency energizes him, manners settle him, mystique intrigues him, monogamy inspires him, and devotion disguises his failings. It’s not her qualities that generate her promise but his judgment that certain ones are admirable. It’s not her love or sexual assets that earn his respect; it’s his admiration of her qualities that  he allows to influence him.

After they marry, unfortunately, she too easily perceives that he takes her for granted. As she fulfills the promise he expects, he finds satisfaction in her virtuous behavior. After the honeymoon, his devotion shifts into another form. It’s time to live the life that he expects, and so he displays his devotion by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving in return for her fulfilling the promise she brought into his endless but rewarding life of work. Being taken for granted, however, means her virtues continue to be highly valued and promise a good life for them together. If not, his dissatisfaction would be obvious, his devotion would be fading, and their mutual disappointment would be increasing.

When she displays herself in such ways and steadfastness that men admire her qualities, her promise as marital candidate grows in some man’s heart. Their natures work in harmony; she attracts men by earning their admiration and one eventually responds with supreme interest. If she continues her virtuous ways after marriage, he sees little or no reason to look for promise elsewhere. Why go through that again? Perfection is worthy of pursuit in many things but not in finding and keeping a mate.

Mutual admiration works much better to make marriage permanent. The mind and heart can’t disrespect what they admire, and a man’s love is based on respect. Hence, the more virtuous she appears to him, the more she’s respected and loved. It all starts with her virtues as perceived by her man.

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*Explanations are provided in the Virtual Virginity series listed in CONTENTS.

** Nonsexual courting ultimately makes him a better man in her eyes. In the same process, his actions convert his heart from interest to devotion, which develops him into being more worthy of her. They both learn to rise above themselves to favor the other, which ultimately puts ‘us’ above her and her above him.

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1924. Compatibility Axioms #181-190


181. Single women invite temporary relationships when they look for Mr. Right. He shows up after wife motivates husband to achieve her hopes and dreams that were conceived in girlhood and modified by a couple decades of marital adjustments and developments.

182. Unmarried chastity prolonged by a woman—that is, virtual virginity—can turn earlier, shameful, or promiscuous behavior into no one else’s business. [100]

183. Sex only captures a man’s attention. Subtlety, charming mystery, indirect influence, modesty, respectability, friendly sweetness, and dedication to sexual fidelity hold his interest. [100]

184. Her virtue is anything she has or does that a particular man admires, which also means that men generally can’t, won’t, or don’t. A woman appears feminine when she uses her virtues. One woman, Karen, says it neatly when she claims that femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. [Keys to the Kingdom, Alison A. Armstrong, PAX Programs Inc., p. 151.]

185. When they act more like men, females abandon their natural modesty. They give up character strength to swallow embarrassments caused by men. It reinforces male domination. Suggestion: Females should adopt this as standard textbook: A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit. [100]

186. Men get as romantic as a woman requires before she yields to foreplay, intercourse, or both. Girls have the critical role in teaching boys the hows and whys of good romance habits. If girls don’t do it, men won’t have it, and women have to compensate.  [100]

187. The dominance game plays out differently once a couple has intercourse. Sex before marriage affirms and thereby strengthens his dominance. Conquest afterward modifies his dominance by adding respect and empathy for her. [100]

188. When marriage is less than absolutely essential to a woman, her boyfriend is miles ahead of her in avoiding it. [100]

189. The most hopeful investment a single woman can make is to get beyond commitment. Without nurturing or mothering him, she enables and patiently waits for boyfriend to become devoted to her and her ambitions for family and castle building. His devotion may not stop growing after he conquers her, but his nature is such that it’s highly probable. [100]

190. The smart woman on a date wants other men to ignore her, so she can concentrate on her mission, that of sealing or enjoying the relationship with her male companion. Men are not as dedicated. [100]

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1916. Compatibility Axioms #111-120


111.By their nature, women favor equality as primary for decision making. Men favor fairness. Resolve it early or arguments compound and bitterness can’t be far behind.

112. Any promise of his castle dies, when she takes charge after marriage and keeps squeezing him to fit better into her ideals of their home and model of life within it. [54]

113. Submissiveness is a cooperative spirit. Regardless of its name and who possesses it when and where, such a spirit is essential for marriage to work. [56]

114. Phonies lose in the end. During courtship she hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her. Afterward, she reverts to her true self and to him becomes a different woman—one he did not intend to marry. [54]

115. It quickens his departure, when she rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. [54]

116. It subverts a marriage, when she treats his opinions as less important and judgments as less valuable than those of someone else. [54]

117. Each marriage faces three monumental events: the 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch. Prevention starts years earlier. Avoidance is difficult. Recovery makes the steep slope slicker, but it all toughens mates. [65]

118. Nothing is foolproof, but the virtual virginity strategy works best to remarry an ex. If he’s going to be any different than in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more.  [70]

119. Feminism makes women think more like men, especially ‘me before you’ and ‘me before us’. Such women lose much of their natural expertise for holding a man.[71]

120. A man expects to succeed as himself in all of his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects. [72]

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