918. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 18

You ladies may want to kill me for today’s post. I don’t claim eternal truths, just put forth some thoughts that usually escape females looking for marriage.

•  You invite a guy over and try to impress him with a nice dinner built around the theme of romance. Candlelight, soft music, etc. is your thing, not his. It does, however, symbolize sex to come. A better trap, to my thinking, would be a family-type, not sloppy, after work, meat and potatoes thing. Show him how neatly, prettily, and harmoniously you can build an excellent after work, homey atmosphere. Sex should not follow, because withholding sex leaves his conquest mission unfulfilled, adds value to you, and brightens his view of the future with you.

 

• By promising romance and convincing yourself that you’re sufficiently committed to it to fix him a dinner, you scare him off at the worst or leave him unknowledgeable about your feeding skills at the least. The stage set for romance means trap laid to him; except for the promise of sex, it scares more than attracts. Gourmet food or fancy cooking may interest him, if he has a hobby interest in it. But usually, cooking to you translates into feeding to him. Romance to him also implies sex to follow, but you shouldn’t, hadn’t, oughta’ do that. Virtual virginity works best to accomplish marriage.

I don’t claim greater success will come from the above, just that the female romance theme is a gal and not a guy thing, and perhaps women should try something else.

739. Next to the Last Straw

Great bonding brings couples together, but it doesn’t keep them glued as one. Instead, unresolved disagreements and small irritants pile up to dissolve the glue and cover a relationship with rubbish. It smothers from the accumulation of irritants of which these offend men:

1. Embarrass him in public
2. Make him appear insignificant or treat him that way
3. Elevate kids over father or especially over him as husband
4. Show disloyal spirit toward him
5. Threaten, remind, or present him with sexual infidelity
6. Nag him beyond what he calls nagging (A nagatha per Mrs. Guy)
7. Challenge him as family CEO in front of others
8. Fail to provide what he expects as normal routine
9. Boss him around in what he considers his castle
10. Belittle him especially before the kids or friends
11. Withhold sex without health or physical reason
12. Manipulate him
13. Harp on his weaknesses
14. Reproach him before others
15. Groom carelessly such that his attention on her fades
16. Favor masculine vs. feminine appearances
17. Use feminist themes to get her way
18. Show unexpected immodesty
19. Show disrespect for him
20. Show her lack of or reduced self-respect
21. Overspend against his will
22. Reflect indifference to his sexual performance
23. Distance herself from close association with him
24. Make her interests dictate his behavior
25. Present him with her problems that defy his solutions

I’m not qualified to compile a list for women. If some deal-breaking irritants for women are sent to me, I’ll provide editorial treatment and publish them as if women need to be told.

516. Exes with Benefits? — II

The lead article in this series introduced the subject of sex after breakup and how to reconcile successfully, should she ever desire it.

Chastity with an ex makes her the driver and him the passenger. It reenergizes his natural drive to conquer and squeezes it beneath her commitment to serve herself with abstinence.

Under such pressures, his renewed respect can redound to new love. But whether it does or not and regardless of final outcome, she wins and he loses.

If she might want him back, or just wants to test to see if he’s worthy, she works on herself in such a way that he works on himself:

©     She commits and accepts him only for a platonic friendship and courtship. This silhouettes her chastity and honors her self-respect, both of which men respect.

©     She finds moral reasons to remain chaste and reinforces such reasons continually to herself.

©     She stamps out any lingering bitterness in herself and finds ways to kill any bitterness he may have.

©     She forgives his past offenses, and it includes forgetting them.

©     She knows that to explain herself shifts the advantage back to him. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t explain about withholding sex. It’s just the way she is NOW. One exception: next.

©     When pushed, she acknowledges that she’s saving herself for first or next husband, whoever it may be. No hurry. Ex may qualify, but who knows at this time. That’s all ex should know, because that’s all she should be committed to.

©     If ex wants to qualify as husband, let him try. Fewer words by her convince more easily, because rejection speaks so loudly.

©     Her chasteness becomes believable and valuable when he concludes that other men also run into her new commitment to abstinence.

©     Unless incompatibilities intrude such as bitterness, saving herself for another man eats at him. This induces change in men worth their salt.

 Never foolproof, but chastity works better than anything else to change the male mind.

473. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 24

♂ The Marrying Man seeks the exceptional woman, and he expects her to stay that way—especially not to change her likeability. If he wanted a different woman, he would have married another.

♂ The bible says a man divided is unstable in all his ways. However, his work and his home do not divide a man. DNA requires that he pursue both together, when he has assumed responsibility for others. Aren’t women wired differently?

♂ The institution of marriage is of, by, and for women. Men can easily do without it, so marriage is hers to earn and keep.

♂ Men don’t change to please a woman after she has been conquered. Before that, yes, if she withheld sex long enough for his words of commitment to grow into actions that foreshadow devotion.

♂ A sense of declining or declined significance sparks Jack’s mid-life crisis. How much did his Jill contribute with discouragements, ridicule, or disbelief in his capabilities?

 ♂ Loaded with DNA to hunt and spread seed, pleasuring a woman doesn’t come naturally. He must be taught. Females withholding sex teach the first step: patience with her.

227. What daughters never hear—Section 4

♀ Women control this sequence of events, but men invariably win:  hook up, link up, shack up, knock up, marry up, frighten up, muck up, ‘fess up, split up, pay up, and end up looking to start over.

♀ Conquest releases the hunter-conqueror to look for a new target.

♀ He sees a recent conquest as girlfriend, occasional sleepover, duty slut, discard, or—if she played the pre-sex courtship to her advantage—perhaps a keeper. 

♀ Inspiring and energizing her man without de-motivating him is difficult. But a woman’s natural relationship expertise provides enough skills—if she also practices patience and indirectness.

♀ Only one way exists to find out if a man is really after a woman for herself. Withhold sex until he proves himself willing and worthy by honoring her ideals, standards, and expectations for giving up his freedom.

♀ Long-term marriage boils down to this: She chose him. She’s the relationship expert. Experts critically qualify someone trying to sell them something. Later, they make necessary adjustments to live with what they ‘purchased’.

♀ Promises and words of commitment fade easily under daily pressures. Acts of commitment reinforce feelings, promote permanency, and grow into devotion capable of surviving daily pressures.

[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 214, 200, and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]