Tag Archives: wives

1969. Anger and His Significance


At post 1968 Her Highness Cinnamon inquires if female anger undermines a man’s sense of significance. The natural principle first: Yes, if he has conquered her. No, if he has not.

Yes, because her anger challenges him. It puts them in instant competition. Men avoid competing with their woman and conquest confirms to the male nature that she is his. Conquest earns the natural male right to dominate, which means that expressions of anger at him—even though deserved—are inappropriate.

The male nature recognizes the superior competitive influence—“arguing power”—of females. It is worth the risk of losing arguments in order to conquer a woman, but after conquest it is not. So, competing with a conquered woman, the male nature tells men they will likely lose. That brings up their greatest fear, losing significance in their woman’s eyes, which means their ability is questionable for fulfilling manly missions of responsibility to her. Therefore, competing with their woman is too risky and should be at least avoided and preferably prevented.

The following bullets can be answered in the same way. Yes, if he has already conquered her. It opens the floodgate to competition and likelihood of reducing his sense of significance. No, if they have never had sex together. Competition protects her and he may lose sleep but not significance over a woman defending her ‘un-owned’ self.

  • Refusing sex?
  • Extreme silence, pulling away, refusing to communicate?
  • Continuing to argue after he declares a final decision?
  • Refusing to do as he says after he has demonstrated that he expects his dominant role to prevail?
  • Blaming him? However, add this caveat. If he senses he is wrong, he is still pressured by the male nature to defend himself and prove her wrong. In which case, she is the mother of fault-finding, he is the father of rationalized self-defense, and the competition continues. (For a man to admit wrongdoing to a conquered woman comes from lessons learned in life long after his birth.)

In short, whatever DIRECTLY challenges a husband’s authority and decision-making dominance tampers with his sense of significance. In his mind, he gave up his independence for the responsibility of ruling the relationship. Outside of marriage and without conquest, however, directness serves women better because men are amenable to letting women have their way.

Moreover, lessons learned living inside different cultural value systems make men more or less willing to compete with wives and conquered females, e.g., more within our Judeo-Christian value system and less within non-Western societies.

Women can learn to get more of what they want by trial and error. Before conquest, they compete diligently with men to prevent conquest except under female terms. After conquest, they compete drastically if necessary to preserve their dignity within female standards and expectations. After marriage they cooperate and avoid direct competition with their husband. Competition calls for directness. Cooperation calls for indirectness. Wise women know how to exploit the differences that arise in life.

 

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1946. Indirectness: A Wife’s Most Effective Strategy


Even within compatible couples, the masculine preference for directness easily causes confrontation and even more so when women use it. The feminine talent and skill for cooperation makes women the relationship experts and gives birth to their preference for using indirectness. Without it, the man’s game of competition overpowers the woman’s game of cooperation and male dominance reigns at the expense of female dignity.

Women are born with immense talent and skill to use indirectness as a successful technique for dealing with men. It calls for tactics, expectations, and calculated responses centered on someone else in ways that encourage their cooperation.

Indirectness prioritizes patience over impatience, niceness over spitefulness, subtle over obvious, deferred over immediate gratification, calm and smooth talk over harsh chatter, and simpering rather than her spouting orders. It also calls for no insistence on getting her way at this time, delaying arguments until no longer needed, accepting loss of arguments to fight another day and way, finding gratitude rather than fault, smiling when frowns are expected, not complaining about her problems but asking directly for help and pleasantly depending on whatever ‘rescue’ he provides.

Women love easily. It causes grateful wives to predominately live according to their natural soft-heartedness. They routinely rely on it rather than their natural hard-headed ability. Indirectness capitalizes on that tendency. It enables wives to brighten their futures by enabling their husbands to dominate the present. Thus, the relationship expert generates the compatibility that lasts forever.

Translating all that into directness, she empowers herself to rule the rooster while enabling him to rule the roost, which offends a man until years later when he learns the truth and worth of it, which is why the hopes, dreams, and rewards a wife longs for come so much later in marriage.

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808. Gender Differences Revisited — Group R


  1. Couples shack up to test for sexual compatibility. Women deceive themselves. Men applaud themselves.
  2. Men presume commitment but women don’t. Women need assurance and daily confirmation, if confirmed only by themselves.
  3. Women expect men to be romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering spirit. Men are as romantic as a woman requires before accepting foreplay or intercourse.
  4. Both wives and husbands resent facing previous sex partners of their spouse. Wife loathes the other woman. Husband holds animosity for his wife.
  5. Women crave frequent little things and remembrances to remind that their man is thinking of them. Men don’t.
  6. Men depart a relationship with hope for a less involved one the next time. Women depart a relationship with conviction she can do better the next time.
  7. Women easily expand their thinking from ‘me’ to ‘you and me’ and then to ‘us’ and even to ‘you come before me’. (It brightens her future.) Men are slow to grow that way and also backslide easily. (His interest lies with the present.)
  8. Women easily love a man, but men love their work—or whatever they have to do to prove themselves to themselves.
  9. To women, and mother knows best, a person’s character is more important than what that person does. Men lean toward the opposite.

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737. Gender Differences Revisited — Group L


  1. Men know romance as whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the attention he pays her when sex is not at stake.
  2. Men demand physical faithfulness in their mate. Women expect both physical and emotional fidelity but especially the last.
  3. Husbands that enshrine themselves at home stay at home. Wives that enshrine themselves at home grow bored with husband.
  4. Men fight best and work hardest for what they believe in. Women fight best and work hardest for who they believe in.
  5. Men see friendship differently. Women don’t fit a man’s mold of pure friendship, except when they are far removed from being a sex target.
  6. Women get upset and cry to release. Men don’t get upset by their own admission. They get frustrated, angry, and shift into battle mode without tears.
  7. Men resist change to their person and role, especially by a woman they have conquered. Women are much less sensitive and more flexible.
  8. Men shape their lives around thinking, substance, actions, and accomplishments. Women shape their lives around feelings, family, appearance, and relationships.

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680. Respect Revisited — III


Respect, disrespect, and lack of respect determine outcomes. Her choices make much bigger differences than do his. His nature tells him that women can’t compete on significant strengths. Therefore, they’re not equal on others. It’s subliminal, but it determines why women have to earn a man’s respect. When he admires her strengths, she’s winning his respect and time reinforces it.   

♦       If a man initiates pursuit for sex, she earns respect with responses that leave him so unfulfilled that he persists in ‘decoding’ who and what she really is as a person. Her strengths that deter him. Being difficult to figure out earns masculine respect, and this makes mystery and female modesty work so generously for her.

♦       Once a woman commits to a man, he fully expects her unequivocal and undying respect. Her commitment means he’s done all the earning he has to do.

♦       Sometimes, unfortunately, a man fakes whatever earns her respect. She commits, and then his real Self shows up. He’s not due the same respect as before, but he still expects what she previously showed. Battles or worse arise.

♦       Wives refuse sex to their husband, not once or twice, but as frequent practice. They claim personal reasons or seek to manipulate him, but her intentions don’t guarantee outcomes. Her refusals equate to lack of respect for him, which equates to loss of self-respect, which energizes husband to look elsewhere to restore it.

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625. Random Thoughts — Group 2


♦       Love is never enough. Too many little negatives interfere, and too few positives support it.

♦       Modern men have many malpractices for dealing with women and living with one. But men are trainable, when women set their mind to it.

♦       When women want a man more than their dignity and self-respect, they invariably choose poorly.

♦       A woman’s self-love determines her capacity for reliably loving a man. Bitchiness and critical attitude signal a shortage.

♦       Challenge for Wives: When telling him about what happened to you today, try telling it such that he responds with the rarest words a wife ever hears from husband, “Tell me more.”

♦       I wonder what would happen if a woman dressed up for work above and beyond whatever is standard and expected at her place of employment—for example: more feminine, less casual, neater sense of professionalism, etc. Actually I know what would happen. First, other women would dislike them for it. Second, the men would show more attention, respect, and appreciation. Third, other women would gradually follow suit to keep up with leader of the pack. Fourth, it would become a better place to work.     

♦       I credit someone else for this, but I love it: Mother and child is basic Nature. Joining them with a man is basic civilization. I could add: Marriage arranges and the family unit stabilizes civilization.

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621. Recovery for Wives — Part 4


WWNH: Willingness of wife to change can be a stumbling block.

Eagerness to claim credit or to show she’s trying harder comes across as trying too hard. It works like the unearned gift that men don’t appreciate, and it too easily can weaken his respect or her self-respect.

On the other hand, subtlety pays off. Undetectable, unnoticed minor changes work far better than major ones that he detects and feels obligated to recognize verbally. Men don’t change to please their woman, and so they easily become suspicious of her changing to please him.

Trying to recover a marriage, only sincerity works. Attempts to manipulate probably signal that manipulation or phoniness caused marital problems in the first place.

As mentioned elsewhere, men see no need for relationship maintenance. Wives shouldn’t expect husband to fix it. He senses every one of her pressures as pushing him to change, but men don’t change—especially at the insistence of the woman they married or the counselor she hires.

(I realize counselors don’t push anyone to change, but men expect it. Their problem solving nature shows that directions precede solutions. Also, being forced to change admits to a man’s insignificance, which is his greatest fear. Expectation and fear explain why men dodge counselors and counseling.)

A sweeter wife goes a long way to sweetening a man’s attitude, because we become like those with whom we associate. That’s next.

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594. Desirable or Washed Up? — #4. Afterthought


Feminists taught females to mis-read men, ignore their nature, and stomp on their interests. So, men turned off to helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. Wives are most vulnerable.

Men compete endlessly, and wives much more than singles help them measure success and failure. Men want others to know they are winners and have won a valuable woman. It makes them appear top notch as competitors and raises their stature.

Wife’s appearance plays a vital role among husband’s competitors. It’s not what she thinks she looks like, it’s what men conclude from what they see. Femininity can’t be oversold.

·        When wife appears tastefully feminine and very classy, men judge her as desirable—and not just sexually. When she appears desirable as wife, men automatically respect husband. She need only stand out as upscale for the crowd or event she’s in. (Not overdressed, however.)

·        When she appears nice, neat, modest, carefully groomed as ultra-feminine, and clearly dependent on her man, other men conclude that she’s sexually unavailable. Respect for husband soars to admiration.

·        When men see her as desirable but unavailable, masculine envy elevates husband’s stature among men.

·        When she signals or suggests even minutely that she may be less than totally faithful, other men respect him less and admiration dies abruptly. Some will attempt to cuckold husband.

·        When she appears sloppy, unkempt, and carelessly groomed in public, male eyes conclude that she’s not attractive in the bedroom, not very available or willing, and especially not eager or joyful about husband’s lovemaking. They would not want to face her. Respect for husband wilts, because men conclude that he must have chosen poorly or lost the family dominance battle. Or, as my generation used to say, he can’t cut the mustard financially, sexually, or both. Admiration for him melts to nothing, and respect for him declines among men. Ugly attention to herself kills her attractiveness in more ways than one, and more easily than even ugly in person.

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