808. Gender Differences Revisited — Group R

1. Couples shack up to test for sexual compatibility. Women deceive themselves. Men applaud themselves.
2. Men presume commitment but women don’t. Women need assurance and daily confirmation, if confirmed only by themselves.
3. Women expect men to be romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering spirit. Men are as romantic as a woman requires before accepting foreplay or intercourse.
4. Both wives and husbands resent facing previous sex partners of their spouse. Wife loathes the other woman. Husband holds animosity for his wife.
5. Women crave frequent little things and remembrances to remind that their man is thinking of them. Men don’t.
6. Men depart a relationship with hope for a less involved one the next time. Women depart a relationship with conviction she can do better the next time.
7. Women easily expand their thinking from ‘me’ to ‘you and me’ and then to ‘us’ and even to ‘you come before me’. (It brightens her future.) Men are slow to grow that way and also backslide easily. (His interest lies with the present.)
8. Women easily love a man, but men love their work—or whatever they have to do to prove themselves to themselves.
9. To women, and mother knows best, a person’s character is more important than what that person does. Men lean toward the opposite.

737. Gender Differences Revisited — Group L

1. Men know romance as whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the attention he pays her when sex is not at stake.
2. Men demand physical faithfulness in their mate. Women expect both physical and emotional fidelity but especially the last.
3. Husbands that enshrine themselves at home stay at home. Wives that enshrine themselves at home grow bored with husband.
4. Men fight best and work hardest for what they believe in. Women fight best and work hardest for who they believe in.
5. Men see friendship differently. Women don’t fit a man’s mold of pure friendship, except when they are far removed from being a sex target.
6. Women get upset and cry to release. Men don’t get upset by their own admission. They get frustrated, angry, and shift into battle mode without tears.
7. Men resist change to their person and role, especially by a woman they have conquered. Women are much less sensitive and more flexible.
8. Men shape their lives around thinking, substance, actions, and accomplishments. Women shape their lives around feelings, family, appearance, and relationships.

680. Respect Revisited — III

Respect, disrespect, and lack of respect determine outcomes. Her choices make much bigger differences than do his. His nature tells him that women can’t compete on significant strengths. Therefore, they’re not equal on others. It’s subliminal, but it determines why women have to earn a man’s respect. When he admires her strengths, she’s winning his respect and time reinforces it.   

♦       If a man initiates pursuit for sex, she earns respect with responses that leave him so unfulfilled that he persists in ‘decoding’ who and what she really is as a person. Her strengths that deter him. Being difficult to figure out earns masculine respect, and this makes mystery and female modesty work so generously for her.

♦       Once a woman commits to a man, he fully expects her unequivocal and undying respect. Her commitment means he’s done all the earning he has to do.

♦       Sometimes, unfortunately, a man fakes whatever earns her respect. She commits, and then his real Self shows up. He’s not due the same respect as before, but he still expects what she previously showed. Battles or worse arise.

♦       Wives refuse sex to their husband, not once or twice, but as frequent practice. They claim personal reasons or seek to manipulate him, but her intentions don’t guarantee outcomes. Her refusals equate to lack of respect for him, which equates to loss of self-respect, which energizes husband to look elsewhere to restore it.

625. Random Thoughts — Group 2

♦       Love is never enough. Too many little negatives interfere, and too few positives support it.

♦       Modern men have many malpractices for dealing with women and living with one. But men are trainable, when women set their mind to it.

♦       When women want a man more than their dignity and self-respect, they invariably choose poorly.

♦       A woman’s self-love determines her capacity for reliably loving a man. Bitchiness and critical attitude signal a shortage.

♦       Challenge for Wives: When telling him about what happened to you today, try telling it such that he responds with the rarest words a wife ever hears from husband, “Tell me more.”

♦       I wonder what would happen if a woman dressed up for work above and beyond whatever is standard and expected at her place of employment—for example: more feminine, less casual, neater sense of professionalism, etc. Actually I know what would happen. First, other women would dislike them for it. Second, the men would show more attention, respect, and appreciation. Third, other women would gradually follow suit to keep up with leader of the pack. Fourth, it would become a better place to work.     

♦       I credit someone else for this, but I love it: Mother and child is basic Nature. Joining them with a man is basic civilization. I could add: Marriage arranges and the family unit stabilizes civilization.

621. Recovery for Wives — Part 4

WWNH: Willingness of wife to change can be a stumbling block.

Eagerness to claim credit or to show she’s trying harder comes across as trying too hard. It works like the unearned gift that men don’t appreciate, and it too easily can weaken his respect or her self-respect.

On the other hand, subtlety pays off. Undetectable, unnoticed minor changes work far better than major ones that he detects and feels obligated to recognize verbally. Men don’t change to please their woman, and so they easily become suspicious of her changing to please him.

Trying to recover a marriage, only sincerity works. Attempts to manipulate probably signal that manipulation or phoniness caused marital problems in the first place.

As mentioned elsewhere, men see no need for relationship maintenance. Wives shouldn’t expect husband to fix it. He senses every one of her pressures as pushing him to change, but men don’t change—especially at the insistence of the woman they married or the counselor she hires.

(I realize counselors don’t push anyone to change, but men expect it. Their problem solving nature shows that directions precede solutions. Also, being forced to change admits to a man’s insignificance, which is his greatest fear. Expectation and fear explain why men dodge counselors and counseling.)

A sweeter wife goes a long way to sweetening a man’s attitude, because we become like those with whom we associate. That’s next.

594. Desirable or Washed Up? — #4. Afterthought

Feminists taught females to mis-read men, ignore their nature, and stomp on their interests. So, men turned off to helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. Wives are most vulnerable.

Men compete endlessly, and wives much more than singles help them measure success and failure. Men want others to know they are winners and have won a valuable woman. It makes them appear top notch as competitors and raises their stature.

Wife’s appearance plays a vital role among husband’s competitors. It’s not what she thinks she looks like, it’s what men conclude from what they see. Femininity can’t be oversold.

·        When wife appears tastefully feminine and very classy, men judge her as desirable—and not just sexually. When she appears desirable as wife, men automatically respect husband. She need only stand out as upscale for the crowd or event she’s in. (Not overdressed, however.)

·        When she appears nice, neat, modest, carefully groomed as ultra-feminine, and clearly dependent on her man, other men conclude that she’s sexually unavailable. Respect for husband soars to admiration.

·        When men see her as desirable but unavailable, masculine envy elevates husband’s stature among men.

·        When she signals or suggests even minutely that she may be less than totally faithful, other men respect him less and admiration dies abruptly. Some will attempt to cuckold husband.

·        When she appears sloppy, unkempt, and carelessly groomed in public, male eyes conclude that she’s not attractive in the bedroom, not very available or willing, and especially not eager or joyful about husband’s lovemaking. They would not want to face her. Respect for husband wilts, because men conclude that he must have chosen poorly or lost the family dominance battle. Or, as my generation used to say, he can’t cut the mustard financially, sexually, or both. Admiration for him melts to nothing, and respect for him declines among men. Ugly attention to herself kills her attractiveness in more ways than one, and more easily than even ugly in person.

539. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 23

Radicals, revolutionaries, and activists declared war on men and gave birth to Feminism. Adverse effects and social debris still fall on every woman and impact every child. Outcomes include:

N  Over three decades women disallowed and disrespected masculine feedback about feminist theory and dogma. Now, modern women don’t know men, and what they do know is mostly wrong.

N  Husbands lose their sense of personal responsibility, because wives value their own independence so greatly that they become ungrateful for whatever their man does do.

N  Wives seek so much household equality they are unwilling to negotiate separate-but-equal and respect-over-love domain responsibilities. Who’s the final authority on what issues?

N  Personal, mutual, social, cultural, and traditional respect continues to disintegrate between and within the genders. (Hook ups without call up, shack up without marry up, split up without warning, marry up without responsibility, break up without loss of benefits.)

N  The cultural concept of separate but equal genders has been torn down by the politics of gender disparagement.

N  Wives declare husbands inadequate and worse. Unknowingly or unwittingly or both, they fulfill the Pygmalion prophecy and turn husbands into more of what wives don’t want. (See previous article 529—Non-judgmental? Ha!)

527. LOVE vs. RESPECT — Section V

As husbands need lessons on HOW to love wives, females need to be taught HOW to respect men. Not talking about respect due because of male dominance, but respect due from women in spite of male dominance. The former is routine, the latter endorses and reinforces a man’s self-respect.

♫     The military leadership model in article 523 shows the importance of masculine self-respect in governing manly behavior.

♫     Scream all you want, but this is true. Innocent touching of male by female friend or associate—pat on back, etc.—passes strong messages of trust, which reinforces his self-respect. She has the skill, if she develops it, to also confirm the touch as innocent and not a call for his imagination to get excited.

♫     His hard-headedness reflects back from life’s mirror as self-respect. He governs his life to wipe out distortions or polish up smears that appear from time to time. 

♫     Her soft-heartedness shines into life’s prism and emerges in various colors of love. She governs her life to keep the colors clear and bright.

♫     Seeds are planted in childhood. Females learn by watching mom relate to dad. Unfortunately, because of so many fractured homes, daughters learn more about showing disrespect than respect.

♫     More seeds: Mom insists that children show respect for father, more than he earns or deserves. As with the military model, it’s rank and not holder that deserves the respect.

♫     Outside their love interests, women see far less need for mutual respect. Inside their love interests, self-respect is not nearly as meaningful. They can even love people they disrespect.

Being personal instead of task oriented, love lacks the organizational specificity that men appreciate and can enjoy. So, men default to the male dominance model: Husband as head of house.

If wife focuses on reinforcing his self-respect with the same fervor she seeks his greater attentions, affections, and appreciations, she can prevent or ease conflicts.