260. Female Fortitude — 76 through 80

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

76.   She seeks to be friends with her kids and elevates them to adult status. This demotes husband to subordinate status, which he views as insignificance and, therefore, insufferable.

77.   A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her female worth as comfort partner. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’.

78.   She welcomes kids with open arms but not him. She takes his arrival home for granted, because she wants relief with the kids.

79.   Hook up but no call? She lost her footing playing in a man’s territory.

80.   Trying to make a couple’s life fair or equal is self-defeating.  

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.

234. Female Fortitude — 51 through 55

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

51.            A man’s natural pursuit of other females does not stop until one woman so captures his respect and captivates his imagination that he devotes himself to her alone. What’s her best strategy for winning this battle of the sexes?

52.            It’s a boob paradox. Women publicly appeal directly to the sexual interests of men. They capture men for sex, but they can’t hold one for long after infatuation, romantic love, and lust fade in a year or two.

53.            Men call romance whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the special attention he pays her when sex is not at stake.

54.            She marries expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. He marries expecting her not to change, but she does. Both get what they don’t want.

55.            In her recent book, Female Chauvinist Pigs—Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, Ariel Levy describes the latest in extreme female behavior. They do man-things to demo female value. (Post 226 also addresses the subject.)

[Previous ‘fortitudinals’ appear in posts 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3

She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.  

75. Dear Daughter—fourth letter

♀ When women act like men, men treat them as other guys—as competitors and eligible for physical handling.  

♀ Courtship provides opportunity for a woman to be hard-headedly female against a man’s hard-headed persistence to have things the masculine way. Her opportunities fade after marriage, but soft-heartedness is her key to soften his dominance then.

♀ Wife seeks to change her husband, but he resists, resents, and eventually retaliates if she keeps it up. Without exceptional respect for his woman, a man’s enduring love never arises to replace the temporary romantic love that fades in a year or two.

♀ Women flourish with a man’s enduring love, but it arises only from his respect for women generally and her particularly. The roots extend back to their pre-conquest days.

♀ Girls should know better than to share certain information about female uniqueness with boys. Female mystery is too powerful to toss to the immature, since it can also hold sway over mature men.

♀ When she makes herself worthy of a man by providing sex readily, it doesn’t matter much if she’s pretty and attractive. Sloppy or comfortable may work for her, but it adds not to his reputation for having a good looker. This diminishes her worth as keeper.

♀ A woman that parents her man slowly crushes his sense of significance. It highlights his immaturity, and this shifts his mentality back toward adolescence. His ego seeks solace, so he cheats emotionally or physically.

♂ The rooster can’t crow boastfully, when he has to play second fiddle in the hen house.

♂ Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that couples succeed because of sex differences more than sameness.

72. Submissiveness—Section 2

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.