27. Conquest Changes Her

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1799.



Filed under sex differences

5 responses to “27. Conquest Changes Her

  1. girl


    I have been reading your site all day and I see you have put a ton of work into this with very little comments so far.

    So I just wanted to give positive feedback and say this is really good stuff! And so true. I just wish with all my heart I would have known of these concepts and The Rules 20 years ago, the quality of my life and relationships would have been phenomenally better.

    By the way that whole thing about him changing and his dominance after conquest- if I was 16 right now I would have no idea what you are talking about- but having lived life I know exactly what you mean- so true. Even if the girl does stay in a relationship with the guy , he’s just kind of “eh” and starts getting in some mean remarks and stuff.

    AGM responds:
    Thanks, your Highness! About 16-year olds, if their moms don’t know, if daughters don’t listen, and if I don’t learn teen-talk, they will continue to find out the hard way.

  2. Kittie

    Hi, I’ve just read this and seen the lack of comments (which is criminal) and wanted to say thank you. Being relatively young and inexperienced myself, it’s nice when someone lays things out like this rather than with all those silly ‘playing hard to get rules’ which usually make no sense. So -thank you-.
    Kind of makes you wonder if women weren’t better off before we were emancipated, no?

  3. Helen

    Well I praise the article’s apt analysis regarding the cat and mouse games which go on between a man and a woman in various phases of a relationship I’d like to submit the radical notion that maybe it’s monogamy which isn’t natural and all this cat and mouse game is a product of trying to sustain something which goes against the fundamental grain of humanity, along with the natural desires we feel for companionship and sex. However, what’s sad about this little charade is that it seems to only be women that are under the illusion that monogamy is desirable. In effect, there is no moment of conquest and it only exists in the woman’s mind who’s decided that sex can be used to tame the lion.

    In considering the article’s notion of conquest, the question which really begs to be asked is what does a woman have to gain by having a man’s respect?

    If a woman is truly self sufficient and going about her business, then the answer is nothing. So why do women waste their time trying to earn the respect of a man or staving off conquest?

    My limited experiences have led me to believe its the fundamental bottom line that the male species is stronger than the female species, so essentially all this talk of earning respect is really talk about being the lion tamer and being able to control it’s brute strength to your individual ends as a woman.

    Maybe it has something to do with being a teacher at an all boys’ school but for the life of me I have no desire to be the perpetual lion tamer/ lion keeper so I contend that if you do believe there is a moment of conquest, you’re going to find yourself perpetually miserable because you’ll either stress yourself out trying to maintain control, thus neglecting to enjoy the companionship, or you’ll effectively play into sustaining the perceived male dominance.

    I do believe respect is important in any relationship and I question why if the relationship is between a man and a woman, conventional approaches to establishing respect are not used. We don’t sit around and deny our children pleasure to establish respect neither. Frankly, when you equate it to that level, its a little uncivilized and reminds me of those psych experiments with positive and negative reinforcement.

    Your Highness,

    Re games: Life, love, and pursuit of one’s interests are interactions that can mimic games. Not winning as everything, which soon discourages. But challenges as fun, which lightens rather than darkens the heart.

    Re monogamy: Their natures are very different. The male nature demands physical fidelity, the female nature expects emotional fidelity. His demands overpower her expectations. If he cheats, she can handle it. If she cheats, he can’t.

    The principle behind monogamy has to do with his testosterone laden nature. It prevents sharing a woman with another man, except when one outcompetes another through cuckolding. Women promote monogamy, because it works to keep one man loyal to them.

    Re respect: Unconditional respect for women generally, and conditional respect for one woman in particular, are the two most critical foundations from which a man’s love arises.

    Teaching those boys, I’d bet money you continually deprive them of many hidden-to-you pleasures (fun, disruptions, teasing, fighting). By sitting around and denying their pleasures, you earn respect for yourself. By not doing so, you kill their respect.

    My post series “Sex differences explain men” has more than 200 other ways males and females differ. Click CONTENTS page at blog top. Also, keep an eye out for an upcoming post about her equality versus his fairness.


  4. Sofia

    Hi Guy-
    I just stumbled onto your website today and it has helped me beyond belief. I just turned 33 and have been kissing frogs for forever! I would never reveal the following secret but I figure no one here will ever know me so…
    I’m still a virgin… I know, insert record scratch here, yes i do really exist. I have been holding out because i want it to be more than just a one night stand – I deserve more. Most guys just can’t wait to get some, hence still single… Anyways, the reason I’m commenting is b/c lately I’ve been feeling maybe something is wrong with me: 33-still a virgin-no boyfriend or prospects in site, other than just for the night (or a couple of hours)… but your words are resounding and reiterate that I AM ok, and the way i’ve been leading my life has kept me disease free and unpregnant this far which is a good thing.

    Your Preciousness Sofia,

    I can’t fully appreciate your situation so no advice. However, you may be able to make the following model fit your situations:
    Dress and groom yourself to distinctly stand out among peers wherever you are. Neither radical nor overdressed. No guarantees, but appearance is where it all starts.


  5. Astrid

    I’m sorry but a guy who pressures a women to have sex before marriage when he knows its not her wish with dumping and other means should be dumped!

    Espically when both members hold Christian values it should be a mutual agreement. It’s not fair if it’s entirely the responsibility of the woman as your article sort of suggests.

    Your Highness Astrid,

    Welcome aboard. Its a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Would you expect to get a fair shake by equalizing the responsibility for determining whether you yield to a guy’s desires, passions, eagerness?


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