143. Chaste courtship works—Part 4

Using sex to capture a boyfriend is easy. Sex infatuates boys, but it does not bond men. Thus, unmarried sex paves the road to ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, or -wife.

Women have no greater direct influence on their own personal world than when they refuse to provide unmarried sex. Yielding weakens her influence and enhances his dominating spirit.

Women have two major windows in which they can change their man: A long courtship before they first have sex and in middle age after Nature softens his heart. Both, however, require patience, indirectness, and feminine charm.

Women reject a long chaste courtship. They prefer the joys of sex over opportunity to makeover a man into Right Man. This forces her to seek to change him after marriage, a sure-fire way to push him toward other arms.

Women want to change their man after marriage but find that they can’t. The male nature resists her pressures to change, except as a woman delays his premarital conquest to stimulate change.

A long sex-free courtship resolves uncertainty about a man’s character and potential for successful marriage. Most men reveal their true character but not their entire Self, when facing a woman’s hard-headed and continuing delays for their first sex together. But, women are in charge of courtship only as long as it remains platonic.

A simple test of a man’s devotion: He honors her needs and wants ahead of his own. If, however, he continually pleases her at the expense of his manly dreams, she will lose respect for him and he will eventually become dumper or dumpee. 

[More about the merits of chaste courtships appear in post 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down or search by the number.]



Filed under courtship, Uncategorized

7 responses to “143. Chaste courtship works—Part 4

  1. Cocoa

    Thanks sir Guy for the tip. I managed to access the post. But now I have a question… In regards to devotion, commitment and respect how can I assess my man (am I really in a position to assess after 18 years of marriage! ) if he sometimes does not keep his word/promise? It upsets me so much and I want to indirectly indicate that this trait does not meet my expectations. Can you help me with some tips on how to charmlly say I am disappointed… I always highly regard a man who keeps his word, like my father for example.

    Also, and in general, as I am discussing various topics with younger girls (teenagers), if a man doesn’t keep his word when dealing with a woman, can we say that his respect to her is minimal or maybe he just takes her for granted? Or could it be simply that he’s not an alfa man?

    • cocoa

      Hello sir Guy, I am not sure if you missed the question above or …? Me myself forgot about it but was going over my usual round and found this one. Would greatly appreciate your response.

      P.S. I am grateful that you are back with and for us.

      Your Highness Cocoa,

      I love it when pretty women spotlight my misses.

      Part of his character is visible by not keeping his word/promise. Character is more fundamental and easily assessed than devotion, commitment, and respect. I have two suggestions and one idea that may help or may not.

      Suggestion: Quit comparing him to someone else. As a matter of fact, separate all assessments of him away from your father. Rid your thinking of what you expect him to live up to. Work your way out of being upset so you can make rational evals and decisions.

      Suggestion: Weigh the one fault you report in his character against all the benefits you can find there. In the grand scheme of life, character, and relationships, just how important is his fault? Can you or can’t you live with it? To answer that question truthfully, find all the ways in which you are grateful for who he is and what he does. If his faults outweigh his attributes, then you may want to consider going off on your own.

      Idea: Start the practice of identifying, classifying, and mentioning indirectly the qualities of character that you admire. Don’t mention keeping his or your word or promises. Spotlight other qualities by way of hints, seed planting, and indirectness.

      As to your teenagers, the only thing you should stress is don’t trust a man who doesn’t keep his word when dealing with a woman. Lack of trust should be treated as a red flag about which I have written much.


      • cocoa

        Many thanks sir Guy, his other traits outweigh this fault. His caring and gentle. He motivates me to do better. He respects my sensitivity. He’s generous with me and the boys.

        I always keep in my mind that he just forgot, or maybe promised while under pressure .

        I do need to keep my father out of comparison. Maybe stop comparing altogether.

        I see though that it is becoming a trait in most men around me. Is it because they are forced to act more feminine and talk, explain and promise too much? Not sure.

        Thanks again.

        Your Highness Cocoa,
        I think you’re onto something here: “Is it because they are forced to act more feminine and talk, explain and promise too much?” I love it when pretty women search for truth.

  2. Cinnamon

    Most men reveal their true character but not their entire Self, when facing a woman’s hard-headed and continuing delays for their first sex together.

    This sentence intrigues me.

    Could you please provide some concrete examples about what parts of the self a man will or might hold back prior to conquest? Are you talking about how deeply in love with a particular woman he is or something different?

    Your Highness Cinnamon,

    First, men hold back everything they can except that which they find useful for getting a woman into bed. Being hunters, they don’t waste their ammo. Their actions display their character more than their words.

    Second, after conquest, men have no reason to disclose their inner self. Consequently, they tend to clam up even more so that they can move on to what’s next on their list of challenges.

    Third, as to loving a woman, men are even more highly circumspect. If disclosed too early, it obligates him to act devotedly. If disclosed too easily, it is easily misinterpreted and may in fact reflect insincerity. No need to disclose it unless required to please one woman. Or, confess it as excuse or claim it as reason for dumping one woman because he loves another.


    • Cinnamon

      Second, after conquest, men have no reason to disclose their inner self.

      Thanks. Could you comment on how the principle of “holding back” applies to marriage-minded men both during courtship and after marriage? (assume this involves a long, chaste courtship).

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      He’s not likely to feel compelled to tell you about himself in order to get you to like him. That’s the girly way. He’s more likely to do things to please you rather than talk himself up. If you don’t like what he does, you’re not likely to like what he says; it’s man-think. If he concludes you don’t like him, he either loses interest or becomes more dramatic or drastic with actions to convince you that he’s the one of greatest interest to you.

      • Cinnamon

        OK. So when she shows gratitude for what he does this translates to “she appreciates/respects me” (which for him is the equivalent of a woman feeling loved) whereas disclosure of personal facts about himself is not a primary way of expressing his devotion. Is this accurate?

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        Yes, but let me add a condition to his feeling loved by her. You say, “she appreciates/respects me.” I add this to that: “and I am certain she can’t refuse to be faithful to me only.”

  3. Can you explain more what you mean when you say “in middle age, when nature softens his heart”. Is there a none time in a man’s life (middle age) when his heart softens? I’m curious about this concept. Thanks

    Your Highness Duchessinwaiting,

    As men age their male hormonal levels decline while their female hormones do not. The change in ratio causes less aggressiveness in men. At the same time, women’s hormone levels move opposite, and they begin to act more aggressively.

    The hormonal changes begin earlier, but menopause and the male’s mid-life crisis cause more pronounced changes. He grows less aggressive with decreasing libido, and she grows more assertive with an increasing focus on her libido.


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