495. DATING 7: Formalities

Men aren’t as good as females at interpreting vocal and body language messages. However, regarding sex, men always read more hope than she intends.

©     When a woman insists on formal dates, rituals, and protocols that elevate her in HER mind, he automatically assumes she’s far from pushover. But his hope lingers on.

©     The more casual her approach to accepting dates, the more likely he assumes she accepts casual sex.

©     How she programs her mind about herself conditions his thinking about her. If she thinks she’s not more than worthy of his time, effort, and money, he’ll treat her as less than she wants, and respect her less than she expects.

©     Another self-fulfilling prophecy: She acts hardtoget long before they get to that subject, and so he treats her respectfully while awaiting her willingness to proceed beyond the formalities.

©     Hardtoget charmingly and modestly expressed can dominate male dominance.

©     Girls and women don’t require dates as prelude to sex, and so, in effect, men get by with passing gals around from man to man. Precisely the kind of woman most men try to screen out of contention for marriage.


Filed under Dear daughter, Uncategorized

11 responses to “495. DATING 7: Formalities

  1. easybreezy

    “The more casual her approach to accepting dates, the more likely he assumes she accepts casual sex.”

    Would you kindly elaborate? Do you mean she says “hmmmmm”, or “I don’t know, or “Let me think about it” before accepting a date, or do you mean she says “yes- that would be nice” to an offer for a date as long as it meets her requirements (like he picks her up, they go OUT, he sees that sh gets home, he pays, etc etc), and “No” to offers for dates where he does not meet her requirements like he expects her to meet him near where he is, or expects her to come to his place, expects to go dutch, etc etc.

    Your Highness Easybreezy,
    I see both your examples as too considerate to be casual. I see casual when her eagerness dampens formalities, desperation erases caution, and she accepts excitedly to avoid risk of offending him. IOW, easy for him.

  2. Jessica

    Gosh this post is soooo true. I talked to a jock my freshman year in college who told me plainly, “I don’t date girls.” That struck me as odd to say in our very frst phone convo, but he was just being honest,

    he had no reason to dte girls. He got what he wanted regardless.

  3. Laura

    What bugs me is that a generation or three ago, everyone presumed, expected, that a decent woman would hold out until til her wedding night. Now…? “What kind of a freak are you, anyway?”

    Princess Laura,

    “What kind of a freak are you, anyway?” What level of disrespect does that transmit? For her gender? For her?

    You dramatically confirm this: (1) Masculine gender respect for female gender fades on the availability or builds on the lack of premarital sex. It works the same way between individuals.

    (2) Considering that men now have much less restraint and greater uncensored freedom dealing with females, male dominance grows ever more dominant. It’s the exact opposite result of what radical feminists set out to accomplish and feminists so eagerly supported.


  4. Duskin

    Some women actually think you don’t like them if you don’t try to get in their pants right away. It’s hard to believe, but I have gone out with women who think like this.

    One time I went out with a woman who mentioned something from the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” that a man isn’t that into a woman if he isn’t sleeping with her. She mentioned this on the second date. This woman claimed that she was looking for her husband, but she really turned me off. For this and other reasons that I won’t discuss here, I thought she wasn’t “marriage material” or even “girlfriend material” and I stopped seeing her without sleeping with her.

  5. Stacy

    “He’s Just Not That Into You,” that a man isn’t that into a woman if he isn’t sleeping with her.

    Ahh…that explains it. That was one of the taglines for the movie that recently came out, and I didn’t understand where *that* one came from! It seemed way weird…counter-intuitive to me…but I’m into waiting, so la la la. I didn’t read the book since most of it was stuff I already knew/practiced. I missed the “sleeping with you” bit!

    Duskin, your date already date-fouled by even *mentioning* that book, period, on the SECOND date. What was that about!?! She’s got baggage…and it isn’t the Louis Vuitton kind, either. ;> Smart move on your part to abort mission!

  6. Courtney

    Yes, I’ve witnessed some women accuse men of being GAY if they aren’t openly sexual in the beginning. In the same token they will scream all men care about is sex. Go figure.

    Sidenote: I almost fell outta my chair reading how Duskin’s date mentioned THAT book on a date. Talk about CLUELESS! Cosign with what Stacy said. You dodged a major bullet.

  7. Duskin

    I actually know of a woman who is in her mid-30s and meets men on one of the Internet dating websites (maybe match.com). Supposedly she is looking for a husband, although I think her approach is all wrong. She’s professionally successful and is fairly physically attractive. However, she sleeps with guys on the first or maybe second date and then never hears from them again. I don’t understand why she sleeps with guys that she supposedly wants to marry right away, because they clearly lose respect for her.

    She recently had a broke down crying and asked her friend whether she was ever going to meet anyone. I suspect she thinks she “deserves” a hot guy and doesn’t want to settle; what she doesn’t seem to realize is that someone marrying her would also be doing quite a bit of “settling.”

  8. easybreezy

    I have a friend who also sleeps with men very early on- first, second, third date. Her philosophy is that its better to do that early because after the act if they really like you they will stick around. If they don’t they won’t want a relationship. I guess she doesn’t mind if the men she sleeps with don’t want to see her after a romp or two. She tends to get clingy then after she gets the point, she lets it go. She doesn’t seem to be too affected by it all because some men DO stay…her current beau seems to really like her.

  9. Stacy

    Ah…but check her in, say, another 5 to 10 years–if she’s still doing the same things AND still single. I’d put all my money on the table that she’s gonna be 1) bitter and 2) blaming *men* for *her* singleness.

  10. easybreezy

    Maybe- but I know another girl who did the same thing (while the guy who wanted to marry her waited in the wings so she could so her oats so to speak), and now she is married to that guy who was waiting for her the whole time.

  11. Duskin

    Easybreezy, do you mean that the guy who wanted to marry her let her go out and have sex with other guys while he just waited for her?

    If that is the case, I have to say that guy is a total wimp and doormat! I wonder how long that marriage will last before the woman loses respect for her man and cheats on him.

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