This post continues how moms elevate kids over father/husband. These are definitely not ‘best practice’, because they program child’s mind negatively against father.
- Mother distorts child’s perceptions with demeaning comments about father/husband. Not purposely perhaps, but carelessly making her nurturing chatter or self-talk both negative about husband and audible to the child.
- Thinking, treating, and telling a child in the tweens that he’s number one programs the mind of both mother and child to elevate the child over father/husband. It threatens when mom supports child in the wrong over father/husband in the right. The man of the house, whether right or wrong, will prove himself right when they gang up on him. Imposing dominance reinforces his reign and saves face in whatever the situation.
- When child has been hurt or harmed, claims of ‘you’re most important’ or ‘my favorite’ sound good but self-defeating. It confuses child’s mind. He sees a different world, when he’s not hurting. How can he be number one in her heart, when she slights him relative to others? Her credibility may take a minor hit with child, but that’s not the problem. It’s the loss of respect for father, when the child becomes convinced that he is number one and drags in mom to counter father’s disciplinary actions or husband’s decisions.
- As part of nurturing chatter or hoping to lift or reinforce child’s self-esteem, mom repeatedly tells first child he’s most important thing in her life.
- What does she tell second child? Most important too? Third child? (Her Majesty mother Grace confirmed our family structure with lighthearted, complimentary, and irrefutable confusion: Her Oldest and Most Precious, Her Second and Most Precious, Her Youngest and Most Precious, and me. By leaving me out, she isolated and elevated me as husband above the boys. However, after boys were grown, out of title envy I claimed my own—Her Oldest and Most Able at the Table.)