680. Respect Revisited — III

Respect, disrespect, and lack of respect determine outcomes. Her choices make much bigger differences than do his. His nature tells him that women can’t compete on significant strengths. Therefore, they’re not equal on others. It’s subliminal, but it determines why women have to earn a man’s respect. When he admires her strengths, she’s winning his respect and time reinforces it.   

♦       If a man initiates pursuit for sex, she earns respect with responses that leave him so unfulfilled that he persists in ‘decoding’ who and what she really is as a person. Her strengths that deter him. Being difficult to figure out earns masculine respect, and this makes mystery and female modesty work so generously for her.

♦       Once a woman commits to a man, he fully expects her unequivocal and undying respect. Her commitment means he’s done all the earning he has to do.

♦       Sometimes, unfortunately, a man fakes whatever earns her respect. She commits, and then his real Self shows up. He’s not due the same respect as before, but he still expects what she previously showed. Battles or worse arise.

♦       Wives refuse sex to their husband, not once or twice, but as frequent practice. They claim personal reasons or seek to manipulate him, but her intentions don’t guarantee outcomes. Her refusals equate to lack of respect for him, which equates to loss of self-respect, which energizes husband to look elsewhere to restore it.


Filed under sex differences

8 responses to “680. Respect Revisited — III

  1. Princess Rita

    So true. Denying sex to husbands can rarely have a good outcome. I did that when I was married. I wasn’t trying to manipulate. It was just hard to feel amorous toward a “child”. I suspect it happens in many marriages-the Man you thought you married doesn’t seem very manly anymore. How can a woman overcome this problem Guy (or maybe Mrs. Guy)?

    Your Exceptionalness Princess Rita,

    Mrs. Guy and I conferred without success. We have only your feelings to deal with and none of the “child’s” behaviors. From the past tense you use, we presume he’s moved on. So, we take a rain check.

    Parenthetically, however, we can imagine only two options even if we had more details. He will respond to whatever pressures he senses from her. Perhaps not with the response she expects, but he will respond to this:

    1. Decide whether he’s otherwise worth keeping or not. (We’re not endorsing dumping or divorce, just talking about making up her mind as to his overall value to her, children, etc.) Her mini actions and attitude that follow will reflect her decision.

    2. If NO, her attitude will sooner or later prompt him to some action: Fear of losing her might change his behavior. Or, he might seek sex outside the home. Or, he may…. Or…. She will probably never know until it happens.

    If YES, she should slowly start using positive reinforcement both in and out of the bedroom. Don’t change suddenly, and it will take a long time. Raise him to ‘adulthood’ but without mothering or smothering him with affection.

    Reinforce positively every small, amorous, affectionate, bedtime performance she can discover, however small. Also reinforce everyday responsibilities, functions, and dependencies. Use actions where possible, and words of gratitude where not. (Nurturing and loads of affectionate words don’t work with men.)

    Build on small successes, one mini step every day and night. Ignore his weaknesses, errors, and misuse of husbandly prerogatives and bad habits; they will at least weaken if not disappear after lengthy reinforcement of his strengths, some of which he didn’t know he had until she ID’d them.

    She should pay much closer attention to the following truth that women so ardently refuse, reject, or don’t know. A man tends to live up to whatever he concludes that his woman thinks he is, although neither completely nor perfectly. Positives affirm, but her every negative is ten times more discouraging of his pleasing her more.

    He doesn’t change, he doesn’t want to change, but he can’t resist adjusting toward the personification of how she highly values him. He may want to hit her occasionally, but overall he doesn’t want to disappoint her high opinion of whom and what he is, the king she recognizes him to be.


  2. dogsandfitness

    “Sometimes, unfortunately, a man fakes whatever earns her respect. She commits, and then his real Self shows up. He’s not due the same respect as before, but he still expects what she previously showed. Battles or worse arise.”

    The only remedy to that I can see is divorce unless he mans up. She was lied to. I certainly would have. Since I am not desperate to have a male around, I have no problem being alone.

  3. Princess Rita

    Hi D & F, as you know I broke off my relationship. Fortunately we weren’t married yet. I only do biblical divorce (only for infidelity) so I would have been stuck if I’d married him.

    • thoko

      good for you Rita! (re: biblical divorce). really
      admire you.

      be well,

      • Princess Rita

        Thank Thoko-Even with the infidelity, I tried my best, with the knowledge I had at the time to work it out-but it takes two and his actions said he didn’t want to be married to me anymore.

        Please ladies, do your homework before getting married and bringing children into the world. Divorce is not picnic. Especially for kids.

  4. Princess Rita

    I was referring to my most recent relationship above, not to my x husband. (Hope I didn’t confuse anyone)

  5. dogsandfitness

    dogsandfitness’s reasons for divorcing:

    1) Financial irresponsibility. We live about an hour away from the Mississippi coast, which is lined with tons of casinos. If he squandered his paycheck to gamble and he refused to get help, divorce. It is the male’s role to be the primary breadwinner and to practice financial responsibility along with the wife.

    2) Infidelity. I told him if he screwed around on me, I would leave and clean him out. No excuses to open me up to outside pregnancies and STDs.

    3) He deferred more to his mom than to me/momma’s boy syndrome constantly.

    4) Domestic violence. I won’t literally risk dying for my marriage.

    5) Abandonment

    6) He refuses to cater to my romantic needs even while I put out. Porn usage. Reduces me to an efftoy.

    See, I don’t take marriage and divorce lightly. I take them deadly seriously. I demand that he lives up to his promises he made to me pre-marriage because a)I deserve it and b) I live up to mine.

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