769. Beware Red Flags — Part 5

Many more red flags may wave before your eyes, but the following complete this series. Again, thanks to Her Highness Sara for prompting it at post 756.

·        AMBITION: Is he working toward higher goals to improve himself? Ask where he got his work ethic. The flag should turn super red and wigwag in your face, if he’s not even familiar with the term.

·        POLITICS: Do your political beliefs or ideologies differ? You have probably thought through what you’ll do about different religious beliefs. However, assume different political ideologies as contradictory beliefs, and emotion enters the picture to become a big red flag. It takes above average mutual respect to match them compatibly. Religious principles guide us; ideologies drive us to persuade others.

·        CHURCH: He doesn’t go to church? Believe in God? Born again? Does he believe in anything outside himself up to which he lives? Do his actions confirm it? The absence of living up to something higher than oneself fosters self-centeredness, and that destabilizes a marriage.

·        OTHERS: How does he treat people obligated to him when things go wrong, such as servers, sales people, paid helpers, employees? Respectfully or not? Temper flare ups? You should probably expect the same, when you displease him after conquest or marriage or both.

·        DRIVE: What motivates him to rise above the ordinary? Ambition? Fun? Entertainment? Hunger for success? Fear of failure? Work ethic? Fear of disappointing you, mom, or someone else?

·        SEX: If he won’t respectfully honor your desire for chastity, after conquest he won’t honor your other desires and judgments as you expect it from a mate. Few if any red flags are more important.

A flag means caution when you see red. You’re both judge and jury about what makes you cautious. Choices have consequences, so start slow, go slow, commit slower, and marry based on mutual devotion.


Filed under courtship

5 responses to “769. Beware Red Flags — Part 5

  1. Sara

    Thank you so much. Each of the posts in this series was very much appreciated, and I will do my best to learn from the wisdom you’ve shared with us in these.

  2. Princess Rita

    Thank you Guy.

  3. Stealth "Dawn" Femme

    True true…

  4. Easybreezy

    Maybe I just haven’t met the right one yet but it seems all guys I meet have at least a few of these red flags which all eventually scare me off.

    Your Prettyiness Easybreezy,
    Successful screening means you win again. Good decisions reinforce your self-respect, which means future candidates view a better woman, which makes each a better candidate but perhaps still not Mr. Good Enough. More experience grows greater potential for doing the right thing.

  5. anonymous

    SEX: If he won’t respectfully honor your desire for chastity, after conquest he won’t honor your other desires and judgments as you expect it from a mate. Few if any red flags are more important.

    What exactly does respectfully honoring entail? My bf asks my thoughts/when are we going to have sex about every other month. Usually during the conversation he gets frustrated and goes on trying to convince me, saying things like “oh what if you never find another guy who will take you out and be good to you and you end up never getting married and grow old all alone, just because you wouldn’t take a chance (the chance being having sex even though I’m ‘nervous’ about it)”. Although he never directly threatens to break up with me. Once the argument is done he returns to being his nice self despite the fact I won’t budge on the issue. Is it disrespectful trying to convince me by saying things like that or is that just normal male hunting-conquest behavior?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    It’s normal male hunting-conquest behavior. If he gets physically aggressive or violent, then he’s not honoring your decisions. Respectful honoring means you getting your way with his respectful acceptance.

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