769. Beware Red Flags — Part 5

Many more red flags may wave before your eyes, but the following complete this series. Again, thanks to Her Highness Sara for prompting it at post 756.

·        AMBITION: Is he working toward higher goals to improve himself? Ask where he got his work ethic. The flag should turn super red and wigwag in your face, if he’s not even familiar with the term.

·        POLITICS: Do your political beliefs or ideologies differ? You have probably thought through what you’ll do about different religious beliefs. However, assume different political ideologies as contradictory beliefs, and emotion enters the picture to become a big red flag. It takes above average mutual respect to match them compatibly. Religious principles guide us; ideologies drive us to persuade others.

·        CHURCH: He doesn’t go to church? Believe in God? Born again? Does he believe in anything outside himself up to which he lives? Do his actions confirm it? The absence of living up to something higher than oneself fosters self-centeredness, and that destabilizes a marriage.

·        OTHERS: How does he treat people obligated to him when things go wrong, such as servers, sales people, paid helpers, employees? Respectfully or not? Temper flare ups? You should probably expect the same, when you displease him after conquest or marriage or both.

·        DRIVE: What motivates him to rise above the ordinary? Ambition? Fun? Entertainment? Hunger for success? Fear of failure? Work ethic? Fear of disappointing you, mom, or someone else?

·        SEX: If he won’t respectfully honor your desire for chastity, after conquest he won’t honor your other desires and judgments as you expect it from a mate. Few if any red flags are more important.

A flag means caution when you see red. You’re both judge and jury about what makes you cautious. Choices have consequences, so start slow, go slow, commit slower, and marry based on mutual devotion.


Filed under courtship

6 responses to “769. Beware Red Flags — Part 5

  1. Sara

    Thank you so much. Each of the posts in this series was very much appreciated, and I will do my best to learn from the wisdom you’ve shared with us in these.

  2. Princess Rita

    Thank you Guy.

  3. Stealth "Dawn" Femme

    True true…

  4. Easybreezy

    Maybe I just haven’t met the right one yet but it seems all guys I meet have at least a few of these red flags which all eventually scare me off.

    Your Prettyiness Easybreezy,
    Successful screening means you win again. Good decisions reinforce your self-respect, which means future candidates view a better woman, which makes each a better candidate but perhaps still not Mr. Good Enough. More experience grows greater potential for doing the right thing.

  5. anonymous

    SEX: If he won’t respectfully honor your desire for chastity, after conquest he won’t honor your other desires and judgments as you expect it from a mate. Few if any red flags are more important.

    What exactly does respectfully honoring entail? My bf asks my thoughts/when are we going to have sex about every other month. Usually during the conversation he gets frustrated and goes on trying to convince me, saying things like “oh what if you never find another guy who will take you out and be good to you and you end up never getting married and grow old all alone, just because you wouldn’t take a chance (the chance being having sex even though I’m ‘nervous’ about it)”. Although he never directly threatens to break up with me. Once the argument is done he returns to being his nice self despite the fact I won’t budge on the issue. Is it disrespectful trying to convince me by saying things like that or is that just normal male hunting-conquest behavior?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    It’s normal male hunting-conquest behavior. If he gets physically aggressive or violent, then he’s not honoring your decisions. Respectful honoring means you getting your way with his respectful acceptance.

  6. That Horse Is Dead

    Sir Guy,

    I wasn’t sure where to post this question about a situation and I’m trying to make sense of it. It may be rather odd so bear with me:) A man of interest and I both have the same hair dresser (we’ve been her clients at least 5+ years) as a matter of coincidence. She’s a VERY attractive (Christian) woman and also dresses immodestly. She’s had a long term BF for years up until a few months ago.

    When I began going on dates with this man of interest last year, she acted excited since she knew both of us. She made a point to tell me in the beginning that she would “never date” this particular man because they are like brother and sister — and then even said, “ewww!” as if thinking about it was too much. She volunteered this information.

    On a recent date, her name came up and he told me that she “works too much.” I thought it strange to comment about her in this personal way, but assumed just an observation. Then, I saw her today for my service. She shared that he was also in to see her today and she was clearly upset with him. Evidently, he had gotten pretty harsh with her, telling her that she was the “least content” person he’s ever known and was highly critical of her work decisions and excessive traveling all the time. She described his comments as judgmental and said it was as if he arrived with the purpose of picking a fight with her.

    This seems like a red flag to me on several levels, but I’m just wanting to confirm that my intuition is right. In my opinion, this either points to a character issue with him or that he was reacting out of feelings for her (or both). When I asked her if she thought he had feelings for her, she mentioned the brother and sister thing again.

    As a side note, he called me just two days ago and was very friendly and upbeat. I’m not sure whether to just put him back in the parade quietly and let him wonder what happened or if that is the wrong approach here. Thank you for your wisdom ahead of time!

    Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,
    I agree red flag. Good headwork. Suspect everything and anything. Use the he-you-he model. He marches in the parade awhile. You are silent. He wonders and either discloses or goes silent and away. Remain silent with hairdresser too.

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