QUESTION: Her Highness Mari at #822 asked how to overcome the husbandly inclination to do no more than fulfill the masculine primal need to eat, flop, and sleep with wife?
ANSWER: No inclination to keep her pleased means: (1) She places demands on him instead of something more agreeable, and he withdraws. Or (2) she’s shy of self-respect. We shall focus here on only the second cause.
When men coast and do only the minimum, they lack great or higher level respect and devotion for spouse—less drive to keep her pleased. A man’s devotion for a woman radiates from respect built upon this three-legged platform:
1. Unconditional respect for the female gender inculcated before he experienced puberty.
2. Respect built before conquest and based on his appraisal of her feminine virtue and the promise she shows as potential wife.
3. Her self-respect confirmed, maintained, and reinforced after conquest.
Weaken any leg and his devotion weakens. After marriage she can only reinforce the last leg, so generating any change in him involves working on herself to increase self-respect. Everything’s relative, recovery is everything, but she can’t change him.
Recovery: Build up and reinforce her self-respect without disturbing him. This means do it slowly, patiently, indirectly regarding him, and give no appearance that she’s a different woman. Just a more self-respecting one. Slow, easy, and discreetly works best.
Now, I know women object, because all the blame seems to fall their way; they have to do all the work for recovery. The article above reads that “she has an arrangement of her own making.” She didn’t evaluate him relative to the first leg of the platform above, and she put too little emphasis on the second leg. She did not fully develop her promise for him. This makes the third leg tougher to reinforce.